To Belong

Summary: All you wanted was to belong to him.

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto can go take a hike with all his characters. God, he's such a drama queen.

A/N: Quick write-up in Second Person. Angst filled fic, standard warnings apply. This could work as my take on Sasuke's POV throughout the manga (romantically). This is written with the canon scenario in mind. Don't like, please join Kishimoto on that hike to hell.

Please don't hate me for this. Yes, this is a dark fic but that's only because the manga was dark.

All you've ever wanted was to belong to him. There's no one who can blame you, no one who can say a word against it. Every decision you took in your life was a conscious one. Every step was well-planned. Life was supposed to be extremely simple. Itachi had pretty much spelled out life for you when you were eight. You would be the instrument of vengeance for your clan, hate him, hate him till your life was nothing but a means to seek justice for every Uchiha clan member and your life's aim would be nothing but to kill your elder brother.

But little did things go as planned. Life threw you in a loop when you joined the Academy and met the shenanigan who turned everything upside down. You met him, got close to him and it wasn't long before he unconsciously drew you inside his world and turned you inside out. Initially you sympathized because the pain was similar. He was an orphan at birth and your brother made you one before you could have actually counted them as a blessing. So one after the other, things changed, you changed and saw life from a different kaleidoscope. Killing Itachi took a backseat and soon became like a headache that throbs at the back of the head after a long night of drinking.

You warmed up to him – that Uzumaki kid. No one could blame you. He was just that warm and inviting. The contrast between the two of you was the foundation of the bond and his tricks were your favorite pastime, your shared pain a balm to your soul. He laughed and his wild blond hair and sparkling blue eyes were all you could see, he cried and his pain was all you could feel.

Was this anything else except love? He called it a brotherly emotion, a label to put on it. But you knew better. You always knew better. When puberty hit, it was him who made his way into your steamy nights and it was he you noticed rather than Sakura when your missions made you rest at inns or hot springs.

Why was it always him? You knew that the pain was soon becoming a lie you told yourself as you sat next to him and heard him talk about anything mundane when you two went fishing during missions when you camped. You chose to go with him because you knew Sakura would only serve to annoy you with her love-sick looks and Kakashi would only torture you with his preaching.

Internally, you knew both of these were lies. What you really wanted to see was Naruto's silhouette against the setting sun; revel in those defined muscles as he worked on a particularly feisty fish, worship that triumphant grunt that Naruto emitted each time he caught a fish. How many fish did you let go only because you wanted him to win? The show of competition you put up only because you wanted to see that spark in his eyes, only because the sole method you could employ to get to work on something with you was through baiting him into a challenge. And then how every victory you earned was just suddenly so much more meaningful because the man who was a part of all your thoughts wasn't a loser.

The days with him were all beatific and sunny – like his smile while the nights were passionate and steamy – like him again. The torture was the worst then. The feverish need to touch yourself was overwhelming as he slept beside you, his yukata parted where he bent his knee as he cuddled his pillow to his chest and embraced dreams which involved food or Sakura. His dark honeyed skin which brushed yours by a hairsbreadth was what tempted you. Its heat was almost overwhelming in its intensity as it almost touched your knee and you spent nights lying rigid as a rod just so that you didn't move your knee which was being titillated by his and lost his heat.

You've stared at him till you've memorized every freckle on his face, till your eyes could trace the length of his scars perfectly, till all you could remember was the blue of his eyes. If Itachi was your hell then Naruto was your heaven.

Sunny days and bliss and sunshine were all you could remember till that snake Orochimaru came and reminded you of who you were. It's like he opened a door you'd kept shut and reminded you of why you shouldn't be happy. He sucked away all your happiness with the darkness of power and there you went, separated from your personal sunshine to a land of no return.

Bidding farewell was difficult. Your steps were hard and heavy and as you made your way to the gates of the village, you'd prayed with all your might to spot that golden head in the shadows, to have the only man who could come and save you, place his hand on your cheek and tell you he was your home and that none of it mattered. He didn't come and suddenly his absence lit a fire in you that fueled the need for vengeance threefold. Your steps hastened, your curiosity piqued and all you wanted was to drown in the fire that would ultimately consume Itachi.

It was difficult not to think of the light, not to imagine the warmth you felt when you were in his presence, when nothing mattered except for saving his life or insulting him as a means to show your affection. You know he understood that. You know he let on more than he showed. And because all these thoughts led you to wonder if he returned your feelings for him, you forced yourself to close that chapter.

It wasn't till your feet had taken you to the Valley of the End and your resolution had been set in steel, that you encountered the one obstruction you couldn't bear. Seeing his face there, his eyes blazing angrily, his forehead furrowed and his body in a stance that brooked no doubt about what he could do to keep you with him that made your resolve shake and shake so hard that you were willing to abandon the entire tirade and just race into his arms and run back to Konoha.

But you knew he wasn't here out of love. He was there because he was your friend, because his duty prevented him from letting you go, because Orochimaru was a bad guy, because for him, this was like a high school play where right conquered wrong, because leaving the village to gain power was wrong in his book. And that fostered your courage to fight. And fight you did, with flesh and bone and every ounce of willpower you could summon. He yelled at you telling you important you were to him but the words were not what you wanted to hear. He spoke of a brotherly bond and you scoffed thinking how foolish you were to have thought beyond everything and so you got your weapons out and fought tooth and nail till ultimately the man you loved was reduced to nothing but a mere mortal with a gaping hole in his chest.

He hurt physically but you were sure the damage you underwent was more. You had said goodbye to your one shot at happiness because your motherfucking son-of-a-bitch elder brother had fucked life up for you. It's like you were a circus tiger and your only job in life was to jump hoops. And just like every other time, history repeated itself. Orochimaru, the sick pedophile that he was tried his best. And because you were still raw, still vulnerable, you let him.

Each day was a new dance, a new test of tolerance, a new type of goading and snapping till you bit the leash and attacked, while you distanced yourself further and further till the man who had loved Uzumaki Naruto was nothing but a ghost living in that body. The man you'd so desperately wanted to belong to was becoming a distant memory, like a color fading as it got bleached in the sun. What color was Naruto's smile again? You smiled sardonically as you thought about that love that you lost once. You were willing to bet everything that it was all shades of warm as compared to the skanky and wet hideout that Orochimaru made you live in.

His sudden arrival after years was a completely surprise. His memories had almost faded and the pain had become somewhat bearable. But because your life was just that fucked up, seeing Naruto again was like reopening all your wounds at once. He'd grown tall and there was an air about him that defined how mature he'd become. He stood there, his blue eyes just drinking you in while you were no better. Sakura stood there to his left gaping like a fish out of the water and another guy you'd never seen before to Naruto's right, with a sick expression that made you want to slit that smile into two.

Naruto opened his mouth and hope rose in your throat. Time stood still as you took in the changes in his appearance, his mannerism and you realized how starved you were for him. Every secret pleasure trip of yours to the bathroom in the middle of the night still had him or what remained of the heat of his knee on yours. You wished more than anything else for him to tell you he loved you but the words never came. Just like the previous time, Naruto only came back because you were his brother, because you were the promise he made to Sakura, because he didn't want you to go to the other side.

You huffed in anger when his words just cut your heart like a dagger and told him to go back. He would never understand; you never expected him to. Obliviousness was one of Naruto's finest qualities and despite how much you'd adored it, now it just pricked like a thorn in your side.

You took his departure better this time. You could cope with the pain. The only thing you couldn't cope with is going back to that segment of the hideout where you met him. Because when you had tried going back there later that day after Naruto had gone and his absence had threatened to overwhelm you, the remains of the scene that had transpired and his scent were still so fresh in your memory that they hurt as if someone was stabbing you with sharp shards of ice and it had taken all your willpower to not soil the place you had mentally marked sacred with your own vomit. That night you'd lain awake on your tattered tatami for hours at end and while watching the candle melt into nothing, contemplated Naruto's words.

That stupid loved you. It wasn't just friendship. It was what it was – pure and genuine love. Orochimaru had cackled about it a lot of times, about how Naruto became the butt of all jokes with his obsession towards finding you and bringing you back, otherwise what sort of a friend pursued the same aim for years? You turned away from the candle and lay on your side, copying Naruto like you had every single night all those years and closed your eyes while your hand snuck down and parted the folds of your yukata in a frenzy, the need for release almost on the brink of desperation as those sapphire blue eyes reignited the passion inside you. When your climax hit, you didn't even bother keeping your voice down as your orgasm echoed throughout the stone walls of the building while your ejaculate ran hot and thick and heavy on your hand and smeared on the tatami mat. That night was the first night in as many years that you slept with a smile on your face.

After that was a frenzy of action and motion as you finally put your plan to execution. The first person murdered was the man who stole your innocence. Orochimaru's death, although brutal and gory, failed to deliver the satisfaction it should have. All you could think about the nights you'd sacrificed yourself for him and how this was pure justice. Your cock had throbbed each time your katana made contact with his skin and it was almost like the motions of intercourse you'd noted passively as you watched the katana move in and out of his body. His shrieks sounded like a woman in the throes of passion to your ears and you were glad that you were only gratifying his need. The delivering stroke was accompanied with the hot heat sliding out of your cock and you'd reveled in the freedom and the release. And yet, there was an edge to it that failed to bring complete satisfaction.

Killing Itachi was much better. Maybe it was because Itachi was such a slimy fucker and that most of the battle was nothing but a battle of wits, but the moment of his death was the most terrifying thing you ever encountered simply because Itachi just wouldn't die. But as you lay there in the rain with your brother's body right beside you, the emptiness refused to go away. The pain you thought you could liberate yourself from just stood there as hard and heavy as the day you'd said goodbye to Naruto. This wasn't the end you realized, it was just the beginning. Your mind whirled around madly and then peace took over as you finally gave yourself into the darkness.

What transpired that day is still a bit fuzzy in your memory; but the revelations that followed your brother's death were the ones that turned you completely against your roots, against people and against the village that you called your home. Every day the dark cloud that had taken residence in your chest just condensed a bit more and then came a time when all you could see was darkness. Negativity possessed you like a drug till all you could see was death and destruction. The madness crept into your heart, reached your brain and then ultimately the damage was too heavy for recovery. There was nothing left, you thought as you watched Danzo crumble, but darkness.

And that's where you met him. Again time stood still and it took just one look into his blue eyes to realize that despite the weight of your burden, your feelings were just where they were. That your heart which had been consumed by a poison; still had the potential to beat insanely hard for just one person. He looked different, his eyes had changed, hardened but you knew the resolve in them had not weakened. If anything, the resolution was set in iron this time. There was a fire in those blue eyes. You knew because you could read them better than anyone else.

His mouth spoke a language, his eyes denied the words. You were sure his reasons about how this was a promise made to Sakura sounded hollow to even your own years. Because standing there under that bridge with Sakura in his arms and Kakashi by his side you knew his feelings had changed. He'd grown and morphed into a man worthy of ruling the village. But deep inside you knew that the warmth you had grown to love was still there.

Couldn't he see it? Couldn't he see how cold you were? Couldn't he see how this darkness was consuming you? He knew his could be the only hand that could bring you peace then why, why was he denying you the piece of heaven that you craved so badly? Why couldn't he just leave Sakura and come running to your side? Why couldn't his arms just wrap themselves around you and dispel the madness that plagued your insides? Why couldn't he understand that he was the only one you wanted to belong to? But he did no such thing.

It wasn't like you were not aware of everything he was doing to keep your neck above the water. You knew he'd gone to beg Danzo to spare your life and that he was doing everything he could to ensure your name did not get soiled. He had done everything to ensure you lived an honorable life but what was honor to you when everything you loved was lost in the void that Itachi had opened for you.

But now things were different. The truth was a light in the darkness of things. It worked as a catalyst, as fuel to bring down the real enemy. Who had Itachi been but a plot in the bigger game? Did Naruto understand how the truth had twisted your insides? Did he feel your pain now? Did he know how utterly disgusted you felt with him and with Konoha and this joke that your life had become? Did he even understand the significance of your actions? Could he even begin to fathom how it felt to lose someone you loved? Furthermore have them die at your hands only to know that everything ultimately was one big lie? Did he know how much you hated his village because your clan was destroyed to protect them?

You watched him stand there and preach about protecting loved ones. You watched him tell you how forgone you were in your hatred for the world. You laughed in utter madness when he told you that he still wanted you home. Did he know he was your home? Did he know that the only thing you still wanted beyond all realms of logic and rationality was to belong to him? Would he ever wrap you in his arms and tell you he felt the same way?

The answer was as clear as day as he held Sakura like she was the most important person to him. And your heart still hurt like the wound was raw.

And that only served to foster the pain and build the plan and as your seed spilled on your clothes white and hot while your body burned feverishly with the intensity of the need you felt, the only thing that could bring you salvation was the darkness that enveloped you and choked you every single day with the weight of the hatred that bore upon you, that you're the only one in the world who could shoulder the clan's hatred solely because your clan was the only one that was denied its rights.

And so, you charged ahead fueled by your need to kill and destroy anything that stood in your way. But you knew deep within that stupid heart which refused to stop its pining for Naruto that if he were to stand in your way, he'd be the only person you wouldn't be able to kill. Because even now, despite the inhumanity that your clan was subjected to and the crime that your brother was compelled to commit, your heart still wanted nothing more than to belong to him.

And when the final test came and your brother stood in front of you and all your questions demanded answers, your brother still chose the noble way. He still sided up with the village you had come to hate with every fiber of your being and chose to protect everyone. Obito wasn't wrong when he called your brother the unsung hero because that was what Itachi was. And even though the fire of anger singed your insides as you watched him protect everyone, you did nothing but to hear him out. But this time you had truth on your side and it took everything within you to not shatter when you lost him again. But not before he told you how much he loved you.

Could Naruto ever know just how it felt to have loved someone and lose them only because they wanted to protect you by lying to you? Lies, that's what made your life. It had become nothing but a web of lies. And even so, your heart won the battle that resided in you and once again you went back to take your rightful place beside him.

The war that ensued gave you everything. The peace that had evaded you ever since you had stepped out of Konoha returned. Every blow that your body dealt with, every scar placed upon your skin was no longer a burden but a medal you wore with a pride that belied everything else. And when you stood beside him to fight Kaguya to her end, you knew there was only one way you could take your position back in his life.

And so you fought him. The reason was trivial. Heck you weren't even interested in becoming the Hokage but it was the only way you could reclaim your place in his life. The death blow delivered from both ends was just that – an end to the madness so that you could have your peace. It was almost as if Naruto had read your heart and fought you only to appease you. Your loss in the fight was your victory in his life again. And that day your heart danced inside your chest when it finally came home.

Every move you had oh-so-smartly calculated in your head brought him back to you and yet, like every other time Naruto wasn't yours to keep. Even when you'd reclaimed your place, the significance of it was stuck to being what it was – a brother. How many times did you stifle the urge to take him by his shoulders and shake him clear of that misconception? But you could only stand stoically and watch him grin with his eyes closed as he babbled on and on about his plans for the village and how having his brother back just made everything worthwhile.

If he only knew just how far you were willing to go for him this time, it would have lessened the pain. Hell he didn't even know how far you'd already gone to keep your bond with him by holding your silence about your feelings! Day after day you watched him piece together the broken fragments of the village and bring everyone together. And day after day you watched him give into his own feelings of affection for that mousy Hyuuga girl as he wooed her and made her smile as he took her for dates. Did he know about the anger you felt when he dropped by late at night for a snack or a quick report about the progress your village was making? And how, just how subtly your hand would tighten on your can of beer when he mentioned his love for Hinata?

You wanted nothing more than a piece of him. Wished everyday in your heart to have a moment where he belonged to you exclusively so that you could finally give into the maddening need of touching him, of feeling his skin or laying with him skin-to-skin and then claiming someone who could only belong to you? Someone who was your whole world and you'd been denied that one wish forever. Did he even know that sometimes when you lay in the meadows staring at the swift flowing Nakano River you let yourself daydream about him, that you finally gave into the fantasies where nothing except you and he and the smothering heat existed? And that the only thing that pulled you out from that world of bliss was the sticky wetness you felt in your pants?

You lived like a fool willing every day to be that one day where he would see what you saw. Where he acknowledged the bond you two shared and understood the fact that yes, Uzumaki Naruto belonged only to Uchiha Sasuke. But that day never came.

The blow fell when he told you his plans of marrying Hinata. And what was worse was that, because you were his best friend, the first one to hear of the musings of his mind was the one person who was dreading it the most. But it was too late now. And so you congratulated him on his happiness and drowned yourself in alcohol to ward off the pain, the emptiness, the darkness that consumed your thoughts again. And then you smiled as he walked into the Hyuuga mansion in his traditional clan kimono and claimed his bride.

The next day, you packed up and decided to leave Konoha. But you knew that Naruto was nothing if not persistent and relentless in his approach especially when it concerned you. So when he demanded your reasons for leaving, you had your half-baked bullshit about wandering already formed. Convincing him would have been really tricky if you hadn't thought the entire shit through and you weren't anything if not the epitome of thorough. So you spewed shit and sold it like a millionaire. And you gave him no choice but to buy it. And buy he did as he nodded and agreed on your reasons to go and explore the world.

You left with a resolution to kill anything and everything that resided in your heart when it came to Naruto. But what was your life if not the perfect bed of thorns? Last time you left Sakura was relentless, this time it was Karin who trudged along with you. And while Sakura had been silenced with a quick martial art move on the back, Karin was smarter and she was hell bent on staying.

The more time you spent with Karin the more your motives changed. Your heart still wanted Naruto but there you were with Karin – an Uzumaki and the connection your heart longed for manifested itself in the only way you could understand at that moment. So one night when you'd had enough alcohol in your system to wash away the pain, you let your mind play the tricks as Karin became your Naruto and you delved into one of your favorite fantasy about you and Naruto. Of course, you woke up feeling the sheer regret and misery, but this time the pain wasn't unbearable.

She stayed and you found a connection. You found the route to belong to him, to Naruto, to an Uzumaki. If you couldn't get your hands on the real prize, second-hand goods would have to suffice, not that Karin was complaining as she dutifully stripped each time you asked her to. The procedure was almost mechanical. You gagged her, bound her and filled her night after night with your essence while your mind played the entire scenario with a different person, in a different setting and finally, you found your happiness in your mind palace. You were sure you were screaming his name each time you hit that peak of ecstasy but you did not care.

And what was the need to care? After all you were home with the person you belonged in the castle of your dreams.

The End