A/N: Blame Poet on the Run/Beth for this. She's so good at the journal/diary style of writing that she's tempted me to try it. Let's see how this goes. If you haven't yet, go read her story "God Save the Jonai"…IT'S AMAZING. Also, she was a MAJOR help with this story. She helped with the Caitlyn-Secrets, The title, and numerous other things! Also, thanks to JDPhoenix! She read over and corrected some things too! Enjoy!
Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A Pointless Diary
by angellwings
June 1st, 2010
Am I the only person that's attempted to avoid keeping a diary? It just always felt like such a cliché girl thing. My whole life I've avoided diaries like the plague. My thoughts are far too embarrassing to risk someone reading them.
I know what you're thinking. What embarrassing thoughts can I possibly have?
Trust me, I have lots of embarrassing thoughts.
Most of them contradict with the way I act.
I'm secretly not as cynical as I seem. Yes, okay, I'm cynical. But I can occasionally be optimistic. Especially when my thoughts are private. And even though I totally believe fairy tale endings are bogus…I know them all by heart. I'm secretly hoping that I'm wrong and the fairytales I know so much about can, in fact, be real.
So, why have I suddenly started writing down my private thoughts?
My cousin feels I need an outlet. I snapped at her the other day, and when I apologized I told her that my mind was overwhelmed and she spoke to me at the wrong moment. She said, and I quote, "Overwhelmed? Oh Caity, this is why people keep journals." I tried to tell her it wasn't a big deal, but she wouldn't have it. Apparently, I've been really grumpy lately. I didn't know this, but ALL of my siblings and cousins can't be wrong.
As a going away gift for camp my cousin gave me this diary. A diary! She tried to tell me it was a journal and not a diary, but even I know there's NO difference at all. The only people who insist on calling it a journal are the people who are living in denial. The teenage boys that say they keep a journal KNOW deep down that it's really a diary. They just refuse to admit that they're doing something that girly.
But I KNOW it's girly so why lie to myself and claim that it isn't?
Yes, that's right. I, Caitlyn Gellar, am keeping a diary for the first time in my life.
I'm writing down my thoughts for a non-existent audience. I'm talking to no one. Wait, if I'm talking to no one then why am I doing this? Am I writing this for myself? So that I can read it years down the road and look back on how ridiculous I was? That just sounds pointless. I'm pretty sure I'll remember how ridiculous I am. I should write this for someone else.
But who?
I really don't want my aunt, uncle, or parents reading this. My brothers and my cousins would tease me mercilessly if THEY ever read it. Ugh.
WHO's left? My future kids?
MY FUTURE KIDS! That's brilliant! I would love to know what my parents and authority figures were really like when they were my age so it stands to reason that my kids will want to know the same about me one day. I need names though. I can't just address them as "kids" the entire time, and maybe I should just limit myself to one. Hmmm…okay probably a girl. I don't think a boy would want to read his mom's diary.
Okay, future daughter, what should your name be? It should be classic yet not elderly. Unique but not weird. Striking but not distracting.
*sigh*
Wow, I'm not picky at all am I?
Okay, names.
Angela
Charlotte
Katherine
Jane
Elizabeth
Lydia
Marianne
Eleanor
Esther
…
…
Most of those names are from Jane Austen novels. Ugh, I'm a romantic against my will. Alright, time to eliminate the losers. Not Angela. I hear Angela and I think of Angela from the Office. No thank you. And Lydia's out. No way I'm naming my daughter after the second most obnoxious Jane Austen character ever. Second only to her mother. Marianne's a no too. I know I spelled it differently but I still keep thinking of Gilligan's Island. Katherine reminds me of Wuthering Heights. I hate that novel. I mean really HATE it. Elizabeth is too popular. Jane and Eleanor are a little too boring. So it's between Esther and Charlotte.
Oh man, I like them both. I need a tie breaker.
…
…
NICKNAMES!
A bad nickname can torture a kid for the rest of their life. What nicknames can come from these names?
Esther:
Es
Essie
Est
Er
E
Charlotte:
Char
C
Charl?
Lot
…
GASP…
LOTTIE!
I LOVE IT!
Okay, Charlotte wins. My future daughter will be named Charlotte, and I'll call her Lottie. How cute is that?
Alright, Lottie, meet your mom. Yes, that's me.
Caitlyn Gellar.
I don't know what your last name is or what my married name will be (not that I'm really worried about that right now) but just about anything will work with Charlotte.
Anyway, you are going to read all about me, and you're going to start with Camp Rock: Summer #3. Summer #3 will be MUCH better than summer #1 where I followed Tess around like a lost puppy. THAT was a wasted a summer. Summer #2 was fairly awesome. I met my current best friend thanks to Summer #2. She wasted her first summer following Tess around like a puppy too. Her name is Mitchie, and I'm hoping you know her, Lottie. I'm hoping she's your aunt…or godmother…or something. You know, someone responsible for spoiling you. Filling you full of sugar and then sending you back to me.
LMAO, that totally sounds like Mitchie.
With her around Summer #3 is going to rock so hard!
I hear her boyfriend and his band will be back again, and I'm hoping she won't be too distracted by him to hang out with me. I don't think she will be, but I am slightly worried.
Anyway, you'll meet the cast of characters as they travel in and out of this summertime adventure. I meet the Camp Rock bus tomorrow morning, and I'll be arriving at camp tomorrow afternoon.
THAT'S when things will start to get interesting.
Camp Rock is ALWAYS interesting.
And now I've got to go. Daley (the cousin who gave me this diary) wants me to watch Leap Year with her.
Caitlyn-Secret #1: I want my own scruffy, bitter, sarcastic, Irishman. Just like Declan. So. HOT.
10:58 PM
Daley just told me I fail at diaries.
Apparently I'm supposed to include a time.
Seriously? Who cares what TIME I write things down?
Daley does…apparently.
I am no
Caity, seriously. Just write the time. It helps trust me :)
I cannot believe you grabbed the freaking pen out of my hand. Seriously, are you gonna nag Lottie this much? Because
I don't nag. I suggest. Besides I'm older…it's my job.
Okay, if you're going to keep stealing the pen I'm going to go sit in the arm chair on the other side of the room. DO NOT TOUCH THE PEN!
…at least not when I'm writing with it.
Now, seriously, I'm off to bed. Goodnight, Lottie.
IT IS NOW 11:15 PM. There, okay Daley? She knows the time!
Stop nagging me. YES, nagging!
;)