Disclaimer: All right, people…you know the drill….I own nothing. Got that? All the characters are either property of the great and wonderful Tamora Pierce…or the equally great and wonderful JK Rowling. All I own is the plot….which, in my opinion…may not be worth owning anyway….

A/N: Ok…this is my first pathetic attempt at a Harry Potter fic…actually…it's my first attempt at a cross-over….so help me out and tell me if its any good when you finish…if you finish…. Um…yeah….anyway….to keep you from being hopelessly confused and everything…this is set after the fourth book of Harry Potter….I think…I hadn't really considered the time frame yet….anyway…I suppose it has to be then since they already know Remus…and Sirius is pardoned and everything…oh wait…was that the third book? I dunno…I haven't read them in a while. Also, it is set after Squire (for the Tamora Pierce characters, anyway). Not that it really matters since its not set in either world, exactly….you just need to know which characters already exist and everything…does this make any sense whatsoever? Probably not…being written by myself as it is and all….but…try? Good luck understanding my sad and sorry plot….enjoy! (I hope….)

Harry Potter and the Twilight Zone

By Erm the Penguin

Chapter 1: In Which We Are No Longer In Kentucky

Harry Potter was dreaming—and it was a very strange sot of dream, too. He dreamed that his whole room had just disappeared. A strange tappity-tap-tap-tap noise drew him out of sleep. He opened his eyes in a blindingly white world that was totally unfamiliar to him. He winced at the brightness and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. The tapping noises increased and when he opened his eyes again, the light had dimmed and he could make out the outlines of a room. How strange, he thought. Harry looked around him, puzzled, and spoke his thoughts out loud "This is a very strange place. I wonder why there aren't any windows or doors…and where is the light coming from?"

There was a quiet mutter and a lot of frantic ticking and the light dimmed even more—enough so that Harry could see blocks of greater light along the walls, and candles set in sconces all around the room.

"That's funny. I could have sworn there were no windows or candles just a minute ago."

A furtive noise that sounded distinctly like a muffled laugh sounded from above him.

"Where is everybody anyway? Where am I? Is this some kind of Death Eater plot?"

Harry looked down. Surprisingly, he wore his Hogwarts robes…but… "Where's my WAND?!?" he demanded. He could have sworn he heard a tiny *oops* before his wand slid out of his sleeve. "Oh is that where you'd gotten to?"

Suddenly, there was a strange burst of light, and from a hole that opened mysteriously in the ceiling fell Ron and Hermione…right on top of Harry. "Umph," he muttered from the bottom of the pile. "When I asked where my friends were, I didn't especially want to find them by having them dumped on me."

His friends, who were still half-asleep took quite a bit of moving to get the off of him. He looked about to see if there was anything to have them sit on, rather than this…floor…if you could call it that…and spotted three cushions in red and gold over in the corner.

"…were they there the whole time?" he mused to himself and then shook his head—there was no need to puzzle it all out yet. He dragged the cushions over to his friends and helped them to get comfortable.

As they were still quite groggy and very dazed from falling from the ceiling, the two took a while before they realized that there was something wrong with this picture.

"Whoa, Harry," began Ron, "where are we?"

Harry just shrugged. "I woke up here a few minutes ago. I have no clue what's going o—" he broke off as two figures walked through a doorway that he was almost positive hadn't been there before. All three stood, their wands out.

"Death Eaters!" Ron hissed.

Harry nodded. Who else would be behind this?

The two figures seemed to have seen them, and they stopped, looking very confused. "Numair, are you sure we didn't take a wrong turn back there? We should be out in the garden by now…and I've never seen this room in the palace before." Daine commented to her teacher. "…and…who are they?" she pointed.

"Palace?" whispered Hermione. They all looked around again, startled to see that they were indeed in a stone room with a roaring fire in it. Three cushions were before the fire, with a small table and a couch behind them. Several passages led out of the room in different directions. She blinked. "Where'd all this come from?" Everyone else just gave her blank stares.

Wands still at the ready, the three advanced on the newcomers. Rather than looking evil, like Death Eaters, or arrogant, like Ministry officials, these people simply looked very puzzled. Harry stepped forward and demanded to know who they were, and what they were planning on doing with them.

Numair frowned. "You don't know who we are? Actually, come to think of it, I've never seen you before in my life either." He gestured to the woman standing next to him, "This is my student, Veralidaine Sarrasri, Wild Mage." Now he pointed at himself, "And I am Numair Salmalin, Black Robe. As to your second question, I do not plan on doing anything with you. I don't even know who you are. Why do you assume we had plans for you?" Numair sounded very confused (which was a rare happening, indeed).

"You mean you aren't Death Eaters?" asked Harry, incredulously.

"What's a Death Eater?" Daine wanted to know. "It doesn't sound like a very pleasant thing to be."

"You don't know what a Death Eater is? Where have you been for the last thirty years?" Ron inquired. "And if you aren't Death Eaters, why have you kidnapped us?"

"Kidnapped!!!" exclaimed a very startled Daine. "We just walked in here and found you. Nobody kidnapped anyone."

The ever practical Hermione voiced, "Then would somebody please explain how we got here???" Everyone turned and looked at her. "What? I want to know!"

Numair turned back to Harry, "Well I for one, would like to know who you are."

Harry grimaced. Reflexively, he reached up and checked to see if his hair was hiding his scar…but….it wasn't. That's odd…usually people would have noticed that and realize who I am by now… Steeling himself for the reaction that was sure to follow when they heard his name, he took a deep breath and announced, "I am Harry Potter, and these are my friends Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley." He waited for either of them to say something, to start gaping at him or shaking his hand or something. But…strangely…nothing happened. Rather than profuse handshakes and "Oh, Mr. Potter, its so good to finally meet you"s he received only blank stares, as though the owners of those faces weren't sure if the names were supposed to mean something to them. Harry turned and looked at Ron and Hermione, to see what their reactions were, and they seemed as mystified as he.

"You mean you've never heard of Harry Potter?" asked Ron, perplexed.

"Should we have?" countered Daine.

Meanwhile, Numair was regarding them carefully. "You're not from Tortall, are you?" he asked suspiciously.

Now it was the Three Musketeers' turn to blink vacantly. Ron and Harry turned to Hermione.

"Where's Tortall?" inquired Ron.

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. I've never heard of it before."

"But…" Daine stuttered, "how could you be here, if you've never even heard of it before?"

"We're in Tortall?" Harry yelped. "Oh dear."

"Yeah, Harry," Ron muttered, "I don't think we're in Kentucky any more."

"That's Kansas, Ron," Hermione whispered back in exasperation.

Ron stuck his tongue out at her, and Harry quickly stepped between the two to keep them from fighting.

In the meantime, Daine had been very quiet. Suddenly, she turned white and started shaking. "Numair!" she whispered frantically. "I can't hear the People!"


"What?" he bellowed. The mage turned around and ran toward the doorway that they had come through. Just as he passed the doorframe, they all heard an incredible *zap!* and light flashed across the door. Numair was thrown back and landed on the floor with a thud. Daine rushed over and knelt by him. "Numair! Oh, Numair! Please wake up!" she said in anguish, shaking his shoulder.

He groaned. Not even opening his eyes, he said clearly, "That was a particularly nasty spell." Opening his eyes at last, he winced and got slowly to his feet. Tediously, he made his way back to the door and began to probe it with his magic, black fire sparkling in the air before him.

While he was occupied, Daine had walked over to a window and peered out, reaching for her animal friends. Rather than a normal scene of grass and trees, only blankness met her eyes. She yelped and stepped away quickly to another window, but she saw only the same bright whiteness. "Numair, you really have to see this!" she declared.

He looked up from his spell. "Hmmmm?"

"There's nothing outside these windows, Numair. Just….white light…I don't think we're in the palace any more."

Ron, Hermione and Harry followed Numair over to the window. They gasped.

"We're definitely not in Korea any more," Ron said.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other. "Kansas, Ron."

A/N: Well? Was that….understandable….at all? And, more importantly, are you interested enough in it to have me continue the tale? Tell me, please!!!! Penguins don't really have knees, or I'd be down on them, begging you…as it is, I'm laying on the ice, as low as I can go…please tell me all my trouble to type this out ever so slowly with just my two little flippers…tell me it wasn't all in vain! *Erm sniffles a sad penguinny sniffle* Don't make me cry…it'll just freeze. Normally I like the cold…but this is taking it just a tad too far, in my opinion…stupid igloo. Anyway….make a little penguin really happy and review, if you would…. ^__^

~ Erm the Penguin ~