a/n: it's been a while since I've done a songfic and with the serious season finale I needed something dirty and fast. I originally intended for this fic to be HumanElena and VampDamon, but after the finale and listening to the song again I thought this might fit a bit better. For those of you that are pissed Elena (could possibly) be turning, forgive me. All my other VampElena stories have done so well I do hope that the direction the show took won't alienate everyone. (A short-yes it's short for me- account of my feelings for the finale will be in my note at the end of this fic. Please wait to read it until after this.)
A prompt for the TVD Free For All Comment Fic-a-Thon (on LiveJournal) also helped shape this, so this songfic is dedicated to upupa_epops for giving me the extra push I needed to put the finishing touches on this one. (She wanted Elena to have Damon on every surface of the house. How could I pass that up?)
A GOOD KIND OF PAIN
Just hear me out
If it's not perfect I'll perfect it 'til my heart explodes
I highly doubt
I can make it through another of your episodes
Damon stared as Elena destroyed the couch with her bare hands. Alright, so she was angry she was a vampire. He could understand that. Alright, so she was angry at him that he'd 'basically forced her' –as she liked to call it- to complete her transition. In the end, how could she blame him for that? He couldn't bare the thought of losing her anymore than she could bare the thought of losing him. Isn't that why she had let him go that night? Well, he wasn't as strong as she was, and if she was going to take it out on someone, she could take it out on him. They were both invincible now. His couch however, that would not heal itself and it was the second one they'd gone through this month. He was tired of dealing with vampires ruining his furniture. First the freshly returned Rippah Stefan had destroyed two gorgeous rugs, and the ghost of Mason Lockwood had done a fair bit of damage himself.
Not to mention the broken windows and chairs that had sacrificed themselves over the last few years. Enough was enough. She had to get ahold of her anger, or it was going to control her for the rest of her life. She had to drink, she had to feed. At the very least she had to finish the damn blood bag he'd been trying to coax her to drink from since this morning. "Starving yourself isn't going to do any of us any good!" He yelled as she used her newborn vampire strength to toss the now ripped couch on it's back.
She turned to him, hair long and straight still but her eyes were dark with the vamped out veins and newly grown fangs. Well, not newly grown. She'd had them for about two weeks. "Don't tell me what to do."
Damon threw his hands helplessly up in the air and turned to Stefan. "Your turn."
Stefan sighed and pushed away from the wall he'd been leaning against. He'd been staying mostly back from Elena now that she'd turned. Whether it was from guilt of letting her die or disgust at what she'd turned into neither Damon or Elena knew, but Damon figured it was one of the reasons she was so…angry. "Elena," Stefan spoke carefully, slowly, gently. As if he were speaking to a young child. "you have to drink."
"No!" she shoved hard at his chest, throwing him to the ground.
Damon had gotten used to her outbursts, to her new strength. Stefan had not and he looked up at her like the monster she'd become. "She's all yours. You made her, you deal with it."
Stefan brushed his hands on the back of his jeans and walked away. Damon watched Elena watch Stefan go, saw the darkness of her eyes fade slowly, saw her fangs retract, saw her body visibly relax. "Elena?"
The moment her name slipped from his mouth she was glaring at him, fangs back out. "Don't even try."
Damon crossed his arms over his chest and glared right back. "You are not a five year old. You are a vampire. GET. OVER. IT."
"Get over it?" she hissed through clenched teeth. "Did you get over it after two weeks?"
"No, of course not…but I did try to accept it. Elena, you're fighting it, and that is slowly killing you. You're getting weaker by the moment. Trust me, starving yourself is the most awful, painful way to die."
"I don't need advice from you on how to be a vampire." She spat and turned away, swiping her arm out to knock a Tiffany lamp to the ground.
Damon rushed over to her, grabbing her arm and tugging her tightly against his body. "ENOUGH! Enough with the freaking furniture."
Elena struggled against his grasp and while her new strength gave her some ground, Damon was still much older and much stronger. Her newborn strength was already starting to fade, especially since she hadn't been feeding. "Let me go."
"No." Damon leaned down so his eyes were glaring directly into hers. "I am tired of this martyr routine. Having one Stefan is bad enough. I thought you were better than this? I thought you were stronger than this?"
Elena felt his disappointment, his disgust just as she'd felt Stefan's; but this was different. Stefan looked at her differently, Damon didn't. He was still annoyed with her, enraged by her, excited by her as he had been before. Nothing had changed between them, except everything had changed. She was hungry, SO hungry. She seriously considered throwing him to the ground and draining him, but she learned her lesson from her last attempt at doing that. Damon tasted way too good. When blood got in the mix with them it made everything more intimate, more passionate; and that was dangerous. Especially when he could practically undress her and shoot pleasure up her spine with a look. Even right now in the middle of a fight, the same fight they'd been having since she woke up from her final transition, she couldn't help wanting him.
Caroline had told her that being a vampire amplified all your emotions, but she'd never imagined it like this. A passing craving for a slice of chocolate cake was suddenly a clawing need to taste it. A hormonal surge or faze of lust was now a burning passion that needed to be satisfied. Was it really fair that she was undead, and yet still carried all the human emotions around within her? If this is what Damon had been feeling the entire time she could now understand why he had done some of things he had. A passing fancy became a crush, and a crush was now love, and love was a deep burning obsession that consumed all. And a deep burning obsession that consumed all? Well that, it was just hell.
What she had felt for Damon before she turned had grown so drastically she could barely tell which end was up when they were together. Being in a room alone with Damon had been…tempting before. Not it was freaking torture. Her fantasies were no longer dreams she succumbed to in the dark of her bedroom when she hoped no one was listening. No, now they were intense, deep almost life like daydreams that took all of her self control (and there wasn't much of it left after keeping her bloodlust at bay), not to tear his clothes off and convince him to show her all that she'd been missing. She looked up into his eyes, the light blue of relief they'd been when he'd first seen her awake in the hospital was gone. Now, they were dark, almost black and she could feel her insides heating up at the sight. Damon looked exactly the same angry as he did horny.
She could feel her heightened arousal clawing inside of her, taunting her, tempting her to just reach out and kiss him. She pushed it down, cursed it and slapped him across the face as hard as she could to keep herself from shoving him against the wall and tearing his shirt open. "I am stronger than this. I'm stronger than all of this, and you!"
Lashing out
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control
You wear me out
But it's all right now
Damon knew what she was doing, why she was being so defensive. It wasn't just because she was hungry…no it was because she was craving something else entirely. Him. He knew it, felt it in the way her body vibrated next to his. She lashed out to keep herself from losing control, from giving into her now almost impossible to ignore urges. He knew what it was like to want someone more than the need to breath. He'd been feeling it ever since he'd met her, and it had worn him out every day, every moment he'd had to spend with her. The constant nagging of his heightened needs and sense had bullied him and coaxed him into doing stupid things. In a way, it was alright now because she knew exactly how he felt. The sting of her slap registered but quickly faded and he grabbed her other wrist, pinning them both to his chest, holding her tightly against him.
Lets go home and get stoned
We could end up making love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
You wear me out
(We could end up making love instead of misery)
But it's all right now
Without a doubt
The break up is worth the make up sex you're giving me
Lets hash it out
Cause your bitchin and your yelling don't mean anything
Don't count me out
I can handle all the baggage that you're carrying
"You need to calm down." His tone dripped with acid, with pain but Elena didn't care. The one nice thing about being what she was now, was that she didn't have to care if she didn't want to.
"I won't calm down, but you can let me go."
Damon glared down at her, contemplating what he should do. He thought of throwing her back, of kissing her, of simply walking away. In the time it took him to decide, she'd made the choice for him. She used her strength, forcing him back against the wall, her lips firm and rough against his. She growled when he didn't respond to the kiss, forcing her tongue between his teeth when he opened up to ask her just what the hell she was doing. Then the lust and the passion took over for both of them and they pushed aside the anger and frustration for a moment. It was still there though, in the back of their minds. Damon had lied about the switch, she could feel that now. It was simple to flick it, but keeping it off was the problem. Was it really even possible?
She kissed him, tongue and lips and teeth and fangs. She held him, quick and desperate hands, sharp nails and strong arms. She pressed every inch of her body to his, desperate for the comfort she used to feel when they were together. Now it was cold, just cold. He was hard and so was she. Everything had changed…and yet some things still stayed the same. If she calmed down a little, kissed a little slower she could almost imagine herself human again. Her lips became soft once more, her body gentle beneath his iron-like arms. Hope flooded her veins and she prayed this was all a dream, that her transition had just been some sick twisted nightmare that felt all too real. But she tasted the blood from his lips as they kissed and she knew she was now the monster she'd feared in him.
Anger swelled inside her again and she turned her palms into fists against his chest, hating him for doing this to her, for saving her so she could become this. She didn't want to be with herself, never mind anyone else. Did he really think that he was doing her a favor turning her into a bloodsucking vampire? Or was it all just his selfishness striking once more? She hated him, she hated him…she loved him. She knew she loved him, that didn't mean she didn't hate him though. She was tired, tired and worn out from pretending that she didn't love him. That she didn't want him and so she gave in, because it was alright now. They were just as equally screwed up and damaged and no one else deserved to deal with them but each other. There was no man out there, not even Stefan that could take what she was dishing out now, and not another woman that would stand for his crap but her.
It was sick, and twisted and a little depressing, but it was alright. It had to be, there was no other choice now. The decision to turn had been made for her, and now she had to make every choice she could. Never again would she let someone take her free will away from her. If she chose Damon, it was because she wanted to. And oh, how she wanted to.
Damon felt like he was on a rollercoaster as the girl before him battled within herself. She was soft and gentle one minute then hard and fast the next. It was almost like being with Katherine, but completely different at the same time. They were together now, he knew it...could sense it in the way she clung to him, in the way she kissed him. They'd been together for a while, only neither of them had fully realized it until the moment. He held her tighter, moving one hand into her hair and tugging her head back so he could kiss down her throat. She moaned when she felt his fangs scratching her skin, could feel the thin, pink, stinging trails he'd left. No bite, neither of them had bitten yet. He wondered faintly if she would taste different now, if turning had tainted her blood at all.
He hoped not. He wanted Elena, his Elena. This girl before him, she was different. She had the same face as long as she wasn't vamped out, the same voice as long as she wasn't growling at him….but this was not his Elena. He knew it was something he would get used to, that he would have to get used to because living with her turned was better than living without her at all. He'd been selfish when he'd begged her to drink the days in the hospital, but he just couldn't imagine life without her and on some level she mustn't have been able to imagine life without him either because she'd given in. Then, she screamed and yelled and cursed him and bitched for days about how terrible and awful he was. None of that mattered now, it meant nothing because they were together and everything was going to be alright now.
You wear me out
But it's all right now
Let's go home and get stoned
We could end up making love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
You wear me out
(We could end up making love instead of misery)
But it's alright now
She tore his shirt open, buttons springing and popping out in every direction. They didn't stop, they didn't even pause. His fingers dug into her back, tearing her shirt from her body in one quick rip. Then they were moving backward, tripping over the upended couch and landing with a crash on the antique coffee table. Damon growled, nipping at her shoulder for good measure. He'd actually really liked that table and she didn't look a bit sorry for breaking it in half. Then they were back up and he was holding her a few inches in the air, lifting her up against the desk as he kissed his way over her bra covered breasts and down the smooth lines of her stomach. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling roughly so she could kiss him. Her legs locked around his waist as she did her best to steer him out of the den. They met the doorway, leaning against it and knocking a Ming vase from an end table.
It shattered into a million, now priceless pieces. Elena giggled, seeing the anger flare up in his eyes. He kissed her harder then, thrilling her and sending her head spinning. At least undead she could still feel all the pleasure and the sensations that went along with something like this. She craved to know what it would have been like to be loved by Damon when she was human…but she couldn't think about that right now. She couldn't…she just had to be angry and furious and love him with as much passion as she could. They were in the hallway now, a giant painting he once told her he'd stolen from Paris dug into her back and she bit his lip so he was in as much pain as she was. They tasted his blood together, just a drop each before the wound healed itself. That drop had been enough and she felt the tingling inside her body and she lowered her legs to the ground. Tasting him, being with him was like…magic. It was scary and dangerous and consuming and unbelievable.
Lets go home and get stoned
We could end up making love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
She was back in control now, at least for the moment. She shoved him against the stairs, forcing his open shirt down his arms. It fell in a heap on the bottom step as she straddled him on the first landing. They crawled and climbed together, stopping whenever they needed more. Her kiss was like a drug to him, the passion behind his touches an opiate she could no longer go a second without. She felt high in his arms, like she would simply disappear if he ever let her go. It was illogical to feel this way but lust and love when you were a vampire was illogical. If it wasn't, Damon would not have spend over a hundred years chasing down Katherine. When they were upstairs, they scrambled to their feet, Damon pinning her against the door to his bedroom.
She reached down behind her and found the knob, twisting it open as he pressed his weight onto her. They toppled in, landing with a hard thud on the thick red carpeting. She felt the burn on her shoulder blades as she arched up into his kisses and they rolled into the room together, Damon kicking the door closed behind them. If Stefan was still in the house he had no doubt figured out what they were doing and wouldn't risk coming to break it up, but he still wanted the privacy of his own room. Elena guided his kisses down past her breasts again, moaning as he licked along the curve of her waist, down to the top hem of her jeans. His tongue was long and smooth, leaving a wet line from hip to hip as he popped the top button and tugged the short zipper down. A moment later her legs were bare and she was wrapping them around him as he pressed her against one of the posts of his bed.
She wasn't ready for the soft mattress yet and shook her head. He didn't need words to understand what she wanted, only obliged and let her slide down his body until she was on her knees before him. He watched with wide, dark blue eyes as she tore open his jeans and shoved them down his legs. He'd fantasized about Elena being rough as many times as he'd thought about her gentle, but this was something else entirely. She looked up at him, her face vamped out but a sweet smile on her lips. The contradictions were incredible and for a moment he saw his Elena in there. She wasn't gone, she was just hiding behind the craving for blood, and for him. With a little work and time he would be able to bring her back out. Bring her back to him.
Go home and get stoned
We could end up making love instead of misery
Go home and get stoned
Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me
Elena saw the calm sentiment in his eyes, didn't know what it was for but didn't care at the moment. She just wanted, she just craved and she needed to satisfy whatever needs she could. She stood, shoving him back against his night stand and watching with glee as the lamp fell and crashed. He grabbed her roughly, letting their kiss form and lengthen before he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. "I said enough with the furniture. Do you have any idea how much that cost?"
She shook her head, her laugh somewhere between a sweet giggle and a evil cackle. "See if I care."
"I'll make you care." He growled, climbing onto the bed with her. She shrieked, backing up against the headboard, only to find that she'd trapped herself. He reached out, tugging her lean body down beneath his so she was flat on her back.
"I don't have to care if I don't want to."
He looked down at her, a smirk on his lips as he leaned close to her ear. "Surely by now you figured out your humanity will never really escape you." He lifted a finger, placing it at her collarbone and dragging it slowly down to the spot where her heart lay, almost perfectly still beneath. "It's in there somewhere and when you drink like you're supposed to and give yourself the things you need to survive, you will find it's easier to tap into who you used to be."
You wear me out
(We could end up making love instead of misery)
But it's all right now
(Cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me)
Elena felt like she could go a few more rounds or just close her eyes and sleep, but a mostly naked Damon on top of her and the craving lust to have him spurred her on. She hooked two fingers the black, skin tight boxers he wore and tore them down the side. She'd seen him naked before, but now she let herself enjoy the sight. In a moment she was on top and he was beneath her on the bed, his arms pinned above his head. "Don't move." She whispered, pressing fangless kisses to his neck, chest and stomach. When she reached his hips she started up again, smirking at the low growl he let out. "Open your eyes." She ordered, finding he'd shut them tight as she'd teased him.
Damon watched with wide eyes as Elena reached back, unhooking her bra and letting it fall slowly down her arms. She wasn't a complete carbon copy of Katherine as he'd believed her to be. No, she was something else entirely and he slowly up to kiss the newly exposed skin. Elena found herself smiling, reveling in the feeling of being worshipped as his lips and tongue did all the talking she needed to hear. He thanked her for loving him, for being there, for staying alive and then he begged her never to leave him. She pulled his head back, looking down at him. His eyes had gone almost light blue again and she shivered at the sight. If a man like Damon Salvatore could carry so many emotions perhaps there was still hope for her yet.
The realization had her feeling a little better about all of this, just enough to let go and feel the moment. He dipped his hands under her panties and they worked them down her legs together. When both their bodies were bare and their flesh was seared together, they crossed the final line at once. Elena hissed, adjusting to the feel of having Damon inside her. She'd imagined it countless times, but never before had she imagined it would be like this. Would it have been this incredible, this mind-blowing, this toe curling if she'd been human? She would never know, and that depressed her a bit, but she moved on for the moment and dug her nails into his chest. They worked together, moved together and brought the other up…all together. It was the way they'd done almost everything since fate had been cruel and clever enough to throw them together.
Elena realized in that moment, that was how they would always be…together. He would help her through the loss of her humanity, through the fact that she would never be able to have a child or enjoy any of the things her mother had that came along with being human. Her entire world had just exploded, but she would be able to survive. She would be able to pick up the pieces as long as she had him.
Lets go home and get stoned Lets go home and get stoned
Lets go home and get stoned Lets go home and get stoned
They came together a few minutes later, their bodies slacked and tired and worn out from all the lying, and fighting and denial. It was all out in the open now, and they would have the rest of eternity to figure it all out. Living without each other was no longer an option, but Elena knew as she held on tight to Damon, her hand around his wrist as he fed her the warmed blood bag, it would be hard work living together for the rest of eternity.
a/n: I have gotten quite a few messages asking me for my opinion on the season finale. The reason I have not replied or jumped up and down to answer is because, honestly I'm still in shock. I've read a few rants/reviews from fellow writers, but not too many because I want to hold my own opinion. Everyone has their own opinion, it can mesh with anothers, or battle with anothers. That's the beauty of free thought, and so here is mine. You may disagree, or you may not. That is up to you, and I will respect it as I hope you respect mine.
It has been two days since the finale and I am still a bit in shock. The final moment of that episode took my world, picked it up, shook it around and then dumped it out. I scramble to pick up the pieces of my favorite fandom and put it back together. The final episode has changed everything for Delena. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Any hope for a human/vamp love scene is gone. I feel a little cheated, and honestly a bit sad for Damon. He will never be able to gauge Elena's reaction to him with her heart beat anymore. That to me is grounds for tears. The pull of their relationship held a 'beauty and the beast' quality for me. Could she save him? Could he save her? Could they do it together and still find love? All of that, is all gone now. Of course, he will be upset and sad she'd turned. She will be angry, hurt and pissed the choice has been taken away from her. Perhaps they will still live happily ever after for a million, billion years…but the writers have stolen something from us, and I am mad.
I always wanted Elena to turn. For me, it was inevitable. This 'fad' (and I use the term loosely) for vampires has been around forever but started for me with Twilight, as unfortunate as it is. Personally, I never thought Bella should have turned. She should not have been with Edward. She should have been with Jacob, in my opinon. That could start another rant however between us TVD fans and TSaga fans, so I digress. Elena however, I believe she was destined to turn. She is too strong, to incredible to simply…die. Damon helped make her that way though, and that is why I think he deserves her in the end. Yes, Stefan leaving forced her to be strong, but Damon is the one that pushed her to do it. He made sure she was living her life and preparing herself for whatever came next. Stefan forced her to become strong because of his actions. Damon forced her to become strong because of his love for her. For me, that is the bottom line. Elena said; 'your supposed to love the one that makes you glad you're alive'. Would she even be alive without Damon? Go ahead, argue she would be dead without Stefan to, and I'll agree with you- but! I am talking Season Three here.
I feel cheated, for myself, for Damon, for Elena, for Delena as a couple, for all of us. Never will we get the first human vampire interaction of lovemaking. Never will Damon get the calm morning after comfort of listening to Elena's beating heart as she lies next to him. Never will Elena feel the fear and excitement of being loved by Damon, knowing that he could literally break her fragile human body in half, but trusting him that he won't. No, instead we will get hard, passionate-albeit sexy vamp sex (cuz we haven't seen that before). Damon will get the comfort of knowing he has Elena forever, but not the Elena he fell in love with, and Elena will be able to trust Damon with herself more, but lose a bit of the adventure that comes with loving a vampire when you're human.
Also, I feel Elena (and the fans) were cheated because it was not her that got to make the choice of when she would turn. I wanted that to be her choice. I needed that to be her choice, and I think the brothers did as well. Damon felt so awful about possibly forcing her back to life after the sacrifice, Stefan so helpless to stop it if she did turn. Now, Dr.-Ruin-Everything-Because-the-Writers-Tell-You-To-Merideth has gone and taken away any hope we had for at least a little human/vamp interaction.
I can certainly understand why a lot of my fellow writers have chosen to 'quit' the show, and while the thought crossed my mind, I have decided to stay. I will continue to watch until the end, no matter how much it hurts. I've seen shows come back from 'the dead' like this, and because of my love for this ship, for the fandom, for the characters (and the actors that bring them to life) I cannot simply stop. I respect those that can, that have, that still might…but I cannot. Never hearing Damon's voice again, seeing Caroline's smile or waiting desperately for a Delena kiss…I couldn't imagine my life without Delena. Not right now anyway. Television shows like this give us an escape. They help us to forget about our silly little dramas, our lives and for that I commend this show. Once a week for 42 minutes I am in Mystic Falls and I need that. Hell, who doesn't need that?
So I will stay, I will watch. I will read and I will write and I will do my best to keep Delena alive for those still out there wanting and hoping that somehow we can turn this all around. I'm feeling a little hopeless and praying that somehow everything will be alright. I have to, I just…I have to.
So, if you would like to discuss something about my opinion on the finale- I have more to say but didn't want to write thousands and thousands more words here- send me a PM. My inbox is ALWAYS open to each and every one of my lovely readers. I would appreciate if you only left reviews for the fic here. Until my next post, thank you for reading and supporting my writing. Without Delena I fear I never would have gotten this far in my talent of writing. Shows like this come along once or twice in a lifetime and while this one may seem over for some of us, I'm still holding on. At least a little bit longer.
p.s on the flashback scene…I am even more torn about this than the episode as a whole. I've written quite a few fics based on the fact that the first time they met was when he was a crow in the graveyard. Or at the very least the day in the Boarding House. I'm feeling a little…'dishonored' shall we say? Those two moments were magical, while this one seemed…thrown together. Don't get me wrong, I loved it for what it was. My Delena heart was like; "Yes! They did meet first! Screw you Stefan!" Then I really thought about it…when Damon compelled Elena 'our first time' in the bedroom, he was so heartbroken. He felt guilty he was doing it to her. Should that not have been the first time, or did he feel so bad because he knew he was doing it again? I don't know how I feel about this scene, but I do know that it also changes quite a lot for me as a fan and a fanfiction writer.