Sam wanted to wrench free from the vice like grip Dean had on him and run.
He wanted to sprint as fast and as hard as his legs would take him, and outrun the pain, anger and sadness that engulfed him.
He wanted to be numb.
To feel nothing.
If he could become numb to it all, then he wouldn't be able to feel the agony that was ripping at his every nerve right now.
Tearing his heart apart.
It hurt worse than anything he had ever known, right to the core of his very soul.
And in that moment, he realized what his Dad had been fighting for all these years, what it meant to lose the best thing he ever had.