"In Dreams"
When the cold of Winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back againi
Alan wistfully looked up at the dark night sky, filled with billions of twinkling stars as the peaceful sounds of nature drifted through the air. A few feet away, circled around a small fire Alan's two companions, Pete and Galen, were sleeping contentedly as their rhythmic breathing reverberated in the still of the night. By all reason Alan should have been sleeping as well as his friends, but his mind was filled with many different thoughts. Even though there had been no word or sign of Urko for at least week, Alan's ear picked up the most minute sound coming from the woods that surrounded the three fugitives, he had learned the hard way that it is best to expect the unexpected.
Thoughts of gorilla patrols were not the only thoughts buzzing through Alan's mind; constant thoughts of home plagued him continuously. Sally. Chris. How were they doing? Did they miss him? Did Sally find a new husband and father for Chris? Even though he knew such ponderings were useless his mind would not let go of possibility of seeing his family just one more time. "Just let me see them one more time. God, I swear I will do anything if you let me see them, hold them one more time. I'll never ask for another thing as long as I live," Alan silently petitioned the heavens, but as before there was no response forthcoming. As he lay staring up at the stars thoughts of family continued to haunt Alan as the darkness became more complete. Images flashed before his eyes. Images of people lost to time and memory.
"Daddy, Daddy!" a seven-year-old bundle of energy threw himself at his father, Colonel Alan Virdon, the moment he set foot into their home. The blonde man smiled as his son affectionately clung to his leg. "Guess what?" crystal blue eyes looked up in adoration.
"I don't know, Chris, you tell me," he bent down to meet his son the same level.
The excitement was tangible as Chris proceeded to show his dad a brand new set of books he had gotten for getting a 100 on his spelling and math tests for two weeks in a row. "Mommy said that you can read them with me at night. You will, won't you, Daddy?"
Every night for the next few months Chris and Alan would become lost in C.S. Lewis's classic stories of Narnia. Together father and son traveled from the Lantern Waste to the Lone Islands, interacting with talking animals and kings and queens. Those were the happy memories that Alan clung to as he entered the space ship, knowing he might never see his family again.
"Do you have to go, Dad?" asked a twelve-year-old Chris as he watched his dad pack for a trip to Alpha Centari. "I mean, I want you to and everything, but you're gonna be gone for a long time. How will we talk?"
Alan closed his eyes as he formulated an answer. "We will meet in dreams, Chris. Whenever we are both thinking of each other at night we will meet in our special place."
"Where?"
"Wherever you want to."
"Narnia. We will meet in Narnia and I'll become a prince then you and Mom can rule because we are sons of Adam and Mom is a daughter of Eve. It's perfect!" There was a twinkle of excitement in Chris's eyes that was contagious and Alan knew he would never forget these precious moments with his son. "Take that you wicked hag! For Narnia and Aslan!" Chris sped out of the room, fighting his way down the hall with a clothes hanger serving as a sword. A smile upon his face, Alan resumed his packing.
Finally it was time for him to board the spacecraft with fellow astronauts Major Peter J. Burke and pilot Jonesy. "Well, it is time for you to go," said Sally, eyes filling with bright tears.
"Yeah, I guess so." Now that the moment had come Colonel Alan Virdon wasn't quite ready to leave his family. "I love you." Those three words that meant so much seemed insufficient to express the feeling Alan had inside. Sally stepped forward and gave her husband one last smoldering kiss that was filled with love, longing, desperation and hope. "Goodbye," they whispered to each other.
"'Bye Chris. You're the man of the house while I'm away. Take care of your mom for me, won't you?"
"You bet, Dad. I love you."
"I love you too," said Alan as he hugged his only child to him. "I'm gonna miss you so much."
"Me too, but we'll see each other in dreams. 'Cya later, Dad."
As the night slowly progressed Alan fell into a fit-full sleep and as he tossed and turned rocks and sticks proceeded to poke him from every angle, normally it was Pete who complained about the lack of luxury accommodations, but that night it was an exception. Finally, Alan was able to drift off into the realm of unconsciousness and claim solace in his dreams, but, all too soon it seemed, he heard someone calling his name.
"Alan…" the voice seemed to float through the air as if coming from a great distance; it couldn't possibly be time to start another day of running from Urko.
The exhausted astronaut screwed his eyes closed all the tighter, but a bright light suddenly forced his eyes open. As Alan's eyes fluttered opened he blinked so as to accustom himself to the light. When his eyes finally adjusted Alan peered at the world around and wondered where he was. No longer did dark, oppressive trees surround him, but instead he was standing in the must luscious meadow and the air was filled with the songs of birds. A family of deer stood grazing at the edge of the meadow, seemingly unaware of Alan's presence. With wonder and awe Alan observed the world around him; it was unlike anything he had ever seen. In a word, it was perfect. Not once did it cross his mind that he should be afraid or at least be puzzled at where he was. A feeling of peaceful satisfaction settled over Alan as nature moved around him. He knew he was dreaming, logic told him that much, and so he decided to enjoy this pleasant dream for as long as he possibly could.
"Alan," the voice spoke again, this time nearer and full of color.
Colonel Alan Virdon had been in the presence of many great people in his life, but never had he felt as honored as he did when he heard the voice say his name. As he slowly turned around to face the speaker he was somehow not surprised to see that the speaker was the largest and most beautiful lion he had ever seen. The fact that it was a lion, and not a man, did not seem out of place, in fact, it seemed all together fitting. The dream was Narnia. "Too bad Chris can't see this," the thought flitted across Alan's mind.
"Sir," Alan inclined his head before the magnificent creature, showing a modicum of respect. He figured that he might as well play along. It was Narnia after all, and this was Aslan, he should be respectful, even if it was only a dream…. "Only a dream." Regret tinged the thought.
"Son of Adam, rise." Quickly, Alan did as he was commanded, not out of fear, but out of ultimate respect and… love. "This night you petitioned the High King and Emperor-Over-the-Sea," the lion continued, "and your request has been granted."
The meaning behind these words did not fully penetrate Alan's mind. "What?" he breathed, hardly daring to believe his most constant prayer was being answered.
Not pausing to answer the bewildered man, the majestic lion continued, "From now until morning comes in your world you will be reunited with your family. It will be as a dream, for mortals cannot exist in the World-Between-Worlds."
"My family? Sally? Chris?"
"Yes, my son, you will have just a few short hours to talk to your family before you must go back to your world. Use your time wisely."
"How will I find them? How much time do we have?" Questions rapidly began to fly out of Alan's mouth, but before he could realize it the lion was gone, leaving not such much as a dent in the grass to prove He had ever been there. How was he supposed to talk with his family if he didn't even know where to find them?
Suddenly he heard a shout. 'Oh my, God! Alan!" "Dad!" There, not ten feet from him stood his beautiful wife Sally and his precious son, Chris. They found themselves lying on the ground in family hug, while tears of love and happiness flowed from everyone's eyes. Words were not necessary, they all clung together and their spirits communed. When the feeling of wonder and disbelief had left the Virdon family began to tell each other all the things that had happened since the last time they had been together as a family.
"Dad, guess what!" Chris exclaimed excitedly after the initial surprise of the reunion had worn off. Alan and Sally met each other's gazes over the top of their son's head. Unaware of his parent's non-interest Chris continued on. "I started Little League last summer and the coach said that I have a really good arm and that he is going to put me in as a pitcher in our first game."
"That is great, Chris. I'm glad all those hours we spent in the backyard finally paid off." After Chris showed his dad his new pitching stance the conversation turned towards the life Alan had been living since his fateful departure to Alpha Centari.
"Jonesy didn't survive the crash, but you're 'Unca' Pete did," said Alan affectionately as he reveled in having his family close enough touch. "As it is the homing device did its job, but we ended up a couple of thousand years in the future." Alan looked over to Sally and took her hands in his, "I'm trying to get back, honey, I really am."
Gently Sally cupped her husband's chin and turned his face towards hers. "Alan, as hard as it is to live without you I have never regretted watching you fulfill your dream. I don't want you ever to regret getting in that ship and having to live each day with "what if's" hanging over your head. Chris and I miss you deeply, but we all understood the price of this mission and the dangers involved."
"It isn't fair for you, or Chris." Alan's throat caught on the words, this was suppose to be a happy time. The next words came out only as a whisper as Alan held his son tightly. " What if we never see each other again?"
Chris turned around in his father's arms, and with a look to mature for a boy of twelve said, "It's, okay, Dad, because we will always know that we love each other and that is all that matters." With that Chris flung himself into his father's embrace. "I love you, Dad, and I miss you everyday."
A beautiful smile graced Sally's lips. "Enough with all this sad talk. We're together now. Tell us what your life is like, Alan."
"Yah, are there flying cars and stuff?"
"Well, no, no flying cars." Alan sought for a way to explain his life on a planet ruled by apes without causing his family undue grief, but he always wanted to give them a fair picture of what his life was like. "Instead of flying cars most people are back to using the horse-and-buggy for their transportation needs. In fact, there is practically no technology at all, and the government is completely under the rule of the apes."
"Apes?"
"Um-hum, gorillas, chimps, orangutans. Unfortunately some of the apes are a little narrow-minded and have enslaved a few humans." Alan quickly moved on to a more optimistic line of thinking after seeing his wife's concern. "Pete and I actually travel around with a young Chimpanzee named Galen. See this," he withdrew the metallic flight disk, "this is my hope. We three are trying to find a functioning computer to read this disk so that I can come home, where I belong so that I can take care of my family.
"Enough about me and my boring life looking for a computer. I want to hear all about how you are doing in school, who you're currently 'crushing on…" Chris flushed under his dad's gentle ribbing. "And you, Mrs. Virdon, any special man in your life?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact."
"Really?"
"Let me tell you about him," Sally winked flirtatiously at Alan. "He is blond, handsome, has his mother's eyes, but other than that he is the spitting imagine of his father." With that she leaned over and planted a kiss on Chris's cheek.
The twelve year old groaned dramatically as he wiped the remnants of the kiss off of his cheek. "Mom…"
This. This is what I miss the most, the comfortable teasing that we all share. "Mom has another job and Mrs. Meyers, from down the street, she has hired me to mow her lawn…" Chris drew Alan out of his musing and back into the present.
A new part-time job kept Sally busy after long days at the office, trying to make up for the income they had lost when Alan went away. Six and a half more years would have to pass without Alan's return before the government would declare him legally dead and Sally and Chris would receive any of his benefits from being in the space program and armed forces. It gave Alan hope to know that his family missed him, but was not suffering in his absence. Neither Sally nor Chris laid any blame on Alan for being gone, and for the first time since he had crashed on the planet of the apes Alan felt none of the guilt that he had been carrying for so long. It was a time for them to be together and celebrate what being a family is all about, and to experience love and precious memories. During the waking hours life there was too much time spent walking in the bitter rain as the sun seemed to be veiled.
The family had not yet run out of things to talk about when they noticed the lion standing not far off. Alan rose and gently helped his wife up from the soft, springy grass as they family walked towards the lion.
"Um-hum," Alan began as he cleared his throat, "Who are you? We all agree that we should know you but it is like…we just can't remember."
"Sons of Adam and Daughter of Eve, I am known by many different names in your world and many more names in many other words, but I AM." The deep, strong, resonating pitch of the lion's voice echoed over the meadow and sent a delightful shiver down everyone's spine, like they had just found something that they had been searching for, for a long time.
"Are you there too?" said Alan. "In our world, I mean. How will we know how to find you?"
'"I am," said the lion. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name.' The deep, strong, resonating pitch of the lion's voice echoed over the meadow and sent a delightful shiver down everyone's spine, like they had just found something that they had been searching for, for a long time. "Time has pasted and it is now time for you three to return to your own separate times in your world."
"We have just been reunited as a family." Sally drew closer to Alan and possessively placed her arm around Chris. "It is not fair to be torn apart like this. Why? Why can't we go on living here and be happy as a family?" The tears glistened in Sally's now overly bright blue eyes.
"'Child,' said the lion, 'do you really need to know that? Come, I am opening the door in the sky.' Then all in one moment there was a rending of the blue wall (like a curtain being torn) and a terrible white light from beyond the sky."ii "Time has pasted and it is now time for you three to return to your own separate times in your world. Remember that you can always meet in dreams, my precious children…" it seemed to Alan, Sally, and Chris that the voice was drifting further and further away until they completely faded away as Alan awoke to Pete and Galen stirring as the morning sun peaked through the trees.
Just as the three fugitives where about to abandon their camp Pete called Alan over to inspect a strange track he had found. "What'da make of that?" he asked, pointing to a large feline print in the soft ground.
Galen bent down and touched the print with his long, flexible fingers and said, "It's still warm. I've never seen an animal track like that."
"Looks like a lion or some big cat. Must have been here while we were eating breakfast. It's kinda freaky to think that an animal that big was this close and watching us. Al? Alan?"
But Alan Virdon was lost in a memory of a dream and quietly whispered a "Thank you" to the wind as he began the next day of the rest of his life.
i Copyright © 2001 New Line Tunes (ASCAP)
ii Copyright © 1952 by C.S. Lewis. Quote taken from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader P.270
