This is just a one-shot on how zosia has dealt with the death of her mother 2 years on… enjoy and please do review xx
Trigger warning: mention of self-harm (tried to make it as discrete as possible) x
Zosia allows Colette to read something she wrote earlier that day. She passed the book that looked like a diary across Colette dining table they were sat at. "Read it "she said Colette looked down at the book
It doesn't get any easier, my psychiatrist lied, mama's death still hurts to this day, two years on. I still can't believe or forgive how my parents hid the seriousness of mam's cancer. I understand they had good intentions but I would have preferred to have known so I could have supported mama you know?
Since I've been diagnosed with bipolar hypomania, dad's been there for me but it's a shame the same cat be said for when mama died. He drank his sorrows away rather than talking. I still blame him for everything that's wrong in my life, but I guess I can't begrudge his help when I need it.
I'll give him this, he's trying I guess that's all he can do. He still doesn't know the half of it though. How I dealt with mama's death… you see if I pointed them out to him and he looked closely enough he would see for himself the way it affected me but I guess some scars heal quicker when their physical instead of emotional.
Yes I am indicating that if he was to look at my arms close enough he would see some of the scars but I'm over the worst of that issue. Colette helped me through it when she found out…she's been keeping me grounded for a while... He never needs to know. Some day's though I feel like...You know just to be with her but then I think about what she would say and I guess that's what keeps me going.
I guess I still haven't got over mama's death and to be honest I don't know when I will .the more things seem to get harder for me the more I wish she was here to hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay. She always knew what to do in my hour of need. Why? Why her? Why did she have to be taken from the earth so soon? Hmm? On second thoughts don't answer… I know the bird always peck the most beautiful fruit….but why mama? I need her now more than ever and she's not here
Yes I may be on the stable path so my dad says but mama means so much to me
It is just so damn bad. I feel as if life will never go on. There is a void that can never be filled because there is no other love in this world like the love of a mother. There is so much that she has missed and will miss
She will miss me get married start a family, her grandkids will never meet her... oh god how things are going to be hard to explain when they ask where she is. She didn't leave you because she wanted to, she left because there were other plans for her, and she was greater than this world…
When I think of her the love she had for everyone no matter who they were. It's overwhelming. I know deep down she is still with me and I guess that's what I'll tell my future family… I can still feel her hugs and smell her sweet perfume. I still hear her voice in my head telling me things are going to get better.
I'm glad to be called her daughter and I want to make her proud…that's all I care about... Colette keeps reminding me of the good in this world and if it wasn't for her I probably would be with mama. The amount of times she's kept me focused on making mama proud I unbelievable
"Zosh…this is beautiful" Colette said as tears ran down her cheeks she looked over to zosia who was welling up "it's the truth" she said "I wanted you to read it so you know how much you mean to me"
Colette handed the book back to zosia "don't go back to Chicago... Colette please? I need you here!" zosia said through sobs. Colette went and gave her a hug… "You win...i'll stay" she said smiling
Hope you enjoyed it and please review to let me know what you think: D