Alrighty. I'm gonna give you some background info on this one. But just a little info.
1.) This is from Kenny's POV. And the beginning is his thoughts. I don't know why I wrote it that way.
2.) Kenny is a bit OOC near the end. I made him like that on purpose.
3.) This was first written as Kenny/Cartman. But got changed to Kyle/Kenny, because Kyle has something that Cartman doesn't have. And I've yet to figure out what exactly that it. But whatever. Cartman just didn't work.
4.) Um, my kissing scenes are horrible. Sorry. Okay, they aren't that bad...
If A Whore's Around
I know that probably every girl in school wants to date me. I also know that at least half of the boys at school do too. I know that Wendy and Stan, no matter how hard they try, are NEVER gonna work out, and I also know that I seriously wanna screw Kyle. I know he wants to do the same to me. I know he'll never say so. But, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him. For someone like me, that should be painfully easy, but...well, it's not. It's kinda hard to tell someone that you want to jump their bones, film it, and sell it online. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But STILL. He is that hot.
"Kenny? What're you thinking about?"
"Huh? Oh-nothing." I say quickly. How did he get in my house?
"Don't lie to me Kenny. I'll start throwing stuff at you." He frowns. I laugh.
"Puh-lease! You'd never throw stuff at me!"
"Shut up." He says, going red. Oh my god, he is so easily embarrassed. He sits on the only other chair in the room. I glance over at him. He has crumbs on his cheek. Haha, this is gonna be funny.
"Hey Kyle?"
"What?"
"You have something on your cheek..." I get up from my spot and walk over to him, then lean over him.
"What?"
"There's crumbs on your cheek...here, I'll get it..." I lean further in and kiss him lightly on the cheek. He jumps away and sends me a look that clearly wishes me a painful death. Like I haven't had one of those before.
"Did you just eat something off my face?" He blushes again.
"Yeah, I did."
"Ew, that's sick. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"So, you don't want me to kiss you again?" His eyebrows go up so high that they almost disappear into his hair, and he goes a bit more red.
"Why would I-I don't-" His voice cracks on the last word, and I laugh silently.
"Oh, Kyle. Stupid, idiotic, naive, Jew."
"HEY! Don't belittle my people you poor bitch!" He says angrily, standing up.
"What're you gonna do about it? Rape me?" I say, smiling. He turns pure scarlet.
"I-well-uh...Go away." I raise an eyebrow. He has always been bad at lying.
"Ah, but technically, you'd have to go away, as this is my house." He walks over to me, and leans over me, trying to be intimidating. Trying, but failing. Because really, all it does is make me horny. Well...more horny than I was before.
"So, you really are gonna rape me. Just remember, I charge twenty dollars an hour." He doesn't move.
"If you don't shut up, I'm gonna go find a spoon, and shove it up your ass."
"Really? WOAH! I can't wait! I'll go gt the spoon!" I say, smirking at him.
"You, Kenny McCormick, have issues. Now shut up. Or my fist will find it's way up your ass."
"I'd like that better than a dumb spoon." I say, and try to stand up. He jumps away, so I scramble up and pin him to a wall. "So, when and where? How much money do you have?" I smirk at him, and he goes so red, his face matches his hair. "Well?" I ask, and get pushed off, then tackled, and suddenly he's sitting on my stomach. Ooooooooow.
"Ugh-K-Kyle! I c-can't breathe!"
"Then shut up!" Kyle moves a little, not leaning on my stomach anymore. But now his face and mine are inches apart. Oh my giddy god's trousers. "Now, if you say another, word" he whispers, "I will take you up on your offer and rape you."
"Another. Word." I breathe back, and suddenly I'm not on the ground anymore, I'm being carried by Kyle down my hallway.
"I told you." He says.
"Hey! Wait! Put me down!" He carries me through my open door and throws me onto my bed. Then he goes to my door, shuts it, and locks it. Oh. Shit.
"Uh, Kyle? What're you doing?"
"Locking your door. So no one comes in when I'm raping your ass." He's smiling at me in an evil way. I know that look. Oh, damn. I try to get up, but I find my self pinned to the bed by him a millisecond later. Who knew that Jews could move so fast? His face is really close to mine again. I look up at him.
"Kenny. If you say another word about anything that goes on in your perverted-ass mind, I will-" I cut him off by kissing him. Just a little one, though. Because, that Jew has a temper. Don't wanna piss him off too much. When I look up at him, he's got this odd look on his face. Oh, shit, what did I do?
"K-Kenny?" This time, when I look at him, I'm frowning. "What did you just-" He cuts himself off and reflects my frown back. I close my eyes. Bet he hates me now. Good going, self. But he hasn't moved.
"Kenny? Look at me." I open my eyes and lift them up to his, and he's staring at me in the oddest way.
"I-I'm sorry!" I say quickly. His eyes close and he sighs heavily. God, he's so cute when he does that.
When he opens them, his eyes look different. Like they had softened.
"It's...okay. I'm just, surprised, is all." My reaction to this whole situation is odd. I've suddenly turned into a big pile of mush. We both remain silent for a second. I let out a sigh.
"Kenny, are you okay?"
"I'm fine." He looks at me for a second, and then he's kissing me. My hands automatically go for his neck, and one of them gets tangled in his hair. It felt like hours had passed when he finally pulled away from me. Well, now that that insane nervousness has passed...
"So. Are you gonna rape me or not?" A smile plays across his lips.
"It's not quite rape if you cooperate, now is it?" I laugh.
"No...but so what?" I grin at him and he climbs off of me (FINALLY!) and sits at the edge of my bed.
"Well, you're gonna have to wait. I don't do sex on the first date."
"But-"
"Nope. You're the whore, Kenny, Not me."
"And, yet, you want to shove a spoon up my ass."
"That makes me gay. Not a whore." I laugh lightly. Then pull my shirt off. Mwaha, evil, devious plans...
"What are you doing?"
"Hey, I'm the whore, right?" I get up and sit on his lap. "And, you know, amazing things can happen when a whore's around." I push him back onto the bed and kiss him again. It doesn't take much of my whore-like-behaviors to convince him that the first date isn't too soon.
If you know what I mean.
TEH ENDZ Um. I don't know. I really don't know. This came out of nowhere. One day, I was thinking, 'Wouldn't it be awesomely hot if Kenny just started making out with Kyle?' And this is what came from it. The original of this is written in my notebook (where all of my fanfics are written) and, sadly, in that notebook, it is a bit more on the graphic side. I wanted to shre it with the world, but, you know...Kyle has the sharpest little Jew teeth. Lol. (Ah, inside joke.)
Hope you enjoii'd it! Review if you liked/hated/ it. (Or wanted to tear it into a million peices...just review.) Review, or I'll...um...lock Kenny in a closet for a week and deprive him of smex. And of objects to kill himself with. MWAHAHA.
Peace Out, Yo!