Her fingers clasped the crimson curvature of her dark, indigo cloak as she stood up from her previous meditation. Dim but determined eyes focused on the bedroom door that lay before her, as many thoughts swirled around inside her head. Her usually calm demeanor was somewhat strained. Nervous. Hesitant.
Was today the day she would risk it? That she would reveal her long-held, long-suffering secret?
It's not worth it. She chastised herself immediately. The impulse to do such a thing was stupid, to say the least.
What are you hoping to change by doing this? What are you hoping to gain?
The purple-haired girl knew where she stood, and she knew that she was putting friendship on the line by choosing to admit to the feelings that had been sleeping inside of her for so long. She knew of the implications, of the consequences. She knew that what she was about to do was bizzarre… especially for her.
But, she also knew that she had to try. She could not waste the opportunity that fate had so generously placed at her feet.
She took her hood down.
She knew she had nothing to gain.
But…. she also had nothing to lose.
She took a deep breath, and her bedroom door slid open upon her decision to move forward. Raven silently hovered over to her door, glancing around slyly to make sure no one else was present, and then the violet half-demon stopped before the automatic entrance, careful not to make any unprecedented sounds. Careful to get her words right in her head before she raised a grey fist to knock gently upon the surface of the Tamarian girl's entry. It was the only barrier, the only obstacle, that rested between the words that would surely change everything.
"Hey Raven. What are you doing up so early?"
She recognized the smooth silk of the boy wonder immediately, and she instantly removed her anticipating hand from door frame to slip it back into its home in her cloak. A certain rosiness colored her cheeks, if only because she had been caught. And, not just by anyone, but by him.
Her violet gaze flickered to Robin, with his stunning muscular build and slick black hair that defied all gravitational force. She was quick to look away, wearing the expression of slight shame upon her features. "I couldn't sleep," she lied, knowing well that such few words would not answer the obvious question. The question he would form in his head in a matter of moments. Despite this, she still attempted to direct the conversation back to its starter. "You?"
"I guess I couldn't either," he admitted sort of sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. But, then, as expected, the masked boy raised a wondering eyebrow at the azaratherian girl in noticing their exact location. Concern and question draped over his next words. "Hey… Raven?"
She turned away from him, readying herself to walk away until he addressed her. She spared another glance in his direction in acknowledgement. "Hm?"
"If you don't mind my asking, what were you doing standing in front of Starfire's door?" He pointed toward the bedroom before them.
Shit.
She looked down as she pondered her response, and, for a brief second, considered telling him the truth. He was the one that knew her best, afterall. The only one that understood her more than anyone else - she knew she could trust him with anything. She knew she could tell him anything.
But, she also knew that he held feelings for the red-headed alien, just as she did. And, for reasons apparent to the universe and to the gods who had deemed that the boy wonder and the tamaranean princess were perfect for one another, she dare not tell him about her own interest. Not only would it make things awkward, but it could potentially ruin her friendship with both teammates, or even damage the course of fate itself. Admitting her feelings to the boy wonder would only serve to complicate things.
So, instead, she pulled her dark blue hood over her head. "You don't want to know." she told him quietly.
More questions stirred around him as he attempted to figure out her motive. It all seemed very strange to him for the cloaked girl to be wandering around so early in the morning, and even more bizzarre that she had been staring at Starfire's bedroom door when he had encountered her. It made him wonder what was internally bothering her, but, as always, he would respect her privacy. He wouldn't pry. He knew if it was something serious, she would tell him.
"Okay," He said assuredly, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder to show his companionship. "But, you know I'm here for you if you ever want to talk." He gave her a small smile of support.
She looked back at him one last time, only to look down again. "I know," she replied, "and, I appreciate it."
But, I can never tell you this.
It was then that she disappeared, having glided into the shadows and back to where she felt most alone. She realized now, that, she had been foolish to want to admit her feelings, be it to Starfire or to Robin. Doing so would only have ruined what potential relationship the two would have, and would have fractured what development of friendship she had formed with both of them.
It was for this reason that she swore never to allow anyone to fully acknowledge them, and never attempt to admit her feelings to anyone ever again.
Not even to herself.
Author's Note: So, I have always loved Teen Titans and have always loved to write Raven. However, I find it hard to come up with plots that could realistically fit into a fanfiction, but have recently become enamored with the RaeStar and RaeRob pairing. While I originally wrote this as an outlet, it also serves as a test to see if I could actually do Raven justice and just take a small break from my other stories. This is meant to be a one-shot, but if you like it, please give me some feedback and let me know if you'd like to see more. Which pairing do you like more? Thank you so much for reading xoxo