The concept of this story was born from the minds of Mellon-Nin, MerryDew and HoneyBadger. This particular chapter was written by MerryDew, Edited by Mellon-Nin.
Disclaimer: We do not own any characters. Yet.
We do not take responsibility for any trauma or mental scaring of any kind, as well as injuries from ROFLing. We do, however take great pleasure in announcing our stories have the ability to produce WTF? moments. Please send us pictures of your reactions. We're making a website.
Author's Note below.
The Therapist crossed his legs in front of him as he waited. The task he had been set was unusual but he was being paid extra for it and his degree had equipped him to deal with it. He reached out to pick up the notebook he had prepared for this session. It was the first of many sessions he would have for this job and he had been given complex notes on each of his clients. Notes that he really didn't want to read, because who has time for that? But as it is required for him to get paid, he didn't really have a choice.
He had just finished re-reading (what was wrong with him today?) his notes on the pair who had been booked for this time slot - and started to wonder if perhaps he was being lead on and no one was actually coming (wouldn't have been the first time) - when two tall men moved into the room.
One wore a dark blue military coat with bronzed buttons, while the other wore one with a bronze crest indicating an actual military position on his coat over his heart. The two looked similar but all it took for him to be able to tell the difference between them was one wore his coat open to flop down across the couch while the other stood with his hands clasped in front of him. Knowing didn't make introductions any less awkward, however, so he forced a smile and opened his mouth to speak.
"Jack and… Jack, it's a pleasure to meet you. Now, I understand that you two are having a hard time coexisting?"
The Jack Harkness that had served as a captain with a RAF air squadron glared down at the one who had shifted into a slightly more comfortable position on the couch. There was space for the other to sit comfortably but only if he would be comfortable with his side pressed up against the other Jack. Which, according to the glare he was aiming at the other man, (if looks could kill...) was not the case.
"Now I understand that Jack… may I call you Jack? has an issue with," he looked down at his notes only to realize he had let his inner ditz show, "...Jack... due to a case of stolen identity?" He already hated this case, why did he always get the weird ones? Extra pay be damned.
"Gonna have to be more precise with your questions, Doc." The Therapist winced, he knew he had made an error but he didn't need it pointed out.
"Alright then, shall I use Captain to differ between the two of you?"
"That won't work either Doc." The Therapist winced again, he hated that word, 'doc'. Reminded him of something that he would rather forget.
"Fine then, I'll indicate which one of you I am addressing at the time." He could feel heat growing in his cheeks as he flipped through his notebook in the hopes of finding another discussion topic, one that wouldn't lead to his embarrassment.
"Alright." he gestured to the Jack who was standing "Would you like to explain why you feel that Jack invaded your privacy?" From his facial expression the Therapist could tell that he had finally done something right. Well, it had to happen one day, right?
"When I first met this man," The Therapist made a note of the fact that he didn't call him Jack. "He was pretending to be a member of the military and he said some things," he flushed bright red, "that sounded very nice to me at the time but now that I've had the chance to think about them I realized how creepy that they actually were."
"I see… Jack, would you like to give your opinion on the matter at hand?" This time he gestured to the man who had made himself at home on the couch.
"I was just being honest with you, I wasn't exactly expecting to be thrown back in time randomly and come across the man whose name I had stolen so-"
"Hah!" the other Jack cut him off with the exclamation, "So then you admit that you stole my identity."
"Yes, but you were already dead at the time so I don't really see the problem here, it's not like I acted dishonorably when I was being you." The Therapist could tell that he was losing control of the situation but for the moment he was content to watch and wait, so long as it didn't devolve into actual violence all would be fine.
"The hell you didn't! You practically flaunted around your sexuality and you're a con man! What part of that sounds even remotely honorable to you?" Both Jack's were red in the face now and the Therapist interlaced his fingers as he watched. This was most interesting, some distant part of him was screaming that this wasn't a part of his job but he ignored it. It was often he got to watch drama like this unfold.
"So? It's not like you're straight, I just brought you out the closet." The Jack who was sitting chuckled. "Besides, it's not you were being all that secretive about it the night that we met, we danced right out in front of everyone and you were the one who kissed me!"
"Because you told me that I was going to die the next day, you manipulated me!" Both of the Jacks were on their feet now and the Therapist decided that perhaps it was time for him to intervene before the confrontation became physical.
"Let's both sit down and take a deep breath, shall we?" Both men obeyed despite the dark resentment that crossed the face of the Jack that had previously insisted on standing. "Now what I'm getting from this is that you" he gestured to the Jack who still had his coat buttoned up, "resent him," he gestured to the other, "for doing something that you couldn't do because of what the time period you were born in demanded of you. It sounds like what we're dealing with here is a simple case of time period erosia."
He settled down and crossed his left leg over his knee, he couldn't help the triumph that he felt at having been able to realize the issue so quickly.
"Now Jack," he gestured to the one who had been born into the earlier time period. "I understand that you are used to living in a place where you couldn't be quite so open about who you are but there is no reason for you to be afraid of someone who was from a different period of time with different social constructs." He turned to the other Jack.
"Now you have to understand that not every place and time is the same as the one in which you grew up, there are time periods where perhaps it would be best for you to be a little bit more of a toned down version of you. Also identity theft is usually not the best way to go about things, if you like I could direct you to someone who can create a fake identity for you."
He blinked in confusion when he realized that the two of them were staring at each other, for about half a second he thought that they were going to come to blows despite his clever realization but then the Jack who had his coat unbuttoned lunged across to press his lips to those of the other Jack.
The Therapist caught only a glimpse of the two snogging before the lights suddenly went out, the room didn't go completely dark. Apparently the universe couldn't handle whatever the hell had just happened. There was a pink glow cast on the walls, that the therapist slowly realized must be coming from his own hair. He hadn't the description of what the dye did beyond dying his hair pink but he certainly hadn't expected it to make his hair luminous.
"What the hell?" the Jack that spoke had his coat undone and there was a snigger in his voice but the other one didn't even hold to that degree of politeness as he doubled over, roaring with laughter. After a moment he straightened up and caught his breath enough to spit out whatever snarky comment he wanted to make.
"Mood lighting." He reached out to grab the other Jack but before the two could go back to fumbling with one another's clothing the lights came back on.
"I think that's all the time that we have for today." The Therapist frowned as he found that he had to clear his throat to get their attention. "Perhaps you two would like to continue this conversation elsewhere." somewhere that is not my couch! Tom Cruise gave me that couch!
It took the two a few more moments to get out of the room and he tried to ignore the fact that the fifty first century man slapped his ass as he moved past him out of the room.
One the two were gone the Therapist waved his hand and the illusion of the office vanished to be replaced with the interior of the Therapist's TARDIS.
He instantly moved over to the control panel and check his reflection in one of the screens. As much as he liked the pink color of his hair more than this regeneration's usual blond he would have to get it changed. It was very unprofessional of him to have his head serve as a light source once the lights went out. Perhaps he would go blue next…
HB~M.D*M-N*M.D~HB
"Did he look a little like a weasel to you?" Jack asked the question as the man who had stolen his identity lead him up several sets of stair to get to his apartment.
"Who?" There was such a lust in the other man's voice and Jack found himself wishing that they could get to the room quicker.
"The therapist."
"No," the future Jack Harkness growled, voice deep with want as he ripped at the others clothes, buttons flying everywhere. The original stared at him in horror, looking at his now torn jacket.
"You just ruined my coat!" And so the fight for dominance began…
HB~M.D*M-N*M.D~HB
Somewhere in another universe, a man named Harry Potter frowned. "I wonder what Malfoy got up to."
At that exact moment, a weasley looking Time Lord with neon blue hair and blond roots sneezed.
HB~M.D*M-N*M.D~HB
Hello, everybody!
This is Mellon-Nin (which is elvish for friend, by the way), and I am one of the *ahem* brillant minds behind these stories.
This will be the first thing we've ever posted like this (and by this I mean a continuing story!), and there are so many options...
Kylo Ren and Han Solo might make an appearance one day (which I'm pushing for btw), but the thing is...
All three of us are heading into exam week so writing our (crack) fanfics will most likely be put on hold for awhile.
For those of you who might return (or even leave a review), we promise to update, but it might not happen anytime soon.
We all have an AP Exam to prepare for, as well as normal exams, AND presentations for, you guessed it, AP English.
But not to fear! We shall return, and we will post again, my young (or not so young) padawans.
Please leave a review, and don't be strangers!
Signing off,
Mellon-Nin & Crew