Commander Shepard leaned heavily on the railing and programmed the coordinates into the galaxy map, transmitting them to the helm. As she slowly straightened, Joker's voice came over the comm. system.
"Uh, Commander, I hate to second guess you here, but are these coordinates right?"
Shepard turned and started to walk down the stairs to the deck. "They're right."
"But that will take us into the Traverse. You know, where we're not supposed to go."
She sighed. "Just do it."
"All right, Commander. It's your ass." He clicked off the comm. in a near audible huff.
Shepard continued to the elevator and punched the button to take her back to her cabin. As the doors swooshed shut behind her, she closed her eyes and leant back on the cool, smooth walls. The grayness around her reminded her of an approaching storm front: layers of clouds that blocked the horizon and advanced to dump their contents into the waiting sea.
oOo
She's lost the capacity for tears; her ducts will no longer produce them. Her eyes are swollen and hurting in the bright light diffusing through the heavy cloud layer and refracting in bursts from the ocean's surface. She kisses him one last time, forehead cold under her lips, and watches stonily as he leaves her. Mourners depart and she remains and watches evening creep up around her as stealthily as he used to.
oOo
Her cabin was no longer the retreat it used to be, but she went to it anyway because it was the last refuge she had. She keyed the door locked behind her as she entered and sank heavily onto the couch.
"EDI?"
"Yes, Shepard?"
"Let me know when we've reached the Hercules System, please."
"Of course."
"That's all."
"Logging you out, Shepard."
She put her feet up on the coffee table, nudging dusty wine glasses aside; and closed her eyes, resting her head back against the curving hull. She could feel the hum from the relic gently pulsing before her and taste the scent of his spice lingering on the cushions. She'd looked over at her bed but couldn't bring herself to lie down on it: the pillows still bore the indentation of his head; the sheets were still tangled and musky with their sweat.
oOo
He's moaning, that deep moan that reverberates through her bones and sets her nerves on fire. "Siha," he rumbles, and pulls her down for a kiss, his tongue dancing over her lips and into her mouth. She swivels her hips and he closes his eyes as his hips jerk involuntarily. Strong fingers tangle in her hair and expose her throat, which he bites, and she starts to shudder, convulsing around him, mouth open and panting. He grunts and tenses and she feels the heat of his seed inside her, the warmth filling her belly and sending delicate fingers up her spine. She closes her eyes against the shimmering and collapses against him. He strokes her back, long slow strokes, and she murmurs contentedly. Rolling her over, still buried within her, he kisses her softly, gently. She looks up into his depthless eyes and smiles mischievously.
"Again?"
oOo
Four days she spent in her cabin, waiting for their arrival. She had alternated between sleeping and being unable to sleep, the states interchangeable without notice. She'd finished the last of the wine and the bottle and its glasses had dropped and shattered on the decking. The relic had crooned to her, and she had crooned back, throat dry and disused. At some point she'd torn the sheets from her bed and collapsed on the bare mattress, staring up at the stars as they drifted past. The flicker of the Normandy's stealth systems teased her optical enhancements and she tranced herself following the energy patterns.
She had drafted, discarded, and drafted again a letter, though she wasn't sure who she was going to send it to. She had no one left, not really. No family, few friends. The crew was still Cerberus, even though she'd cut her ties. Miranda and Jacob still reported to the Illusive Man, and she couldn't trust them. Tali had left to return to the Migrant Fleet, chasing the results of her investigation on Haestrom. Samara had returned to asari space, hunting injustice. Jack and Zaeed had left without a word the last time they'd docked at Omega, not that she cared. Kasumi had simply disappeared. Grunt and Garrus were still with her, though each was consumed by his own needs: violence and regret. Mordin still pottered around in the lab, and Legion still stalked her. The mad professor and the robot.
Old friends were no longer friends. Kaidan had abandoned her. Wrex was busy ordering his court and remaking his world. All Joker wanted was to fly his beloved ship. Ashley was nothing but a shadow burnt into a wall on a beautiful, irradiated tropical paradise. Liara had dived head first into her life as the Shadow Broker and was not about to surface any time soon. She was alone.
Save for memories. Gunshots and tender words, the crackle of dark energy and the hum of machinery. Barking commands across a crowded battlefield as they huddled behind crates for cover. The ping of a deflected shot and the heavy thump of a concussive blast. The concern in his eyes as she bolted from cover and hacked into another mech, turning it on their enemies. Dying screams and the scent of the blood of different species in the air. The jubilant kiss she gave him as they uncovered a stash of technology or resources.
Harsh words that lingered and stung in the air, crossed arms and heads turned aside. Their only argument, the divisive point that hurt her still.
oOo
"Tell me why!"
"Does it matter, Siha?"
She whirls and crosses arms defensively. "Of course it matters, Thane. You refused a transplant. It could have saved you!"
He shrugs. "And it could have made things irrevocably worse."
She scoffs; stalks over to her desk and glares at him through model ships. "Yeah right. So much worse. Because you know, having a chance and all is a bad thing."
She kicks the table, swearing. "And that email…" She clenches her fists, closes her eyes in pain, remembers collapsing onto the floor of the Shadow Broker's base, Liara picking her up and asking what's wrong, what's wrong.
Noiselessly, he's suddenly behind her. Gently but firmly he grasps her shoulders. She struggles, but it's like fighting an immovable object. She's strong, stronger than most, but he's stronger than her, in all ways, and it hurts. He wraps his arms around her, folding her into his body. She can feel the warmth of his bare chest against her back; he's warmer than usual and she's scared.
"Siha," he murmurs, and she feels rather than hears the word. He tries to turn her around to look at him, but she resists, averting her face. He sighs, and her eyes well with tears that trickle down her cheeks and drip onto his arms. When he tries to turn her around again she doesn't resist. He kisses her tears, full soft lips caressing her skin, and she grows pliant beneath him.
"Siha," he breathes into her ear, "I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid to leave you alone, afraid to walk into the darkness by myself, when I had finally found you, my warrior-angel, my Siha."
Her eyes stay closed but her tears continue to flow. "I love you, Thane. I don't want to lose you."
"Nor I you."
And the dying man comforts his grieving lover for a very long time.
oOo
"Shepard?"
Her eyes were open and dry, stars burnt into her retinas. "Yes, EDI?"
"You requested an update when we reached the Hercules System. We will arrive at your destination in two hours."
"Thank you, EDI." She blinked, slowly, and rolled over and looked at the wall for a while.
After she had taken a shower she studied her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks had hollowed and her collarbones protrude, but her eyes were bigger than ever, staring back at her, reflecting the hollowness inside.
She wiped a hand across the mirror, smearing its perfect surface, and put her armor on, tightening clasps where it fit a little loosely. Boots clicked on the decking as she picked up a package and left her cabin without a backwards glance, taking the elevator back down to the CIC. She ignored Kelly looking at her worriedly and strode to the helm.
The planet hovered against a velvet background of space, greens and grays blanketed in fluffy clouds. Her throat tightened and she laid her hand on the back of Joker's chair. "Good work," she murmured.
He looked up at her from under the brim of his cap. "Commander, are you sure…?"
She held up a hand. "I'm sure." She watched the planet slowly whirling for a moment longer, then turned around and made her way back to the elevator. Joker watched her back as she retreated, then shrugged and returned to his screens.
She was confronted by Miranda at the elevator. "Shepard, what are we doing here?"
"We are not doing anything. I am going down to the planet."
Miranda put a hand on her hip. "Not by yourself you're not. I'm coming with you."
Shepard stopped, and looked directly at her. Miranda flinched when she met her eyes. "No, you are not."
"I… very well. But I still insist that you take someone with you."
She sighed. "Okay. I'll take Legion."
Miranda quirked an eyebrow. "Legion?"
Shepard pushed her aside and entered the elevator. "Have him meet me at the shuttle ASAP." Miranda bit her lip and keyed her comm.
Her personal terminal flickered orange as the elevator doors closed and she remembered a sunset.
oOo
The assassin is praying, gilt in the glow of the lowering sun behind him. He is stealth and strength, grace and deadliness in one tall, muscular figure and she doesn't think she's seen anything more beautiful. And he speaks, and she swallows as his voice does unspeakable things to her insides. She's never seen a drell before and wonders if they're all like this, all deep and seductive and lithe, or if it's just him. He saunters around the table and she catches a faint scent of spice and the sea wafting from him.
Close to, his maleness is intoxicating. She's been alone since she… came back. Has held out hope for her old lover but lost it when Kaidan rejected her on Horizon. Now she's alive and suddenly consumed with want, with need, for this man in front of her. She hears he's dying but dismisses it, flicking the words from her memory, reveling in the now.
She licks her lips and watches as his eyes dart to focus on the movement, the blackness of his pupils almost indiscernible in the blackness of his irises. Tries to speak, fails, and clears her throat. Huskily welcomes him to the Normandy, and wonders if she's being too eager. She ushers her team out through the door, then follows them. She watches from the corner of her eye as his eyes follow her out, and her lips twitch in a small, triumphant smile. Turning, she raises a hand. He's black against gold in the sunset and she'll always remember his figure silhouetted against the window, a bulwark of strength and masculinity braced against the tides of time and death.
oOo
She had taken the Hammerhead down to the planet's surface and set the coordinates she remembered into the VI, which was on autopilot. She checked the time – less than an hour until sundown. She leaned back in her seat and watched green, mossy mountains tumble by. Legion's brow plates lifted as he studied the terrain and the readings from the onboard computer.
"Shepard-Commander?"
"Yes, Legion?"
"Why are we here? There is no reason to be here. The planet is deserted and incapable of sustaining unsupported life, except for native life forms."
"We're saying goodbye."
Legion whirred a little in confusion. It was funny how she could tell his moods, Shepard mused. Maybe she was more used to him than she thought.
The Hammerhead soared over ridges and down valleys. Her stomach swooped with each attitude change, but it was a much smoother ride than ever the Mako had been. She held her package on her lap, caressed its surface, and stared blankly at the vista through the viewscreens. She remembered climbing over these mountains in the Mako with Kaidan and Ashley, chasing alien monkey creatures, laughing and joking, full of life and promise. She remembered pressing Kaidan's hand when Ashley was turned the other way, remembered his blush and her grin, remembered losing control of the Mako not five seconds afterwards and sending it skidding down a ravine. Remembered their laughter at her inept driving, which had never really improved. Her mouth turned down. Her first love, who had rejected her. Stopped loving her. Replaced by her last love, who had died, still loving her.
The VI beeped and she blinked, lost in the past, and looked around. They hovered at the top of a steep range. In the valley below she could see familiar ruins and the faint glint of silver in the deepening shadows. She took over the controls and carefully directed the Hammerhead to the valley floor. She set it down next to the ruins and turned off the engines.
Shepard pulled on her helmet and checked the seals. She picked up her package, which had started to quiver slightly, and directed Legion to open the Hammerhead's doors. She stepped out and walked over to the great silvery sphere, which still hovered exactly as she remembered it.
"Welcome to Eletania, Legion," she murmured. He clicked from behind her. She smiled, reached up a gloved hand and gently caressed the surface of the sphere. "Hello, old friend. Miss me?"
She opened her package and took out her own Prothean relic. In the thick atmosphere the two spheres hummed to each other, and she hummed along with them. Their alien melodies captured her senses and she stared vacantly into the sky as she crooned and swayed in time.
oOo
The music's loud but the beat's compelling. She's had too much to drink, she knows this, but she's happy and in love and the galaxy's a perfect place. She brings back a drink from the bar, swaying her hips as she walks back to him, her alien lover. He's watching her, a small smile on his perfect lips. She takes a sip, throws her head back as she swallows and he eyes the curve of her throat, pale and defenseless in the flickering lights.
She leans in close to him. "Do you dance, Thane?"
"Dance?"
"Mmm hmm."
He considers. "It has been some time."
She jumps up, stumbling only slightly, and smiles down at him. "Then we need to fix that."
He takes her outstretched hand and follows her onto the dance floor. She twirls around, takes his hands and puts them on her hips. Puts her own hands on his shoulders and looks up into his face. "Now follow my guide," she whispers huskily.
She moves, and he follows, and she realizes he's a very good dancer. His hips grind into hers as they sway in time to the beat. He pulls her in close and runs his hands over her ass, one firm thigh nudging between hers. Her legs part and he's between them, rubbing against her. She moans into his chest and he rumbles in laughter.
"Thane," she whispers, and he leans down and captures her lips with his own, kissing her expertly. She surrenders beneath him, returning the kiss with fervor, and they're lost in the music and sensation.
Another dancer bumps into them, laughing, and they separate. Her face is flushed and her lips swollen and she looks up at him through half lidded eyes. "Let's go somewhere else," she suggests, and he smiles.
oOo
She was brought back by a jolt. Confused, she looked around. She was inside the Hammerhead, and Legion stood over her, brow plates folded forward. She ached from the residue of an electrical discharge.
"Legion," she croaked.
"You were in danger, Shepard-Commander. We judged that you required our assistance."
She looked at him consideringly. "What happened to the relics?"
Legion shrugged, an oddly human gesture. "They appeared to be communicating with each other. After we removed you, they stopped humming. At present they are orbiting in the ruins."
Shepard struggled to sit up and waved away Legion's offer of support. "I wish you hadn't done that."
"Shepard-Commander?"
She sighed. "I'm sorry Legion."
She brought up her omni-tool and her fingers danced over it. Legion stiffened, and his single flashlight eye irised closed and blinked out as she hacked into him, overriding his programs and sending him on a temporary feedback loop.
She stood up slowly. Legion was truly devoted to her, and she'd just hacked him like she would a Loki mech. She was remorseful. She wondered at that, that she would care so much for someone, albeit someone who was not really alive, at the end.
She shrugged.
She leaned over Legion and quickly programmed more commands, then hopped out of the Hammerhead and watched as Legion moved jerkily to the controls. The doors slid shut and the Hammerhead lifted, turbines whining, and slid back up the side of the mountain. She'd programmed it to return to the Normandy. She hoped Legion would be fine after the hacking wore off.
"Goodbye, Legion. Travel well."
As the Hammerhead disappeared over the ridge, she turned back to the ruins.
The relics drifted in orbit, a circular hovering dance within the confines of the ruin. They hummed in harmony, now, and she felt her hair rise within her helmet.
She looked up at the sky. The blue was darkening as Eletania's sun descended. The moon glowed palely behind a patchy layer of clouds and the ring system picked up the last few rays of light, glowing gloriously.
Shepard sat with her back braced against one of the upthrust supports of the ruin and watched the last of the light disappear as the planet turned. As the final rays faded, she popped the seals on her helmet and slid it off. A faint breeze ruffled her hair and she shook it out, taking a deep breath and tasting freshness and death on in the air.
She stared into the reflections of the orbs, seeing everything but herself, and waited for the darkness to descend, for Thane to take her across the sea.