**Dumbledore's Really, Really Bad Day**
**By The Mysterious Ms. Obvious**
**Bwahahahahaha, fear me, bizznatch!!!**
Albus Dumbledore rose from his bed, awaiting the new day that had just risen. He breathed in the fresh air, stood up...and tripped over a stiff, dead carcass. Dumbledore crashed forward, over the carcass, and landed facedown. It kind of hurt.
"Alas, I seemed to have tripped over something," Dumbledore said obviously. He stood up to see whose carcass it was. It was the ever-so-annoying, creepily bugged-eyed Colin Creevy, who had apparently come into Dumbledore's room in the middle of the night and had attempted to take a picture of him. But, thanks to Dumbledore's excessive sleep movement, he had karate-chopped Colin into several bite-sized pieces. It was quite a disgusting sight to see.
"Hmm...I'll call Argus down to throw away this disgusting filth, then, it's time for breakfast," Dumbledore said. He quickly dressed into purple robes and called Argus Filch down to his office. Argus entered looked extremely pissed. He held Mrs. Norris in his arms, and, like a cat, was using his tongue to lick her clean.
"Yes, Headmaster?" he said, coughing up a hairball.
"Colin Creevy is dead. Would you please clean him up and dispose of him in the Forbidden Forest? His blood is staining the quilt I put together," Dumbledore stated casually.
"Why should I?" Argus whined.
"Because it's your job."
"But I don't wanna."
Dumbledore suddenly became quite terrifying. His blue eyes became bloodshot and he started to breathe fire. No, really, he did. He singed Mrs. Norris quite badly. Dumbledore then cleared his throat and said politely, "Please, Argus."
Argus sighed. "Alright, then." Argus began to clean up as Dumbledore went downstairs to the Great Hall. He entered and sat in his chair among the other teachers.
"Good morning, Albus," Madam Pomfrey chirped.
"Good morning, dear Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore replied cheerfully.
Madam Pomfrey slapped Albus across the face. "I am MARRIED, you bastard! Watch your mouth!"
Dumbledore shrugged and thought nothing of this. There was a sudden loud chirping of owls (owls chirp...?) and the owl post arrived. Hundred of owls flew over the students, dropping envelopes and parcels. One swooped over towards Dumbledore. Dumbledore was about to catch his letter, when SMACK! The owl hit him square in the forehead. Dumbledore fell backwards in his chair. Unfortunately for the owl, it was under the chair at the time Dumbledore fell. With a sickening thud, Dumbledore squashed the owl dead, spraying blood everywhere. Dumbledore sighed and hastily picked himself up. He took the letter from the dead owl, picked his chair back up, sat down, and opened the letter.
"Ah, it's a letter from Sirius," he said to himself quietly. He opened the letter and read it.
"Dear Dumbledore," the letter from Sirius read. "I'm coming to Hogwarts. Yes, I know, my name hasn't been cleared yet, and yes, I know, only you, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Remus believe that I'm innocent, but hey...that's five! I say the odds are pretty good. So I'm coming down. I'll arrive noisily through the entrance to the Great Hall, about three and a half seconds after you finishing reading this letter. Sincerely yours, Sirius."
Dumbledore let out a great gasp, his eyes turning toward the Great Hall entrance. One and a half seconds after Dumbledore had read the letter, Dumbledore let out a nervous whimper. Two seconds, he stood up. Three seconds, Dumbledore started to cry out "No, Sirius!" in slow motion. Three and a half seconds...nothing happened. Another owl dropped a letter into Dumbledore's hand (this one died by being gored on the pole of a Hogwarts flag). Dumbledore quickly opened it and read it.
"Dear Dumbledore," the letter read, "Haha! I got you good! I bet you did the 'No, Sirius!' yell-out in slow motion and everything. That was hilarious. Even though I didn't get to see it. Did you shit yourself as well? I sure hope so. Ah, well, I've wasted my time and yours. Sincerely, Sirius."
Dumbledore sighed and sat in his chair. He took a deep breath. Sirius was right...Dumbledore had shit himself. Then, he screamed, "DAMN YOU, SIRIUS, DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"
Even though he had screamed so loud that the Aborigines tribes could hear him from Australia, no one looked up. Instead, they continued eating cheerfully.
Blah, blah, blah, people ate breakfast, more innocent owls died, you know the drill...ah, here we are. Dumbledore returned to his office and sat at his desk. That seems to be his job, is just to sit at his desk and seem happy. He looked over at Fawkes. Instead of Fawkes, there was a rather large snake in Fawkes' cage, and a mysteriously phoenix-shaped thingy in its stomach.
Dumbledore sighed. "This is one fricked-up day."
Suddenly, James Potter burst through Dumbledore's office door. He went up to his desk and...hey, wait. James Potter is dead, isn't he? Well, I guess this part won't fit very well. Let's go back.
Dumbledore sighed. "This is one fricked-up day."
Suddenly, Voldemort burst through Dumbledore's office door. There. That's more like it. Voldemort went up to Dumbledore's desk.
"Yo, waazzzzuuup, bizznatch, where mah bling-bling?" Voldemort said. Dumbledore looked Voldemort up and down. Voldemort was wearing a backwards red baseball cap, a grey hooded jacket with the hood over his head, a red baseball shirt that said "i luv mah bitches n' hos, dawg," very, very low, baggy blue jeans, with one leg rolled up to his knee and plaid boxers clearly exposed, white sneakers, and several hundred gold necklace around his neck of various things, such as pound symbols (you know, like the dollar bill symbols in the US), cadillacs, and diamonds.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Well. I didn't see that one coming."
"Shut up, bitch, where mah bling-bling? You owe me or I get my homiez togeta and wez go and kill some Muggles and good wizard bitches," Voldemort said. Yes, Voldemort has both the ghetto accent and the British accent.
"I owe you no money, Voldemort."
"Say WHAAAAAT?!"
"That's right."
"Dammit. Well, I be goin' off to go 'n live da ghetto life. Dat's right, da ghetto life in Scotland. Holla back!" Voldemort said. He left the office, semi-breakdancing and rapping, "V to da izzo, M to da izzay! I'm Voldemort, so get yo damn hands up!"
Dumbledore blinked. "What strange world is this?" he asked himself.
Suddenly, Professor Snape entered the office, wearing a pink bunny suit. He was frowning, as usual. Have you ever seen this guy smile? A joyous smile? Not a "Bwahahahahaha-you're-slowly-dying-and-you're-going-to-burn-in-hell" kind of smile, but a happy smile? Anyway.
"It is I, Professor Snape, to bring you joy and sugar-coated happiness," he said. He took out a huge basket of Peeps from no where, slammed it on Professor Dumbledore's desk, and hopped away.
"Shit," Dumbledore said. The world has ended. Dumbledore has said "shit." Anyway..."I hate these damn Muggle Peeps things," he muttered. With that, he set them on fire with a charm. As the Peeps burned, his desk went up in flame. Dumbledore panicked and tried to put the fire out, but his beard caught on fire. Dumbledore started to right around in figure-eights, thinking somehow this will solve his problem.
Suddenly, Dumbledore woke up. He sat up, and looked around.
"Ah, of course, it was all just a dream," he said to himself.
OR WAS IT?! I don't know. You tell me. This is where I'm ending it, because I'm evil and I'm going to make you die with suspense!! SO THERE!
The End
**By The Mysterious Ms. Obvious**
**Bwahahahahaha, fear me, bizznatch!!!**
Albus Dumbledore rose from his bed, awaiting the new day that had just risen. He breathed in the fresh air, stood up...and tripped over a stiff, dead carcass. Dumbledore crashed forward, over the carcass, and landed facedown. It kind of hurt.
"Alas, I seemed to have tripped over something," Dumbledore said obviously. He stood up to see whose carcass it was. It was the ever-so-annoying, creepily bugged-eyed Colin Creevy, who had apparently come into Dumbledore's room in the middle of the night and had attempted to take a picture of him. But, thanks to Dumbledore's excessive sleep movement, he had karate-chopped Colin into several bite-sized pieces. It was quite a disgusting sight to see.
"Hmm...I'll call Argus down to throw away this disgusting filth, then, it's time for breakfast," Dumbledore said. He quickly dressed into purple robes and called Argus Filch down to his office. Argus entered looked extremely pissed. He held Mrs. Norris in his arms, and, like a cat, was using his tongue to lick her clean.
"Yes, Headmaster?" he said, coughing up a hairball.
"Colin Creevy is dead. Would you please clean him up and dispose of him in the Forbidden Forest? His blood is staining the quilt I put together," Dumbledore stated casually.
"Why should I?" Argus whined.
"Because it's your job."
"But I don't wanna."
Dumbledore suddenly became quite terrifying. His blue eyes became bloodshot and he started to breathe fire. No, really, he did. He singed Mrs. Norris quite badly. Dumbledore then cleared his throat and said politely, "Please, Argus."
Argus sighed. "Alright, then." Argus began to clean up as Dumbledore went downstairs to the Great Hall. He entered and sat in his chair among the other teachers.
"Good morning, Albus," Madam Pomfrey chirped.
"Good morning, dear Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore replied cheerfully.
Madam Pomfrey slapped Albus across the face. "I am MARRIED, you bastard! Watch your mouth!"
Dumbledore shrugged and thought nothing of this. There was a sudden loud chirping of owls (owls chirp...?) and the owl post arrived. Hundred of owls flew over the students, dropping envelopes and parcels. One swooped over towards Dumbledore. Dumbledore was about to catch his letter, when SMACK! The owl hit him square in the forehead. Dumbledore fell backwards in his chair. Unfortunately for the owl, it was under the chair at the time Dumbledore fell. With a sickening thud, Dumbledore squashed the owl dead, spraying blood everywhere. Dumbledore sighed and hastily picked himself up. He took the letter from the dead owl, picked his chair back up, sat down, and opened the letter.
"Ah, it's a letter from Sirius," he said to himself quietly. He opened the letter and read it.
"Dear Dumbledore," the letter from Sirius read. "I'm coming to Hogwarts. Yes, I know, my name hasn't been cleared yet, and yes, I know, only you, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Remus believe that I'm innocent, but hey...that's five! I say the odds are pretty good. So I'm coming down. I'll arrive noisily through the entrance to the Great Hall, about three and a half seconds after you finishing reading this letter. Sincerely yours, Sirius."
Dumbledore let out a great gasp, his eyes turning toward the Great Hall entrance. One and a half seconds after Dumbledore had read the letter, Dumbledore let out a nervous whimper. Two seconds, he stood up. Three seconds, Dumbledore started to cry out "No, Sirius!" in slow motion. Three and a half seconds...nothing happened. Another owl dropped a letter into Dumbledore's hand (this one died by being gored on the pole of a Hogwarts flag). Dumbledore quickly opened it and read it.
"Dear Dumbledore," the letter read, "Haha! I got you good! I bet you did the 'No, Sirius!' yell-out in slow motion and everything. That was hilarious. Even though I didn't get to see it. Did you shit yourself as well? I sure hope so. Ah, well, I've wasted my time and yours. Sincerely, Sirius."
Dumbledore sighed and sat in his chair. He took a deep breath. Sirius was right...Dumbledore had shit himself. Then, he screamed, "DAMN YOU, SIRIUS, DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"
Even though he had screamed so loud that the Aborigines tribes could hear him from Australia, no one looked up. Instead, they continued eating cheerfully.
Blah, blah, blah, people ate breakfast, more innocent owls died, you know the drill...ah, here we are. Dumbledore returned to his office and sat at his desk. That seems to be his job, is just to sit at his desk and seem happy. He looked over at Fawkes. Instead of Fawkes, there was a rather large snake in Fawkes' cage, and a mysteriously phoenix-shaped thingy in its stomach.
Dumbledore sighed. "This is one fricked-up day."
Suddenly, James Potter burst through Dumbledore's office door. He went up to his desk and...hey, wait. James Potter is dead, isn't he? Well, I guess this part won't fit very well. Let's go back.
Dumbledore sighed. "This is one fricked-up day."
Suddenly, Voldemort burst through Dumbledore's office door. There. That's more like it. Voldemort went up to Dumbledore's desk.
"Yo, waazzzzuuup, bizznatch, where mah bling-bling?" Voldemort said. Dumbledore looked Voldemort up and down. Voldemort was wearing a backwards red baseball cap, a grey hooded jacket with the hood over his head, a red baseball shirt that said "i luv mah bitches n' hos, dawg," very, very low, baggy blue jeans, with one leg rolled up to his knee and plaid boxers clearly exposed, white sneakers, and several hundred gold necklace around his neck of various things, such as pound symbols (you know, like the dollar bill symbols in the US), cadillacs, and diamonds.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Well. I didn't see that one coming."
"Shut up, bitch, where mah bling-bling? You owe me or I get my homiez togeta and wez go and kill some Muggles and good wizard bitches," Voldemort said. Yes, Voldemort has both the ghetto accent and the British accent.
"I owe you no money, Voldemort."
"Say WHAAAAAT?!"
"That's right."
"Dammit. Well, I be goin' off to go 'n live da ghetto life. Dat's right, da ghetto life in Scotland. Holla back!" Voldemort said. He left the office, semi-breakdancing and rapping, "V to da izzo, M to da izzay! I'm Voldemort, so get yo damn hands up!"
Dumbledore blinked. "What strange world is this?" he asked himself.
Suddenly, Professor Snape entered the office, wearing a pink bunny suit. He was frowning, as usual. Have you ever seen this guy smile? A joyous smile? Not a "Bwahahahahaha-you're-slowly-dying-and-you're-going-to-burn-in-hell" kind of smile, but a happy smile? Anyway.
"It is I, Professor Snape, to bring you joy and sugar-coated happiness," he said. He took out a huge basket of Peeps from no where, slammed it on Professor Dumbledore's desk, and hopped away.
"Shit," Dumbledore said. The world has ended. Dumbledore has said "shit." Anyway..."I hate these damn Muggle Peeps things," he muttered. With that, he set them on fire with a charm. As the Peeps burned, his desk went up in flame. Dumbledore panicked and tried to put the fire out, but his beard caught on fire. Dumbledore started to right around in figure-eights, thinking somehow this will solve his problem.
Suddenly, Dumbledore woke up. He sat up, and looked around.
"Ah, of course, it was all just a dream," he said to himself.
OR WAS IT?! I don't know. You tell me. This is where I'm ending it, because I'm evil and I'm going to make you die with suspense!! SO THERE!
The End