The Visitation of Slash and Mary Sue
By Freakay elf
Amazingly typed up by: Anaranë Lossëhelin
~
Authors' Note: this is a parody written after reading numerous fics with bad grammar, spelling, pairings and Mary Sue characters. It is meant as humor and is not intended to be insulting. Also, please note that we *can* spell, we *know* grammar, and that we can tell the difference between your and you're. SPELLING ERRORS ARE INTENDED. Enjoy.
~
it started on a fine day at hogwarts...
Hermione: did u hear about da new guy and his sis starting today?
Harry: no.
Hermione: OMG, there he is!!!!11111
Slash: hi!!!!11 my name is slash.
Hermione: really???
Slash(turns to harry): u hv teh most dazling emrald greeeen eyes I hv ever seen....
Ron: dude, ur a guy?!!!!111
Hermione : (gapes in shok)
Ron : ur freeking hermione out, go talk to ur bf.
(a blond girl with spakling crystal blue eyes skips along)
Girl: hi!!!111111 i'm mary jane.sry, mary sue, names r like, *so* confusing.
(In the background)
Slash: OH draco, will u merry me??////
Draco: who the fuk r u????????????/////
Mary Sue: plz dont say meen things to my brother, hes like, very sensative, u no.
Draco: no, I don't know. Coz I only just met the freakin guy.
Slash: (begins to sob) mine hart is broken.
Mary Sue: ur a meen mean boy. (shining eyes widen in anger) my bf Legolas will bash u up, like, *so* badly.
Draco: (raises an eyebrow)
Slash: (dreamily) hez so sofisticated...
Harry: rn't we all....
(in the staff room)
Snape: there is a new wizard in school who repeetedly been sending me sonnets of his undying love, i am more then a little disturbed.
Mcgonagall: a wizard???//
Snape: r u deaf?
Mcgonagall: no.
Snape: I was being sacastic.
Mcgonagall: I knew it was a wich.
Snape: about the DEAF THING.
Mcgonagall: i told u i'm not deaf.
Snape: u dont say..
Magonagall: I do say.
Snape: fine.
(nock on the dor, MS enters)
Mary Sue: hi, profs. I've baked some cookies for u.
Snape: u may hv to speak up, she's a little deaf.
Mcgonagall: thank u dear, I can heer u clear as a bell.
Snape: ur deafer than i thot if u cant tell the difference between a person talking and a bell.
Mary Sue: um...i'm new here.
Snape: and?
Mary Sue: ur being a little rude.
Mcgonagall: DUH. thatz coz he is.
Snape: u herd what she *said*?
Mcgonagall: i'm not talking to u.
Mary Sue: there there prof, make peece with ur freind.
Snape: yeah, I'm emosionally hurt.
Mary Sue: see! There is a beautiful soul inside the grouchy prof.
Snape: grouchy? me?? Ur as insulting as her.
(paper airplane sails into the room, Mary Sue gracefully unfolds it)
Mary Sue: itz for u prof snape.
Darling Professor Snape,
Hair black as night,
Eyes shinning bright,
Graceful as a dove,
My one true love.
Anon. (Slash)
Mcgonagall: touching, lover boy.
Mary Sue: Oh that's my bro Slash, hez such a sweetie pie.
Mcgonagall: so sweet, it's painful.
(back to great hall at breakfast the next morning)
Ron: well, look whoz coming.
(mary sue glides up)
Mary Sue: hi hermione, r u ready to bake those yummi choc chip cookys I was telling u about?
harry: hermione is baking cookies?
Ron: meet the newest member of SPEW...
(Slash runs up)
Slash: Ronald, I c ur rich ruby coloured locks in my sleep...(smiles seductively)
Ron: has malfoy agreed to marry u yet?
Mary Sue: (to hermione) could u plz, like, tell ur freinds not to be so, like, nasty to my bro?
Harry: where r u from anyway?
Mary Sue: (eyes filed with tears) my past has not always been a happi one, I spent my early years in the land of middle earth, i am the secret daughter of lord elrond of riverdell. i fell in love with, like, an elf by the name of legolas, unfortunately i was stolen away by orcs who....who..like.DID things to me. (tear glide down her smooth face)
Hermione: what a....erm, tragic past....
(to the slytherin table)
Slash: u'll always be the only one for me.
Malfoy: ur still here?
Slash: (in sorrow) do not mock me so, my body aches with love...
Malfoy: how 'bout i make it ache more if u dont piss off.
Slash: do not threaten me my darling.
Malfoy: ur freaking me out, piss off!!!!1111
Mary Sue: y do u threaten slash?? U boys at hogwarts r, like, reelly unfreidly to him, giving him a hard time and all.
Malfoy: giving *him* a hard time?
(snape approaches)
Snape: mr. slash, there is a...er, young man who claims to be ur soul mate in the broom shed, could u do us all the flavor of consoling him.
Slash: the poor dear....
(they reach the broom cupboard slash bounds inside without a second thought, malfoy locks the door.)
snape: fine job, mr. malfoy.
~
Authors' note: we're sure many will have the urge to flame us now. We wrote this laughing and we hope you are laughing too, if not, feel free to express your anger in either bad reviews or hate mails. Cheers.
By Freakay elf
Amazingly typed up by: Anaranë Lossëhelin
~
Authors' Note: this is a parody written after reading numerous fics with bad grammar, spelling, pairings and Mary Sue characters. It is meant as humor and is not intended to be insulting. Also, please note that we *can* spell, we *know* grammar, and that we can tell the difference between your and you're. SPELLING ERRORS ARE INTENDED. Enjoy.
~
it started on a fine day at hogwarts...
Hermione: did u hear about da new guy and his sis starting today?
Harry: no.
Hermione: OMG, there he is!!!!11111
Slash: hi!!!!11 my name is slash.
Hermione: really???
Slash(turns to harry): u hv teh most dazling emrald greeeen eyes I hv ever seen....
Ron: dude, ur a guy?!!!!111
Hermione : (gapes in shok)
Ron : ur freeking hermione out, go talk to ur bf.
(a blond girl with spakling crystal blue eyes skips along)
Girl: hi!!!111111 i'm mary jane.sry, mary sue, names r like, *so* confusing.
(In the background)
Slash: OH draco, will u merry me??////
Draco: who the fuk r u????????????/////
Mary Sue: plz dont say meen things to my brother, hes like, very sensative, u no.
Draco: no, I don't know. Coz I only just met the freakin guy.
Slash: (begins to sob) mine hart is broken.
Mary Sue: ur a meen mean boy. (shining eyes widen in anger) my bf Legolas will bash u up, like, *so* badly.
Draco: (raises an eyebrow)
Slash: (dreamily) hez so sofisticated...
Harry: rn't we all....
(in the staff room)
Snape: there is a new wizard in school who repeetedly been sending me sonnets of his undying love, i am more then a little disturbed.
Mcgonagall: a wizard???//
Snape: r u deaf?
Mcgonagall: no.
Snape: I was being sacastic.
Mcgonagall: I knew it was a wich.
Snape: about the DEAF THING.
Mcgonagall: i told u i'm not deaf.
Snape: u dont say..
Magonagall: I do say.
Snape: fine.
(nock on the dor, MS enters)
Mary Sue: hi, profs. I've baked some cookies for u.
Snape: u may hv to speak up, she's a little deaf.
Mcgonagall: thank u dear, I can heer u clear as a bell.
Snape: ur deafer than i thot if u cant tell the difference between a person talking and a bell.
Mary Sue: um...i'm new here.
Snape: and?
Mary Sue: ur being a little rude.
Mcgonagall: DUH. thatz coz he is.
Snape: u herd what she *said*?
Mcgonagall: i'm not talking to u.
Mary Sue: there there prof, make peece with ur freind.
Snape: yeah, I'm emosionally hurt.
Mary Sue: see! There is a beautiful soul inside the grouchy prof.
Snape: grouchy? me?? Ur as insulting as her.
(paper airplane sails into the room, Mary Sue gracefully unfolds it)
Mary Sue: itz for u prof snape.
Darling Professor Snape,
Hair black as night,
Eyes shinning bright,
Graceful as a dove,
My one true love.
Anon. (Slash)
Mcgonagall: touching, lover boy.
Mary Sue: Oh that's my bro Slash, hez such a sweetie pie.
Mcgonagall: so sweet, it's painful.
(back to great hall at breakfast the next morning)
Ron: well, look whoz coming.
(mary sue glides up)
Mary Sue: hi hermione, r u ready to bake those yummi choc chip cookys I was telling u about?
harry: hermione is baking cookies?
Ron: meet the newest member of SPEW...
(Slash runs up)
Slash: Ronald, I c ur rich ruby coloured locks in my sleep...(smiles seductively)
Ron: has malfoy agreed to marry u yet?
Mary Sue: (to hermione) could u plz, like, tell ur freinds not to be so, like, nasty to my bro?
Harry: where r u from anyway?
Mary Sue: (eyes filed with tears) my past has not always been a happi one, I spent my early years in the land of middle earth, i am the secret daughter of lord elrond of riverdell. i fell in love with, like, an elf by the name of legolas, unfortunately i was stolen away by orcs who....who..like.DID things to me. (tear glide down her smooth face)
Hermione: what a....erm, tragic past....
(to the slytherin table)
Slash: u'll always be the only one for me.
Malfoy: ur still here?
Slash: (in sorrow) do not mock me so, my body aches with love...
Malfoy: how 'bout i make it ache more if u dont piss off.
Slash: do not threaten me my darling.
Malfoy: ur freaking me out, piss off!!!!1111
Mary Sue: y do u threaten slash?? U boys at hogwarts r, like, reelly unfreidly to him, giving him a hard time and all.
Malfoy: giving *him* a hard time?
(snape approaches)
Snape: mr. slash, there is a...er, young man who claims to be ur soul mate in the broom shed, could u do us all the flavor of consoling him.
Slash: the poor dear....
(they reach the broom cupboard slash bounds inside without a second thought, malfoy locks the door.)
snape: fine job, mr. malfoy.
~
Authors' note: we're sure many will have the urge to flame us now. We wrote this laughing and we hope you are laughing too, if not, feel free to express your anger in either bad reviews or hate mails. Cheers.