rated M for sexual references and cursing. RusCan! enjoy
Matthews nails ran down the americans back, digging in as he arched his back and moaned loudly. blonde hair was splayed on the bedroom floor around his head like a golden halo. it looked almost angelic, which is far from what he was anymore.
they hadn't even been able to make it all the way to the bed. Alfred had pinned him to the wall beside the door, both down to only boxers. the rest of their clothing was trailed from the living room all the way up the stairs and down the hall. Alfreds skilled mouth on his throat pulled sounds that Matthew knew drove him insane with need. It had only taken a few minutes to find himself on the floor being quickly prepped then well fucked.
Alfred was so far gone with his building pleasure and the sounds coming out of the little blonde beneath him he didn't hear the door open downstairs. Matthew did, but it didn't halt his moans, if anything it made them louder. quiet foot falls on the stairs, and he called out Alfred's name. the creak of that one floorboard at the top of the steps and he breathlessly begged the blonde above him to cum. The blue eyed man obliged just as the bedroom door opened.
Matthews indigo eyes met mauve ones trying to look guilty, but the spark of smugness was hard to hide. The cold hardness oozed out of the tall Ashen blonde who stood at the door . Alfred swore and climbed off Matthew, who simply laid there biting his lip. Alfred was pulling the discarded boxers back on as Ivan stood with dead eyes watching Matthew. a pile of the discarded clothing was tossed across the floor and the door closed without a word.
Alfred looked down at the now irritated looking man. Matthews hand was pushing his hair back as he sighed. he noticed Als gaze and instantly changed his face to a sheepish smile "I'm sorry.. I didn't think he was going to be home so soo-"
"Save it Mattie… god you're such an asshole" Alfred yanked on his jeans then moved to find his shirt.
"yet, you always come when I call" Matt dropped the 'oopsie' act, his voice bored, not like this is the first time Ivan walked in on him with Al. he had pushed himself up to sit, one arm behind him to brace him. the white mess leaking onto the floor beneath him ignored.
"yeah well, this is the last time." huffed the blonde. Matt rolled his eyes at the dramatics "find someone else to use for revenge, or punishment or whatever the fuck you're doing " with that Alfred left the room. the sound of him descending the steps then closing the front door echoed. Matt shrugged and groaned as he lifted himself up.
he ignored the clothing and the mess on the hard floors and strolled to the bathroom turning on the shower. he stepped into the hot stream and tilted his face up. damn Alfred, what did he know? what did any of them know? they would never understand why he did this again and again.
Before Ivan, Matthew would have never considered this. hell, the first few years with Ivan he never would have. Sure, the older man could be a bit cold and distant in public, but Matthew handled it.
When they first started dating Ivan would at least try. he was awkward about it, but he was sweet. in bed he was completely free with compliments, showering Matthew with praise, with love. Ivan would tell him he was beautiful, perfect, that he never loved anyone more. Matthew would be glowing red by the end, feeling completely cherished. then they would wrap up in each other to fall asleep
but it wasn't just that, it was how he remembered and did the little things like how he knew Matt only wanted to watch musicals when he was sick. he would show up with soup and a whole stack of them. or how he learned some key phrases in french because Matt slipped into it when drunk, or how Ivan would get up early on his days off when it snowed to shovel and warm the car so Matthew didn't have to before he left.
the sweet reactions as well. Matthew had gotten in the habit early on of randomly bringing Ivan bouquets of sunflowers. this would cause the large man to break into his large childlike smile, eyes sparkling. When Matthew woke Ivan up with breakfast in bed, he would be pulled down to the bed and covered with appreciative kisses that would sometimes turn into tickle fights. when Ivan had a hard day, Matthew would curl up on his lap and tell him all the things he loved about him, Ivan would be beet red and smiling by the end.
But it tapered off. sex became quieter and quieter, that glow Matthew felt was gone… they would finish, Matthew would get a peck on the lips and Ivan would roll to face away from him to go to sleep.
Matthew got sick and Ivan had grumbled about having to go to the store to get cough syrup so he wouldn't be kept up all night. Ivan didn't come out to drink with their friends anymore. soon Matthew stopped too, Ivan kept complaining Matthew was a nuisance when he drank. the entire third winter together, Matthew did all the shoveling. He was lucky to get a mumbled goodbye from the sleeping figure before he went to work.
The worst for Matthew was the reactions.. no more smiles or blushes or kisses or tickling. It was a mumbled thanks if he brought flowers. Breakfast in bed was now called unnecessary… and when he had a bad day? Ivan didn't even want to see Matt, he would head straight for the office instead.
Still, through all of this Matt had tried. he tried so hard to recapture Ivans attention, on rare occasions it would work for a day or two. he would see that Ivan again. but it would fade as quickly as it came and you can only deal with being ignored for so long.
It was a year after things started to fall apart. Matthew had dipped to an embarrassing low. Ivan hadn;t even touched him in bed for a month. so, Matt made a few purchases.
He stood in the bathroom, a pair of fishnet stockings attached to leather shorts by garters. his waist cinched in slightly by a matching black leather corset, it came to below his pecs, he wouldn't say it looked girly, but he had no idea if Ivan would see it that way.
his face was red as he looked himself up and down. eventually he took a deep breath and slipped down into the master bedroom. Ivan had merely looked at Matthew as he leaned against the door frame giving a playful smile and sighed. "I'm tired." was all he said before rolling to his side to go to sleep.
It was the next week Matthew first cheated. He had gone out to the bar to get drunk. beating himself up over everything, when he met Gilbert. The tall Albino was his first distraction. they fooled around for a while, both knowing Matt was in a relationship, but also that it was affectionless. it was four weeks into this trist that Matt had drunkenly mentioned the outfit. Gilberts interest had been peaked. Another week of convincing and Matthew agreed to show him.
Ivan was out of town overnight on business and they had decided it would be easier to show it off there then transferring it to Gilbert's apartment. Well, when Matt came out of the bathroom, bright red and bracing himself for laughter and rejection he was shocked at what came. Gilbert had practically been drooling. they only managed to drag the shorts off his ass before Matthew was on his hands and knees on the bed being fucked into tomorrow.
He honestly hadn't heard Ivan come in that time. apparently the out of town meeting had been canceled. Later on Matthew would think back on that moment with humour. Ivan had walked in and saw another man in their bed appreciating the outfit he had ignored.
Matthew had cried after being caught. the couple had argued, Matt begged, Ivan cried. Matthew had laid out how neglected he felt and he thought Ivan had really heard him. after an amazing night together, things changed to become closer like they had been for two months, then they faded again.
eventually Matt decided he was pissed off enough to intentionally get caught again. the cycle happened again. He got caught, they fought (which meant some emotion, not just apathy or irritation), they made up, fucked, and eventually it faded again. That's when Matthew started doing it on purpose, but each time the good period was shorter. It had now, two years after being caught with Gilbert the first time, reached the point where it only got an angry fuck half the time.
Matthew sighed and turned off the water. he grabbed a towel and dried off, wrapping it lazily around his hips as he walked back to the bedroom. Ivan was in the hallway when he came out, no reaction in his mauve eyes as he looked the shorter blonde over. "don't forget to clean up mess. don't want to slip on your bad choices."
Matt shrugged and walked into the room, he removed the towel and threw on the cum puddle on the floor as he walked past. Matt's eyes were deadened as they slipped past the happy couple pictures on the dresser. he picked one up holding it in both hands, it was a large frame, but mostly glass, He examined the smiling pair. they sat in a field of sunflowers, Matthew was leaned against Ivan, Ivan's arm was around Mathew, They looked into each others eyes with near sicking affection. why was he even here anymore? he was never going to get that back.
Matthew let out a growl as pain curled in his chest. his eyes closed and his grip on the frame tightened. it cracked and shattered. slicing open Matthew's palms. he let out a cry of pain and Ivan ran into the room.
"Mattvey, what happened? shit, you're bleeding!" Ivan made hurried careful steps towards Matthew who turned and snapped
"Why the fuck do you care? " Ivan froze, eyes wide. Matthew lowered his eyes started for the door, watching for glass at his feet. "You don't give a shit what I do, don't act like you care about me, I can take care of myself." he muttered, his head spinning from all the blood now pooled in his hands.
He made it to the bathroom and managed to slam the door with his foot, but it opened a moment after. "don't be stupid Matthew" The russian stumbled through the pronunciation. he moved to the sink and turned on the water, Matthew didn't struggled as Ivan ran his hands under the clear, cool stream. his eyes filled with tears as Ivan grabbed the first Aid kit and started picking glass shards out with tweezers.
"Ivan… I can't do this anymore" came the tiny voice disturbing the silence.
"what are you talking about, I'm almost done. then we'll bandage…" came the irritated voice. Matthew knew ivan knew what he was saying. he knew because of the tiniest waver in the large mans words.
"Ivan, I can't cling to the fact that you use to love me anymore." his voice was thick, but quiet.
"нет, It's the pain talking Mattvey. You know I still love you." his voice was Matter-of-fact. trying to convince Matthew to stay without having to ask. his hands were busy bandaging now.
Matthew sighed, he was irritated now and his heart was aching. "I just fucked a man on our bedroom floor knowing you'd catch me." He looked at Ivan and saw him flinch. "I did it because I was hoping you'd act like I was a little more important than dirt for the week. You didn't even care e
nough to get mad."
"Mattvey…just let me-"
"no" Matthew turned his face away from Ivan and the mirror as Ivan finished the second bandage. "Loving you is killing me Ivan." Matt's eyes turned back, broken and full of tears. "I don't even know how I got this way anymore. I fought so hard Ivan, but I can't be the only one fighting anymore." he reached a mangled hand up, brushing a few of the unharmed fingers over the large man's cheek, catching a tear. " I'm sorry." his voice and his heart broke and he turned from the room. He paused in the hall refusing to look back, as the small sounds of breath catching in sobs reached his ears. "I'll be gone by the end of the month. I'll move into the guest room until then"