AN

So, a new story, in a fandom I've become very fond of recently. Don't know what the update schedule will be, where this story's going or whether I'll even finish it. I do hope you like it, though.

Also, if anyone's interested in beta reading this, feel free to message me.

Tom

Chapter One: The One in the Spotlight

She sold herself short at the audition.

Of course, she had had to. Nothing to draw attention to herself, nothing to jeopardise her fragile status quo. She was taking enough of a risk just trying out for the show choir. And so, she sang Memory. It was a very calculated choice: so far from original it was almost a cliché, and really needing someone distinctly older to pull it off properly. Then she asked for it in a low key for her, meaning her high notes was much less impressive. And so Will Schuester watched her, and saw and heard nothing remarkable, and she got into Glee Club with no difficulties.

She didn't really connect with the others. Of course, there were only five of them to start with. Tina, Mercedes, Kurt and Artie were all great fun, and were friendly in a generic kind of way. And that was fine. More would have been nice, but… that would be when things get difficult. It was better this way.

And so, Rachel Berry found something, almost like happiness, standing behind the others and swaying in the background.

Things progressed quickly after that. Finn Hudson joined the team, initially blackmailed by Mr. Schue, then because he found he liked it, and found a place for himself in the spotlight. He was soon followed by the unholy trinity, Brittany Pierce, Santana Lopez and Quinn Fabray. They claimed to be joining because they wanted to be involved; in fact, Quinn was keeping an eye on Finn, her boyfriend. And finally, when Mr. Schue did a recruitment drive in the football team, Mike Chang, Matt and even Noah Puckerman joined as well… though probably Puck was just trying to get closer to Quinn. Will couldn't afford to be picky about his club members' motives for joining: he was just glad they were there. With twelve members, the choir could compete.

The year passed with more drama than anyone could really cope with. The club went through many trials and tribulations, mostly at the hands of Sue Sylvester, although the appearance of local rivals Vocal Adrenaline's Jesse St. James, and his attempted seduction of Santana to sabotage the McKinley school's chances was nothing to do with her. And throughout the year, the members of the club grew closer, either as friends or as more, though few romantic relationships lasted. Mercedes, Santana and Kurt squabbled over solo parts, and Mr. Schue went through his own hell with his wife pretty much going crazy, but the end result was that they all grew closer all the time… except Rachel, who would get a friendly pat on the back occasionally, but was, unknown to the rest of the club, the recipient of the most slushy facials. She became very good at bringing cheap, disposable clothes to school… often multiple changes.

It came out pretty soon that Quinn was pregnant, but it was quite some time later that anyone found out that Puck, not Finn was the father. That revelation caused Finn to break up with Quinn and leave the club for a while, arriving back just in time to save the day at the regional competition. Mercedes sang brilliantly, all of them did, but it wasn't enough to win the competition, and more drama piled on top when Quinn went into labour. She had a beautiful baby girl, who she named Beth, with Puck's help, before giving her up for adoption to a family from another state. And so the year ended, with the glee club a little battered from their defeat, but full of hope for the future.

It had been a weird summer for Quinn Fabray. Actually, it had been a weird year. Weird, bad, and most definitely sad. Thrown out by her father when he found out she was pregnant, she was then also thrown out by Finn when he found out how she had lied to him, and while both Puck and Mercedes had offered to take her in, she had resisted, living out of her car in the school parking lot for a little while, before regionals and her mom showing up to invite her back home. And now here she was, home… but with her father gone, booted by her mother for having an affair; her mother gone, working as a legal clerk of all things for most of the hours of the day; her friends weirdly silent, although with how she had pushed them away towards the end of the year, maybe not that surprising; worst of all, her baby gone, gone to a good mother in Shelby Corcoran, perhaps, but gone from her life.

She had been left with a lot of time, on her own, and what she mostly did was think. She thought about what made her happy, and what made her sad. She thought about what she had done, and about why she had done it. She thought about her family, her friends, her boyfriends, her past and her future. And little by little, she learned to discover who Quinn Fabray was.

Quinn Fabray was, until recently, a girl produced by everything apart from herself. She joined the Cheerios, even became captain, because that was what her parents, and especially her father, wanted. She realised, though, that she didn't really enjoy cheering. She got the same buzz performing in glee, and most of the pleasure she felt was through the approval of those around her. Without that, she was able to think more about what she wanted. She was a good Christian girl, and the captain of the celibacy club, and even dating the quarterback, because those were what her parents wanted of her.

She thought about what actually gave her pleasure: achieving highly at school was a big one, and it almost surprised her, but that had always been icing on the cake before. Her dad had been happy that she was popular and powerful, and presented the right image. Intelligence was great, but hardly a necessity to him. She enjoyed writing, a lot, and spent some time that summer doing just that, writing short stories and beginnings to novels she'd never finished, quite a few poems, but eventually she found a real niche with writing songs. She loved music, she would hardly have been a cheerleader and a glee club member if that wasn't true, and she enjoyed fitting words to music, and vice versa, to express what she was feeling better. Still, exploring her feelings this way inevitably led her back to her mistakes.

She had had sex precisely once, drunk on wine coolers and with her boyfriend's best friend. She spent a lot of time working out why she had done this, since unbeknownst to any, she really hadn't been that drunk. Maybe drunk enough to have sex, but not with Puck, who at the time was a notorious man-whore. So, why? And the answer she eventually built to was that she was trying to work out what all the fuss was about. Not even so much with sex, just with… boys. Men. What was the point? Oh they could be good guys, she only had to look around glee to see a room full of those, and they could be sweet and funny and charming… she just couldn't figure out why anyone would want to spend all their time with one. Girls were much nicer.

She had stopped dead at that point, literally. She had been walking around Lima aimlessly one day, and the thought had made her stop in her tracks. Then she had very slowly made her way to Lima Bean, thankfully just a couple of blocks away, and sat with a succession of coffees, and tried to face the thought head on.

'Girls were much nicer.'

Well, it was hardly to be contested. Sure, girls could be bitchy, and in some cases mean (her own, she sorrowfully acknowledged), but mostly they were nicer. They were so much more in tune with their emotions, and so much more able to express them. They were rarely loud or violent or smelled bad, the way boys often were, and tended to be funnier and smarter, just generally better people to be around.

Okay, so far no problem. Just the conclusions of a girl who hasn't met the right boy yet. Seems reasonable. She sighed, ordered another coffee, and confronted the thought she had been avoiding for the past couple of hours.

Girls looked nicer. They did. Girls had soft skin that they worked to maintain, and lovely hair that they could do many things with. Boys were so… functional. Their bodies seemed really simply designed: the hair was designed so it didn't need attention, the skin ignored and largely covered with hair that was really unpleasant, and they were so… basic.

Girls… girls were more aesthetic. Girls could be any shape or size and still appear beautiful. The way they curved, the way they moved, all were designed to attract attention. Quinn had always understood cheerleading, she realised, because she appreciated the spectacle. It had never occurred to her that maybe the other cheerleaders didn't.

Finally Quinn went back home, with a new truth about herself revealed, and forever unable to be hidden again. She was gay. She knew it, bone deep inside her. It was the reason that she had had sex with Puck that night: it was her opportunity to prove to herself that boys were good, to be with, but it had proved no such thing. And it was all because she just was not attracted to men… and she was attracted to women. It was sobering, and battled with so much inside her, but it was undeniable.

At home she went to her mother, who, when she was around, had been great since Quinn returned home from the hospital. She sat down with Judy Fabray and told her everything that she had been thinking about, everything that she had discovered, praying all the time that her mother wouldn't react badly to it. She explained until her voice was raw with the telling, and then fell silent, her eyes fixed on her hands in her lap, waiting for her mother to reply.

Judy Fabray was a quiet woman, and many people over the years had mistaken that for weakness, while it was nothing of the sort. She was deeply religious, although she was more willing than many to listen to what other people said. Once she had thrown Russell out after his affair, she had re-examined herself, and her beliefs. It occurred to her now that she was very glad to have done so, since it let her be prepared to talk to her daughter now: her daughter, who looked so young and defenceless, and had been through so much recently. She waited a few seconds, and then began to talk.

"Quinn, first of all, I love you. You're my daughter and I love you, everything about you, even if I don't understand you sometimes. Please don't think that I won't any more because of what you've told me, or that I'm going to try to change you. Love doesn't work that way." She stood, and sat next to Quinn on the sofa, pulling her into an embrace before continuing.

"Now, you're gay. I might have tried to warn you about phases and growing up and confusion, but I won't bother. You've always been mature for your age, Quinnie, and with everything that's happened recently you've had to grow up a good deal. I can tell that you've thought hard about this, and really examined yourself closely. I might not altogether understand homosexuality, but I trust that your answer is the right one.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Quinn shook her head. She was sobbing gently into Judy's shoulder, but they were tears of relief from her mother's acceptance. "Or is there a girl you particularly like?" Again, Quinn shook her head. This was true. It wasn't that one particular girl had caught her attention, just that she had found this as a direction within herself.

"In one way, that's disappointing." Quinn looked up sharply at her mom, startled, and Judy smiled. "It's one thing to say you're gay, Quinn, and I do believe you, but I think it's going to be hard for me to really accept without some tangible proof."

Quinn sniggered through the tears that were slowing. "Would it help if I got some porn mags and hid them under my bed for you to find?"

Judy chuckled too. "I didn't realise that accepting your being a lesbian would also mean accepting I basically have a teenage son."

Quinn shook her head firmly, smiling. "I'm still a girl, mom, very much so. No porn, I promise."

"Oh good, I'm so relieved." Judy chuckled. "Of all the conversations I didn't think I'd be having with my daughter…"

They broke off for a while, thirsty and in need of a break from the emotions threatening to overwhelm them. Soon, though, they came back together.

"Mum, what about… church and stuff? Doesn't God hate gay people?"

Judy winced at the phrase, one learned by wrote from Russell, she didn't doubt. "Honey, I don't claim to know what God thinks about anything, and anyone who does is probably someone to avoid at all costs. There is one school of thought that says that homosexuality is against God's will. There is another that says that God is the God of love, and accepts it in all its forms."

"Well, what do you think, mom?"

"I think this." Judy sat up straight, and made sure she had Quinn's full attention. "First, I know that God doesn't hate. Not anyone, or anything. Not the devil himself. There is no human being who is beyond God's love; that I know to be absolutely true.

"I know that God does everything for a reason, and that must include making some people who are gay. I don't agree with the people who say that being gay is a choice people make, because no one would choose something like that if it led to them putting their own lives in danger, at least in some places. God is never cruel or heartless, so he doesn't afflict people with it at birth for no reason at all. Gay people are meant to be gay, this I'm sure of.

"Beyond that, honey, I'm not so sure, but I do tend to think that God gives us love and passion and attraction as a gift. This is where it gets a harder. With a person who is gay but has no partner, like you, it may become hard to see how this can be true, especially for old-fashioned people like me who were brought up to think a certain way. But, honey, I know gay couples. Quite a few, actually, and more than you'd think considering this town. And I see them living together, starting families, and I think, there is no way that this love is not from God. Many of them wouldn't appreciate me saying that, but I believe it's true anyway."

They were quiet for a while. "You really believe all that, mom?"

"Yes, I really do. And I believe that you, Quinn, are a wonderful girl, who had become so strong through what she's endured that she's able to question and understand who she is more than many full-grown adults I know. And I believe that one day you'll meet someone, someone who loves you and who you will love, unconditionally, and that you will be able to continue to live in faith despite what any number of bigoted idiots think.

"Now, what do you want for dinner?"

"Hey, everyone great to see you!" Mr. Schue strode into the room, as usual after everyone else had arrived, a big grin on his face. "I hope you had a really great summer, and I hope that now you're all really pumped for glee this year!"

The reaction of the club was a bit lacklustre, considering that despite their relative success last year the glee club was still the least popular group in the school, witnessed by Tina and Kurt being slushied already that morning. Mr. Schue noticed the response and turned the enthusiasm up a notch.

"Come on, guys, this year's going to be great. We have a year of experience now, we know what to expect and what problems might come up, and we're already so much better than we were when we started. Just to encourage you even more, though, I'm pleased to announce that this year, Finals will take place… in New York City."

"Oh my God," Kurt breathed, his eyes going unfocussed as he thought of it, and he wasn't the only one with something to say. Their was excited chatter in the choir room for a while, until Quinn stood up.

"Mr. Schue, can I say something? I'm sorry, it's not really on subject, but I need to talk to all of you."

Will looked a bit surprised, but had never turned down anyone's right to speak before, and wasn't going to start now. "Sure, Quinn, the floor's yours."

Quinn stepped to the front of the room, and looked at the people around her. She loved all of them, in her way: they had been like family last year, and she could trust them… all of them. She took a deep breath.

"I need to start by apologising to all of you. You were all really great to me last year, and I behaved like a bitch far too much of the time. I especially want to say sorry to Finn and Puck, for putting you both through so much grief. I really am going to try to be better now."

She stopped for a minute, wondering how to continue. The others were noticing her new look: she wore a pale yellow cardigan over a blouse and a long skirt, and her hair was pulled into a loose, low ponytail at the back of her neck. In some ways it was quite a childish look, but no one who knew her would ever make the mistake of calling Quinn Fabray childish. She cleared her throat.

"I also need to tell you all something, and I'm telling you because… you're my family, and you deserve to know these things about me. So I'm just going to say it. I'm gay. I really hope all of you can deal with that, but I'll understand if you can't."

There was silence for a while, but then Kurt got up, walked over and hugged her tightly. When he let go he was beaming at her. "Congratulations, Quinn. That was really brave. All things considered, I never really needed to come out officially, and I doubt if I did I could have done it half so well."

Quinn smiled, hugging the boy again, and they were soon joined by the others. Everyone gave her a hug, and last of all was Finn, who smiled down at her without a word, and held her tight for a moment before returning to his seat.

"Well, well done Quinn, and thank you for being so open with us. Do you want us to keep it to ourselves? I'm sure we can do that if that's what you want."

Quinn had gone back to her own seat, but shook her head. "No, I don't want you to lie. I'd rather you not advertise it everywhere, but don't deny it if someone asks. I'm kind of hoping the news will spread gradually, and then there won't be such a huge impact."

Mr. Schue nodded, then clapped his hands. "Okay! Lets get singing, huh guys?" With a round of whoops and cheers, they began to practice their new song: for a laugh, Mr Will had chosen 'Back to School Again' from Grease 2, and they had a lot of fun, but soon everyone could tell there was… something not quite right.

"Guys… you're all here, right?"

They all looked around, seeing everyone they expected to. Still, they got the point. The sound hadn't been right, there was something… someone missing. A head count put them at ten strong.

"Well, we know Matt transferred…" Mercedes mumbled, still obviously trying to think her way through.

"But that still leaves us one short." Will was appalled. Why did he not know this?

"Don't you have a whole list of us, Mr. Schue?" Artie was looking just as confused as anyone. Will shrugged.

"Not here. I kind of thought I didn't ne-"

"Where's Rachel?"

It was Quinn who asked, finally realising. The whole that was left unfilled was in the shape of a short, dark-haired girl she'd never really paid any attention to, and only knew the name of because of seeing the attendance list once.

"Who?" That was Santana, and for some reason the fact that the new head cheerleader didn't know who she was talking about and didn't have some kind of nickname for her, worried Mr. Schue all the more. It worried Quinn, too.

"You know, Slushy-face," Brittany reminded her, and Will frowned. He never liked hearing about that particular form of punishment.

"Why do you call her that, Brittany?"

The blonde shrugged. Because she really like getting slushies in her face."

Will took a deep breath, choosing to ignore that for now and focus on the problem. "Okay, so Rachel isn't here. Maybe she's sick. Was she in class today?"

There was a round of blank looks and non-committal noises. Will realised that Rachel might have been in class and no one would notice. How on earth had he allowed this to happen? He was one of the best teachers in this school, and his specialty was connecting with the kids. How could he have let one of his own, one of his glee kids, slip so far out of the net?

Quinn was thinking too, trying to picture the missing girl. If she worked hard she thought she could get an image of a short, brown-haired girl, but never a face. Whenever she tried, one of the other girls' faces intruded on the picture like one of those computer generated pictures, one person's head on another's body. The clothes were a constant, though: the girl wore jeans and jumpers all the time, not particularly nice ones, just plain, cheap ones. And they were often covered with slushy.

The lesson soon ended, and Quinn, still trying to complete her picture, made her way to the student office, and asked the lady there if she knew anything about one Rachel Berry. The lady, charmed by Quinn's polite question and concerned expression, handed over the top sheet of the girl's file. It didn't have any confidential information, like her personal record or her address or anything, but it did have a picture and a list of her classes. Quinn compared that to her own list, finding that they both had the same English lit class during second period the next day, as well as a few others in common. The picture, though, was small, black and white and grainy. All it really showed was dark hair hanging partially over a face she still couldn't make out. She sighed, handed the page back with a smile of thanks, and made her way home, wondering why this last member of the glee club was such an enigma.