Trowa's Nightmarish Visions
by Riley

The view was normal from the gigantic-sized sky scraper, where Trowa stared down at the people milling back and forth, wondering exactly why he was on the roof said sky scraper. Then there was an earthquake and this mongoose which resembled a turtle fell on Trowa's head.

Trowa marveled for a fairly long moment as to how a mongoose can resemble a turtle, when mongoose looked at him and asked for some eggs. Trowa, being himself, did an amazing back flip and landed directly at the psychiatrists' office.

Little did he know that his psychiatrist would be the famed Quatre Winner, with whom Trowa was very well acquainted, having fought with him in the war just a few years ago. Trowa was quite shocked when he saw Quatre. For he never thought he'd see the day when Quatre would prance around merrily in a Speedo, humming the theme to the wizard of the oz. To tell you truth, he had hoped he never would see the day when Quatre would prance around merrily in a Speedo. Humming the theme to the wizard of oz none the less.

Quatre took one look at Trowa and gave him some of the greatest wisdom Trowa had ever heard.

"Fear the purple vorpal jack-o-lopes, for they come to ensnare humanity and make us into their willing girlfriends."

After Quatre had given Trowa his "brilliant" wisdom, he scurried off to chase a sea monkey and bite his feet. Whilst Trowa marveled in the… something… of Quatre's wisdom, he went for a swim in the lake of destiny.

Unfortunately for him, he jumped in and two minutes later found himself swimming next to a very naked, skinny dipping, Duo and Heero. If the events of the day hadn't already disturbed him enough, watching Duo and Heero sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" and balance balls on their noses, while rubbing sun lotion on each other's back certainly completed the task. For Trowa was disturbed. And very rightfully so.

When Heero offered to give Trowa a neck massage and rub him with sun tan lotion, Trowa asked what had happened to his fiancé – the one known as Relena Peacecraft. Heero glared at him and told him that Relena had found her way in life and he was no longer apart of it. He replied that he would much skinny dip, eat strawberry ice cream, and act like cheese – just like everybody else.

Before Duo could offer to help Trowa wash himself, he was viciously attacked by the turtle... mongoose…. thing. Poor Trowa. He lost his favorite pair of happy bunny undies that night.

And so Trowa was forced to wander in the wilderness for seven days and seven quarter moons. Without shoes, with the mongoose, and without his lucky care bear hair clip.

While doing so, he came into a garden without a name, where there were strange plants that ate bugs and played poker. There he found one of the greatest mysteries of all:

Wufei and Relena snacking on cat food and comparing cup size.

Thankfully, God had mercy on him, and just as the two were about to make mad, passionate love to each other (in an effort to prove who was better at it), Trowa woke with a start and found himself staring at the regular ivory wall of his bedroom.

It was truly a horrible nightmare, and as Trowa went to get out of bed, he screamed in horror. It was just luck that he would find Quatre in his Speedo, Duo and Heero still not-quite-so-clothed, and Wufei and Relena lying on top of each other in passionate embrace. Well, just before they got into another heated argument as to who was better well endowed.

Trowa never found his happy bunny undies. He now lives with the mongoose. Wufei and Relena never shut up, until Duo swat them both on the back of the head and fell into a black hole, never to be seen again.

Heero and Duo are quite happy together. Duo is expecting in May, and Heero was surprised that he was soon to be a father.

As for Quatre? Well…. No one knows. He disappeared into the sunset on fateful morning and went to play chess with the goldfish gagging people of some place that doesn't exist.

Trowa soon had his medication adjusted. Greatly.

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This has been another random fic for GW500, challenge number 67: element.