Rory, This Is Your Conscience...
Summary: What was Rory's conscience saying at certain random moments? My wildly AU look inside Rory's head. Spoilers all over the place, oneshot.
Rating: T
Genre: Humor/Angst
AN: One "bit" per season. Never tried to write Rory, so here goes.
Rory's conscience: Bold
Rory's not-conscience: Italics
Season One:
Psst! Rory.
This is your conscience, Rory.
Rooorrrry?
Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, you listen to me!
Shut up I'm sleeping!
I never sleep! Mwahahaha!
Why do you sound like my mother?
Why do you think, Chilton?
I am not going to Chilton! I finally get normal, and now I'm supposed to leave?
Hon, we're in Stars Hollow. When is it ever normal?
Okay, good point, but I'm tiiiiired!
Wake up, Buttercup, this is serious stuff here.
No, it's easy. Me likee Dean. Dean likee me. We likee! Yay! Now shut up.
Open your eyes, Rory.
Open your eyes!
I hate you.
Now, what do you see?
Junk. Harvard stuff. Books. Mom's sweater I wasn't supposed to borrow. What's your point?
Harvard, Rory. Ivy League. You think kids from Chilton have less chance than average of getting into an Ivy? Nope. So, ruining the rest of your life's plans...
Potentially! Only potentially! I can do it from Stars Hollow High!
I hate sounding like your grandparents, but those connections with people? Yeah. They count. More than they should, I agree, but that's for later. Right now, it's you. Us. Y'know. Rory Gilmore. Getting to Harvard!
But Dean is... He's everything! Tall and kind and cute and sweet and goofy and wow, he's good-looking, and...
Think like a nerd for a minute here. What are the odds you'll meet your One True Love while you're in high school?
Mom did!
That'd be why he's always around and been such a great support and provider.
I really hate you.
C'mon, Rory, confessional time. Real World style. You won't let your mom date a guy like Luke because you said she'll mess it up, right? And we had a chat about accusing your mother of being a screw-up, correct?
I know. But she would. Mom says it herself, she never does anything right! Do you see how other people get to live? Hello? And I'm in a house called a Crap Shack! When we could've had...
Stop. Right. There.
Did you seriously just disrespect this house, and the potting shed, because they aren't good enough for Your Royal Highness?
Well.
Hmph.
Your mother could've let Emily raise you as her do-over. White starchy underwear, Rory. No running and playing and goofing and giggling, Rory. No Ramones, no Pop-Tarts, no Stars Hollow, no town festivals, no Luke's coffee, do I really have to keep going here?
It still sucks having such a crappy bunch of leftover clothes and...
That's it, I'm going Jerry Springer on your assets! *throws chair* You and your mother split time wearing clothes because she can't always buy new for herself, you have never gone hungry for one meal even if she did, and you are going to sulk about the state of your denim?
Hey! It's true! We live like crap! In crap! I'm more grown-up than Mom is!
An adult doesn't make her decisions based on a boy. Your mom could've dated anyone for years, but no, she waited till you were old enough to understand-and you get veto power-and you're going to say it's adult to let hormonal imbalance over a boy affect the next sixty years of your life? May I remind you *foot tapping* how that ended for your mom? Oh right!
You suck. *sigh* But you're right. Sorry I was mean. I just need my sleep. And coffee. And... *sigh* To go to Chilton.
Glad we agree. By the way, I'll ease up on the guilt pangs over your grandparents paying for it. It's nice to get to know them.
*snore*
You're welcome. Sheesh.
Season Two:
Oh no no no no no no no no no no no.
Oh not again! Didn't I shut you up last night?
Sorry, Sparky, I don't work that way.
If you're me, why don't you do what I say?
I'm the better half. Y'know. The one that only goes away under influence of hormones, alcohol, and apparently Paris Geller. What's with that? She even scares me. Wait. Back on point. Two words: Jess. Dean.
I'm with Dean.
When you have feelings for Jess.
So?
You know, you're giving me a headache. Oh, ew, tell me you aren't getting a charge out of this whole boy-versus-boy-over-you thing!
*crickets chirping*
Rory. Really?
Now you sound like Lane.
Smart girl. It's not fair. I know it's exciting, but it's not fair. What would your mom say? Oh right, you don't do that.
She did it to Max! She does it to Luke every single day!
Okay, first of all, she called off the wedding because she couldn't marry him with an honest heart. Good idea, poor execution. As for Luke, missy, you're the one who told her she can't have him and you want your dad in your life, and she can't see she's worth anything to Luke anyway, you know how she is.
No, it's because Mom's stupid and she's still in love with Dad!
The way you are with Dean. Nostalgia and fear of loneliness aren't love. By the way, did you imply your mother's a slut? Max-Luke-Dad?
Agh! No! I only meant... What... It's...
Why can't I just not have anything change? I hate all the stuff changing!
Oh, kiddo-yes, I know, now I sound like your mother again-change is always happening.
Mom doesn't like Jess.
She didn't like Dean, either. Parents never like who their kids date. Other than Emily. With your dad. And I think you've figured out by now that Emily's rules for your mom are very different than Emily's rules for anyone else.
I know, I know, it's just... It's so hard! I don't want to hurt him!
Kid, it's not about if you hurt him. It's when. He sees the way you talk to Jess.
I can deal with this like a grown-up! I can! Dean loves me and it's just, y'know, because I'm gonna be spending time with Jess and they're different and that's all and...
Keep dancing, Ginger. You know this won't end well. And here's one for you. What if Jess really does turn out to be a bad influence? You know your mother's not rational where you're concerned. It's one reason why she kept talking to your dad. Trying to get him to be your dad. And Jess is Luke's family. What if you hurt Jess? Hmm? Then what?
Luke would forgive me!
Y'know, I give up. I just want it on record that I tried to outshout your hormones. You do know that you're going to do something with Jess or because of Jess that's going to really hurt people, and not just you.
I thought you gave up!
Fine. I know when I'm not welcome. *door slam*
Season Three:
Knock knock.
Oh no. You again. Go. Away. Why do you always do this at three in the morning?
It's the only time you're not over-caffeinated or studying.
*sticks out tongue* Now what have I done wrong?
Okay, let's recap. So you and Jess wrecked the car Dean built for you, huge fight between your mother and Luke, and she forgave you for missing her graduation from college to be with Jess, and I know those aren't connected but hey, it's three in the morning!
Do you have a point?
And now you're secretly angry at your mother because your father's off having a baby with Sherry. Kid, I thought I knew you. I thought you knew me. What's the scoop, Baskin-Robbins?
Lame.
Let me remind you whose fault it is I can't show up in broad daylight when I could produce better material.
Conceded. Well... Yeah! She always falls for it so I fall for it and...
Whoa, Trigger, back up, Hoss, excuse me? She'd have slammed the door in his face and never looked back if she didn't have that whole parental issue of her own making her think she has to make up this shiny version of things so you won't feel... Oh never, mind, she has her own conscience.
What do you mean parental issues? Are you blaming me for Mom's screw-ups?
C'mon, Rory. Truth time. Don't make me pull out the dare.
It's not my fault I wanted my dad!
You'd dance around all excited hoping for him to show up.
I had Luke, he's better!
Um, hate to be Debbie Downer here, but you'd go hoppity-skip into the diner and gush about Christopher there.
Well, Mom should've married him so we'd be a family and then it wouldn't matter if I needed Luke or if she dated my teacher or not and Sherry wouldn't be having a baby with Dad!
*ahem*
Oh God. I just seriously thought Mom should've done what Grandma wanted...
Yep.
Oh God, now you sound like Luke!
If the baseball cap fits.
I should go to the stupid baby shower, shouldn't I? Ugh!
For what it's worth, I don't like Sherry, either. Actually, not a big fan of your dad. Guy could've at least coughed up child support and tuition out of his trust fund instead of riding Harleys all over. He's a good con artist, though, really has everyone believing he's Mr. Responsibility. Yeah. Twenty years after your mother had to man up. Pardon the expression.
Pardoned. Agreed. Sleep?
If you want to deal with your future sibling, it means dealing with Sherry. And the not-so-amazing Christopher.
Sleep!
Rory, you need to get this. It's important.
Sleeping now!
It's not easy, being a single mom and having so many people talking about you, Rory. To have your own parents hold a grudge for over a decade and tell you that you're a screw-up. You don't know what that's like, Rory. This is the kind of psychology you can get watching Dr. Phil and Oprah. It's not difficult. She has a lot of reasons to not like that world or its residents.
I said I am SLEEPING!
Turning your back on your mom's world is okay. Kids do that. Find their own paths. But choosing a path just to upset her? To prove you can hack Emily and Hartford when she couldn't? I'm you, kid, you're me. If you're doing it for right reasons, okay, but I can see what's under it. You're harboring grudges and fears that...
I said I'm sleeeeeping! Eyes closed, head on pillow, dark outside, it's called night-night time!
Rory, be careful, okay? Please? It's still Harvard, right? That's still us, isn't it?
La la la, sleeping! *fake snore*
I don't know why I keep trying. When you missed her graduation, I should've known then... Or maybe the time you ignored me and ran to Emily knowing that was the best way to hurt your mom, no matter what you tried to convince yourself of. You didn't convince me.
Rory? C'mon, wake up. Hear me. Please?
Oh, Rory. Kid. I really hope I'm wrong.
I can't even keep you awake anymore.
Season Four
I don't wanna hear it.
You. Him. Married. Stop it, Rory! Now! No no no! Darn it, Rory! This isn't you! Yes, Yale is big and scary and it's not easy for you, but neither is life, don't you get that? It's never as easy as your mom made it seem, but she did that so you wouldn't be afraid, and now you're...
Rory Gilmore, get your lips off Dean this minute! Agh! No! Not the shirt, not...
Oh, I think I just threw up. Can a conscience throw up?
Your mother's inn opens tonight, and you're doing this?
Rory! Lorelai Leigh! Conscience to Rory Gilmore!
Gah! Oh, I am so gonna wish I never saw that...
Speak for yourself.
He's married! Ring! Married! Off-limits! And since nobody ever approves of her love life, her included, it makes backwards Willy Wonka sense to your mom to hide the Jason thing, but what's your excuse for hiding away from her big night-again! Last time it was her graduation and Jess!-with Dean, and he's married, and it's not love!
Is too!
Oh no, no no. Ewwwww. No! Why not that nice Marty guy? Huh? Marty? Remember Marty? Naked Guy? I liked Marty! Not nearly as complicated as Logan. Who has good points, yeah, but do we need complicated when we're already at Yale and I know darn well you're getting stressed out because you're sorta kinda thinking I was right about going to Harvard instead but you did Yale partly to make Gilmores happy, Rory, you can't do this, you made some key choices without consulting me in depth, and I'm babbling worse than your mother, but you're making big choices to make yourself happy that are going to make everyone unhappy! You included!
Rory?
A married man. Oh no. Oh man. Married man. Oh gross. Oh. Ew. No. This is... Oh, why? I tried! I made sure she brushed her teeth and did her homework and wore clean underwear and was nice to everyone and worked hard and...
SHUT UP! I WANT TO FEEL GOOD!
Rory? C'mon. You're better than this! There's still time! Abort! Abort! Mission control to Rory, abort mission!
No no no no nooooo...!
*sigh* Too late. You're Lindsey's SockMan. You are SockMan. And he's Nicole.
Well, missy, if you think I'm gonna stay quiet? Think again. Oh no. No, you wouldn't run to Emily again if you're mad at your mom, would you? No. No way.
Then again, if it gets you away from Dean...Married Dean. Mister Lindsey's Dean.
Shut up so I can enjoy this!
*choke* A married man. Oh wow. I'm gonna lose my license to practice as a conscience after this...
Season Five:
Why didn't you stop me? Why? I don't do things like this!
Why didn't I stop you?Are you kidding me? I was screaming at you nonstop the whole time! You kept telling me to do things I won't repeat, because I'm the conscience and I can't use those words! Rory, this is a felony! Grand theft major vehicle!
Grandpa and Grandma won't let me get in too much trouble. Mom totally bailed on me, and she should know better! She just did to me what Grandma did to her!
It's official. We're on different planets. Are you seriously saying your mother's to blame for this? Are you saying that after all the crap this last year with the inn and Luke and that stupid vow renewal stunt, you stealing a yacht is your mom's fault? You ignore me more than I thought! And I think constantly! Rory, you're dropping out of Yale! Of course Lorelai's going to put conditions on you living at home! That's called real life! You want your own place, you have to work to earn it, like Lane! You want to stay at home, you have to go to school, that's only fair, she's offering you the chance to be safe and sound in your magic town, if you'll just not ruin more of your life!
It's my life to ruin! And I don't know what I want anymore!
Bull manure. You know. You feel sorry for yourself, that's all. Poor Rory has to grow up and face the occasional failure. Oh no! Horrors! And you seriously think that Huntzberger guy is a judge of talent? Rory, he makes money, not literature! Hello?
Shut up! If I listened to you, I'd be with some boring shmuck like Marty at Harvard! No Life and Death Brigade, no Logan, no social life, no...
Oh, do continue. Let me guess... No more counting on family money to get you out of trouble instead of just talking to your mom or Lane or, oh, anyone? Say, ME? You do realize you just became the girls in Chilton you despised, right?
I am nothing like Francie and Louise and...
Oh? Hmm, rich family buying you a lawyer to buy you out of trouble and giving you a place to stay for free and live off money you didn't earn? Doesn't sound familiar? Oh wait! That's the life your mother ran away from!
I'm not Mom!
No. You're not. She didn't drop out of college. She finished. While working full-time and raising you. At your age, she worked full-time, scrubbing toilets, which you won't do, by the way, and making ends meet, and living like ninety-nine-point-nine-nine-nine percent of the world, and here you are taking Easy Street to Society Row!
I am not Mom! I don't want to be Mom! She was stupid to throw away all those chances just because she was mad at her mother!
So much for that "Mom's my hero" valedictorian speech. But you're right, you aren't Lorelai. She never slept with a married man. And never committed a felony.
She's my mom, she's supposed to be on my side!
Rory, you're cuddling up to Emily! She's the anti-Lorelai! You can't have both on your side! It's like that matter and anti-matter stuff. Yes, Lorelai is annoyingly juvenile around Emily, but that's between her and HER conscience. I have my hands full. And you're an adult, Rory, a legal adult! When Lorelai had you, she was a minor. By law. And hadn't actually broken any laws, except in her parents' minds. Rory, for God's sake, call your mom, tell her you want to go home, to even go to community college, anything! You know you only feel like your head is on straight when you're in Stars Hollow!
She's too busy with Luke.
What are you, twelve?
Hey, she wants more kids, she doesn't need me now, she'll have perfect ones with Luke and Dad has GG, so who else do I have, huh? Right! Grandma and Grandpa!
Rory, you're damaging your relationship with your mom in ways that are going to send you both off the rails.
Mom's an adult. I'm an adult. She can go to hell.
Oh, that's mature.
Hey, she did this to Grandma, remember? Turned her back on Grandma! Well, karma's a...
*choke* Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, you are officially off-course, off-center, off your nut, and a thousand other charming phrases that boil down to OFF. Like bug spray, girl! See a counselor, get a shrink, look in a mirror! This is not you! Why won't you listen to any of us? Why? Do you want to be like Logan, dawdling through school at his leisure? Do you want to be your dad, never finishing anything on his own? Rory, c'mon, talk to me. Listen to me. Something!
If you're not with me, you're against me. And you're against me.
I just want to have fun! I just had to blow off steam!
You're going to have a felony on your adult criminal record. You've dropped out of Yale. I don't think you were blowing off steam. I think you ran out of it. Gilmores suck at living lies, Rory. Trix, Emily, Lorelai, you. Eats up a Gilmore girl every time.
Shut up!
Ah, kid. Don't you get it? It's better to tell the truth about weakness than lie to look strong.
*sniffle* Have you met the Gilmores?
Oh. Crap.
Yeah. Crap. Ha! I win!
Yeah, that'd explain the pool house.
Oh shut up! Shut up! You never shut up! And see where you got me! Ha! I win again! I get the last word! *happy dance*
*sigh*
Season Six:
So? Nothing to say?
Hmm... Let's see, you find out by accident, decide she did it to hurt you on purpose, and only after making sure everyone is very very sorry including yourself, you come home and now you're secretly glad she's got trouble with Luke?
Umm... Not really glad. Only a tiny bit... Okay, I... It's just... I... Logan... She... Why didn't she give him a chance? I can want what I want! I don't have to want what she wants!
Agreed. Still. You're sort of why she got in trouble with Luke, y'know. She was obeying his rule about No-Christopher, but you let your guilt...
Hey! You're the one who said it was bad to not be there for him!
I didn't mean "send your mother knowing darn well she can't say no to you"! And then Luke thinks it's about Christopher! But this time was about you, Rory. She went to Christopher because you were worried, not because she wanted to be there all night. And with Luke so insecure and you knew he was insecure...
He should grow up!
Okay, again, agreed, and no, we didn't tell Lorelai to lie to Luke, although all things considered, not a surprise, she's so scared to lose him she can't think straight. You see that, don't you?
Kind of. Yeah. Maybe. But he totally loves her. He's loved her for years!
Yeah, that'd be why there's the whole Rachel thing, and the Nicole thing, and c'mon, you seriously don't think he was faithful and celibate when Rachel was globe-trotting for years at a time, right? He got April the old-fashioned way.
Oh. My. God. That's my stepfather-to-be you're talking about!
No, this is reality, AKA your conscience, AKA Annoying Voice At Three in the Morning. Cut back on the coffee, would you? This goes better if you're well-rested and coherent. I'm making a point.
I know, I know, it's just... God, it's like I really do have an inner child and she can't quite let go of wishing for ponies and unicorns and pink kitties and wanting Mommy all to myself and wanting to show her I can do better than she can... Oh God, I suck!
Not quite that bad. Good to see you think, though. Yeah. I know. It's tough. Just be careful, Rory. Things are going good, but you've got the same problem your mother and grandmother have.
I'm a Gilmore?
Okay, two of the same problems. That, and you always find it easiest to blame Lorelai. And she lets it happen. You've kinda taken advantage of that, y'know. Letting people praise you for being so great like Lorelai had no part in raising you that way. I hope you remember to thank her someday, that's all. Now go back to sleep.
Okay. But... Logan and me. I mean, I really love him, but... And this thing with Mom... I just feel like I'm really alone, y'know? Like, even Lane can't quite get it. How scary it is to realize. It's not long. And then I'll be going out there. And I always had Mom to run to. I can't run home to Mom forever. I guess if she has Luke, I think I won't have her.
Hey. You always have your mom. You know there's nothing you could ever do she can't forgive, right? Even dating Logan, and yes, I'm joking.
I know. G'night.
G'night. And if you think I don't know you're secretly wondering about how Jess is doing, think again.
Gah! I knew it was too good to be true! You just had to notice that, didn't you? It was one split microsecond! That's all! Agh! And it was while I wasn't even awake!
*snigger* I never sleep, remember?
Hating you. Going back to sleep now.
*AN: I may have erred. I thought Rory knew about April before meeting her. If I am wrong, I apologize. I'm keeping my timeline.
Season Seven:
Oh boy.
Yeah. Oh boy.
We love him.
Yep.
And he was there all through this weird April-Anna-Dad-Mom-Luke stuff. Even when we weren't ready to forgive... Well, anyone, actually...
Yeah.
But this whole relocate and to heck with the career? After getting back on track? Yale and friends and family and... Oh boy.
Oh boy is right. So. Pro-Con list is coming out dead even.
Yeah. Never good. So here it is. Three in the A to the Em... Sorry, too much time around... Well, myself, I guess. Ourself. Selves.
You're babbling. I'm babbling. Oh God. We're babbling together. That's good, though, right? Me. Conscience. On same page of the same pro-con list?
Yeah. It's good. But... We have to say no, don't we.
Yeah. We do. I hate it. But I can't-Well, to quote Luke, I can't jump like this. Not after all this. You can't just jump out and jump back in. Not in this work. And getting onto the presidential campaign with that felony on my record? Hello?
I know. Definitely some sort of miracle there. Never thought it'd happen. Guess they figure a bus tour won't give us much chance to steal yachts.
Guess not. I wish Mom could decide this for me.
I do, too. Talk about bad years.
Yeah. I didn't make it easier. And Dad... Ugh! Does he even have a conscience?
I think I heard it retired to Boca.
I wish I thought you were joking.
Me too.
It's just... We build people up, y'know? We make them these icons, these heroes, and we never let them slip even a little bit without making sure we tear them down to the ground. Like a flawed image is worse than no image at all. Only...
Only it didn't happen to us. We had some discomfort, but nobody really did a Harper Valley PTA on us for the Dean thing...
Oh God... I hate remembering that...
Or the yacht-stealing thing...
I wish I could stop remembering that.
This is gonna suck.
Oh yeah.
You good?
Yeah. I'm scared, but I'm good. Fog is clear, road ahead, insert cliché, I think I understand a lot of things now. About Mom and Grandma and me and Logan and all of it. That need for perfection in others so you can forget how imperfect you are yourself. Wanting to protect yourself so much that you end up hurting everyone around you. About letting go, and holding on. Pain. And fear. And love.
I just wish love didn't come with the pain and fear.
*warm fuzzy* I got your back.
You sound like Mom again.
No. I sound like you.
Umm...So. If you're me and I'm you and we're agreeing with each other and you sound like Mom and I sound like you...
Oh yeah, babe. We're baaaa-ack!
AN: This absurdity came to me because I spent some time wondering, "What the heck is Rory thinking?" and then... Well... I'm tired, I'm stressed, writing is therapeutic, I found my flash drive a couple weeks ago, all these ideas were on it... And here we are.
I have no idea why I think Rory's conscience is so much like her mother, other than the obvious fact that many people probably have one or the other parent as the Voice of Conscience.