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Now and Then - We Are The Ocean

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Happy MOONday everybody! I hope everyone's ready for Season 4 to start tonight, cause God knows I am!

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TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEPRESSION

Cassidy had to get away. She could feel her body fighting against her; her mind was in a complete haze. Her mother told her she could have stayed home today if she wasn't feeling great, but she knew if she would have her mind would have been overworking more than it was now. She just needed to get a handle on it.

As of now, she was lying down on the lacrosse bleachers, headphones on, blocking out the world around her. She was supposed to be in lunch right now with her friends, but she just wasn't confident in herself to be around people at the moment. So she ran outside with her iPod just to get away for a little while before she had to be surrounded by her classmates again. Every time her thoughts were able to get louder she just turned the music up more. She could feel the entire bass line thumping through her body. It was her own form of therapy when she needed it.

She was so close to be completely zoned out when a shadow casted over her face, completely blocking the sun from warming her face. She didn't have to open her eyes to know what, or actually who, it was. The smell of his cologne and gave him away. She opened her eyes to find his head a few feet above hers with his bright smile gracing his face. She saw him say the word "Hi", but couldn't hear him because of the music still pumping through her ears. She wanted to ignore him until he would finally leave her alone, but she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't leave her side until he had answers.

"How'd you find me?" She pulled the headphones off but didn't move from her position.

"Scott could hear your heart beating like crazy." Stiles switched his position so he was straddling the bleacher the two were on. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." She gave him a tight smile. It never met her eyes though.

"Cas," he grabbed the iPod that rested on her chest, "what's wrong?" He unplugged the headphones so that the music was heard between the two.

She resisted the smile that wanted to form upon her lips because of his action. Something as simple as making sure she could still hear her music was just another reason why she fell for Stiles.

Cassidy pulled herself into a sitting position with a heavy groan. She let out a squeal as Stiles took this opportunity to pull her body across the bleacher so her back was flush with his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around her body and his chin rested on her shoulder.

"I'm having a really bad day." She whispered, picking at a string on her jeans.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered back. Trying his hardest to respect her space but also trying to help her. They had only been dating for a good 4 months now.

"I had a session with Dr. Stappen yesterday." She knew he wouldn't judge her about it. I mean that's how the two met after all. But this time it was a different scenario. Stiles had long since stop having to go to his appointments. Hers, on the other hand, have been becoming more frequent. "He…he doubled my dosage."

Stiles nodded his head letting her know he heard her. From what she had told him, she's always had a mild case of depression. It was just something in her bones. She couldn't shake it no matter how hard she tried. It was a part of her that she knew she would always have to live with.

"You haven't…um, you haven't been…" He stuttered out, not sure how to ask the question correctly to not make her mad.

"Haven't been thinking about hurting myself?" She asked the question she knew wanted to leave his mouth. "No, Stiles, I haven't gone that off the deep end yet." She said sarcastically, hoping though in her mind she never got that far. She stared off to the trees in the distance. She was becoming so numb that the hard grip he had on her felt like nothing. She knew there was safety in his arms; it would just take her awhile to adjust to again. "I've just been having more bad days than good ones lately."

"Do you want me to take you home?" He wanted to help her anyway he could.

She shook her head. "No, because I know if I go home I'll just spend the rest of the day in my bed."

"You know it is okay sometimes to just relax and let everything else go." He let one of his hands move her hair so it was all swept towards her left side so he get some clear look at her face.

"I'm okay." She looked over her shoulder at him with a fake small place on her face.

Stiles new it was fake, but he wasn't going to push her any further than she has done to herself today. He simple nodded and leaned forward to place a small kiss on her lips. "We should probably head back in to school. Class will be starting soon."

She nodded her head quickly and turned her iPod off before stuffing it back into her bag. Stiles pulled himself into standing position and waited as she made sure she had all her belongings. Once she stood up, he carefully grabbed her hand so he could help her off the bleachers. Once they were on the solid ground, Cassidy had let go of his hand and stuffed them into her jean pockets. Even though he was upset by the sudden lack of contact, he didn't question it, knowing she was trying to guard herself to the other students they were about to be around.

The two walked side by side towards the side entrance of the school. Cassidy kept her head down, not wanting to look anyone in the eye or let them see that her shield that she usually had up was breaking. But then she did. She felt someone walk into her slightly and it brought her even more in touch with reality.

She stopped and started to clam up again with all the people around. Stiles took notice that she was no longer beside him, stopped, and turned around to look at her.

"You coming?" He gave her a soft smile and held his hand out for her.

She swallowed and then took a deep breath. She nodded at him and then walked forward, letting her hand fall into his. There was the comfort again.

The rest of the day was not comforting in the slightest. For the most part she stuck herself in the back corner of the room like she always tried to do and kept her head down. She felt like she was on edge until she was seated in Stiles' jeep at the end of the day. She honestly didn't even remember saying goodbye to anyone. Did she? Hopefully they would understand if she didn't.

The two didn't talk the entire ride back to his house. Cassidy had curled up into her seat and stared out the window the entire time. Stiles wasn't use to quiet between the two. Yes the radio was on, but he was use to their usual banter back and forth. Once parked in front of the Stilinski home, Cassidy followed slowly behind him.

"Hey kids." Sheriff Stilinski smiled to the two as they walked through the door.

"Hey dad." Stiles smiled back, closing the door after allowing Cassidy to walk in front of him.

"Hi, Sheriff." Cassidy said softly and walk past the two towards the living room.

The Sheriff frowned in confusion and watched the younger girl walk away. He turned back towards his son in question. "She okay?"

Stiles threw his bag by the stairs and ran a hand back and forth through his hair. "Yeah, she's just had a really long day."

"Okay. Well I'm off to the station for a bit." Sheriff pulled his coat on and grabbed his keys. "Just, take care of her."

Stiles nodded and watched his father leave. That's what he wanted to do. He wanted to take care of her forever. Stiles walked into the living room to find Cassidy on the couch; her legs brought up to her chest. Her arms were wrapped around them and her head rested against her knees.

"Alright." Stiles rubbed his hands together, getting her attention. "You want to watch a movie?"

"Not particularly."

"Okay, how about we cook something?" He squatted down in front of her. "You didn't eat anything for lunch."

"I'm not hungry."

"Okay,what if-"

"I'm sorry." She wiped hard at her eyes, cutting him off. "I know you're trying really hard to help me, I just don't really feel up to doing anything. I'm just going to go. I don't want to ruin your night." She started walking towards the door with no desire to stop till she was home in her room. She needed to stay out of everyone's life for a while. Let them be happy without having to deal with her problems.

"I love you."

Cassidy's entire body became immobile. Her breathing stopped and eyes widened. Those three words felt like needles down her spin. Maybe she was imagining the whole scene. But once she turned around and saw how much his eyes were sparkling and the small smile on his face, she knew she heard him right.

"What?"

"I love you." He threw his hands up at his sides. "I think I've been in love with you for a while and I haven't let myself believe it, but I am. I am completely and 100 perfect in love with you, Cassidy Snyder."

She shook her head quickly. This wasn't part of the plan. She shouldn't have gotten so close to him. She was going to hurt him without even trying. "No you don't. I'm not good for you. I'm destructive and will take you down in my path."

"What are you so scared of?" Stiles took cautions steps towards her.

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. They were about to cross lines that have never been touched.

"You know what I think you're scared of? I think you are so scared to let anyone in but you also don't want to be alone." He hit the nail right on the head. "And I'm going to do anything in my power to make you realize, I'm not leaving you."

"You say that now. Everyone always says that. That they are never going to leave, but they meet someone new, or something more important comes up. And I'm stuck telling everyone I'm fine. It's fine, do what you need to do." She felt her hands shaking and the tears building up. She was so tired of crying. So tired of breaking down. But she couldn't even control it.

"I love you." He walked up so that he was standing directly in front of her. He cautiously pulled her hair back and let his hands rest of on either side of her face, pulling so she would look up at him. His thumbs were brushing the tears away. "Even if you're having a problem loving yourself or if you don't love me back yet. Take all the time you need."

Cassidy gripped his wrists lightly, feeling his warm skin under her touch. She couldn't look away from the warmth of his chocolate eyes. She felt herself melting into him. "I'm not perfect."

"I don't want perfect. That's boring." He laughed lightly. "I want you. All of you. Your gorgeous smile and your ocean blue eyes. The way you bite your thumb when you're nervous or how you always need music playing where ever you are." He stepped even closer so that their bodies were touching and his forehead rested against her. "You mean the absolute world to me, and I promise you I will always be here to help you through anything you're struggling with."

Cassidy's tears finally started diminishing as she listened to his words. She believed every word that came out of his mouth. There would be days that she would feel absolutely worthless, but then there was this boy that was always by her side. Never wanting to give up. She knew how she felt.

"I love you." A soft smile fell onto her lips.

Stiles smile couldn't be contained though. He pulled her face towards his and kissed her hard on the lips. Her hands moved towards his sides; clenching his shirt so she could pull him closer in her grip.

"I love you too." He whispered against her lips as they pulled apart. He never wanted to leave this moment.

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