Sam didn't know which was worse his brother absolutely hating him and wanting him dead, or Charlie's body burning in the hunter funeral fashion dean had walked away a few minutes ago leaving sam all by himself to be wrapped up in grief and self-hate he knew he should be going to see Cas, he should be killing Rowena but he knew if he looked into castiels understanding blue eyes that screamed forgiveness he would loose it and as much as he wanted to just curl up and cry he couldn't do that to the angel, hell he didn't deserve the way he knew castiel would set a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to be comforting he deserved to be dead just like dean had said, letting his head fall against his chest a single tear fell down his left cheek and he had to bite down on his lip to keep it at just a single tear, not because Charlie didn't deserve the tears, hell she deserved more than tears she deserved his blood she deserved his soul, but he wouldn't allow himself to cry because tears bring relief tears allow room to heal and he definitely didn't deserve to heal.
Sam finally made his way to the bunker and took a crappy old truck to the building they were working, he sat in the truck getting control of himself and planning how to tell castiel after all the angel was quite attached to her already, everybody got attached to her quickly she was lovable and kind she was the best little sister he could ever ask for
In the end sam didn't have to explain to Cas, the angel had just guessed with a few quick looks, figures he would be able to tell from just a look, when castiel went to leave to track down dean he pulled sam into a quick hug
"sam I know you blame yourself for her death but only an idiot would think it was your fault after all you left her with me an angel, she should have been safe" castiel wasn't even surprised when sam grabbed him and hid his face in the angels neck looking for comfort looking for something, a sob emanated from him and Cas began stroking his back
"D-Dean said it was my fault he said that it should have been me dead, Cas, he was right" sam cried not caring that Rowena was now watching like a hawk
"that was the mark talking sam, you know that, and we'll get it fixed we'll make it all better its going to be okay, everything is going to be okay" sam nodded genuinely hoping the angel was right, because as soon as dean was fixed he was making a deal to bring Charlie back, after all he'd been to hell before it wasn't actually that scary it was a lot easier than dealing with deans hateful glances, maybe him dealing could make it up, maybe for once it would atone for his sins
Castiel back out of the hug as Sam's sobs stopped, he briefly brought their foreheads together as though sharing air would heal Sam's aches then with a quick promise to help dean he was off sam stood for several moments afterward watching the door way and reigning in his emotions when he turned around Rowena was smiling at him
He needed to know how fix that damn spell and needed it right fucking now