Hey! So, I've had this finished for a while. Months, actually, I just never got around to putting it up. To those looking for updates on my other stories, I hope to put them up soon! Secrets Unlocked is about halfway done and Son of Neptune… Well, I'm having trouble with my muse on that one, so it might be short, but it will be an update! As for those reading The Trouble With Spies, a few weeks. One if I'm good.
So, The Horror That Is Eagle takes place anytime in the Alex Rider books. Doesn't matter. Enjoy! Oh, and I do not own Alex Rider. The wonderful right of owning the characters – such as Eagle – and plots – such as Brecon Beacons as SAS training camp – belong to Anthony Horowitz. sigh Too bad. I love them!
Wolf, leader of K-Unit of the SAS, looked up and mentally groaned as his teammate Eagle entered the tent. The two of them, plus Snake and Fox, had been on a stakeout in the middle of nowhere, ie. the Sahara Desert. All four of them were observing the terrorists hideout while waiting for the go signal. This had been going on for a month now. Naturally, they were all reaching their limits. It was only thanks to Snake being the mediator that they had not already. Eagle, being Eagle, only stressed them out more.
Wolf mentally prepared himself while wishing that Snake and Fox were with him. Unfortunately, they were guarding the camp, and would not be back till later.
"What do you want?" Wolf asked with a sigh.
"Nothing, Wolfy Boy!" The sniper chirped, in a good mood.
Said man growled at the nickname, but withheld himself. His old mama would be proud.
It took Eagle ten minutes – a new record! – to burst. When he did, he exploded. "I have been wondering…" he said slowly, fidgeting a little. At least, the best he could while pacing. "How do merpeople get rid of their excrements?"
"What?" Wolf asked, startled and slightly disgusted by the question. He wasn't sure he heard it right.
"You know," Eagle started, misunderstanding and thinking Wolf did not know what excrements were. "How do they pee and poop?"
The leader was shocked. He had not misheard. "Umm…" was all he could say.
Then, something happened that had not occurred since he was in college. Wolf was saved by the bell. Immediately, he dashed out towards where Snake and Fox were to tell them it was time to move out.
Away from the horror that is Eagle.
So… yeah. Weird, I know. How do merpeople get rid of their excrements? Really, Eagle? But actually, I can't blame him. After all, I got this idea after asking a friend that very same question. But I have a new question now. Has anyone else realized that all my Alex Rider crack fics involve Eagle being Eagle? Alex as Head of MI6 Plus Eagle Equals Puppies? In Which Eagle Becomes A Beer. And now The Horror That Is Eagle. Hmm. Weird.
New question, though! More of a request, actually, but… Review?