Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.
Summary: She had a life - a past - before she became a grim reaper. She left it all behind years ago and she never thought it would come back... until it caught up to her. KB, Botan-centric.
Stand By Me
Chapter 1
Like every other ferry girl in Spirit World, Botan used to have a life, she used to be a human.
She had a family. A loving yet stern mother and a caring but goofy father. An over protective brother and two beautiful twins as her little sisters. They were everything to her. They were what filled her life with joy.
She had friends, a bunch of people she could count on. Never left her side, never let her down. They were true friends. Ones she could rely on anytime.
But, that was all gone now.
It wasn't as if they were taken away from her, she wasn't the same as most ferry girls who were chosen and forced to leave their lives as humans. But, she took them all herself; stole their last breaths, killed them with her own two hands.
As far as she knew, she had been the first ferry girl the Spirit World was forced to take, one they had to for the sake of the Human World. They didn't want her: they were frightened of her. But, not like they had much of a choice. Her powers were too strong, but too difficult to control. She was a threat; dangerous to herself, and everyone around her.
She was gifted, one of her friends had told her. She always regretted hearing those words, because she was the one who took his life. No one knew how unstable she really was; she didn't know it herself, so how could they?
She had them since she was little, she was as young as two years old when she could move things around with her mind. Her parents never acknowledged her powers, they chose not to. Pretended she was normal. Tried to hide her 'gift' from everyone else, afraid that she might be taken away from them.
No one knew where they came from, but the powers grew stronger over time. At the age of seven, she could already control people; got inside their heads, dominated their thoughts, entered their bodies. It was like she could possess them, and she grew even more scared of herself.
But there was always a part of her; a darker side of her that enjoyed it and loved the havoc she caused wherever she went. It grew more dominant over the years of her childhood. Struggled for freedom, to take control. It never worked, she tried her best to push it to the deepest part of her mind. Chained it. Locked it away. Never to be seen again.
She learned to control her powers; no one helped her, she knew her parents couldn't, and her siblings were too ignorant to know how. By the age of twelve, she mastered full control over them, could choose when she wanted to use them. But she never did. Chose not to. She wanted to live a normal life.
But, it wasn't until she was eighteen that the control she had over them gradually faded away. The more she tried to control them, the less she succeeded in doing so. She didn't know why; she'd never forgotten how. But she could feel them growing stronger. Too strong for her to take.
She never remembered how everything went downhill. But, she recalled the screams... the cries for help... It was hard to forget. The past would haunt you forever.
Her mother and father begged her to come back, to be their little girl again, but she was too far gone by then, and by the time her mother kissed her goodbye, she'd already split them in half. "I love you," her mother had said. She never deserved it. Didn't earn it.
Her sisters had cowered at the sight of her, bodies trembling and hugging each other. She'd smiled; a cold, chilling smile, as she'd bent down until she was eye-leveled with them. Then, she'd traced her hands over their faces, the skin turning black, before slowly burning into ashes. They had cried, wailed for her to stop, but she didn't. Couldn't. And even if she cried tears of blood, she hadn't been able to. Taking them was far too easy. Her older brother managed to run away, she didn't get to chase after him. She never understood why, but she'd stayed back, let him go. She spared his life. It was odd, but she was just glad she didn't have to take him as well. She never saw him again.
Her friends were next; they died in various ways: decapitated, burned alive, suffocated in their own blood... She killed them the worst ways she could find. And she had thought it was the most fun she had. Some of them she tortured before murdering.
Her best friend, the only one who knew of her powers and tried to understand them, never halted in his efforts to stop her. Begged her. Tried to talk some sense into her. But, the darker side had been dominant, the powers had taken control over her. And she had found pleasure in toying with him before he died. Played a game of cat and mouse, before killing him in slow and torturous ways.
She went on a killing spree after that, massacred an entire city overnight. She'd been dancing on dead bodies, her white nightgown soaking with crimson blood when a few from Spirit World found and took her. They couldn't kill her. Wasn't able to. Wouldn't have succeeded. But they managed to contain her powers, weakened her as much as they could before bringing her to Spirit World.
Koenma had assigned every ferry girl he could to guide the souls of the people she killed. The amount too many that they had been on duty all night. He'd chained her inside a room. Locked her away until it was all over. Then, he came in and told her she was a grim reaper now. As soon as he was gone, people in white started barging in. Cuffed her. Did a few things to her. It hurt a lot and she couldn't remember what they did, but she'd regained control over her powers.
It took her a year before she could finally understand what had happened. They'd 'locked away' her powers. They were still there, but they laid dormant within her. Never came back.
At the time, the Human World had been chaotic. Everyone was scared, running and locking themselves in their houses. To avoid panic and to return things to the way they were, Koenma had erased their memories, erased the city she was born at and destroyed with her own two hands. Like it was never there. Like it never existed. Botan never resisted, never tried to stop him: it was better that way.
Over time, she developed another personality. Cheery. Lively. Bubbly. Optimistic. She smiled everyday, as if her past was forgotten. But, it never was, it never would be. But, Botan was wise. She'd gotten smarter over the years. She could pretend. Acted like she was alright. But on the inside, she fought for control. With the darker side within her. With the monster that had taken far too many lives, and almost all of her loved ones. She fought with herself. It laid dormant; the chains from her childhood had came back, holding it back stronger and tighter than they did before.
Then, she met Yusuke and the others. She learned love, happiness and friendship all over again. She gained a new family. But, she never revealed herself completely. Not even in front of them. She tried not to get too close. Not to be too attached. To always remember she didn't deserve them. And that they didn't know her. The real her.
They would never know.
She would keep it that way.
Botan had a role to play, and oh, she played it all too well.