Boundless as the Stars

by aberm

Sometimes, she felt compelled to wonder "what if..."

Boundless as the Stars | Three's Company.

(A/N): I got this wild idea a few nights ago, and this was the result. This piece starts immediately after the ending to Three's Company, and is mainly Janet centred, with hints of JackET going on. The different sections are time jumps through Janet's life, with each time spam being longer than the last. I decided that this fit better as a one-shot, so if you've got a good twenty minutes to spare, spend it reading this trash. Also, if you're deep into Jack/Janet, then I apologise in advance, as this thing will probably give you the feels. Enjoy!

Sometimes she felt compelled to wonder "what if..."

1984.

The drive back to his large estate was uncomfortably quite; Janet's eyes drifting back and forward from Phillip's steady grip on the steering wheel to the empty road ahead of them. Sighing, she lulled her head against the cool car window, her steady breathing fogging the glass due to the stormy weather they were unexpectedly caught in. Janet watched as their car passed by numerous houses and businesses, slightly smiling at the glimpses of mothers and their toddlers happily skipping in the mud puddles, as if the rain created it especially for them. A sudden warm hand found it's way onto Janet's knee, the thumb running soothingly in circular motions, perhaps attempting to comfort. Janet turned her tired eyes toward the owner of the wandering hand and cracked a sleepy smile at the man behind the wheel, who flashed her a goofy grin in return.

"You're going to love living there," he murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Janet's thigh, dangerously nearing her womanhood.

Janet eyed his touchiness, and gladly placed her small hands over his, stopping his silent advancement.

"I know," she responded softly, turning her attention back to the world outside of the passenger side window.

They have been married a week, and today was the day of Janet officially moving in. Most of her things have found it's way into Phillip's home, so what was left back in apartment 201 now sat in-prisoned in boxes in the back seat of the car, now-and-then sliding side to side as Phillip made turns. Janet occasionally glanced into the rearview mirror, eyeing her box filled of momentums and a few old shirts and pants. A small plant peeked it's head over the top, causing Janet's heart to flutter.

Jack gave Janet the plant as some sort of going away present. He handed it to her solemnly, when they had reached the bottom steps of the apartment complex. Phillip was waiting in the car, and Terri had already left in her cab to the airport. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes again, shooting Jack a small but grateful smile, her silent way of saying "thank you."

He acknowledged her gratitude with a nod, and a comforting hand to her then tear stained cheek, before turning away from her and starting for the short walking distance to his new life with Vicky.

Phillip's voice broke Janet out of her deep reverie, signaling to their new home. Janet glanced at the gray house, the corners of her mouth twitching into a small smile at the sight of a new porch swing. Janet stared at it, again loosing herself in so much thought, that she hadn't noticed Phillip getting out of the car, and turning up on the other side of her window. He opened the car door for her, holding an umbrella over them. Squealing in delight, the couple ran to the front steps of the home, a hand pressed gently on Janet's lower back.

While Phillip fumbled with the keys to the door, Janet gazed longingly at the wet scenery. She inhaled deeply, loving the smell of spring rain enveloping her senses. Their yard seemed to stretch for miles, perfect for family get-togethers and picnics. The dirt road that led to the main street was now muddied, and served at a sess pool for mud puddles. She could clearly picture a dog - maybe a large German Shepard, running freely - pouncing on the dirty water, it's tail vigorously wagging freely.

Hearing the soft click of the door opening, Janet took a final first glance at her now own front yard, before strolling past Phillip's welcoming smile, and his outstretched arms that motioned to the entrance. Janet exhaled a long awaiting breath, and finally passed through the threshold of the old-timely home, signifying her transition from a swinging to a domestic styled life.

That night, she laid in the bed she shared with Phillip, her dark eyes glued to the high tattered ceiling.

Her mind began to wander again, as it has been all day.

Her immediate thought was how unfamiliar the room felt in her presence. Her tight grip on the bed sheets reminded her of her first few nights in apartment 201. She was so young, and so new to Santa Monica. She hardly knew the two other girls she was rooming with, and the rain outside of her window stirred an eerie feeling from deep within her.

She was scared.

The tapping sound could've easily been the tree branch that hovered protectively near the window, but her knowledge of old horror movies steered her thoughts into a different direction of what it might've been.

What if it was someone trying to break into their small apartment? Or, what if it was one of Chrissy's boyfriends trying to gain access into their shared bedroom? Certainly the later frightened her more.

But, she grown accustomed to the tapping sound, and it even became the unexpectedly soothing sound that always helped her to sleep. In a way, she missed that sound.

Now the only thing that kept her awake were her thoughts, and utter silence. Except for Phillip's quite snore that lit up the room every once in a while.

Finally becoming uncomfortable with the heat she felt between the mattress and the bed sheet, she threw the covers off of her, and tiredly stumbled out of bed, not even bothering to check if she disturbed her husbands slumber.

She sauntered over to the curtain-less windows, and leaned her forehead onto it.

She missed her old life, and she wasn't afraid to admit it.

She missed the way her small bed creaked when she noisily tossed and turned. She missed how the honking of the cars outside on the streets would sometimes wake her up, and because of it, she would be groggy all day. She missed the soft ticking of her bedside alarm clock that she hated so much, because sometimes the ringing was too loud, or other times, the ringing was not loud enough. She missed the faint sounds of someone, mostly Jack, fumbling over to the bathroom, and hearing grunts after grunts of sleepy aggravation. She missed the strong odor of breakfast being cooked, the smell accompanied with a chorus-y hum and a pleasurable shout of triumph. But most of all she missed the familiarity, and the fact of it all being so second nature.

She knew the move would be difficult, and that she would somehow miss all of these small things that made up ten years of her life; but she pushed her aching aside, and formulated a determination to scrap up a whole new set of small nothings that will make up the rest of her life.

But she knew that there was one small nothing that can never be replaced, or transformed; and that was in the company of a certain clumsy chef.

...

1985.

The sound of the front door slamming shut awoke her from her dreamless sleep.

She groggily sat up on her bed, and stretched her arms. She felt a few bones crack in the process. Janet turned to the window to see the sun half way peeked over the horizon. She also saw her husbands car driving further away from the house.

She turned to the clock, to see that Phillip was late for work.

She smiled sheepishly, and let out a long awaited yawn, then placing her hand on the swell of her belly.

Just a few months ago the couple had welcomed the idea of becoming parents. Janet began to feel nauseous during the most unseemly times, and had ruled out any chances of it being due to a fever of some sort. It led to Janet secretly taking a pregnancy test, which further led to Janet and Phillip cleaning out the baby isle in the closest super market.

Janet was hesitant at first; whether she really wanted a baby or not. Phillip, however, was ecstatic.

("This is great for us," Phillip would hum, as he would message her abdomen in bed. "You're going to be a great mom," he whispered hotly into her ear.

Janet never responded to his thoughtfulness, instead opting to blink wearily out the window, while Phillip draped a protective arm over her waist, continuing to run patterns over her exposed stomach.)

Janet stood from the king sized bed, and waddled into the bathroom.

She began her day with a bowl of cereal she fixed herself, and collapsed onto the couch. She turned on the television, and rested it on a cooking show. She watched carefully as the chef on the television prepared a fish for the oven. They way he seasoned it, and talked about it, made Janet's lips curve into a smirk, remembering her whacky television debut on L.A. Today all those years ago. Another thought flashed in Janet's head, looking to the phone from the corner of her eyes.

She managed to suppress the thought, retracting her gaze from the telephone, and back to the cooking show, which was coming to an end.

Janet cleared her throat, and leaned over to place her now empty bowl onto the coffee table.

Janet knew whom she wanted to call, but decided against it. She hadn't talked to him since the night she announced her pregnancy to her friends and family over dinner at a certain french restaurant. He congratulated her with a chaste kiss to her cheek, and a warm bear hug, her face buried deep into the crook of his neck. He honored Phillip with a pleasant smile, and a firm hand shake. Janet also couldn't help but notice a certain glint in his ocean blue eyes...was that envy? Janet shook her head at the thought, and continued to allow herself be enveloped in hugs and kisses from her closest friends.

Looking back on the unsettling moment now, Janet chose to assert the "glint" in his eyes was nothing more than a mere twinkle that always lingered in his stares, something Janet always noticed when gaping longingly into them. Not that she gaped more than once or twice in their shared years in the apartment...

The closing credits to the cooking show hurriedly appeared on screen, catching Janet's sole attention once again. She picked up her empty bowl, walking over to the kitchen, and tossed it carelessly into the sink. She peered out of the kitchen window to see the skies were nothing but blue, and the sun radiating it's warmth for the rest of the land.

The idea of Jack perhaps being resentfully longing crept back into the depths of Janet's mind, plaguing her thoughts, and wearing her down. What if she was wrong in her sudden assertion? What if Jack did hold a pang of discontentedness over the announcement? Upon further thinking, Janet was almost sure that if it was indeed that Jack held a slight bitterness to the news, it was certainly not because of the reasons she found herself deeply wishing for...it would be because Jack and Vicky are yet to expect their first child.

Yeah, that was it. Janet washed her hands on the final thought, and returned to the living room for more viewer programing.

...

1990.

Janet struggled to hold a sleeping toddler in an arm, and keep a firm grip on another, who unfortunately felt compelled to pull Janet in every which way.

Phillip was off God knows where, mingling with his business associates, leaving Janet to handle their two small children.

Charlotte was the oldest; five years old, and apparently strong enough to drag Janet around the hotel ballroom, which hosted a fundraising benefit, sponsored by Phillip's work. Two year old James laid limply on his mothers chest, blissfully unaware of his sisters excited antics.

"Charlie, slow down," Janet hissed, careful not to wake James, but fully determined to get control of Charlotte again.

When James began to stir, Janet reluctantly let go of Charlotte's hand to support James's growing fidgeting. She watched as Charlotte skipped away into the bustling crowd, probably imagining being in a midst of one of her adventures. Janet heaved a heavy sigh, and turned her attention back to her youngest, who agitatedly cradled his mother, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"Need a hand?" A familiar voice inquired, eliciting a relieved smile from Janet.

She turned to face Jack, whom dressed in a fancy tux. Janet paused to let her eyes wash over the figure before her. Janet bit her lip, before gratefully nodding her head.

Jack leaned to grasp James out of Janet's arms, and effortlessly soothed the cranky boy. James snuggled deeper into Jack's embrace, a sigh of content escaping past his lips. Janet watched carefully, pleased with the situation. She noticed Jacks nod directed over her shoulder, and she followed his gaze to see Charlotte picking at the catered table. She briskly walked over to where her daughter stood, and plucked her up from the table, ignoring her sudden groans of protest.

For the rest of the night, Janet sat with her children and Jack on the couches that were made available to them quickly and easily. When James was finally wide awake, Jack told them funny stories, and made a series of silly noises and faces that induced endless amounts of giggles and smiles. Jack even allowed the two to climb over him as he pretended to be a monster or dragon, inevitably provoking questionable glances from the other guests. Janet didn't mind, however. Obviously, neither did Jack.

Janet sat amused at the playfulness of the three, captivated by Jack's natural easy going presence that seemed to always charm her kids. She couldn't help but imagine her life to always be exactly this; her children playing innocently, and happily, while their father shared their delight, even being the reasoning why the enjoyment took place. She just couldn't help but wonder what if this was how her life was suppose to play out. She also wondered if she would ever have small but impactful moments like this again.

When Phillip finally came over to them, he leaned over to Janet's side, and pressed his lips to her temple.

"We should go," he mumbled, not entirely catching Janet's attention.

Janet waved a dismissive hand, and continued to watch the three carry on with their childish banter.

Phillip stood by, and also acknowledged they way Jack had them clearly entertained. He also noticed the way Janet seemed transfixed by the scene. He sighed in defeat, and shrugged his shoulders before returning to the party that slowly began to dwindle down to nothing.

Jack carried a sleeping Charlotte into their home, while Janet held an equally exhausted James.

Phillip opened the door, and headed straight for his and Janet's bedroom. Jack led the way to Charlotte's bedroom, carefully placing her in her small bed cladded with blue and white bed sheets. Jack gazed at her sleeping form, a smile forming on his tired face. Janet entered the room, after changing James and tucking him into bed in his own room. She quietly made her way over to Charlotte and gingerly got her out of her party dress and into her yellow pajamas. Janet tucked Charlotte in, receiving a few yawns and blinks from the little girl.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Janet whispered lovingly, running her fingers through her dark silky curls. She kissed her daughters temple, before the toddler's eyes weighed heavily on her, and closed them for a comfortable slumber.

Janet turned to see Jack leaning idly by the door, his arms crossed, and his smile deep and genuine.

Janet closed the door with a soft click, and led Jack downstairs. They shared a talk and a drink before he slipped back out into the late night, leaving behind a kiss that was, again, chaste, but meaningful.

Janet watched Jack drive away, back to his life with Vicky, as she held her hand up to her cheek that burned with a ghost of lips that pecked it.

...

2002.

Lights from cameras had flashed before Charlotte fully descended the stairs.

She greeted her date by the door, ignoring her mothers attempt to straighten out her long, black dress.

"Mom, it's fine," Charlotte insisted, giving into a fierce hug Janet engulfed her in.

Janet muttered words of encouragement and proudness into her daughters ear, shooting her a watery smile when the two's embrace came to an end.

James continued to flash the camera in his sisters direction, calling out poses for her to model. Charlotte rolled her eyes playfully, and turned toward her father who looked ghostly in his wake. Charlotte stood nervously, awkwardly shifting her stance from one foot to the other, awaiting a stern lecture from her father about the evils of drugs, alcohol, and sex.

The lecture never surfaced, as Phillip pulled her into a tight hug. He ran a hand through his daughters soft curls, and murmured loving sentiments into her hair. Charlotte savored the embrace, opting to end it before eyeliners were smudged. She turned to James, and returned his high five, shooting him a pleasant smirk. Charlotte finally turned to the other only guy in the room; Jack.

He stood with a proud grin, stretching his arms awaiting a hug. Charlotte wrapped her slender arms around him and giggled into his neck.

"You look just like your mother," he whispered lovingly, pulling away to give her a wide toothy smile.

Charlotte returned the smile, and finally shifted her eyes to the well dressed young boy by her front door. She slowly made her way to him, their smiles hard to suppress. When she reached him, he leaned over to deliver a sweet kiss to her cheek, and a genuine complement. She thanked him shyly, and soon the two were off.

Phillip saw them to the car, remarking his final protective tirade towards the boy, who only acknowledged his threats with an anxious nod.

The four stood on the porch, waving goodbye to the teenagers, who began their journey to the school prom. Phillip slipped his arm around Janet's waist, and allowed her head to rest on his shoulders. She sighed contently, before snaking out of his grasp, and retreating back into the house where Jack and James turned on a game of football on the television. Phillip soon joined them on the couch, exited to watch his two favorite teams battle it out.

Janet shook her head, and scoffed at the men. She turned towards the kitchen and started for it. She made herself a cup of strawberry milk, and sat at the counter, watching the men's cheering and rough housing from afar.

Images of her daughter that day swam through Janet's mind, causing a warm smile to grace her attractive face. Images of a certain hug, also made it's presence behind closed eyes. She let her mind wander again, replaying Charlottes hug with her certified uncle Jack. She was glad to remember that James caught the moment on camera, mentally storing a reminder to have the pictures developed soon.

Janet seemed to notice how lately she can never strain her eyes to look upon anywhere else besides Jack, having been worrying about him and all. He ended his relationship with Vicky, rather more abrupt than anything. He always dismissed Janet's concerned tone, repeatedly relying that he was fine. It's not like they were married...or had kids.

Janet always wondered why they never did. Certainly Jack wanted them, and she can recall a few times when Vicky mentioned she wasn't against the idea; but yet, here they were. She didn't hold it against him though, she knew that her kids more than made up for Jack's desire for some of his own. He always made his presence known at the Dawson house hold. He helped teach the kids how to swim, and how to cook. He took them out to the movies, and to amusement parks. He spoiled them rotten, really, much to Janet's protest, and Phillip's obvious annoyance.

The kids loved their uncle Jack, and uncle Jack loved them back equally, if not, more.

He always reminded Janet how good they were, and how lucky she is. It pleased Janet to know that Jack truly cared about her family, no matter the unwelcome thoughts of a certain goofy male that plagued her mind on occasions. She always wondered the possibilities that could have arose if Janet decided to pursue life on a different route. She certainly loved her children immensely, and wouldn't trade them for the world; but, sometimes, her thoughts of the unknown profusely gripped her mind, that it was nearly impossible to shake off.

She had learned to deal with it, however.

She allowed herself a certain amount of time of thought, before forcibly shoving it aside, and encouraging herself to attempt something productive with the family.

So that's why Janet found herself in front of the television set, and turning it off, despite the aggressive protest of the three men.

"Let's go outside," Janet suggested, "It's such a lovely evening."

...

2009.

Despite the threatening grey clouds that rolled around in the sky, looming over the assembled stage, the ceremony continued on without a hitch.

Janet cheered and cried with all her might as James strolled across the stage to obtain his (blank) college diploma.

After the traditional launching of the graduation caps into the air, James, along with his graduating class, disappeared behind the stage to grab their actual real diplomas.

Janet found him in the midst of hugging his classmates, and pulled him in for a hug for herself. James gave a light-hearted laugh at the emotional state his mother was in, wiping his thumb over stray tears that escaped her glistening dark eyes.

"I'm so proud of you," Janet proclaimed, smothering her youngest in another embrace.

The two soon heard gentle laughter coming from behind, and they detached themselves to see a wide smiling Jack before them.

James launched himself into a manly hug with Jack, leaving behind his grinning mother.

Janet also caught sight of her ex-husband over Jack's shoulder.

Janet and Phillip amicably separated as soon as James left home for college. The divorce was as gradual and painless as their growth of a sexless marriage. Janet knew the decision was among them, eating away at her insides. The couple stopped having sex when the children were old enough to tie their own shoes, so it was no surprise when what came next was the avoidance. Sometimes, Janet felt like a single parent, and it shook her to the core. Sure, they were wealthy enough to live a comfortable life, much thanks to Phillip, but that didn't solve Janet's sudden feelings of loneliness, and detachment from her husband.

A small part of Janet knew why the divorce never truly took a tole on her mental or emotional state.

Even though her life in the bedroom grew stale, and extinct, that did not mean she never took personal time to privately perform self-pleasuring deeds that took place behind closed doors. Her sessions usually lasted no longer than ten minutes, not much more often than a few occasions, and she almost always rode out her orgasms to the rhythm of a single moaned name. That name, however, never belonged to the biological father of her children.

After a few pleasantries were exchanged between the estranged divorcees, Janet's heart warmed at the sight of Charlotte fiercely hugging her younger brother.

"Be careful, Charlie. I don't wanna hurt your little rugrat," James cooed, running his hand over an enormous stomach, that belonged to a beaming Charlotte. Her husband appeared behind, tenderly placing a hand on her shoulder, and congratulating James.

Somehow, Janet found herself right next to Jack, slightly nudging his arm with her shoulder, exhibiting a broad smile. Jack turned to face her, wrapping himself over Janet's smaller frame, planting his lips on the top of her head, kissing her hair, and then running a hand through it.

They talked animatedly for what seemed like hours, finally joining the rest of the family for dinner out in the town.

Many different colorful conversations took place at once, while plates of foods were passed along, and toasts were made in honor of James and Charlotte.

Janet specifically watched Jack the whole time, seeing his bright smile made Janet's heart flutter in her chest. She loved seeing Jack happy and laughing; it gave her a sense of relief and content-ness to see her best friend in such a good state.

Glancing around the table, Janet wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world than here with her family. With her children, with loved ones.

With Jack.

Every now and again, Jack would catch Janet's lingering stare, and he would return her gaze, his lips easily pulling into a sensual smirk. Janet would avert her eyes elsewhere, trying - but failing - to hide her sudden blush that warmed her cheeks. She could hear Jack snicker, and return to his conversation about baby names with Charlottes husband.

Janet couldn't help but wonder about her hidden thoughts of a certain person. Sometimes, if she was in deep thought, it took her to a place that would rise a flush to her pale cheeks, and a slight warmth between her thighs. It disturbed her how much of these thoughts she visited daily. More than twice, if the day was slow.

That one question always plagued her head.

That what if?

It was hard to control; and sometimes, she didn't want to keep it in control. Those were the days when she closed her bedroom door, and escaped into a world of sexual euphoria on her own.

...

2019.

This was a Christmas Janet will always remember.

Her family all gathered around in her grey home in Santa Monica, celebrating the festive, joyous occasion together.

Her five grandchildren all ran amok, while the adults mingled idly by the fire place, drinking from their wine glasses.

For this Christmas, Phillip brought his new girlfriend, Ellen, with him to introduce the family. She had golden hair, and was a good ten years younger than Janet. She adored her immediately.

Jack, of course, stood lingering around the kitchen, slightly upset that he didn't prepare their meal, but Janet insisted on her kids handling it; after all, they were young and flexible, while Janet, Jack, and Phillip could barely manoeuvre around a kitchen for half a minute without getting tired. It also helped that her kids were naturally talented in the kitchen, eliciting a sort of proudness in Jack, that carried over to Janet as well.

(Janet couldn't believe how delicious her breakfast tasted in her mouth. She wolfed down the small stack of pancakes, and gulped her apple juice in record speed, expecting Jack to come through her bedroom door, but instead, her eyes landed on her children - up early on a Saturday, nonetheless! - parading up to her side of the bed and awarding her wide smiles.

"Did you guys make this?" Janet asked with a mouth full of pancakes.

Her two kids chuckled and nodded eagerly.

"You can thank uncle Jack too - he taught us the last time he was here," Charlotte explained, politely wiping her mothers mouth with a napkin.

Janet's surprise rose more to the explanation her two younger children gave, visibly impressed by it.

Any further thoughts of Jack soon halted, as soon as the two started singing their own off key version of Happy Birthday.)

Dinner came and went.

Janet and Jack sat across from each other. That might've just been an unconscious act - a, "it just so happen to be" - or, the two knew exactly what they were doing when glances from one to the other quickly became intoxicating. The radio, that offered background noise for the occasion, played the throwback oldie Hungry Eyes; and it couldn't have been any more appropriate.

The children tore open their christmas gifts, because who can wait until the next morning to cry about not getting their favorite toy? Or crying about actually getting their favorite toy? The adults also were not shy about showing their true reaction to a gift.

Meanwhile, Jack and Janet crept away from the rest of them, and raced (hardly) each other to the back yard.

The only thing Janet liked more about Santa Monica than her native home of Speedway, was how warm the weather was, even during the winter months. She doesn't miss the snow, and probably never will.

However, the late evening still called for a light sweater. Jack could always bare the minimal chill; Janet never stood any chances, despite growing up in below degree weather, and Jack growing up in above degree weather. Thinking about the irony in that, Janet chuckled to herself. Jack cocked an eyebrow, and asked her what was so funny. Janet shook her head, still managing the innocent grin, and kicked lazily at the fallen leaves that were scattered around the yard. Jack shrugged his shoulders and continued to gaze at the pitch darkness of the sky.

Silence surrounded the two. A spontaneous question breaks that silence.

"You ever wonder about the choices you've made in your life?" His voice sounded hesitant, but still held a certain genuine curiosity.

Silence again filled the space, as Janet took a second to pause.

"What?" She asked softly, turning her head towards Jack, who stood a few feet away. She knew what she said was stupid, but that didn't stop her from asking it.

"Your choices; you ever wonder about them?" He responded without glancing away from the sky.

Janet shifted her eyes towards the ground. For the first time in Janet's life, her mind goes completely blank.

Jack doesn't wait for her to answer. He begins to go on about how much of a waste his life has been, simply because of a choice he made when they were younger. He doesn't mention the choice, or even if it involved her, but when she closed her eyes, she was able to just pretend he said what she always wanted to hear. He was half way there - only her mind, after being picked back up again, had to fill in the empty blanks. Her palms begin to feel wet with nerves, and her stomach flutters freely. Her heart beats so hard against her chest, she can swear Jack is able to hear it. Her breathing is the only thing keeping her from collapsing. That, and the fact that when Janet opened her eyes, she found Jack standing right in her line of sight.

He trained his blue orbs on her, ignoring the rest of the universe. Janet reflected his lack of action. She takes in every wrinkle, and every grey hair that poorly covered his head and face.

She would argue that she was looking into the face of her soulmate.

"Janet," Jack breathed softly. He took a small step forward, while Janet remained glued to her spot.

"Just...what if..." Another step closer.

"Things were different...between us..." Jack was now standing right in front of her. If she were to extend her arm only slightly, just a few inches, her finger tips would be grazing his torso.

"How different?" Janet never tore her eyes away from his.

"Very...different," Jack's voice was so low, she almost didn't catch his answer.

Janet never responded to his sentiment. Jack seemed to never mind it, because after a while of silence, he began to pull her back inside with the others, running off jokes with her, and talking animatedly about other matters.

Janet hardly slept a wink that night. Her only source of comfort was in knowing that Jack might've wanted something more from her all those years ago.

And maybe still does.

...

2044.

Janet was condemned to bed rest by her doctor. Her children also had a lot to do with it. Her grandchildren also insisted. Her great grandchildren were a little to young to know why it mattered so much.

Her family often visited her at the home. She was never always completely alone; albeit, she always felt alone.

She always kept Jack in her prayers. Always thinking about the late chef that never seem to escape the depths of her mind.

He died five years earlier.

It never came as a shock to Janet; she saw how much slower he became. She noticed they way his eyes screamed in pain whenever he moved his lower body more often than he should. She observed his slowed down humor reflexes that always came so natural to him. It saddened her how much life Jack was losing everyday. Who she saw wasn't Jack anymore; it was someone who's time was coming up soon, then sooner.

She didn't cry until after the funeral.

She knew he wanted his funeral to be more of a festive occasion, because he wouldn't have been able to stand all the forlorn looks and grieving faces of his loved ones, no matter if he wouldn't have been alive to actually see it.

After the façade she plastered for the guests, she crawled shakily into her bed and sobbed violently into her pillow. The nurses helped comforted her, but Janet remained barricaded in her room for over a week. It didn't help when her children came to attempt a sort of healing process.

After a couple of months of numbness and despair, Janet regained her mental and emotional strength to live out the rest of her days.

It wasn't easy, but she managed.

And now, years later, Janet ran a finger down the foggy glass window of her room. She stared tediously out of it, in hopes of something - anything - happening. The rain beat down onto the ground roughly; a clap of lightening illuminating the silver streamed sky.

Janet loved the rain.

Sometimes, the weather would depict her mood for the day, and to the contrast of the popular opinion, the rain always made her happy. Especially when lightening and thunder were involved.

Janet sighed heavily, and decided to retreat back to her aged creaky bed. The walk was a journey in itself. Her walker barely supported her efforts, and she easily sank into her satin sheets without trouble.

She starred up into the ceiling, and hummed audibly to herself in attempts of comfort.

For some reason, Janet felt weaker than the day before. Or even when she woke up that morning. It was like her energy was slipping away every second, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She briefly thought about her children. Then, her grandchildren. Then great grand. She thought of her siblings, and friends. She even thought of Phillip for a bit, who had passed years before Jack did.

And of course she thought of him.

Janet knew this time was different; she knew something was going to happen soon. She knew the inevitable was growing near. She could feel it in the way goosebumps decorated her wrinkled skin; in the way her heart continued to beat steadily, yet slowly. Her breathing also changed in frequency. The feeling she felt now in her fingers was a certain cold numbness, and her mouth started to go dry.

Her eyes became heavier and heavier, but that didn't stop her from using her remaining energy to think.

Of course she thought of him.

Of course.

Images of her young life in Santa Monica played like a slideshow in her head. Images of Jack Tripper also played. She couldn't help them, and for the first time, she didn't mind. She didn't care that she thought of him in a certain way. She didn't care that she could now admit that she truly loved him. Loved him more than she loved Phillip, that's for sure. She didn't care that she wished her life had turned out differently.

She wanted Jack all those years ago. And she was now not afraid to admit it.

She wanted her children to be biologically Jack's. She wanted to be with him, to marry him, to grow old with him. In a way, she did, but now in the way she truly desired in.

She wanted him.

It is too late now, of course. But she continued to think.

The what if's about Jack and her were the last things to play out in her mind, before her eyes slid shut, and her intakes of breath became fewer and fewer.

There were always plenty of little nothings that helped make up Janet's life; but there would always be that one big nothing that completed her life fully.

Jack and her what if's.

...

"You see, the what ifs are as boundless as the stars."

― Sally Gardner, Maggot Moon

(A/N): Okay...so terrible ending haha, I know. I just kinda rushed it, and btw, Janet was suppose to be dying in the last entry, so if you didn't get that...now you do. I was just awful at trying to write it haha! Anyways, thanks for reading, and team JackET forever! 3