Author's Note: What is this?! Trowa's back! What happened to his show that ended? What happened to that 'season finale'? Maybe it was all just a cover up for this! Yeah, I know, I know. So you watched all that Justice Ranger for nothin'? Well, luckily, A- ...why don't you just read for yourself...^_~
Trowa Talks (Finally!)
{Trowa is lazily sitting in his chair, in the same 'Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions' studio. Audience cheers}
Trowa: Oh, shut up!
Audience: {silence}
Trowa: Do you know the pain I've been through? Do you know how I feel right now? ...no, I guess not. Well to tell you, I'm not thrilled to be here! First, on the way here, I just got mocked-- some fool made fun of my pants! Second, I'm here!! Oh yeah, if you were watching my previous show, Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions, you'll be familiar with the term, {ahem} ...JUSTICE RANGER!
Audience: No!!!
Trowa: That was my first impression! But our stupid director had to accept it! He said, 'Oh, it'll be great for all those Wufei fans out there-' WHAT FANS?! WHAT FANS DOES WUFEI HAVE?! ...Can I have a few FANS OF WUFEI out there, raise your hand?!
Audience: {a few people hesitate to raise their hands}
Trowa: Let me see the hands of the fans!
Audience: {shoot their hands up}
Trowa: That's nice, that's very- PUT YOUR DANG HANDS DOWN!!!
Audience: {put their hands down}
Trowa: Well, this show is different. We'll be dealing with issues, that conflict between 2 or more of the Gundam Wing characters. But first...Justice Ranger...3! With a brand new crappy theme song! Hit it...Wufei...
Justice men own this town!
Justice people live all around!
There is one man that saves the day!
(He's not an onna! WU-FEI!)
Justice crimes do not go unpunished!
Justice communities build everyday!
There is one man that stands out, and-
(He's not an onna! WU-FEI!)
He's the Justice Ranger! He will drive us to our graves!
And with that deadly word, he'll do less more than save the day!
JU-STICE! WU-FEI!
Stupid voice: It's Justice Ranger 3! Starring that hell of a man a.k.a. onna, Wufei Chang! Co-starring The Justice Ranger's pet fish, Harold!
Narrator: EPISODE 1...AND SO IT BEGINS ONCE MORE...
{scene begins as Wufei is feeding Harold}
Wufei: What's that cry I hear?
Harold: Ri-blub...blub...Justice...blub-blub.
Wufei: I hear a man outside! {runs to his window} Why it's-
DUH-NUH-NUH-NUH!!
Wufei: Dr. Injustice! I will kill you once and for all, Dr. Injustice!
Dr. Injustice: Don't count on it!
Wufei: Hit it, Harold!
Harold: ...justice.
Dr. Injustice: {falls dead}
Wufei: {smirks at camera}
THE END!
Credits
Produced, Directed, Thanks to, Special Thanks to and copyrighted by...Wufei Chang
***
Trowa: ...Now...why is it that, in my eyes, that sucks?
Audience: {silence}
Trowa: Right well. Today's show is called...I STOLE YOUR EGO. SO WHAT? And I want you to meet, Wufei Chang and Sally Po.
{Sally and the onna walk out and sit on chairs in front of the audience}
Trowa: This is Wufei....Now Sally, tell us what happened.
Sally: Well, Wufei's been miserable and I haven't heard him say justice once since-
Trowa: Oh ho ho ho!!! SAY AMEN!
Audience: AMEN!
Trowa: {clears throat; all of a sudden becomes serious} Okay. Well, that's a bad thing right?
Sally: Very.
Trowa: And what do you think the cause of this is?
Sally: Oh I know what happened. One day, Duo Maxwell drops by and him and Wufei start playing this game, right-
Trowa: Which game?
Sally: Tekken Tag Tournament for the Playstation 2.
Trowa: Figures. Carry on.
Sally: And Duo wins 72 times in a row. He starts bragging about it, and then leaves. And ever since then, Wufei thinks he's finally met defeat-
Trowa: In a video game?!
Sally: Yes.
Trowa: {runs over to Wufei} Listen to me, Wufei. The characters get revived! They don't die permanently! What IS your problem?
Sally: Not in that way. In a way...like, 'Oh. I suck. I'm not good anymore, blah blah blah.'.
Trowa: Well, let's just bring out Duo for a quick segment, shall we?
Sally: Fine. But Wufei'll have to talk. I don't want to talk to him right now.
Trowa: You never had to talk to anyone anyway! Now...here's Duo.
{crowd applauds and cheers as Duo walks out and sits on one of the chairs}
Duo: Hi-
Sally: IDIOT!!
Duo: ...uh...
Trowa: Duo, tell us your side of this story.
Duo: Wufei challenged me to play Tekken Tag Tournament, and so I said yes. And every time I won, he kept saying 'Oh come on! I can beat you, let's play again!' and so-
Sally: LIES!!!
Trowa: Sally, shut up. Duo?
Duo: Yeah, and then once I won 72 times, he said, 'It's hopeless. You can leave now,' and all that stuff.
Sally: PATHETIC!!!
Trowa: Sally! ...Duo?
Sally: He killed Wufei's soul! And his ego!!!
Duo: Well it was gettin' too big anyway! There's hardly any breathing space in his apartment.
Audience: Ooooh...
Sally: YOU LIAR!!
Trowa: Sally, shut up! Now, Duo. Are you sure there's nothing else you didn't mention?
Duo: No-
Sally: Yes!
Wufei: ...I'll tell you.
Everyone: {gasps}
Wufei: He burnt the disk! It wouldn't play for a week after that!!
Duo: Not my problem. You're the one who challenged me...turkey!
Wufei: Turkey?! I'm a vegetarian!!
Duo: You're a justice-a-tarian, too.
Wufei: JUSTICE!!!
Trowa: We'll be back after this.
**************
Audience: {chanting} TROW-A! TROW-A! TROW-A! TROW-A!
Trowa: Yes...we are back! And today we're talking about incidents that happened. And that's why i want you to meet Treize Khushrenada.
{Treize walks out as the audience applauds}
Trowa: Treize here, said 2 of his aircrafts were blown up. He knows Zechs blew them up because he wanted to gain power, but there are so much more suspects! Like Noin, and the rest of the soldiers in OZ, or the pilots-- especially Heero.
{Heero walks out; Noin, Zechs soon follow}
Trowa: Heero's very suicidal. And so join us in this argument, and pass the popcorn! Eh heh heh...
{silence}
Trowa: Uh, Treize. Explain to us...please?
Treize: Zechs did it!
{silence}
Zechs: No I did not.
{silence}
Treize: Yes you did!
{silence}
Noin: Don't accuse Zechs.
{silence...more silence...okay, now count to 10!)
Heero: Omae o korosu.
{silence}
Trowa: This is a hell of a conversation! ...heh...heh...
{silence}
Trowa: Okay! I'm breaking the silence! So sue me!! Treize, give us some reasons.
Treize: Those were my best aircrafts. Cancer and Libra...now they're gone! And Zechs...you were my best commander!
Zechs: I tell you I didn't do it!
Noin: Of course he didn't! But I can tell you who did!
Heero: Who?
Noin: Who invited you in this conversation?!
Heero: ...I'm here aren't I?
{silence}
Heero: thought so.
Noin: It was-
DUH-NUH-NUH-NUH!!!
Noin: Lady Une!
{Lady Une walks out and sits on a chair}
Treize: She didn't blow up my aircrafts!!
Noin: Why not?
Treize: 'Cause she died early in the season!!!
Noin: ...oh.
{Lady Une walks outside}
{silence...}
Trowa: ...can someone else say something?
{silence}
Heero: Omae o korosu.
Trowa: Not the kind of phrase I was looking for.
{silence}
Trowa: Might I suggest some advice so I can end this pointless silence, please?!
Treize: Fine.
Trowa: GET A LAWYER!!!
Treize: ...okay.
Trowa: We'll be back after this!
*************
Trowa: Well, we've come to the end of a show. And it's the last one...for now! There will only be 4 more episodes, then it'll end. This is just for all those people, who couldn't face the fact my other series was over! Well, that's all for now! ...bye.