disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE GETBACKERS. THIS IS NOT MY ANIME. IT BELONGS TO YUYA AOKI AND RANDO AMINE. NOT ME. K?

Ban Mid/Himiko Kudo/Ginji Amano love triangle's a coming!

R&R:)

Ban-chan once said that Himiko-chan seemed so depressed all the time was because she's got no place to go home to anymore. That made me feel so sad, even though I didn't know her too well. I'd love to become her friend, but I don't think she likes me very much. I don't think she likes Ban very much, though, either.

But I know she does actually. I know what he did, and why it seems like she hates him. Her and her brother are Voodoo Children. The curse caught up to Yamato-kun, and I know Ban-chan worries every day that it's going to get to her. I don't know a lot about it, but I know it was so horrible that Ban-chan had to kill him.

Even though I know that Yamato-kun told Ban-chan to kill him, I have mixed feelings about this. I've always known Ban-chan had the strength to kill, but I never knew that he'd actually... actually kill someone. When I think about it, I try to imagine what Himiko-chan must have been thinking when she saw her close friend standing over her brother's corpse. I want to see what happened that day. Did she drop the cake while she screamed? Or did she just start crying as Ban left, completely silent? Did she bury Yamato-kun or call for an ambulence?

But then I think, No. She was only thirteen- there was no way she could've carried her 28 year old brother's body. And why would she bring him to a hospital- he was already dead. And it- it wasn't like they had family to inform.

"Ban-chan?"

Ban doesn't move. He sts in the driver's seat of his 360 Subaru, the seat reclined as far as it could go. He's staring out the window. I can see his awake- his eyes are open in the reflection.

"What?" he pulls the cheap blanket over his shoulder and shivers. He gets lethargic in the winter, and its November.

"Can I... ask you something?"

"If you have to."

"Its about Himiko-chan," he gives no reaction. I continue, "And her brother."

I can see him tense. He moves to lay on his back, his arms folded under the blanket. I turn on my side, propping my head up with my elbow and palm.

"What about them?"

"What... happened that day?"

"What day?"

"You know what day."

He sighs deeply. "What do you mean, what happened?"

"I mean when Himiko-chan came home."

He blinks his eyes. I can only see him blink because his sunglasses have fallen down his nose. He pauses for a long time, and I can see him fight a cringe. He takes a breath, but it sounds shaky and labored. Like he's- he's trying not to cry.

"She didn't know what was going on. She... thought it was a joke." he doesn't look at me. "I just stared at her. I didn't say anything at all. She finally looked at me and-God I remember it all so clearly. She said, 'Ban, what happened?' She dropped the cake and ran to him. She tried to wake him up. Shaking him, calling his name." he pauses again, and I honestly think he tears up. I watch him talk, "She looked at me and was crying. I couldn't say anything. I didn't try to make an excuse or explain it at all.

"I just said... 'I'm sorry.' and she-" he gulps. "-she got this horrible look on her face. This... terrified, surprised, just- horrible. She whispered-" Ban looks away, but I can see in the window that his eyebrows are creased. "She whispered, 'You did this?' I left." Ban pauses again. I just wait. "I ran as far as I could until I collapsed from exhaustion. I went back to the house one day a while after. Himiko was gone. It was just a pile of ashes. I guess Himiko burned it down."

He rolls over and snaps, "Happy now?"

"We should go see her."

"What the hell, man?" his voice gets loud. "Why are you so obsessed with her all of a sudden?

I blush, annoyed. "I'm not obsessed with her."

"What," he looks back at me, his eyes narrow. He snarls. "Do you have a crush on her or something?"

"No-"

"'Cause if you do, I'll tell you this right now, I'm not putting up with your whiny ass when she rejects you."

"I don't-"

"And I swear to God right now," he points at me and I feel scared for a second, "If I ever find out you've had sex with her, I-"

"I don't like her!" I yell to get his attention. I huff, "God. I just wanted to see her because of what you had said. That she doesn't have anything to go home to. I mean, she's 16 years old, lives alone and works full time. She can't be very happy."

Ban faces forward and pulls the lever on the side of his seat to lift his chair up. He swears. "Damn, I hate it when you're right."

He puts the keys in the igntion and I let out a happy laugh, lifting my char up as well. I pump my fists in the air. "Yay, we're gonna see Himiko-chan!"

"Stop yellin'!"

I bounce in my seat the entire time, even though I pretend not to notice that he speeds through a few red lights, making it there in a shorter time than usual. He parks, unbuckles and jumps out of the car before I can even undo my belt. He yells at me to hurry up, because I was the one who wanted to come.

The apartment building looks like a motel, the kinds with the stairs outside.I run up three flights before I start feeling lightheaded. I continue to the fifth floor, and knock hard on her door. Ban-chan is still at the second floor- he's so slow in the winter!- and I can hear a groan from the other side on the door. It flies open and Himiko yells, "Its like three in the friggen morning!"

She sees me and blinks her violet eyes. "Ginji-kun?"

"Hi, Himiko-chan!" I grin, bouncing around. "What's up?"

I notice that she's in her pajamas, which looks like just a spaghetti strap shirt and shorts that don't cover any of her legs. The straps of her shirt fall down her arms, making it obvious that she's not wearing a bra. Her hair's dissheveled, so she was probably sleeping or at least in bed.

"I was trying to go to sleep." she leans against the door frame, not wanting to let me in. She shirts her weight onto her other foot. Himiko-chan goes on, "What do you want?"

"Just to say hi." Ban-chan shows up behind me and Himiko stands up straight, her eyes wide. She fixes her strap and starts to blush.

"Ban-kun, what are you doing here?"

"I drove the dumbass." he pushes past her and walks into her apartment. Himiko-chan turns around and says, "You can't just invite yourselves into my home!"

"Yeah, yeah." I walk in and close the door before running to her couch. I flop down, my feet on the arm.

"This is such a great apartment, Himiko-chan!" I say. "But its so good. Don't you get lonely?"

She pauses, and I know I've struck a chord. She blinks, her arms folded. She forgets Ban is raiding her refrigorator and seems to be letting me into her mind.

"Well, I mean- I guess- Yeah, sometimes, but... I work all the time so it doesn't really matter." she shrugs.

"That's so sad." I frown. She shrugs. "I'd be lonely a lot. Especially if I was sixteen and lived alone."

The look on her face made me wish I hadn't said anything. She cringes, and looks like she's about to cry. She opens her mouth to speak but stops when Ban-chan comes up behind her and says, "We could always move in with you."

She scoffs and turns around to look at him. "You can't afford a meal, let alone rent. Besides, I wouldn't let you live here anyway."

Ban-chan walks up to her and drapes his arms around her shoulders. He lowers his glasses to the end of his nose and smirks, "Too bad. We could have a lot of fun."

Himiko-chan seems mesmorized as he speaks. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is partially open. I see her tongue dart out to moisten her lips, like she's waiting for Ban-chan to kiss her. He starts to lower his head, and she doesn't move. I guess he takes this as a good sign, because he moves his head closer to hers, until his head is almost horizantal. She's a lot shorter than him, so he has to move a lot to line up.

But Himiko-chan moves back. She pushes his arm away and storms into her bedroom. She slams the door hard. It rattles the lamp beside me. Ban sighs, "Damn it."

"Why'd you do that?" I ask, like I don't already know.

"I have no clue." he walks to her door and leans his shoulder on it. He raps on the wood with his knuckles. "Come on, Himiko-chan, I'm sorry."

"Get out!" she yells through the door.

"Not until you open up."

All of a sudden, she throws open the door. I don't think Ban was expecting her to open it -I wasn't either- because he almost fell over. He catches himself as Himiko pushes back her purple/green bangs. Then, she starts in on him.

"Do you want to know why you will never live here?" she snaps, her voice eerily quiet. "Because one moment, you are teasing me and calling me a kid and a brat and acting like you're so much better than I am! And then the next thing I know, you're leaning like you're going to kiss me. And you know what- you did the exact same thing when we lived with my big brother!" Ban-chan cringes. Himiko-chan does, too. "I don't know why you came here at three in the morning, but if you came to try and do something while your friend-" she points at me- "is asleep on the couch, you're more perverted and delusional than I knew."

"Him-Himiko-chan," I stand up. "It wasn't Ban-chan's idea to come. It was mine." she blinks. "I was just worried that you were, you know, lonely."

"But why?" she shakes her head. "Why were you worried about me?"

"Because we care about you." I was going to say it, but Ban-chan stole my words. She folds her arms and looks at him.

"I'm sorry." she whispers. She shakes her head. "God, I'm sorry, Ban-chan. I didn't-"

"Its fine." he reaches out to her, putting his hand on her neck. She closes her eyes and leans into his touch. But she opens her eyes and says, "I still hate you."

"I'm not to thrilled with myself pretty often, either."

"And I'm still going to take your life."

"You can have it. You know that."

"You still have to get out." Ban-chan starts to object, but she cuts him off, "In the morning. I'll help you set up the futon."

She walks over to me and starts to pull the cushions off the couch. She instructs Ban-chan to move the coffee table and tells me to get sheets out of the closet in her bedroom. I'm not surprised that her room is obsessively clean. She always seemed like the kind of girl who was compulsively organized. I find the sheets at the top of her closet, and reach to get them. I pull them down and walk to the doorway. But I stop and hide behind the wall, peeking only a bit to see outside.

The bed is completely pulled out. Ban-chan and Himiko-chan are sitting at foot, her back towards me. Ban-chan's hands are on her shoulders, but I think her hands are still in her lap. I can barely hear him, "...missed you a lot."

"Don't say things like that, Ban-kun." she whispers.

"Himiko-chan..." his voice trails off. He starts to move towards her, but she pulls away.

"You should only kiss people you like and have feelings for."

Ban just looks at her and then starts towards her again. She doesn't move this time. I watch as her eyes get wide, so I can only imagine that he kisses her. She pushes him away and stands up, snapping, "I'm so sick of you, Ban-kun."

I hide behind a wall as Ban tries to ask what's wrong. She goes on yelling. I didn't want to listen, but I basically heard that she's sick of him constantly toying with her emotions. Kissing her and then brushing her aside. She wants him to make a desicion and if he can't chose, then he has to stop.

I slide down to the ground, hugging the sheets to my chest. Her words even get to me, because I know that underneath it all, Ban-chan really cares about her. After a few moments of silence, I hear, "Get out."

I look up and see Himiko-chan in the door way. I stand up and walk past her. As soon as I'm out of the room, she closes the door. Ban-chan's setting up the bed. I say, "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Come on- tell me."

"No," he looks at me, his eyes hard. "Nothing happened. She rejected me." he turns back to the sheets in his hand. "As usual."

"As usual?"

"Yeah. You think this is the first time she's told me off for trying to kiss her?"

"No, I guess that sounds about right." he doesn't answer, as he starts to set up the bed. I just watch, because I feel like he'll kill me if I try to help. When he's done, he completely flops on his stomach, burying his head in the pillow. I lay down on the other side, but I feel restless. Ban is too, I can tell by the way he keeps rolling over and sighing. After a while -proably a half hour- he stops moving and his breathing gets even.

I check, and his eyes are closed, his mouth slightly parted. I sit up and stand. I'm worried about Himiko, like I was when I suggested coming here, so I go to her door and knock lightly. I can barely hear her telling Ban to go away. I say through the door that its me, and she hesitates, but says I can come in.

She's just sitting on her bed against the headboard, hugging her pillow to her chest. She glances at me, but she averts her violet eyes to the pillow. I close the door behind me and I say, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" she rolls her eyes, blowing up so her bangs fly and then fall back into her face. She pushes them out of her eyesight and sighs. "No, I'm not alright. Not at all."

I walk over to her and sit criss crossed beside her. She scootches over a bit and I say, "Ban-chan won't admit it, but he really does care about you." she looks up at me. "A lot. He told me about what happened... with your brother." she doesn't gasp, but her eyes get wide and her mouth opens again. "And I understand why you're upset. But-"

"There are no 'but's."

"But I'm worried about you."

She furrows her eyebrows. "Why?"

"Well," I smile. "Because you're my friend. It doesn't matter if you're an ally or an enemy. You're still my friend and I care about you."

I don't know what to say after that, and Himiko is staring up at me, her eyes wide. But its not like... she's upset. As soon as I start to realize that that's the same look she gave Ban, its too late. She puts her hand on the back of my head, closes her eyes, and kisses me.

At first, I don't know what to do. My insides are in knots. My heart started thumping hard and fast. She pulls back, and starts to say something, but I just move my head towards hers. When I kiss her, my mouth starts to tingle. I've kissed girls before, but I've never made out with any of them. It wasn't that Himiko-chan and I were making out, per say, but I really wanted to.

I've never told Ban-chan, but in the past, I have felt something for Himiko-chan. I mean, she's real pretty and she's so independent. She's smart and quick witted and deals with people like no one I've ever seen. But every time I think of her like that, I think of Ban-chan and I immediately feel horrible because I know how he feels about her. If he knew that I was here, holding her and kissing her, he would freak out. Not even just a little. A lot. Like the word "freak" would be in bold print and italicized.

But because she kissed me first, I don't feel as bad. I still feel like I'm betraying Ban-chan, but every thought in my head is completely gone. I can only think about -if I can call it thinking- how soft Himiko-chan's lips are and how her fingers are in my blond hair and how small she feels in my arms.

But then, I remember Ban-chan again. This was the girl that I know he went to bed thinking about. I know- because he's said her name in his sleep before. This is the girl that he calls every few days, just to say hi. I know I did the same thing tonight, but it was the first time I did.

I put my hands on Himiko-chan's shoulders and lightly push her back. I shake my head. I say, "I'm sorry, Himiko-chan. Ban-chan is my best friend." I grab her wrists and put them in her lap. But I take her hands in mine, like that'll make what I'm going to say not as difficult. "And I don't feel right kissing the girl that I know he has feelings for."

"He doesn't-"

"Yes he does!" I feel bad for snapping, because she winces. "Sorry. I'm sorry- trust me, really, really sorry. And... as much as I think about how I wonder what it'd be like to be the object of your affection, I can't betray Ban- no matter what anyone says about him using people and getting rid of them. I care about the both of you, and I know how much you both care about each other. What can I say?" I chuckle. "I ship you and Ban-chan."

Luckily, she laughs, her head down. I frown, but try to smile. I lightly nudge her chin with my hand. I see the corner of her mouth lift up. She says, "Am I a bad person?"

"Not at all."

"I guess I was..." she shakes her head. "Depressed. I don't know. When Ban-chan started to kiss me, I just... remembered when he used to kiss me-"

"You've kissed before?"

"Yeah. He kissed me a few times. I just remembered and I got scared because I kept thinking about how he... kissed me and then-" she gulps, tears coming to her eyes. It honestly surprises me. "And then Brother and I came home and we caught him making out with this- this-" she shakes her head. "This... big-breasted red head in a school girl uniform with- with the knee high socks and everything and I just- it hurt so bad." she closes her eyes. "And I am so scared that that will happen again."

"It won't." I shake my head back and forth. "And if it did, you can be sure I'd turn his nuts to charcle." she smiles. "He'd never cheat on you. If he ever works up the nerve to tell you how he feels, he won't ever let you go."

"You think so?" she looks up at me, almost hopefully, and my chest twists.

"I know so."

I hold her hands for a few more seconds, staring at her dark skin. It takes me a few seconds to comprehend what I'm seeing, and when I figure it out, I turn her hand over so its palm up. There are light brown scars down her right arm.

"H...Himiko-chan." I shake my head. "What the... What is this?"

She pulls her hands back. "Don't tell Ban. Please. I'm begging you." she takes a breath. "Its over, I swear. I don't cut anymore. Please don't tell Ban-kun."

"I won't. I swear, I won't. Get some sleep, Himiko-chan." I ruffle her hair, but lean forward and kiss her forehead. I stand up and walk to her door. She smiles and waves halfheartedly. I grin and lift up my pointer finger and middle finger before I leave. I close the door, and lay back down on the futon. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Its two days before the guilt of kissing Himiko-chan makes me feel weary. Sitting in the Honky Tonk, I'm not even paying attention as Ban-chan argues with Paul-san about our tab. Natsumi-chan is just laughing with Hevn-san about something. I'm not listening- staring into my hot chocolate, until Ban-chan yells, "Right, Ginji?"

"What?" I look up. His blue eyes are big and his eyebrows are furrowed under his sunglasses.

"Man, you have been spacing out since we left Himiko's place!" he shouts at me. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Not-Nothing."

"Someone's lying." Natsumi-chan teases in a singsong voice. She giggles. I try to laugh but I just sip my cocoa.

"Obviously something's wrong. What is it?" Ban-chan's not yelling anymore. Instead, he's acting like my best friend, which really, he is, even if it doesn't seem like it. He's looking at me with a face that seems hard to anyone who doesn't know him, but I know he's actually concerned.

My throat gets dry, my stomach turning in agony. I turn in my stool and take a breath.

"The other night- at Himiko-chan's apartment- while you were asleep, I went to make sure she was alright."

"Ok..." his voice trails off.

I gulp but there's nothing to swallow.

"I kissed her."

At first, he doesn't respond. His eyes just get wide. I get scared, because I can see his rage in the way his shoulders clench and his hand tightens around his coffee much. All of a sudden, the mug breaks and I have a sharp pain in the back of my head. My neck feels tight. Someone screams. Someone yells Ban-chan's name and someone yells mine.

I can't breathe- I open my eyes and see Ban-chan's fuming face in front of me. His left hand is on my neck. I kick my feet, but I can't feel the ground. I start to panic.

I keep trying to get air into my lungs but it just hurts. I close my eyes, and all of a sudden, the pressure on my neck lets up. I fall to the ground and gasp for breath as I hear, "Over a hundred million fucking girls in Japan and she's the one you decide to make out with!?"

"Ban, calm down!" Paul yells and I realize he's holding him back.

"Of all the girls!" Ban yells as Hevn and Natsumi help me stand up. I get to my feet, coughing and wheezing. "Is that why you wanted to go that night? So you could make out with her?!"

"No!" I shout, but my voice cracks. I try to yell back but it just comes out a cracked gasp, "Not at all."

"Then why!" he pulls his arms out of Paul's grasp and clenches his fist. His sneer is ice cold.

When I feel my strength come back to me, I yell back, "Why did I kiss the girl that you've never shown a long term interest for?" he starts to say something, but I interupt. "Maybe she wouldn't have kissed me had you been so damn selfish!"

"Selfish?" Ban repeats, aghast. "I'm selfish?"

"Yes, you're selfish! You're so busy wrapped up in keeping up with this facade that you don't realize how much you're hurting her!"

"Ginji, you don't know shit."

"I know she's depressed because of you! Because you're too proud to think of anyone but yourself-"

"If I was selfish-" he points at me, and I unfortunately flinch. "-I would've convinced her to have sex with me when she was fucking thirteen years old. That way when she actually found someone she wanted to give it up to, there'd be nothing to give. That's selfish," he hisses at me. "No, instead, I actually let this-this-this-" he pauses. "This absolutely horrible feeling in my stomach control what I did and I let myself get hurt."

I think he's shaking. His fingers are trembling when he points at me again. "You're always bitching about how you know me and you know how I feel and you can relate to me and whatever other sentimental shit you always try to talk about." he puts his hands at his sides. "Since you know me so well... why couldn't you figure out that- oh hey, maybe you shouldn't make out with the girl that's been making me second guess myself for almost five years."

Its silent. I feel worse than ever, but still I say, "She's depressed because of your dumbass stunts when you were younger. Do you even know that she used to cut her skin? You said that she burned down that house you lived in- what if that was a suicide attempt that she lived through?" I can tell what I'm saying's got to him, because his eyes get wide and his shoulders fall. "What if she does it again? She was so upset that she kissed me. But I stopped. What if she kisses someone who doesn't stop and has her do something she's not ready for?" the thought makes my stomach twist. "If it makes my stomach hurt, it has to make you want to vomit."

"It does." he says, to my surprise.

"I know it does, but she doesn't know it does. She just needs to know that you care."

Ban's breathing suddenly gets heavy, like everything that I said is finally starting to set in. He shakes his head, his fists clenching again. I have just enough time to duck before he puts his fist through the wall. I know it wouldn't have hit me otherwise, but still I moved out of the way. Paul yells about the broken wall.

"Ban-" I start to say, but I'm cut off, "God, Ban, you just cause destruction wherever you go, don't you?"

I look, and Himiko-chan's standing in the doorway, her arms folded. She's wearing a tight purple shirt and black jeans. She must be taking a day off, since her clothes are so casual. When she unfolds her arms, she puts her left hand into her pocket and walks towards us.

Before I could even say anything, Himiko furrows her eyebrows and asks, "What happened?" she touches the base of my neck. "There's a bruise forming."

I glance at Ban-chan, and he averts his eyes. "I just got hurt is all."

"Yeah, I get that. How, I mean?"

"On a job."

She looks around, her eyes never landing on Ban. "Why is everyone standing around here?"

Hevn sighs and folds her arms over her breasts. "Ban had an anxiety attack."

Himiko just rolls her eyes. "I should have figured as much." she turns to Paul. "Can I get a cup of coffee?"

"Sure." he looks at Ban for a moment before going before the counter to make the cup of coffee. Hevn and Natsumi go back to the counter, but I don't move as Ban turns to Himiko and says, "Why'd you burn down the house?"

She looks at him. "What house?"

"You know damn well what house."

She hesitates, folding her arms. "Brother needed a proper burial. You weren't there to help me, so I did it myself."

"Were you inside the house when you lit it on fire?"

Himiko narrows her eyes. "What? Why would you-"

All of a sudden, Ban walks towards her and puts his arms around her, pulling her into him. I hear Himiko gasp. He whispers something into her ear, and her face turns red. After a minute, Himiko puts her arms around his back, putting her head in his shoulder. I can't help but feel my chest start to twist. They fit so perfectly together. When I think about getting in between them, I feel like the shittiest person in the world.

"Uhm, Himiko-San," Natsumi says, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. "Here's your coffee-" Himiko looks at her over her shoulder. "-Just the way you always get it."

"Oh," she pulls away from Ban and walks to the counter. Ban lightly cringes. Himiko takes the coffee and smiles. "Thank you, Natsumi-kun."

Natsumi giggled and went back to cleaning dishes. Ban walks to sit beside Himiko, as she stands on her toes to sit back onto a stool. She takes a sip of her coffee, and makes a comment about how it tasted good. Natsumi thanks her, and they talk for a few minutes about coffee. Himiko had gone out to get coffee beans but instead decided to come here instead. As they talk, I sit on the other side of her.

"Plus, I was kind of bored." Himiko admits, smiling. I don't think she notices Ban staring at her intently. She looks at him and says, "I saw your car outside and thought maybe you'd-"

She stops talking, and I look to see why. She wasn't moving, and Ban looked close to her. It takes me a second to figure out that he kissed her. All of a sudden, I snap. I just suddenly got completely furious- furious enough to jump up and tackle him.

Paul just groaned as Hevn and Natsumi screamed at me to stop. But as I tried to fight Ban, I heard Himiko scream his name. I don't even really know what I'm doing, but I'm completely enraged. Every punch I try to throw, Ban catches it and struggles against me. But I"m sitting on top of him, holding him down.

But then, I get a smell of something sweet, like hot chocolate, and I immediately feel drowzy. My eyesight gets blurry and I fall sideways onto the ground. I close my eyes and pass out.

When I wake up, I can't remember where I am. I blink, and then realize I'm laying in one of the beds in Paul's apartment above the Honky Tonk. Its a pink comforter ,and feels soft, like fleece. The walls are pink, too, so I can only imagine this is where Natsumi sleeps. My head is killing me, and then I remember what happened.

I attacked Ban for kissing Himiko. Just like he attacked me for kissing her. I start to get up, but I hear, "You really hit your head hard."

Its Himiko's voice. Ban's voice replies, "Crazy asshole."

"Why did he lunge at you?" I look out of the corner of my eyes and see Ban sitting up on the other bed with Himiko kneeling behind him. She's dabbing at his head with what looks like a wet wash cloth. She makes a "tsk" noise, her eyebrows furrowing. "Its still bleeding."

"Head wounds bleed more profusely. He lunged at me because I kissed you."

"Why?" Ban hisses in pain and she apoligized. "This might need stitches."

"Its fine. Himiko-san, Ginji told me what happened." Himiko freezes. "He told me he kissed you."

She pauses, and then says, still dabbing at his head, "I almost apoligized but you don't own me. Its none of your concern who I decide to kiss."

"I know. But I made a promise to keep you safe and I can't if you're with someone else."

"So I'm not with you, but I can't be with anyone else."

"No, that's not what-"

"Then what?" she sits back on her heels and drops the wash cloth into a bucket on the floor.

Ban doesn't say anything, and I just keep thinking, "Tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her." Finally, he says, "Maybe you're just too young to be, you know, dating and being sexually active with a guy."

"Ban, I'm not having sex, and besides, even if I was, its none of your concern."

"It is my concern."

"Why?"

He turns around to look at her. "I thought we've decided this already."

"Decided what?"

"When the time comes, I'm taking your virginity."

"What makes you so sure?" she hisses, glaring.

"Its already decided."

They stare at each other for a few seconds, before it looks like they're going to kiss. But Himiko looks away. She reaches back into the bucket and grabs the washcloth, which is now soaking. She rings it and says, "Turn around so I can clean the wound."

"Alright." he turns, silent. Neither of them say anything for a few minutes, until Himiko puts the cloth down. She puts her arms on her either side of his head and pulls him backwards into her, her hands around his neck.

"Thank you." she says.

"What for?" Ban puts a hand on hers, leaning back on his other elbow.

"Caring about me so much."

"You should probably thank Ginji then, too."

"I will. But you come first."

"I do?"

She nods her head. "You always come first."

This makes my chest ache. I know that if they had to chose, they would chose each other. After a few moments, Himiko stands up and says, "Get some rest, but don't go to sleep, because then you might have a concussion." she wipes her hands on the back of her pants. "Be careful."

"Himiko-chan?" Ban asks, rolling onto his side. He hugs the pillow and looks up at her. "Do you cut yourself?"

"Wha-"

"Gin told me."

"Look, Ban-"

He reaches to her left arm and pulls her down to the bed. She tries to get up, but he pulls her again, so now, she's laying down on her stomach, and partly on top of him. He lifts up her arm, and says, "These look bad."

"Its fine."

"You sound like me." Ban chuckles. "But don't do this anymore, really. Its dangerous and if clients see it, they won't hire you."

"Why not?"

"Because they'll think that you're too immature. Keep this covered and wash it."

"I thought I was taking care of you." she sits up. "Not the other way around."

He puts an arm around her waist and puts his head against her side. He shakes his head, and because I know him, I know he's taking in her natural scents. He says, "Stay here for a little while."

"Why?"

"Because."

"You know..." she lays back down, her back to Ban-chan, "If you want me to lay beside you, just ask me."

"Why? When I knew you were going to whether or not I told you to."

"You didn't tell me to. You asked me to and I did." she scoots closer to him and he puts his arm around her. She shuts her eyes. "I miss being here."

"In Natsumi's bed?"

"No!" she laughs. "I mean like this. With you holding me."

"Why did you kiss Ginji?"

Himiko pauses and I close my eyes, just listening.

"Because I was upset."

"But why, though? Why were you so upset?"

"Becasue...sometimes I feel like this- warm and... light. I feel relaxed and calm... but when you... I mean, you act so stoic, but I know how much certain things hurt you."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"See!? And then you get like that!"

"Himiko-chan, you know that I know you're right. Alright? You are one hundred percent right and that scares the living shit out of me. I don't want you to be right. I don't want you to know me as well as you do, and I hate that. And I hate it even more that something I said or did made you think that maybe kissing another guy will make it go away." he pauses. "Did it ever go away when you were cutting?"

"No."

"Exactly. If you use a guy to make you feel better, its the same as being self-abusive. Next time you're upset or depressed or pissed, just find me, tell me and I'll let you beat the shit out of me."

She laughs, and there's a pause before she answers. "Thank you, Ban-chan."

"You're welcome."

I open my eyes and sit up. Himiko gasps, leaning on her elbow. I look at her as she says, "Gin-kun, you're awake."

"Yeah... I'm sorry I kissed you, Himiko-ch... Himiko-san." I say, turning my back to them as I stand up. "I get it now. Ban will always come first. But..." I turn halfway, and smile, though I feel like crying. "Can I be a close second?"

"Sure." she smiles. "And thank you for being so kind when I was upset."

"You're my friend." I grin. "Its an obligation."

I understand now. I see the way she looks up at Ban, and the way he stares down at her. I can see every unspoken word between them. I know that in each other's hearts and mind, the other will always be first. They need each other, and, well... who am I to get in the way of that?

I guess it was that moment that I decided that, despite how I felt about Himiko, I would make sure they were happy together. I needed them to be happy for me to be happy for them. The only thing I feared was how long that would take, because damn if I didn't want to kiss her again.

But when I start thinking about how I want to kiss her, I realize that for every time I think that, Ban has probably thought it four more times. And I know that Himiko feels the same way about him. And at this point, I'll do anything to make sure Himiko's happy. Besides, its all about her. The only thing is... everything Ban does is all about her, too.