A/N: Hey all! This is another old story of mine, which I thought I'd post for fun. This particular 'fic was the most fun to write of anything I've written to date, so here it is! It's not as good as Playing StarClan, but it doesn't suck. xD Enjoy!

summary

In a world where cougars hold reign over the forest and everything around it and ex-warriors hide away in the shadows, Arii lives with a group of cats who train their whole life for the one chance to make a difference. Unlike the others, however, who dedicate their all to their training and their 'Clan', Arii doesn't want her one moment. Because it doesn't matter whether you fail or succeed in your mission.

Either way, you die.

chapter one

Balance. Shift your weight. Dig in your claws. Relax. Again.

This isn't what I wanted.

Jump. Balance. Shift your weight. Dig in your claws. Relax. Again.

I didn't ask to be here, to do this.

"Shift your weight! If you can't get in the right position, you'll fail!"

But I can't get out of it.

"Mousebrains! Like this!"

I jumped. I balanced. I shifted my weight, dug in my claws, and relaxed. I did it again. I did it well, I would succeed in my mission, this was what I was born for.

I was born to die.

Of course. We all die eventually. Why not die saving your 'Clan' members? Why not die remembered for your strength, determination, nobility, and bravery?

Maybe because I wanted to live past the day when the ancient Clan cats became warriors. Perhaps because I wanted to know what it was like to grow old and have others take care of you like you were an asset, not a burden, like the sick, weak, and elderly are here.

Or maybe it's because I didn't want to watch my family and friends leap to their deaths right in front of my eyes, see them fly over the edge and soar like eagles to the bottom of the gorge, their bodies and their prey's twisted awkwardly across the sand-colored stone.

But that's what I was expected to do, as if it was perfectly normal to be happy that your parents, your brother, your mate just killed themselves.

It's not like I ever told anyone how I felt. I acted like everyone else, spoke like everyone else: That I was proud to be doing this. That this was my duty, and I would succeed. I never said a word as one cat after another manipulated the cougars into believing whatever story they told just before they leapt forward and attacked the creature in front of them, both cats, large and small, falling over the edge of the cliff.

It wasn't my place to say anything. I was a small, young apprentice with no experience and no say. Hawk was our leader, our trainer, and we would listen to what he said, not what we wanted, even if anyone thought about this tactic the way I did, which they didn't.

"Dapple, it's like this! Shift your weight to the left, not the right!"

Hawk brushed passed me and stalked over to the small brown and white she-cat. He looked back over his shoulder at the rest of us, our claws buried in the wood of the tree in front of us. "Training is over for today. Go eat something." His head jerked back towards Dapple and he started roughly explaining the procedure to her in low whispers.

A flash of sand-colored fur exploded in the corner of my eyes, and Falcon stood in front of me. "Want to go find something to eat?" he asked, his pale blue eyes sparkling. I felt myself warm up all over and I nodded, stepping away from the tree.

"That would be great," I whispered. His lips twitched up into a smile, and he motioned with his tail for me to follow him. As I drifted behind him, my paws dragging lazily across the ground, I let my gaze wander over the things I liked most about Falcon: His long, easy gait, the way his fluffy tail brushed lightly against the leaves, how the wind lifted the ends of his long fur, and the best, his piercing blue eyes staring deep into mine, as if he could see every emotion I ever have and ever will feel.

Suddenly, he tore forward, his paws throwing up leaves like a cloud of red and yellow and orange. He skidded around a bush, out of my sight, but I could hear his victorious yelp as his claws connected with his prey.

"Aha!" Falcon said as he came back around the bush, a tuft of the rabbit's fur snagging on the branches. He dropped it at my paws and plopped down in front of me. "How's that?"

I smiled, leaning down to take a bite while keeping my eyes on his. He tore off a piece and chewed as I sat back up, his warm breath drifting over my muzzle. We were silent as we finished the prey, and even after we were done Falcon stayed quiet. I could tell something was bothering him, and I tilted my head.

"What's wrong?" I inquired, watching several emotions flit across his face. Finally, sadness settled in his eyes, and he looked at the sky.

"Shade is going on his mission in a few days."

Watching as his shoulders slumped and his ears drooped, I slid forward and touched my nose to the top of his head. Maybe he felt the same way I did about the missions, about the technique we used. Maybe he agreed that there could be a better way. Maybe I wasn't alone. Hope filled my chest, and I looked into his eyes, searching for proof that we had the same opinion.

"But it's his duty, and I shouldn't stop him from carrying out his mission. He's been dreaming about this for moons."

I did the best to keep my disappointment from showing, but I'm not sure it worked. I was alone again. I looked around at all the cats, chewing happily on their meals, looking forward to the day when they would carry out a mission of their own and serve their Clan in what they thought was the best way.

These cats were looking forward to dying.

I had to show them. I had to let them know that there was more to life than this. None of us deserved this.