Hurt by Kami
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the other characters from the manga. Nor the song Forgive Me
A/N: I'm really depressed, and so I decided to write my feelings down using the Characters of Naruto as a medium. This is set in an AU/AR and Naruto is 18 and Kankurou 19. The characters may seem a little OOC but I don't care, this is an AU/AR.
Pairings: One-sided KankNaru, KankKiba
Warnings: Attempted Suicide
Italics-thoughts
Lyrics- /Bold/
Flash back- Bold Italics
Uzumaki Naruto lay there on his bed in his run down studio apartment mulling over the events that had previously happened a day ago. Minutes, hours, days, how long had he been laying there crying? He felt so stupid...so angry at himself for letting his actions hurt the one he had come to love. A few years ago he would have never seen it coming.
Kankurou...never in a million years would he have thought he would have fallen for his ex-boyfriends brother. But Kankurou was already taken...so Naruto just settled for being friends. And they had become good friends, so close that sometimes it was like they read each other's mind. Often they would chat on Kage Messenger and sometimes on Shinobi Live Messenger. Naruto often enjoyed staying on until the early hours of the morning talking to Kankurou, exchanging jokes, ideas, and talking about life in general...sometimes they would even role play. Naruto felt this was the closest they would ever get to being lovers...just a game...just pretend...
The blond teen turned on his side staring at his computer screen...He had been disappointed that Kankurou couldn't chat the night before, Kankurou telling Naruto that he wasn't feeling all that well. Naruto didn't know why, but he felt abandoned and empty when the older teen had sent him this message through Kage. And he did something that he would forever regret...
Naruto turned on his Kage messenger after getting home from work, his usual routine, sitting down and waiting for Kankurou to get online. He browsed his YaoiGalleria profile for new messages and new art that had been posted as he waited. After 30 minutes of waiting a message box appeared on the screen:
PuppetMaster: Hey
BluEyedKitsune: Hey, sexy
PuppetMaster: LOL you need to stop...Kiba might see and come over there to kick your ass
BluEyedKitsune: XD yeah rite! Liek he could!
PuppetMaster: I'm sorry Naruto, I only came on to tell you Im not gonna be able to chat tonite
BluEyedKitsune: What? Y? Did I do something wrong? TT
PuppetMaster: no no no
PuppetMaster: im just not feeling very well tonite
PuppetMaster: you there?
BluEyedKitsune: yeah...I'm here
PuppetMaster: did i upset you?
PuppetMaster: Naruto??
BluEyedKitsune: y don't you just come out and say it Kank
PuppetMaster: what do you mean? say what?
BluEyedKitsune: just tell me your sick of talking to me and just leave me alone
PuppetMaster: Naruto...no...im not sick of talking to you
PuppetMaster: and y would i want to leave you alone ur my best friend
BluEyedKitsune: yeah rite...i know i take up all ur time
BluEyedKitsune: time you'd rather be spending with Kiba
PuppetMaster: Naruto the only reason i can't chat is because im sick
PuppetMaster: dont be mad at me
BluEyedKitsune: i'll just go...save you the trouble
/BluEyedKitsune is Offline/
Oh he could blame the mental condition he was diagnosed with, borderline personality disorder for his actions...but they wouldn't take away the hurtful words he said to Kankurou. After laying on his bed and fuming, his thoughts cleared and he realized what he had done...he hadn't many friends and he just hurt the only best friend he had. He had called in to work that morning saying he was sick, and now, in the evening when he should have been getting off of work, he was just laying there across from his computer...staring at it as if willing something to happen. Crystalline tears continued to pour from his eyes...I'm so sorry, Kankurou...
/Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you/
Naruto glanced at the empty bottle of prescription sleeping pills on his nightstand, next to the lamp. He had just taken them...all of them...the guilt of hurting the person he loved more than anything too much for him to bare. He was alone, he knew no help would come in time. He let out a sigh, wiping the fresh tears from his eyes, only the tears to replace themselves with new ones.
/I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you/
The screen on his computer flashed and a message box had appeared:
PuppetMaster: Hey you there?
Naruto could barely make out the type through his tears, he stumbled over to his computer, the pills he took finally starting to kick in as he flopped down into his computer chair.
BluEyedKitsune: yeah imher
PuppetMaster: are u still upset with me?
PuppetMaster: Naruto??/
BluEyedKitsune: i sorry
PuppetMaster: for what?
/Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken/
BluEyedKitsune: what said
PuppetMaster: huh? ur not makin any sense
BluEyedKitsune: hurt you
/I'd give anything now
To kill those words for you/
PuppetMaster: what? no u didn't hurt me
PuppetMaster: i understand y you got so upset
PuppetMaster: ur my best friend and id never leave u
PuppetMaster: LOL sorry but ur stuck with me
/Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you"
But somehow I know you will never leave me, yeah/
BluEyedKitsune: too late
PuppetMaster: huh? what do u mean too late?
PuppetMaster: Naruto?? are you there??
PuppetMaster: come on Naruto! say something?
BluEyedKitsune: sorrrry doxzd offf
PuppetMaster: Naruto are u alright? Hang on
PuppetMaster: im going to sign out and give u a call on ur cell
/PuppetMaster is Offline/
Naruto's head was softly nodding, but he was jerked awake by the chorus of "You Can't Make a Heart Love Somebody" from his cell phone. Kankurou... He clumsily picked up his phone and opened it while staggering to the bed and falling onto it, "mmm?"
"Naruto? Are you okay? You're typing was a little off and it worried me," Kankurou worried? That was something new.
"Am fine..." Naruto spoke groggily into the receiver.
"You don't sound fine. Are you drunk?" Kankurou's deep voice sounded gruff and annoyed.
"No...sleeping pills..." Naruto managed to get out.
"S-sleeping pills??" He heard the older teen stutter, then clear his throat, "When the hell have you ever needed sleeping pills?"
"Tonight..." The blond teenager groaned out, "Never...hurt you...again..."
"Naruto!" Kankurou growled out, sounding a bit frustrated with the blond's antics, "I told you, you didn't hurt me...Now, snap the hell out of it!"
The younger teen opened his mouth slightly, in a daze to speak, the reason of his course of action only made a sob escape from his throat.
"Naruto?" He sounds worried...I didn't mean to make him worry...I hurt him again...
"Sssorry..." Naruto groggily sobbed out, his eyelids becoming heavier, as he fought to stay awake a little bit longer, if only to say goodbye to an unrequited love, "I...l-love you...Kank..."
"Naruto...tell me you didn't do something stupid..." Kankurou's deep voice went up a pitch higher, sounding if he was fighting the urge to cry.
"I'm...sorry..." Naruto no longer able to fight the deathly sleep that threatened him, succumbed to the peaceful oblivion, letting the phone fall from his hand to the mattress he was lying on.
"Naruto?? Naruto!! Shit!!" On the other end, Kankurou's voice was panicked. Please, Kami, let him be alright... "Naruto, you sit tight. Kiba's calling the emergency help service, and I'm on my way over...You better be okay when I get there!"
/Cause you were meant for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me/
It was only ten minutes and the older teen, who had finally arrived, was pounding on Naruto's apartment door, "Naruto! Open up! It's Kank!" When there was no answer, Kankurou, knowing where Naruto kept a spare key, let himself into the apartment. The brunette glanced over at the bed that was merely feet away to see Naruto sprawled face down on the bed.
"Fuck!" Kankurou was at Naruto's side in a moment, checking his best friend for a pulse, his hands shaking, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, seeing an empty bottle on the nightstand, "Christ, Naruto...you took them all?? Don't you fucking leave me!!" the brunette teen, rolled the blond onto his back and began to try to rouse his dying friend, tears already beginning to fall from his dark brown eyes, "Don't leave me...I need you..."
/I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive/
"Fuck, Kiba!! Where is that ambulance??" The older teen looked around the room, feeling totally helpless and lost, sobs kept erupting from his throat, his worst fear coming true...Please...Please don't leave me alone...you're the only real friend I have, Naruto...
Kankurou sat down on the bed pulling his blond friend into his arms, every now and again, wiping away his tears, praying that the ambulance would hurry...He looked down at Naruto, pushing blond tresses out of the younger teens face, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead. Once he pulled back, he saw that hooded groggy blue eyes opened looking at him, pain and anguish emitting from the azure orbs.
/So stay with me
You look into my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry/
"Stay with me, Naruto," Kankurou held the younger teen close, rubbing his large hands along lithe tanned arms to keep them warmed, "I need you here with me...so stay..."
A tanned hand gripped the large pale hand, as the younger teen's hooded eyes blinked slightly, letting crystalline tears fall, "Kank...I'm...sorry..."
The older teen kissed the tanned forehead, letting out a sigh of relief when he heard sirens outside the apartment, "Don't be sorry...I'm not gonna leave you...ever..."
/And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I didn't mean to hurt you/
Owari