Once upon a time there was a talking horse. The horse had severe mental problems and thought that he was a person. The horse also could talk, due to radiation poisoning which caused mutation. The horse called himself "Ponyboy" due to thinking he was a person. Don't ask me why.
So anyway. This horse lived in a stable in Tulsa, Oklahoma with it's keeper, Harrel "Hairy" Curtis. Hairy was a sympethetic sort of person and kept the deranged "Ponyboy" out of kindness, because otherwise he would be put down. They lived a rather dysfunctional life together. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...Ponyboy also had a mental disorder where he believed that this bottle of Pepsi was his brother. He called it "Sodapop".
One day Ponyboy was galloping home from a movie he had been kicked out of. Most movie theaters don't let horses in. Of course, Ponyboy thought he was a human and was confused and angry. On his way home, he encountered a group of socks. Uh-oh, he thought. Socks. Ponyboy and Hairy were part of a group called the "Foot Funguses" aka the FF's. (They were called this because of their foot diseases.) The FF's wanted to spread foot funguses all throughout Tulsa, and the socks wanted to stop them. The two groups were mortal enemies.
The socks were all expensive, made out of madras and leather. They were covered with mustard, which was considered upper-crust in Tulsa. Wow, thought Ponyboy. Mustard is luff. (Luff was a slang word that the FFs used. It had originated with the famous FF leader Lucas Von Ruffenhuff, who was German and had a heavy accent and heavy foot fungus as well. He liked his foot fungus, so one day he said, "Wow, I luff this foot fungus." The word luff caught on as anything that was smelly, like mustard.) The socks smirked. They knew that Ponyboy liked their mustard.
"Okay, horse. Let's get on with it. We're going to put socks on you," said a particular nasty sock named Bob.
Ponyboy whinnied in despair. He hated having socks put on his hooves. They didn't fit right and looked all weird. He tried to run away, but the socks pinned him down with their cleanliness. They had put a sock on him when the FFs appeared. There were too many FFs for the socks, so the socks ran away.
Ponyboy was crying by the time the FFs got to him, (one of the FFs said mockingly at this point, "Huhuhuh. You're crying,")and the sock was still on him. Hairy immediately peeled it off of his hoof and threw it onto Koala Cade's face. Koala was an FF that had a disease known as "Macchioitis" causing him to look like a seven-year-old when in fact he was sixteen. Despite this disorder, his undesputable good looks made him popular with the middle-school girls. However, the FFs picked on him a lot. That was why the sock got thrown on his face.
"Are you all right?" asked "Sodapop", whom Ponyboy carried in his pocket everywhere. At least Ponyboy THOUGHT that the Pepsi bottle talked to him. It didn't, of course. "Did they put a sock on you?"
Ponyboy nodded.
"I'm glad you're okay," said Two-Boy Mathews. "No wait. I'm not. I hate you! I wish you were dead!" As you can see, Two-Boy was bipolar.
The last two members of the FFs ran up to Ponyboy. Their names were Peeve and Texas. (Texas's real name was some town in Texas, but everyone had forgotten what it was.) Peeve was actually Tom Cruise in a very bad disguise. This caused him to be nearly run over by fans every day, screaming and wanting his autograph. This resulted in Peeve/Tom having to wear a sheet over his face all the time.