The Origin of Eds

By: Jaha Canon

Disclaimer: I still do not own the Eds, I probably never will. You'd think with this note I would stop my senseless disclaimers… oh well.

Jaha: Yep, for once I am doing an "ordinary" fanfic. No animal narrations, no new characters (like Rolf's family), etc… Well, I hope it's not going to be too "ordinary"… that would be very out of character for me ^_^!

Cactus Buddy: Jaha, I don't know how much computer time we have, let's just get to writing.

Jaha: Okay okay… so here's The Origin of Eds…

Eddy's POV

I remember the last thing my brother told me before he left. First, he handed me a jawbreaker and I stuck it in my mouth. I never had one before until this one. I was eager to see what it was like since my brother seemed to enjoy them so much. I was hooked right away, but you already know about that, don't you? Anyway, my brother just smiled at me, the younger version of himself, and said that it would be through these candies which I would grow up to be just like him. He raised me to scam, but I am not very good at it. I am kind of short, not exactly a muscle man and I am not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Not that I am going to go around advertising that, no way, as far as everyone else is concerned, I consider myself the best. That's the way it works in my family, after all. I asked my brother how my short and kind of slow "friend" could possibly pull off the art of scamming. He told me that my "friend" (he knew very well I had none) should start off with a couple of pals to help out. Then he called me a twerp and was gone.

Great… where am I going to get friends?

No problem! There are plenty of saps in this cul-de-sac who would be happy to do my bidding- err… I mean, be my friends. Like that Kevin loser, or maybe that wood loving Jonny. PLENTY of saps (heh, saps… wood). I walk over to Kevin.

"Hey Kev! What's up?"

Kevin looked up, he frowned.

"Dork!" he said as he rode away.

My brother has only been gone 5 minutes and I am already losing respect! What's up with that?

Okay, so, looking further over my list. Let's see… there is that wimpy kid, Jimmy, but he'll just cramp my style. He isn't good for anything anyways. I wouldn't pick any girls either, it just wouldn't work with any of them in this neighborhood. I guess that Sarah Jimmy's always hanging out with has a brother, but he doesn't get out much. I shouldn't take any chances.

Jonny is a definite no. If I had to spend an extended amount of time around that weirdo, I might think I hear that plank of wood speaking. Rolf? Well, the guy scares me, besides, he only has time for farming and chores… boring. There is this one kid in the house on the corner but I've never met him, I guess he's one of those quiet, mama's boy types.

Okay, so I guess I am alone in this. No big deal. All I gotta do is get together a scam.

I got it! The best scam this world has ever seen! My brother would be so proud!

I can make a giant slot machine! Put it in the middle of the park. Those suckers would put all their money in it, expecting to win… but they won't. It's okay, bro, your little brother's going to be okay!

Now all I gotta do is build it. I gathered some random household appliances and stacked them up in the part in a shape that KIND of looked like a slot machine.

Something was missing…

Suddenly, I noticed someone walking by, carrying a refrigerator. The had a vacant look to him. He went to the swings, put the refrigerator next to him, and sat down. He looked at his feet, studying his shoes. Wait… I think I know the guy, that's Sarah's brother…

"Hey! Come here!" I called.

The boy looked behind him, and then under his shoe, in the refrigerator… After a long search to find whoever else I could have been calling, he came over to me.

"Hullo! My name is Ed aka the man of sushi from planet Scotland!"

Okay… that WAS confusing.

"I'm Eddy. Why do you have that refrigerator?"

"Baby sister told me not to come back" Ed replied chuckling to himself.

"Why do you have that refrigerator?" I ask again, this guy's kind of annoying, but in a funny sort of way.

"Sarah told me I can bring a snack"

"Big appetite you got there, big guy!" I said.

He smiled, "You too!"

Ed, then, noticed my scam. His eyes widened in panic.

"Is that the mutant from 'I Was A Mutant in the Park Near Your House' the sequel?"

"No, it's a slot machine."

"Next to my big toe it is" Ed said with disbelief.


As much as it didn't make much sense to me, he was right. It didn't look or act as a slot machine should. It WAS missing something. I looked at his refrigerator… THAT'S what it needs. Errr… I think.

"Hey, it's Ed right? Can I borrow your refrigerator?"

Ed froze, pondering on how to answer. I must have waited there for hours as he pondered his difficult question.

"47?" he asked.

"GIVE ME YOUR REFRIGERATOR!" I shouted.

"Awww… that was going to be my next guess." Ed complained. He picked up his refrigerator and dropped it directly on my foot.

"EEOOOUUCHH!"

"Whoops, sorry!" Ed replied trying to look innocent.

Heh, no problem, big guy, I am going to be rich. I can just pick this thing up off my foot and bring it over to the- ARG… it's too heavy.

"Hey Lumpy" I said. This guy's got a nickname already, "want to help me move this refrigerator?"

Ed easily picked up the refrigerator and put it among the rest of my junk… I mean slot machine. This guy could be of some help, I should enlist him as one of my lackeys… I mean "friends". He, then, turned to me and saluted.

"Good work, private" I said, while laughing.

Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me.

"Messy messy messy!"

I turn to see another guy, I guess he's from that house on the corner. You know, the guy I mentioned earlier. Never really seen him before, but what I see now only confirms my suspicions. Yep, quiet mama's boy. He wore a sock hat on his head.

"Mess? This is a grade A scam you're looking at!" I told him.

The new guy looked over my creation.

"What is it?" he asked.

"A slot machine." I said proudly.

"I guess it could be a slot machine." the boy said squinting and tilting his head.

Okay, now, I'm mad. "Well, let's see you improve it." I challenged. The guy just walked up to the slot machine and started moving things around. Whenever he couldn't move something, he asked Ed to help him.

"Hey! You're ruining it" I called out, but he didn't hear me.

I turn away, I couldn't bear to watch.

"COMPLETE!" I heard his chirpy voice say behind me. I turned around to see the damages.

What damages? Somehow, with all those random household items, the guy made an exact replica of the slot machine. It was awesome.

"Although I don't approve of the habit of wasting money, nonetheless, I think I did a good job." he said, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"It's okay…" I say, I am not going to let him know he did a better job than I did. Err… even though it's actually works as a slot machine should. This guy's smart. Maybe he could have some use too.

"I'm Edward, by the way, and you are?"

"Names Eddy, that's Ed over there." This guy needs a nickname, I never liked being called Edward, no friend of mine is going to be called Edward either.

Ed ran up to us. Pretending to be a plane or something.

"Hello, you must be Ed. I'm Edward."

Ed blinked, "If I am Ed then I am Edward, but if Edward is Ed, then Edward is me and I am Edward which is kind of like Eddy who is also Edward who is Ed and Eddy so if there were two Ds in Ed, than that would also be Edward so you should be called Double D!"

Edward, now Edd or Double D, looked really confused. He didn't know what to think of his new names.

Yeah, that name, Double D had a good ring to it, "Yeah! You are now going to be called Double D!"

Edd looked uncomfortable, "Well, okay. I've never had a nickname before"

"Get used to it, Sockhead! Now, about this slot machine scam. Let's build a casino around it!"

Oh yeah, those were the good old days, the kids were not used to our scams yet, so they fell for them hook, line, and stinker. I took the boys to the candy store where I introduced them to the greatness known as Jawbreaker. And so the Eds were born!

-End-

Jaha: R+R, I don't know how good this is. I actually usually dislike most everything I write until a minimum of 3 days after I post them. I hope you enjoyed it!

Cactus Buddy: Oy oy oy *shakes head*