Clipboard
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Naruto awoke to the sound of rhythmic beeping and a sterile, white room. Underneath him, he felt the softness of a mattress that was definitely not his because there was no way that his mattress could feel that nice, since it was littered with ramen cups more than nearly one hundred percent of the time. Above him, a simple, tiled, and of course, white ceiling stared complacently. From his vantage point that was laying down on the much too comfortable, around him were nothing but machines.
Scary, boring machines. And since he was surrounded by the aforementioned machines, Naruto began to fidget. Then, all of Pandora's box broke loose.
"Naruto! Stop moving around; I still need to see if you sustained any damage from that concussion you took when you fainted."
Eh? Fainted? Naruto turned his head to look at his sister in all but blood and blinked. As the roseate haired kunoichi poked and prodded him to check for any serious injury and scribbled her observations on a clipboard that was seen by the medic-nin far too often, Naruto spoke.
"Sakura-chan, why did I faint?" He was being much too calm. Naruto started to panic. What if there really was something seriously wrong with him? Would he ever be the same?
As blonde was having his inner panic session –something that Sakura noticed, of course, since his pupils were beginning to dilate at a rapid rate–, Sakura snapped, "Naruto, calm down. Panicking won't do anything for you right now." At the annoyed command, the said blonde stilled.
Of course, being who he was, which was Uzumaki Naruto, the snapped order did not stop him from voicing his earlier question. "Sakura-chan, why did I faint?"
Sakura, without stopping the movement of her blasted pen –which was rapidly loosing the heavy, black ink that she absolutely adored, damn it–, looked up, or rather down, since she was standing and the blonde who was normally taller than her was flat on his back, and answered, "According to Ino and Shikamaru, who brought you here, by the way, you went into shock after hearing the rumor that I was involved with Hyuuga Neji."
Naruto's heart stopped beating for a millisecond and started right back up again at a rate that was certainly not healthy. He had to have heard his dear sister incorrectly. On cue, he blurted out, "What?!"
Sakura continued her scribbling. "You heard what I said, Naruto." At her lack of denial, Naruto's panic started to rise, again. "Naruto! Stop that!"
Naruto spluttered, "Sakura-chan, that's not actually true, is it? You're not really involved with Hyuuga stick up his you know what Neji, are you?!" The last two words were exclaimed in a shout that was most likely heard by the entirety of the hospital and possible also the districts that surrounded the medical facility.
Without missing a beat, Sakura answered, "Why Naruto, didn't you realize by now that I seemed to be attracted to males that have or recently have had a stick of some sort stuck up their behinds?" This was said in a sarcastic tone, but with the circumstances of the current situation, the blonde completely missed it.
"It's true?!" he bellowed. There was no doubt that most of the village heard him on that. He began to take in deep breaths while one of his eyes was very wide and the other was twitching irritably at an unusual rate. Then, the oh so important clipboard came crashing down on his hard skull. "Ow!"
"No present injuries to be taken caution of, which means I had no reason to restrain myself from giving you another bruise," Sakura said calmly. "Now, shut up, idiot!"
Naruto quieted immediately. Sakura-chan was sounding particularly grouchy today. He needed to watch it if he wanted to make it to tomorrow without any serious wounding. After observing her best friend's silence, Sakura took a deep breath herself and said, "To ease your worries, I am not involved with Hyuuga Neji. That would explain the rumor part. Where Ino got that crazy theory from escapes me."
Naruto inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.
"After all, I'm with Uchiha Itachi."
Naruto fainted.
X
Naruto opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. Beeping, scary machines, check. Overly white room and ceiling, check. Soft mattress, check. Sakura-chan –not check. Cerulean eyes scanned the room for any sign of the pink head and finally rested on the –also white, he noticed– door. As if on the command of his optical devices, the obstacle to the entryway moved and the kunoichi in question stepped in. She was clad in a medic-nin's garb and holding a clipboard in one arm. Scarily strong kunoichi and her clipboard, check.
Sensing her blonde teammate's eyes upon her, Sakura looked up from the clipboard she was perusing and locked her own eyes with his gaze. "Oh, you're awake!" She strode from her vantage point at the door and came to the side of his bed. "How are you feeling, Naruto?"
Naruto wasted no time. "Sakura-chan!" he exclaimed, quickly sitting up despite his female teammate's protests. "I had a terrible dream! You were in it, and so was I and –and we were in this room!"
"That's nice, Naruto," Sakura said nonchalantly, not really listening because his tone did not imply that something absolutely grievous had occurred. "Now, calm down so I can check if you still have that concussion you had earlier when Ino and Shikamaru brought you here."
Naruto stiffened in his ramblings for a moment before continuing. "That's right! You said that Ino and Shikamaru brought me here because I fainted after hearing that you were with Hyuuga Neji! Then, you said that it was just a false rumor because you were with Uchiha Itachi!" he howled.
Sakura looked at him strangely and replied, "You did faint after hearing that I was involved with someone –not Neji, though, Shino–, but the rumor wasn't false. I am with Shino."
Naruto fainted.
X
White, beeping, and soft, check. No sign of Sakura-chan was a check. Not he just had to wait…
…
There. The door opened, and there was Sakura-chan –
–no. That was Ino. Naruto didn't waste any time, though. "Ino, who's Sakura-chan with?" Ino looked up from her clipboard and gave him a how much more clueless than usual are you look.
"She told you –Deidara of the Akatsuki."
The oblivion was blissful.
X
"Genma–"
X
"Hidan–"
X
"The Raikage–"
X
"Suigetsu–"
X
Naruto blearily opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling. White, beeping, soft, no Sakura-chan or Ino, check. Then, Sakura waked into the room. Naruto's eyes immediately riveted to his best friend before he blurted out, "Sakura-chan, please tell me this isn't a dream."
The kunoichi in question looked up from her clipboard, startled, and walked toward him to check his physical conditions. "I'm real enough, so you're not dreaming. Why?"
Naruto closed his eyes once before opening them to find the scene the same as it had been before he closed his eyes. "I've been having really crazy dreams," he said exhaustedly.
"Hm," Sakura commented, "that would explain why you're so lethargic. What were the dreams about?"
Naruto sank into the soft mattress tiredly. "I keep on waking up in this room after apparently fainting when I heard that you were with some guy. Then, you –or Ino, actually– come in to either confirm the rumor or disprove it by saying you're with another guy. Finally," he breathed, "it can stop."
When he didn't receive a reply, a horrible sinking feeling pervaded his stomach and he looked up at his teammate in horror. "You're not actually with a guy, are you?"
She shook her head. Naruto sighed in relief.
"Didn't I already tell you? I'm involved with Hinata."
As predicted, Naruto fainted.
This doesn't quite fit with the canon. Also, no insult towards any of the mentioned or implied pairings is intended. I just used up the first names that came into my head.
So yes, another piece of randomness along with my poor attempt at humor. Is it randomness if said randomness occurs rather often? It seems like it can be, when I think about it.
This seems like an idea that would have been used up already. Has it been?
Also, I don't plan on getting back to LTWAH anytime soon, if at all. I'm just losing interest in this fandom, and the fanfiction isn't helping.
-sigh- I'll clean up whatever mess I made later. Right now, I want sleep. Mid-terms are not fun and neither are state exams the week right before.
-Quiet Moon