Galadriel and the Seven Dwarves
Hi guys! My name is Rumil and I thought you might like an update on events in our part of the forest. Now that the war's over we are settling back into the old routine but we have a few guests, lodgers I suppose, at any rate they have a cottage in Lothlorien. You might be wondering how we got landed with dwarves since they're not generally our kind of people…it seems Gimli asked King Ellessar, who asked Arwen, who asked Lord C if they could stay. Lord C is of course Arwen's Granddaddy and is very fond of "Little Arwen" as he calls her.
Anyhow, we ended up with Gimli's two brothers and some of their mates. Let's start with these two, Dimli and Grimli. Dimli is generally reckoned to be one of the dumbest dwarves going, it's reckoned he would have trouble finding his backside with both hands, otherwise he is good natured (for a dwarf). Grimli is so pessimistic that even his own kind find him depressing. In fact when Thorin went on his quest some years ago the other dwarves threatened to jump down the nearest mineshaft if he brought Grimli along.
Next in line is Presli, he is somewhat unusual for a dwarf in that he really would rather be one of us, he even shaved off his beard and dyed his hair blond. Presli definitely wants to be more Elvish. When Orophin, trying very hard not to laugh, told him he looked good, the poor guy was quite overcome. "Thank you very much" he sobbed, wiping away a tear.
A pair of brothers next, who had the most unimaginative parents possible. What the lacked in imagination they made up for in fecundity. They had fourteen kids, thirteen of them called Pauli, and numbered accordingly, we have Pauli thirteen, perhaps because of his name, he is rather unlucky and accident prone. His brother ended up with a different name and here's the story as he told it to me.
"My mother had a set of twins of whom I am the younger. When it came to our naming ceremony, which traditionally takes place within a week of the birth, my father got a little confused as to which of us he was handing over to our family priest. He asked my mother "Who's ten?" but the priest thought they had at last chosen a different name so I ended up as Hoosten." Hoosten for some reason seems to have got all the brains the rest of his family lacked. He is the group's ideas man (sorry ideas dwarf!).
The 6th member of our little band is a more traditional dwarf and always uses his full title. He is Homer, son of Simpi. He does all the cooking and baking. Then we come to the 7th "dwarf" S'no Right. S'no turned up at the cottage one day and they sort of adopted her. Here as far as I can tell is what happened.
During the day the dwarves are out in the forest looking for a mine or something they can dig up at any rate. Lady G had the not so bright idea of telling them that there was gold buried in her rose garden, thinking that they would do a little bit of digging and weeding. She hadn't reckoned on the huge asteroid sized hole they produced. Subsequently she has sent them to the edge of the forest to do their digging.
They get home this night and Pauli thirteen notices that someone has been eating his supper.
"Hoosten we have a problem."
Hoosten doesn't reply right then because all the dwarves are beginning to do the whole 3 bears routine – you know "Who's been sitting in my chair?" etc. and when they finally get to the bedroom they find S'no fast asleep and snoring fit to rival any dwarf.
She wakes up and yells the place down seeing 6 diminutive bearded lawn ornaments staring at her and it takes some time and several draughts of Homer's home brew before she has calmed down enough to take it in. She is not it seems accustomed to strong liquor because she now sees 12 rather blurry figures in front of her.
In between hiccoughs she tells them her story.
"Stepmummy sent me into the forest to play and the big hairy huntsman came with me. We walked for a long time and then he said he had something to show me – and he did! And it was enormous and horrible! I've never seen one as big as that, well, if I'm totally honest I'd never seen one before."
By this point most of the dwarves were holding their breath but Hoosten managed to ask her what 'it' was. Turns out the man had a huge knife which was quite frightening for the little lass so she ran away and kept running till she found their cottage.
Anyhow they decided to let her stay and she has become an honorary dwarf, in fact most of them seem to have forgotten she's human and she even tried wearing a fake beard for a while but it kept coming off. Our Northern cousin Maclinir found it and fastened it to his kilt in place of a sporran and there it remains to this day.