They say death is hardest on the living. It's tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it's impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss.
"Henry, I'm sad." Teddy whispered into the cold winter air of her apartment as she sat on the couch with her knees up to her chest. Henry sat next to her and pulled her into a loving embrace. She could almost feel the warmth of his chest heat up her almost corpse of a body. The person she used to be has disintegrated, flown away and the only person who can make it all better is Henry. She feels almost normal when she's wrapped up in his embrace. It's well past midnight but she's beyond the point of needing sleep. She needs to be awake to see him. Her dreams are filled with nightmares and recollections of that day haunt her and she can't do anything to stop it. Being awake means she doesn't have to deal with them - if they make their regular appearance she can do something else to distract her fastly decaying mind. He doesn't speak, he rarely does. She just lets herself be falsely warmed by his phantom presence. A silent tear makes its way down her cheek as she feels better but realises that that feeling is just a figment of her imagination. It's purely her subconscious creating this in a desperate attempt to keep her from falling further down into the grave she's already dug for herself. But she welcomes it with open arms, it's the one thing that's keeping her somewhat sane in her distorted vision of the world she lives in. "Thank you." She whispers, closing her eyes and burying her head in between her knees.
"Henry, I'm sad." She whispered, again. The holidays were meant to me a time spent with family and those you love, but she's curled up on the dining room chair. She can feel his phantom hand rest on her shoulder offering a false sense of security and comfort. Numerous amounts of friends had stopped by to bring gifts and Christmas food, all of which were stacked in a sad, lonely, dust-collecting looking corner of her kitchen worktop. She wants to be with him, the remnants of her once whole, loving heart are shattered and with every intake of the cold Christmas air she longs for her love to be still there with her. Her chest physically aches with every breath and every conscious thought that she has.
"I'm here, Teddy, it will all be okay." He whispers. Oh how good it felt to hear his voice, she thought to herself.
"But you're not." She whispers staring at the floor with the face of an abandoned puppy as she spoke. "You're not here." She looked up at his dull, phantom eyes. "You left me. You left me alone! All alone in this cruel world!" She was shouting now. She arose from her fetal position on the chair and with her arms trembling wildly she tried to hit and punch him. He didn't retaliate, he just wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as she fought. Eventually her strength was diminished and she fell to the ground, crying her eyes out. He knelt down beside her and held her firmly as she cried. Sobs racked through her deteriorating body. The devil inside her picked away at the fragments of her broken heart, just as it did everyday, making sure it would never be whole again as she cried. Her sobs echoed through her empty apartment.
She cried so much that she didn't even hear her front door open. Cristina walked in, having to push the door with both hands to move the piles of clothes and empty wine bottles away from the door. From the hallway she could hear Teddy's hysterical screaming and heart-breaking sobs. She took one look at the open kitchen door and saw Teddy in a heap on the cold, vinyl floor and knew that something was terribly wrong with her mentor; with her friend.
"Teddy?" She called out, not wanting to scare the shattered remnants of her friend when she walked in. She could hear Teddy try to calm herself down but doing that made everything worse and she began sobbing even more. Cristina put down her bag of food she had brought and went to kneel beside her friend. She put her arm on her shoulder, hoping to offer some kind of comfort. Teddy jumped.
"Get off me, Henry!" She yelled, still hysterically crying, hiding her face away from her unwanted visitor. Cristina was taken aback by Teddy's aggressive and confusing shout.
"Teddy. It's me, Cristina." She said, not sure what to make of the whole situation. Teddy looked up at her with her with red, puffy eyes. A look of confusion spread across her face as she again attempted to stifle her sobs. Teddy sat back against her kitchen cupboards, one leg pressed against her chest and the other stretched out in front of her. She kept her left hand covering her face in a feeble attempt to keep whatever dignity she had left in tact.
"Why are you here?" Teddy asked, quietly. You could hear the hoarseness of her throat through her words.
"I, uh," Cristina began, "I just had a few Christmas gifts from people at work." She said, catching a glimpse of the pile of unopened gifts and trays of food stacked up on her worktop.
"You can uh, put it over there." Teddy said, weekly gesturing to the pile on her worktop. Cristina hesitantly placed the bag on top of the counter and turned back to Teddy who was still on the floor.
I'm a poor attempt to look not so pathetic and helpless, Teddy rose to her feet and retrieved a glass from her dusty cupboard shelf.
"You can leave now, Cristina." She mumbled as she set the glass down on the countertop. She faced away from her visitor. Cristina didn't know how to reply. She wanted to respect what her mentor was asking after her recent and probably incredibly embarrassing breakdown, but at the same time, she wanted to comfort her and find out what was really wrong. "Cristina," Teddy said, again.
"No." Cristina said, she was somewhat shocked by the words that had just flown from her mouth but stood by them.
"No?" Teddy asked, still not looking in her direction.
"No." Cristina said again. "You just screamed at me, 'get off me, Henry', so something is wrong. And I'm not leaving you until we talk."
"Something's wrong?" Teddy repeated what Cristina had just said, almost sarcastically. "My husband died. I think that's enough to explain it."
"Almost a year ago, Teddy." Cristina retaliated. "And we barely see you at the hospital, your job is hanging on by a thread. You hide out here all day. I had to push open your front door with both hands just to move the pile of dirty clothes and empty bottles away from it! Something is seriously wrong! And Owen won't come round here because he knows you blame him for Henry's death. You're just going in a downwards spiral, Teddy."
"Henry, I'm sad." Teddy whispered. She awoke in a room at the hospital just a few minutes before calling out to her ghost of a husband. She'd been admitted for dehydration after Arizona found her passed out on her bathroom floor. Henry sat on the visitors chair by her bed and stroked her pale hand.
"It's too soon." He said, gently. "It's too soon for you to come here."
"But I want to. I want to be there with you." Teddy said, her voice cracking as she struggled to choke back her tears.
"But it's too soon!" Henry insisted. "You have your whole life left!"
"But I don't have you." She said, sadly. Her eyes welled up with tears.
"I'll always be here, Teddy." He said. "I'll always be here for you, and we'll be together when the time is right, but for now, you have so much left to do!"
"But I don't want to do it without you!" Teddy almost yelled. She covered her face with her thin and bony hands and sobbed quietly into them. Henry placed his phantom hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently.
"I know, I know, Teddy. I know it hurts, but you've got to carry on! Do it for me. I'm always going to be here." His last words set her off. She cried hysterically into her hands. Dr. Bailey and Arizona rushed in at the sound of her tears thinking that she was in pain. But upon hearing her scream out his name every now and then in between her hysterical sobbing, they knew it wasn't pain, well, physical pain at least.
She remained that way, hysterically crying daily until the day that she died and re united with him again. Those whom she left behind still swear they can hear her sobs in the darkest and deepest of their dreams. Her never ending grieving will haunt them for the rest of their lives, and she's now curled up in Henry's arms, finding peace for the first time since he died.