Firstly, probably should warn for spoiler alerts leading up to the epic chapter 590 of the Naruto manga. The chapter that surely brought the majority of Naruto fanatics to the verge of tears. If you haven't read it yet…seriously, stop this nonsense and go read it!

And also, this is me welcoming me back. Like a welcome back fic. I apologize in advance for the senselessness you will come across, the contradictions in every sentence, the lack of dialogue because I actually really suck at that stuff, and the overall messiness of this…I don't even know what this is. Probably my version of how Sasuke should feel after Itachi's…ugh. I can't even put it into words. So touching.

I don't own the characters or the lyrics used. Credit goes to firstly the most estimable Masashi Kishimoto and the Beatles.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

...

Is it the pain Sasuke's not familiar with? How can he describe it to himself – as if his very soul has become tortured with grief, but the kind of grief that leaves him with nothing to do. To contemplate living beyond this moment is something incomprehensible, and slowly it begins to seep to the surface; the inner turmoil that resembles a new kind of insanity.

Itachi

I can't-

His hands begin to tremble. Itachi. His face begins to crumple. Itachi I-

"Sorry Sasuke, no next time"

Sasuke's body starts to shake, because there is no room left inside of him to contain his agony. It's as if Itachi's memories have become his own, and under the strain of it all he's beginning to crumble, like a sand castle destroyed by the torture of the sea. He's sees, over and over again, his hand clutching the katana, driving it into the flesh of his own Mother, his Father.

"You really are gentle"

No, Itachi's hand.

A melding of memories like that make it hard for Sasuke to differentiate between what is him and what is Itachi for a split second. Every emotion Itachi guarded in connection with that night assaults Sasuke so brutally so that he can only gasp in the aftermath. Knowing that this is pain that Itachi has carried around with him like a torture stake all these years is enough to bury Sasuke in a misery.

A sob breaks forth and Sasuke's knees hit the cold, hard floor. Trembling hands clutch at his head, an effort to rip the pain straight off from him, and his eyes glaze over with unshed tears.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

...

'Sasuke…'

A small voice whispers in his mind, through his entire body it seems, and it stills him a moment. Echoes of the memories thrust upon him that calls him to attention. He blinks furiously to rid himself of the tears that he has no business in shedding. He'd fought for too long to make sure they never came again.

'I should have told you before all this happened,'

Sasuke still doesn't know what to think when he hears Itachi's voice. And he still doesn't know what to think when he remembers Itachi looking at him with those pitying eyes and that regretful look. Because in pursuing vengeance, Itachi thinks Sasuke's wrong. But Sasuke doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about that. Because in his eyes, what other right choice does he have? What other choice will give him the justice he's obligated to pursue? Because he's gone on so long with the belief that it is justice he's deservedly serving to a people guilty of the worst kind of betrayal. And so to hear Itachi say he failed himself in not doing right by Sasuke, in not trying to explain the truth so long ago – it's hard to understand. Because what difference would it have made? Knowing the truth, even back then, would not change how Sasuke feels about Konoha after knowing it now. Even if, somehow, his family, the Uchiha had not been destroyed, and Sasuke had somehow miraculously managed to 'reach' his parents like Itachi thinks he could've done, the malice between the Uchiha and the elders of Konoha surely would always have been there, lingering, festering away.

But Sasuke knows his arguments are stupid and weak and they half don't even make sense. His reasoning he finds flaws in every which way, and unlike in the past where he's so easily convinced himself to continue believing he's right, there is an indecision weighing on his shoulders that he can't shake off. He thought his hate for Konoha was so absolute, so nurtured that he could grasp at any straw of argument, however pathetic, and call it truth. However now, with Itachi's last words ringing in his ears, it's harder for Sasuke to discern.

'…no matter what I say now, it still won't reach you.'

Sasuke begins to sob again, he doesn't know what to do. He wishes Itachi never had to die, never had to feel like death was the only payment he deserved. Itachi deserved life. Sasuke fought on now in acknowledgment of Itachi's sacrifice, and for love of a person who shouldn't have died. And yet now he feels like his decision is not as right as he thought it to be.

'No matter what you decide from now on…'

Sasuke's agony sends shudders through his entire frame, his tears form twin puddles on the ground. Itachi, I-

I don't know what to do

He balls his fists until they're white and there is no blood flowing through them, he bites down on his lip hard enough to break the skin and then tastes the mix of salty tears and the tangy copper taste of blood. It doesn't matter how Sasuke looks at it, whatever he decides to do - it's going to destroy him. The course he's set himself on is not one he can just set aside in favour of becoming the bigger man. He's put too much into this to give up now. His very soul he's forsaken to see it through. And yet to carry on is treason to his very heart. It's defying the sole desire of Itachi, of his brother. And if Sasuke could carrying on living for one cause, it would be for the sake of fulfilling the one thing Itachi strived most for – to give Sasuke life. Sasuke would live on just because Itachi died for it, just like he also died to Konoha. It all hurt Sasuke so much to think about so that Sasuke's sobs became louder, more and more frustrated.

"No matter what you decide from now on…"

Itachi, please! I don't know what to do..

"…I will always love you"

Those words seem to echo more profoundly than anything else now, and Sasuke clutches them so tightly to himself, as if they are the only thing in the world now that can reach him. And as much as it makes him broken to hear those words, it also gives him strength, and it gives him a sense of closure that he's been pining for ever since he learnt the truth. It stills his mind and quietens the world so that he can bask in the knowledge that Itachi has loved him, even with all Sasuke's wrongs mounted up against him.

Sasuke knows it doesn't give him license to proceed - doesn't mean Itachi's given his approval, and that lays upon Sasuke a crushing amount of guilt. Guilt that he's never acknowledged before because of his refusal to see that he might be wrong.

But while there is indecision and guilt and hate and sadness all fusing together to create the mess that is Sasuke's emotions, he will derive a sad sort of comfort at least from Itachi's words. Maybe they will spur him on to something greater than exacting revenge on something Itachi never believed needed exacting in the first place. Maybe they will be the last words he hears when he closes his eyes for the final time, because apparently he was never meant to succeed in the first place.

And maybe, even though it doesn't enter Sasuke mind at all, but maybe they will become the foundation of Sasuke's final decision to return to Konoha as some kind of prodigal son. Because miles away, fighting a battle that Naruto believes with all his heart he can win, Naruto keeps his eyes fixed firmly on the bigger battle that lies ahead. And Sasuke - with his heart having taken blow after blow, not knowing which way he should go – will walk into the final battle that will seal his fate that is yet unwritten.

And in hindsight, Itachi knew it would come to that all along.

Shortish and not really that sweet. I'm glad you have taken the time to read this…thing. And personally, I would love to see Sasuke ball his eyes out in the next few chapters, because who doesn't love a good show of waterworks from someone like him, yeah?

Thanks for reading guys and please, review! Because reviews make me smile like an idiot.