A/N: Anger does a lot to people. Especially mad writers like me... This is all a big joke but please don't let that stop me from a striking an angry nerve in you. This is not a true characterization of Kai H. It would be oddly entertaining if it were.
Disclaimer: Bloody hell, put a fucking pike through your eye if you think I'm claiming this anime mine.
Angry Outbursts by STRAIGHT Men
Featuring: Kai Hiwatari
Entry 1:
I'm pissed. It's very typical for me to feel that way.
Entry 2:
But I'm so pissed; I'd eat my first child. Then the rest of them after that if I see those two together!
Entry 3:
Tyson and Hilary… how the hell would anyone find them romantic?
She shows fit concern towards Tyson (whom she has no romantic interest in) and it's zomglurve. But when she blushes in my presence (because I'm so pretty), constantly seeks me, and her aggressiveness when Daichi insulted me—these affections are portrayed as her missing a friend. Hypocrisy runs thick through their skulls. You know why? I simply contradict everything the rest of my teammates (and the rest of the world) have been claiming.
Entry 4:
She likes me, more than TYSON!
Entry 5:
You see, there are rules when it comes to liking people! Didn't you idiots know that Hilary liking me the emo(tional) Kai Hiwatari is stupid and wrong? She should like the NICER guy and ignore the one who she was initially attracted with! I'm obviously eebil, making Hilary stupid and wrong and I dearly lack Tyson's angelic goodness! Apparently, Hilary needs to prioritize when it comes to liking men. Her first priority shouldn't be how she feels towards them in any form of attraction or romantic interest! She's supposed to pick her person who acts pathetic even when she's not around and because his stupidity, his oversized mouth constantly blabbing how bossy she is, ignoring her perspective and likes being swatted around like a fly, MEANS that he's the GOOD one and deserves her WAY more! (He saved the world on his own while I tried to destroy it!) This whole goddamn thing called love is not about who she likes!
Entry 6:
Whoa, big last entry there.
How the hell am I NOT worth it? If I was a girl, I'd dig me. Yeah, I'm that worth it in my opinion.
Entry 7:
U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you UGLEH!
Entry 8:
Ackhem.
Entry9:
(QUOTE) I'm just saying that ebil Kai ignored Hilary even if he saved her several times. Any girl is better than Hilary. Like Emily, Ming-ming and Julia. There's chemistry. (QUOTE:/)
I totally ignored Emily and Ming-ming, politely told them to fuck off and rejected any sort of friendship (and if they tried— physical contact) with them. (sarcasm) But hey! I am interested!111 (sarcasm:/)
Entry 10:
And who's Julia? Is it…that redhead Rei was said to be cheating with? Or is it… Che. I'm not going to bother. Do they all expect me to get into every girl's pants before Hilary's?
Entry 11:
I'm THAT hot? Wow.
Entry 12:
When I'm around, the only chemistry that person will ever see is his/her body exploding into bits. :amuse.
Entry 13:
(QUOTE) TyHil works on its own. Everyone knows Kai hates Hilary! He says it at the part where… IT HAPPENED, AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, OKAY! (QUOTE:/)
Correction: TyHil works in Kai Hiwatari's absence. Some TyHil fics resort me to disappear into some dark, deep unknown and never to come back. Anyway, TyHil is standing on one leg that can easily be destroyed (in my opinion anyway) by me reappearing back into the team scenes (which happened!111).
Entry 14:
(QUOTE) According to the Japanese, a female hitting a member of the opposite sex is considered romantic. (QUOTE:/)
Violence is new fluff? Or are all of you just in denial?
For fuck's sake, I'm Russian. Don't drill that rule into me. Instead of sticking with one nation, why not try that rule on the whole world? I'm pretty sure they'll disagree. The universal/international rule: "When a girl shows a large amount of concern towards a boy's well being and sincerely admires him…THAT is romantic."
Entry 15:
EW, since when was I romantic?
Entry 16:
No one answer that.
Entry 17:
(QUOTE) Hilary loves Tyson. She hits him. She points out his mistakes. (QUOTE:/)
Like I said, is violence the new romance trend? If we are talking about physical pain equaling true lub, Hilary must be madly in love with Daichi!11 No one saw that coming. And I must be in love with Tyson too because I pointed out his faults. :sag smile
Entry 18:
(QUOTE) Kai should be alone. (QUOTE:/)
:omgno I'm too hot to be left alone!
Entry 19:
(QUOTE) TyHil is a healthy relationship! Way better than the angsty KaiHil (QUOTE:/)
Suddenly, I feel the urge to kick Tyson in the kidneys.
Entry 20:
TyHil…healthy?
Sure, it's a very healthy relationship when Tyson has a cracked skull or a sagging, broken jaw! Granted that Tyson has very few brain cells left, but leave with him none is worst. Maybe after two months into their relationship, Hilary should buy him some hearing-aid since he's so earshot from her screeching!11
Entry 21:
I might have to kill Tyson one day.
Entry 22:
Or I'll punch him so hard in the jaw; his dentist will feel the pain.
Entry 23:
I'll kick him in the box so hard, his grandchildren will feel it! Perhaps I kick it harder, he might not have any! HAHAH THE Kinomiyas WILL RESORT TO EXTINCTION!
Entry 24:
Seriously, how is angst bad for your soul? It's the best freaking genre out there! The angsty, imperfect KaiHil is 9000x better than freakin rainbow-puking unicorns, healthy TyHil relationship!
Entry 25:
(QUOTE) TyHil is a great relationship, they both benefit from each other from arguing all the time. (QUOTE:/)
Entry 26:
(sarcasm) Of course they do! They argue and that's how they'll end up together! Tyson wins at every argument she throws at him (or dodges, whatever) and he'll be the man of this relationship! YES. (/sarcasm)
Entry 27:
On the broad end of the spectrum, Tyson isn't left any room for debating when arguing. He receives the end of Hilary's violence. How sweet. :amuse
Entry 28:
:eyeroll So OOC:
Hilary: "I destroyed your comic books because I don't get any attention! I hit you because I love you! So…take this! And this! And that! And this…"
Tyson: "I deserve it!"
Entry 29:
(sarcasm) And I'm the abusive wife-beater. Hilary is SO not. (/sarcasm)
Entry 30:
Angst puts me in character. Not to mention that Hilary seems to play the big parts of making me feel better. Plus, an imperfect couple like KaiHil puts a huge room for improvement especially when Hilary and I are almost polar opposites. Both of our characteristics compliments each other…with this, both of us can improve. See!? Benefits!
Entry 31:
Humor is good too when played well.
Entry 32:
Has anyone told you that I'm great in bed (despite me being sixteen)? (I've screwed quite a number of girls in fan fiction! I even got Hilary knocked up most of the time:nuts Oh yes, I'm that smexable.)
Entry 33:
Imagine me with Hilary with lots of bondage, strawberries and chocolate sauce. Imagine me shirtless.
Entry 34:
Intrigued? Good. Now try TyHil.
Entry 35:
Imagining TyHil having sex is the sole reason why God kills kittens. I happen to like kittens.
Entry 36:
MY SEXY EYES ARE BLEEDING! CURSE YOU HORNINESS AND TYHIL! IT HURTS!
Entry 37:
I'm okay now. TYHIL SUCKS! Why?
Entry 38:
Because I fucking said so!
Entry 39:
(QUOTE) TyHil had some fluffy moments too you know! (QUOTE:/)
Her beating the shit out of him?
Her conjuring up a large mob of women to beat the shit out of him?
Her constant nagging to get up on his lazy ass?
Her constant urge to kill him and Daichi?
Her acting like Tyson's surrogate mother?
Her acting like a team manager towards Tyson?
Her acting like Tyson's sister? Tyson must be an avid incest fan!
Someone explain this to me:omgno
Entry 40:
(QUOTE) Kai is already strong on his own! He doesn't need a weak girl to hold him back! (QUOTE:/)
DON'T CALL HILARY WEAK YOU #$&!$#.
I'm not the asexual bastard everyone thought. How do tehy expect me to have future heirs?
Entry 41:
I'm not going to fuck some OC.
Entry 42:
Or my male colleagues.
Entry 43:
Most authors are imagining me with a twin sister. Me, an entitled sociopath!?
Entry 44:
Even my sister wouldn't look as sexy as me!
Entry 45:
(QUOTE) KaiHil is always about sex. Is that all KaiHil really about!? (QUOTE:/)
Blame the horrible fanfiction. Badly-written lemons really taint how hott KaiHil smex is. There are a lot of genres for KaiHil while TyHil is stuck to General, Romance and ew… FLUFF. Fluff isn't even a category but it's widely known.
Entry 46:
I hate being the manwhore or the smex symbol. I blame Aoki Takao for doing this to me!
Entry 47:
KAIHIL FOR THE WIN!
Entry 48:
Wow, forty-six entries and I'm already worn out.
Entry 49:
NO MOAR TYHIL! All this rage will give me wrinkles.
Entry 50:
Maybe I should raep Hilary one day. Yes. Raep is teh smex that you didn't know you wanted. But hey, I'll leave it to the authors.
Entry 51:
Scratch the latter. Rape is wrong.
[END OF PAGE]
Remember, it's a joke. Low-brow fiction.