A/N: Yes, I know. Another Lie Low at Lupin's fic-- as if the internet weren't already rife with them. Ahhhh well. Cookies to everyone who can identify the keywords. [Ongoing theme throughout.]
Summary: On his way to Lupin's, Sirius Black muses on life, love, and how it always takes more to fix something you've broken.
Warnings: WAFF, Shounen-Ai, memories, overdramatic dogs, sirius.
Rated: G
Archive: Ask me first.
Spoilors: PoA, GoF, and parts-- PARTS, people-- of OotP.
When something broke, it always took more effort to put it back together again.
Flash
He was 10, boarding the Hogwarts express for the first time. His best friend was at his side. Beside him was a pudgy, rather acne-prone boy James had picked up out of pity. And across the platform was the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen in his life.
Flash
He was 12, looking over his astronomy assignment for the next day. They were studying phases of the moon. His quill scratched over the parchment; Peter muttered something about keeping a copy for Remus, he was sick again, and he'd need notes when he came back.
Remus. Sick. Again.
He looked out the window, placing the final plot for tonight's moon. Full.
Sick. Again.
He blinked, flipping back through his chart.
Again…
It took one word to seal his fate for the past 13 years.
Flash
Still twelve, holding a sobbing werewolf in his arms. "They'll hate me if they knew. Sirius, you can't tell anyone. James and Peter would hate me."
Flash
15. Not him. A dog-- a large, flop-eared, silky haired black mutt. The animal chose you, after all. You never knew until you changed the first time.
Remus's eyes filled with tears and he knelt down, wrapping his arms around the shaggy neck. Padfoot became Sirius and wrapped his arms back around his friend.
Flash
He was 34, free from Azkaban, living off rats in a cave just outside of Hogsmead.
Flash
He was 27. Seven years of imprisonment; of hell. He was innocent. He flung himself at the bars of his cage, howling,
Flash
33. The Minister of Magic was visiting Azkaban on inspection. Lovely man, he gave Sirius his paper so he could do the crossword. And there, on the front page, staring directly at him, was someone he'd thought-- hoped, prayed-- was dead for 13 years.
Two weeks later, he slipped out of his cage as a dog and swam from the island to shore. Nearly died of pneumonia before he made it to England.
Flash
31. Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, the member of the Order, was in Azkaban. Hope fluttered in Sirius's heart-- they'd found out! They knew he was innocent and they were going to rescue him!
Two weeks later, Hagrid left. The only words he spoke to Sirius during his stay were 'Stay away from me you murderous, traitorous bastard.'
Flash
He was 20. 6 dementors manhandled him into a cell.
He was 33. He saw his godson for the first time in 13 years, sitting in a park bench in Magnolia Crescent
33. Talking to Harry in the shrieking shack. Telling Harry he could live with him. Cornering Peter. Setting things straight with Remus…
Seven words had brought him here.
He was 15. He sat under an oak tree among his friends, admiring Remus's delicate profile as he read. He was in love.
Flash
He was 16. A kiss. Not the first, just the first ever to mean something.
Padfoot trotted up the pathway to Remus's house. The werewolf in question was stationed on the front steps, dirty, shabby robes collecting more dust.
"I was expecting you earlier. I was starting to worry." He said softly, opening the door so Padfoot could amble in. Padfoot couldn't talk, but he turned large, expressive brown eyes towards Remus and nudged his nose against the man's thighs. A dog's version of an apology. The only one of them currently in possession of opposable thumbs crossed the room and drew the curtains across the bay windows. When it was safe, Padfoot became Sirius, growing taller, rising onto his hind feet. The only things which didn't change were the silky smooth black hair-- now matted and caked with mud from his journey-- and the big, puppy-dog eyes.
"Sor-" He coughed and cleared his voice, taking a minute to make it work again. "Sorry." He tried again, eyeing his ex-lover speculatively. "I stopped by London to check on Harry briefly-- stop looking at me like that, he didn't see me-- and got held up in Surrey."
Remus stepped back. "I can't… I'm sorry. As soon as Dumbledore wrote me to tell me you were coming I promised myself I…." He took a step closer, putting them within each other's arm reach.
15 years ago, he could have read this man like a copy of his favorite book. 15 years ago he knew Remus's emotions better then he knew his own. Remus had hugged him in the Shrieking Shack. Out of relief? Or did his feelings still remain? He reached out to take one of the other man's hands, trying desperately to gauge the feelings flitting over that face right now.
"…I wouldn't kiss you."
Azkaban.
Death Eaters
Guilty
Animagus
Avada Kedavra
Dementor
I wouldn't kiss you. It took four words to break his heart.
"….Until you'd had a bath."
And five to make it whole again. James's voice echoed knowingly in his head, repeating the advice she'd given sixth year, after he and Remus had gotten into a stupid fight. "It always takes more to fix a broken heart then it took to break it in the first place."
"You kissed me after all those Quidditch games, when I was all sweaty, and event that time I had mud in my mouth." He pointed out hoarsely, taking Remus's hand.
"Team spirit." Remus looked nonchalant.
"You hugged me in the Shack last year."
"Caught in the moment." Remus stated coolly, taking a step closer. "You've always been a bad influence on me."
"Then, Remus?"
"Yes, Sirius?"
"Shut up and break your promise."