Here it is! WOOHOO! The prequel to the infamous, Vacation's Where I Wanna Be. If you have not read this one's sequel, then I highly suggest it, although it could probably stand alone… I'm not sure. Some things will be a little weird. Even though they'll be weird even if you DID read its sequel.
Yes, this is NOT a SEQUEL. IT'S A PREQUEL.
Convince me to write a sequel and I just may.
For now, FUN TIME BEGINS!
Alright. Phew, glad I got that much outta the way… anyway, HELLO! Holy Force, if you guys only knew how badly I wanted to start this sooner. My computer crashed…. and thus ruined the chances of this epic starting any earlier.
But let's put that behind us. Welcome to Angry Sith With a Plunger! Oh, this one's gonna be good. (Rubs hands together in anticipation).
I'm anxious to see if anyone from the original journey of Vacation comes along for this ride. (Looks around for familiar faces)
Anyway, this story will begin in ROTS timeframe and go up until the twins and their early childhood. And oh gods, this is going to be even more crazy than its predecessor. I mean, sequel. Weird.
Ah well, here's Chapter 1.
Chapter 1
"We fly high, no lie, you know this!" Obi-Wan screeched deafeningly into the comlink.
"BALLIN'!" Anakin yelled back, even louder.
Every single unfortunate clone working with them in the Battle of Coruscant held their ears (or at least their helmets where their ears would be) in agony.
"Generals." Oddball said, annoyed. "Can you please stop?"
"As you wish…" Obi-Wan muttered mysteriously, then said, "He's just jealous, Anakin."
Anakin giggled manically as he shot at ships that crossed him. "Obi-Wan! Look I got 'em! He's going down!"
"Anakin, that would be simply brilliant." Obi-Wan answered haggardly, "If that had been a Separatist ship."
"Oh… snap."
"GENERALS!" Oddball yelled in frustration. "Would you PLEASE quit fooling around, you have a CHANCELLOR to save!"
"We do?" Anakin asked, honestly confused. "What chou talking bout, Oddball?"
"I'm TALKING about the SUPREME Chancellor of the GALACTIC REPUBLIC that is CURRENTLY BEING HELD CAPTIVE BY GENERAL GREVIOUS!"
Obi-Wan sneezed boredly. "You mean we came back just to save that frumpy old man? Who smells astonishingly similar to my Aunt Louise's old coat closet?"
"Obi-Wan, you don't have an Aunt Louise." Anakin told him sternly. "We have been through this. You don't know your family. You don't have any parents. You were raised at the Temple with no recollection of your father or mother."
"I don't have parents?" Obi-Wan asked tearfully. "That is the SADDEST thing I have ever HEARD!" He wailed piteously into the comlink, causing Anakin and the clones that were forced to listen in to wince.
"Obi-Wan, never mind, don't feel bad. I don't have parents, either." Anakin muttered, trying to console his former Master. "I mean, I NEVER had a father to begin with, and my mother (that I miraculously popped out of) died years ago."
Obi-Wan ceased to make any noise, an odd silence falling over the comm.
Another clone dared to chirp. "Yeah, Master Kenobi… you think you got it bad? How would you feel if you had about fifty kabillion identical clone brothers and the only parent you ever knew was some dead bounty hunter?"
"See, Obi-Wan?" Anakin said, continuing to fly adjacent to Obi-Wan's fighter. "Don't feel bad. Every Jedi is technically an orphan, really. And the clones never had either biological parent."
Suddenly, uproarious mirth spilled from Obi-Wan's comlink as he clutched his sides, laughing uncontrollably.
"What's so funny?" Anakin demanded, feeling extremely left out. Which we know is something Anakin cannot stand. "Master?"
"Haha… Anakin… haha…. Anakin is Little…haha…Orphan….haha… Ani."
Anakin sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Oh… funny, Master." He commented drily.
Over the comlink, another clone began to giggle.
Oddball had had enough. "THAT'S IT! MASTER JEDI, YOU AND SKYWALKER WILL PROCEED AND RESCUE PALPATINE AS YOU WERE ORDERED TO DO!"
"Yessir." Anakin replied quickly, and shot forward, hurtling into a nearby ship and clipping it, causing it to burst into flames in his haste. "On my way, sir!"
Obi-Wan saluted to Oddball through the cockpit window, which very inconveniently caused him to bang his hand against the roof of his Starfighter. "OWIE!" he shrieked. He hurriedly stuffed his hand into his mouth. Sucking it profusely and sniveling in pain, he followed Anakin, piloting rather swiftly one-handed.
Once they got about fifty standard miles from the grumpy clone Commander, Anakin switched his comm's frequency so that only Obi-Wan could hear. "Geesh, Oddball's in a freaky mood, huh, Obster? Is he always that way and I just didn't notice? He acts like he has something odd shoved up his-..."
"MMPPHHF!" Came Obi-Wan's reply through a burst of static.
"Exactly." Anakin agreed heartily, a laugh rising into his throat. "I mean, what in the heck is his problemo? We aren't doing any harm."
The fact that he and Obi-Wan had together successfully burst the eardrums of a good few troopers, almost caused the deaths of everyone aboard a Republic gunship by inadvertently shooting it down and essentially helped Oddball misplace his mind seemed to escape Anakin.
"MPPFF! MPHFFMUHPHH!"
"Obi-Wan?" Anakin questioned, skimming closer to Obi-Wan's fighter so that he could peer into the cockpit window. "Are you alright?"
He froze in a mix of shock and amusement at what he saw. There sat the venerable, respected hero of the Republic, the Negotiator, Obi-Wan Kenobi, distraught. He waved one of his hands wildly in panic, gesturing madly toward his mouth, where Anakin could see that Obi-Wan's entire fist was currently located. Obi-Wan's lips were closed painfully around his upper wrist, and his face was red with embarrassment and frustration.
Obi-Wan Kenobi's fist was stuck in his mouth.
It took everything Anakin had been taught about respect (which wasn't much, we have learned) for him to restrain the laughter that exploded within him. Gulping, he began to console the frantic Jedi Master, his voice an odd squeak.
"Okay, okay… don't panic. Breathe." Anakin began, as the two fighters continued to zoom forward in the direction of the Invisible Hand. "Okay, on the count of three, you are going to relax and squeeze your fist as small as it will go… and then you'll pull it out, alright? Ready?"
Obi-Wan whimpered fearfully, but nodded.
"One… two…"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The scream echoed in Anakin's ears for a time after Obi-Wan yanked his hand from his mouth in a magnificent movement of speed, precision, and daftness.
When his ears stopped ringing, Anakin dared to look at the red Jedi Interceptor. "Wow, it worked." He said, awed. "I didn't think it would. But come to think of it… I always knew you had loose lips, Master. Are you sure there's not a screw missing in your jaw?"
"Shut up." Obi-Wan said, hurt. "You should talk, Anakin."
"What?"
"Are you sure there's not a screw missing in your head?"
"Quite sure. I had Artoo run my annual diagnostic just two days ago. Everything's in tip-top condition. At least… everything's the way it has always been."
"Precisely." Obi-Wan answered, rubbing his jawbone.
"No worries then, Master?"
"That's EXACTLY what I'm worried about, Anakin."
"Quit speaking in anomalies."
"Gesundheit."
Then Anakin asked tentatively. "Master, are you okay now?"
A sad sigh. "I think so." Obi-Wan's voice was small and tittery and reminded Anakin of a shy little mouse.
Within an instant, that changed.
"Don't tell anyone about this Anakin or I will personally chop off your remaining limbs, drop you into a pit of lava, and scream brokenly at you as you burn into a heap of smoking flesh!" Obi-Wan threatened suddenly, voice now loud and angry.
"Yeowch." Anakin commented absently. "That would hurt, dude."
"Precisely my point, Anakin." Obi-Wan replied sternly.
"Um… Master?" Anakin said, half for the sake of changing the subject and half to prevent them both from slamming headlong into a huge looming Separatist battleship…
"WE'RE GONNA CRASH!" Obi-Wan shrieked wildly, flapping his arms around in a display of absolute insane panic and fright, all previous thoughts forgotten. His freshly-freed-from-his-mouth hand rolled around on his wrist, dangling limply.
"Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we're horribly mangled, there'll be no sad faces on Christmas." Anakin reprimanded his frenzied friend, shaking his pointer finger at him.
Obi-Wan managed to pull out of his manic insane frightfest long enough to send Anakin a funny look. He had these strange looks down pat. You would too if you had to spend thirteen years of your insane life with the man.
Meanwhile Anakin pulled some sort of freaky stunt and got himself out, making sure to shove Obi-Wan's fighter away from the uncoming obstruction at the last minute. The readers were supposed to marvel at his superb fighting skills, but the authoress wondered if perhaps they were too worried about our heroes and their mental stability to do so.
"Showoff." Obi-Wan muttered, when he found the breath to speak.
Anakin chose to ignore that comment and spoke into the comlink to Oddball. "Hey Commander Strange Spherical Shape! Get your kriffin' act together and form your squad up behind us! The General's Command Ship is DEAD ahead!"
"It's not just ahead, it is DEAD ahead." Obi-Wan emphasized.
Oddball, just annoyed with the Generals, wordlessly complied.
"Now that's better." Anakin scolded. "To think that you're supposed to be one of the best! Pshhhaww."
"General Skywalker..." Oddball began angrily.
"Yes… Oh Clone of Failure's Definition?"
"Never mind." He growled, furious. He then addressed Obi-Wan. "We're on your tail, General Kenobi."
"I have a tail?" Obi-Wan sounded excited. "Is it fluffy?"
A frustrated sigh.
"This is where the fun begins." Anakin said strangely, a downright evil smile on his face. "Incoming vultures, Master!"
"Don't you mean vulture DROIDS, Anakin?"
"No, I mean vultures."
Obi-Wan looked at his spare copy of the script. "Anakin, that's not what you're supposed to say."
"Since when have I followed the rules, Master?"
"Since never. But this is important, almost as important as the Jedi Code."
"Well, I broke those rules years ago, Master. What did you expect me do in this situation?"
"You broke the Code?"
"Ummm…. no."
"Anakin…" Obi-Wan started suspiciously.
Anakin, desperate to change the subject, screamed annoyingly loud, "Enough of this diddledaddle."
"You mean fiddlefaddle?" Obi-Wan corrected somberly.
"I said that." Anakin said coldly. "What is with you, Kenobi? Always have to be right! ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!"
"YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOURSELF!" Obi-Wan screeched, offended.
"Oh yeah? Well… I…. at least I don't… well you…" Anakin searched aimlessly for a comeback.
"Aha! Point for Obi!" Obi-Wan said triumphantly. "For those of you keeping score, that's Anakin… zero. Obi-Wan… sixty."
"SIXTY?" Anakin yelled in exasperation. "Alright, next time you need your ungrateful hide saved, count me out. In fact, I might just push you into that nest of gundarks this time around!"
"MEANIE!" Obi-Wan pouted. "I'm telling MasterYoda on you!"
"Not if I tell him on you FIRST!"
"Oh yeah?"
"YEAH!"
"What are you gonna tell him, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked. "That I'm a terrible Jedi Master who should be fed to a Rancor?"
"No. I'll tell him that you should be fed to a wampa." Anakin said victoriously. "And that I should be able to watch."
"Oh... you think you are SO clever." Obi-Wan glared at Anakin's ship. "Well, I for one; cannot wait to see the look on Master Yoda's face when I tell him that you broke the Jedi Code!"
"What are you talking about?" Anakin said, face red.
"Oh you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about." Obi-Wan scoffed, pulling ahead slightly to catch up with his speeding former Padawan. "I saw you coming out of that belly dancing lesson last Friday. Jedi are not allowed to indulge in such frivolity."
"Whatever." Anakin waved a hand distractedly, shooting at nothing in particular.
"And this whole thing with Padmé…" Obi-Wan went on. "I mean, can you say SUSPICIOUS? How is it that when I asked her the question: boxers or briefs? … The answer she provided me with was… and I quote, 'On Anakin?'"
"She's a girl, Obi-Wan. Why'd you ask her the question in the first place?" Anakin asked, more than a trifle confused.
"None of your business." Obi-Wan muttered. "And how was it, my ex-Padawan, that she knew the correct answer?"
"How do you know she knew? Do YOU know?" Anakin cast an eye toward Obi-Wan's cockpit.
"Simple. I wear boxers, and since I'm SO much more tough and manly than you are, it is quite clear that you, Anakin, wear tighty-whiteys…." He lowered his voice and whispered, "… made of SPANDEX."
"You have me confused with Master Windu." Anakin pointed out. "Remember when Yoda found the purple spandex ones on his seat after a Council meeting?"
Obi-Wan laughed. "Yeah… how could I forget? I still have nightmares."
"And did Padmé seriously say briefs?" Anakin asked, a bit hurt.
"No. She just laughed weirdly and said, 'I'm not telling.'" Obi-Wan admitted.
"AHA! So you didn't know if she really did know the answer… so your accusation has no proof, MASTER Kenobi." Anakin stated proudly. "I request that you dismiss the charges."
"Since when did you become a lawyer?" Obi-Wan asked him.
"Heehee. Custard tart." Was Anakin's reply.
"I mean it, Anakin." Obi-Wan said sternly. "I am UNYIELDINGLY upset with you."
"Alright, Obster." Anakin gave in. "If you wanna know that bad… the answer is neither."
"Neither?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yeah, neither boxers nor briefs." Anakin answered matter-of-factly. "So are you done prying into my personal business, Master Nosy-Wan?"
Horrified, Obi-Wan relented. "Yes, yes! I shall never EVER ask anything of that sort again… and please do not bring up that answer EVER EVER again." He thought for a moment. "But this whole issue with Padmé…. I know something's going on, Anakin. So don't think this is over: Anakin CodeBreaker McOnlyPants."
"Excuse me, Generals?" Oddball's irritated voice interrupted them. "You guys passed Grievous' ship about ten minutes ago."
"HOLY SHAZZIZZLE!" Anakin cursed and did a fast 180. "C'mon, Obi! Palps needs our assistance! He's probably alone and starving, and beaten cruelly… they're likely torturing him as we speak."
"Um… remind me why I should care?"
"GENERALS!" Oddball yelled. "Get your Force-sensitive behinds back over here and get the Chancellor, or I'll report you to the Council."
"Aw… what're gonna do, EXPEL US?" Anakin said, unfazed.
"Um… yes."
"Crap." Anakin sped up.
"And hurry. He's depending on you."
"Yeah, Obi-Wan… geez. What's your deal?" Anakin demanded, always quick to blame Obi-Wan.
"Shut it, Anakin." Obi-Wan threatened dangerously. "We're on our way, Oddball."
But Oddball's reply wasn't annoyed or angry. As Anakin and Obi-Wan re-entered the maelstrom of battling ships, Oddball's anxious voice queried. "Generals… we're going down… there's too many of them…."
"Obi-Wan… I'm gonna go help them out."
"No!" Obi-Wan yelled. "NO! They are doing their jobs; now let's do ours… for a change."
"AHHH!" Oddball screamed as his ships blew up in a ball of flame. "Ah… I'm melting… I'm melting….! Oh what a WORLD!"
Anakin stared sadly at the remains of Oddball's ship. "YOU LITTLE MEANIE!" A tear ran down Anakin's cheek. "I was trying to be a compassionate individual… and you… YOU SELFISH WAD OF BANTHA FODDER!" He sniffed. "You know, clones have feelings too, Obi-Wan."
Artoo beeped at the two Jedi.
"Yeah… and droids." Anakin added. "And ships. Like Bessie here." He patted his dashboard.
"Anakin, you cannot save everyone." Obi-Wan told him. "You're not Superman."
"Well I should be." Anakin said, suddenly determined. "Someday I will be. I will be the most POWERFUL Superman EVER."
"Yeah… sure, Anakin." Obi-Wan decided it was best to just humor him.
This seemed to comfort Anakin, and he and his former Master continued onward, searching for Grievous' ship.
"We need a map." Anakin remarked after a while.
"WELL THEN YOU ARE LOST!" Obi-Wan shrieked.
"Yes, we've established this." Anakin said impatiently. "Geesh, Obi-Wan… it is entirely your fault. If you hadn't started that argument, we wouldn't be in this situation."
"Oh really, Anakin? You think so?" Obi-Wan said angrily.
"Yup." Anakin dared to shoot back.
"Well then, I never thought it would come to this." Obi-Wan began, almost sadly. "Anakin… I'm afraid I'll just have to…"
"Careful Master… Incoming buzz droids at twelve o'clock."
"But Anakin," Obi-Wan said, looking at the clock on his dashboard. "It's nearly four thirty!"
"Just shoot them… they are coming right at you!"
"Oh alright… are there any after you?"
"No… they hate people with beards."
"Oh, that's just PEACHY!" Obi-Wan said, frustrated.
"Remember… buzz droids are wild and danderous."
"Dandruff?" Obi-Wan questioned, and then yelled at the attacking buzz droids. "C'mon, stupid Buzzies! Never wear black without the blue!"
"DANGEROUS!" Anakin corrected angrily. "That was a typo on the authoress' part."
"Whoops." Arie the authoress remarked. "Sorry."
Anakin glared at Arie.
Just then, a buzz droid landed on Anakin's ship, which was Arie's way of Anakin getting her to leave her alone.
"Oh… so they hate people with beards, Anakin?" Obi-Wan demanded.
"Yeah, I forgot to mention how they also hate incredibly attractive young Jedi with smoldering looks and thousands of fangirl databases."
"Always gotta fly your own kite, don't cha, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Huh?" Anakin said, but soon turned his attention to the droid. "Get him, Artoo…" He encouraged. "Watch out…"
Artoo tried to zap the buzz droid to oblivion, but to no avail. Then, Artoo reached inside its shiny just-polished dome with its retractable arm and pulled out a tiny Post-It© note, upon which words were scrawled messily.
It read: "You Suck!"
"Hey!" The buzz droid whined in droid-speak,
ZAP! And it was gone.
"Yeah, go Artoo!" Anakin cheered, while shaking a glittery pom-pom.
"Where did you get that?" Obi-Wan asked, envious.
"Padmé gave it to me for my birthday!" Anakin exclaimed, hugging the pom-pom to his chest and kissing it.
"Did she now?" Obi-Wan said, interested.
"Mmhm." Anakin confirmed, now sniffing the cheerleader pom-pom. Unfortunately this caused several shiny strands to go up his nose.
Panicked, he sneezed them out. "Did you see that, Obi-Wan? It tried to constrict my airway!"
"Yeah, Anakin, that's lovely…" Obi-Wan yawned.
"LOVELY?" Anakin yelled, alarmed. "Padmé's trying to kill me!" He dropped the pom-pom in fright.
"She's not the only one." Obi-Wan told him truthfully.
"HEY!" Anakin protested.
"Not me… silly." Obi-Wan said. "That would be very rude. I simply meant the rest of the buzz droids."
Anakin noticed that Obi-Wan's attackers had changed their little evil minds and were swarming his fighter.
"OH. EM. GEE." He said slowly. "They're all over me! I gotta…. I gotta…"
"Gotta what?"
"I gotta SHAKE 'EM OFF!" Anakin sang gleefully, very out of tune.
"Mariah Carey's rolling over in her grave, Anakin."
"She's not dead."
"She is now." Obi-Wan laughed.
Anakin shrugged and proceeded to shake half the droids onto Obi-Wan's ship.
"Anakin… why you little…!" Obi-Wan screamed, and he popped open his cockpit, stepping cautiously out onto his wing, somehow avoiding blowing away.
"Alright, buzzies." Obi-Wan stated calmly. "It's peanut butter jelly time." And with that, he pulled out a spray can, full of black spray paint.
He began to douse their metallic bodies until each one was jet black.
"TAKE THAT YOU LITTLE DEVILS!" Obi-Wan said happily. "NOW YOU'RE EMO!"
The droids, suddenly very depressed, began to mutter sadly in droid-speak and abandoned Obi-Wan's ship, heading for the next Emo Battle of the Bands.
"HA!" Obi-Wan said, triumphant. And he re-entered his fighter, quite proud of himself.
Anakin, meanwhile, was fresh out of spray paint. So he too stepped out of his cockpit, also not blowing away.
"Okay, buzz droids." He announced. "Trespassing on this property is illegal by Republic law. If you don't skedaddle, I'm afraid I'll have to detain you."
A droid zapped Anakin's leg defiantly.
"OW!" Anakin yelled. "That's it… it's on, you craptins!"
"I'LL SAVE YOU, ANAKIN!" Came a call, with a Coruscanti accent that seemed vaguely familiar to Anakin. (Cue cheesy heroic theme music)
Obi-Wan's fighter loomed above Anakin.
"That's alright… I have it under control!" Anakin tried, but it was too late.
One, two, three laser blasts turned the droids to scrap metal.
Four.
And Anakin found himself missing a very important possession. A large section of his glossy, beautifully soft hair.
Obi-Wan zoomed away, not noticing this tragic accident.
Anakin, however, blinked back tears and hastily lifted his hood, wanting to cover this humiliating sight.
He very dejectedly climbed back into his Interceptor and followed Obi-Wan.
"There it is, Anakin. General Grievous' Command Ship, Floating Hotel, Indoor Spa and Galactic Casino." Obi-Wan said, excited. "I have a good feeling about this."
At least someone does, Anakin thought darkly, fingering his gaping bald spot.
"Into the hangar we go!" Obi-Wan squealed, then paused. "Uh… Anakin? Shields… still up."
"Yeah?"
"Lower them." He clapped his hands impatiently. "Chop chop; come now we don't have all day."
With a sigh, Anakin blasted away the shields and the Jedi streaked into the hangar. Obi-Wan burst from his cockpit, and immediately began a droid-killing rampage.
"Oh yeah, I rock… I kick B-U-T-T!" He exclaimed.
When all the droids were gone, Anakin approached him. "Yes, that is masterful."
"I was champion of the Temple's spelling bee." Obi-Wan said, boasting.
"That's not what I meant." Anakin said. "And besides, you cheated. You were out of your ship in two seconds flat. Were you even WEARING a seatbelt?"
"Ummm…. maybe." Obi-Wan looked at his boots.
"I'm sorry, Master. I'm going to have to turn you in."
"NOO! I'm too young for this! I have a family to take care of!"
"No you don't."
Obi-Wan shot him a death-glare. "You were supposed to believe me, butthead."
"Sorry." Anakin said, even though he wasn't sorry. "Click it or Ticket, Master."
"Don't tell, Anakin. PLEASE! I'll do anything; I won't tell Yoda about you admitting that you broke the Code."
"Deal." Anakin agreed.
That issue resolved, Obi-Wan turned to Anakin's astromech droid. "Artoo, locate the men's restroom. I gotta pee real bad."
Anakin harrumphed. "Now, Master? I told you to go before we left!"
"I didn't have to go then!" Obi-Wan protested, and when Artoo had given him directions, he was off.
Six standard minutes later, he returned, whistling proudly. "Hey Anakin! Grievous' restrooms have TV's on the stall doors!"
"Marvelous." Anakin rolled his eyes. "Artoo, locate the Chancellor."
Artoo sighed, tired of being ordered around by these two goons.
Obi-Wan, focused on the task at hand, asked curiously. "Hey, Anakin, why are you wearing your hood?"
"Because I feel like it, GOSH!" Anakin replied heatedly.
Accepting this answer, Obi-Wan looked at the glowy blue map Artoo was projecting. "The Chancellor's tracking signal is coming from right… here."
Anakin peered at the image. "Umm… Obi-Wan? That's the women's restroom."
"Oh really? That's rather peculiar. Oh well, no time to ponder this conundrum, let's get a move on shall we?"
---------
General Grievous stood on the control bridge of the Invisible Hand, stroking a white fluffy cat in his arms.
"What's the situation, Captain?" He commanded.
"Two Jedi have landed in the main hangar bay. We're tracking them."
"Not interested." Grievous coughed. "Now where's Mr. Muffins' jingly ball?"
"We're tracking it too, Sir." The Neimodian said. "We believe its hiding… in the Outer Rim Systems."
"OH NO! Poor Mr. Muffy-POO!" He cooed, petting the cat lovingly. "He must have left it on Utapau when we went sinkhole diving last month. Remind me to go back and look for it!"
"As you wish, Sir."
--------
Anakin and Obi-Wan stood entered the elevator.
"Well this is nice." Obi-Wan said.
"Hands up, Jedi!"
They turned, only to be astonished by the sight of a large army of teddy bears, who brandished large guns at them.
"Holy crap! They've found me! I didn't think it was possible!" Obi-Wan yelled, alarmed.
Anakin stood, staring at the bears with big eyes.
"Sorry guys." Obi-Wan sniffed. "But I must… I cannot allow you to ruin my life. Not again."
"Oh contraire, Kenobi." One said, eyes glowing red. "It was YOU that ruined us. You shall pay for what you have done."
Obi-Wan tried a different tactic. "You must have me confused with another Obi-Wan Kenobi. I swear; I've never seen you before in my life."
The bears muttered amongst themselves for a moment, then charged their blasters.
Sorrowfully, the two Jedi cut them down.
"Grievous is a strange one." Obi-Wan said, eyeing the stuffing that was now spread out all over the floor of the elevator.
Anakin knelt beside a large piece of white fluff, powering down his lightsaber.
"I killed them. I killed them all! They're DEAD! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! And not just the big ones… but the little ones, and the cute little fuzzy ones, too!"
"Anakin…" Obi-Wan began to comfort his hooded friend.
"They're like ANIMALS! AND I SLAUGHTERED THEM LIKE ANIMALS!"
"Settle down, Anakin… it's okay… deep breaths!"
Anakin's lower lips quivered. "I'M SOOO MEAN!" And he burst into tears.
"No you're not." Obi-Wan patted his shoulder. "Now get up and stop this nonsense."
Anakin obeyed, just as a cheery tune back to float from the speaker by the door.
Obi-Wan, trying to cheer him up, asked casually. "I just LOVE elevator music, don't you, Anakin?"
"No. I hate elevator music." Anakin said moodily. "So coarse… so rough…"
Obi-Wan had officially decided Anakin was a lost cause (which we already knew) when the elevator stopped abruptly.
"Did you push the stop button?" Obi-Wan demanded, eyeing Anakin.
"No, did you?"
"I think you did!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yes huh! LIAR!"
"Don't call me a liar, you meanie-head!"
"I only tell it like it is!" Obi-Wan said pointedly.
Anakin huffed. "Well there's more than one way out of here." He began to carve open the ceiling of the elevator.
"We don't want to get out, we want to move." Obi-Wan began to jump up and down to try to stir the elevator. Failing this, he activated the comm. "Artoo… activate Elevator 31175."
Artoo, still in the hangar, hid from the droids that were currently robbing Anakin and Obi-Wan's ships. (He didn't stop them.)
C'mon what could be in there, anyway?
"What's that?" one asked, hearing Obi-Wan's voice on the comm.
"GET BACK TO WORK. THAT'S NOTHING!" The other commanded, and then softened. "So, how's Grievous treating you? I heard he got real mad at you the other day."
"We're no longer on a first name basis, and I have to rub his cat's feet every day, but I'd say we're patching things up."
"That's good to hear."
Anakin, meanwhile, had climbed atop the elevator. "Action Ani… on an adventure… confronting evil… and being sweet! Action Ani… off playing hero… the coolest darn Jedi you'll ever meet!"
He instantly stopped his song when he saw he wasn't alone. A fat, shirtless man in a lawn chair stared at him.
Anakin stared back.
"What?" The man said, voice slurred. "Can't a man watch the game in peace?" He pointed loopily at the wall of the elevator shaft, where a TV was visible only to him.
Anakin frowned, clenching his fists.
"What's wrong?" The man asked. "Oh, I get it. You want one?" He held a beear out to Anakin. "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feed you this, Mister Squirrel…" His head rolled around a bit and he smiled dazedly, "But what the cops don't know won't hurt them… right?"
Enraged, Anakin grabbed the man, and hurled him off the elevator. "You know what? I am SICK of finding drunk guys on top of elevators! You're the fifth one this week!"
As the heavily drunk guy fell down the shaft, he waved blearily up at Anakin. "Bye Mister Squirrel… gimme something nice in my basket on Easter!"
Anakin snorted. "Goodbye, indeed."
Then, the elevator dropped out from under him, and he hastily grabbed a nearby ledge.
"Stupid Obi-Wan…" He murmured furiously. "Stupid, stupid, stupid… what's he trying to do, scare the crap outta me?"
He didn't have much time to think of an answer to this question, for two battle droids had spotted him and were peering over the ledge at him, shaking blaster at his face.
"Heheh." Anakin laughed nervously. "Say, which one of you is Roger?"
"Hands up, Jedi." One said monotonously, not amused.
Seconds later, Anakin was falling down an elevator shaft after the descending elevator.
"Oh jeez." Anakin muttered, wondering why he'd chosen to put his hands up.
Much to our dear Ani's dismay, Obi-Wan had successfully asked Artoo to stop the elevator. Then, it began to slide upwards, barreling towards Anakin.
"Uhoh…" Anakin gulped.
Then, he and the elevator met, and Anakin crumpled through the hole he'd crafted earlier, falling hard to the floor of the elevator car.
Startled, Obi-Wan ignited his lightsaber, and turned around, screaming, "I didn't do it! Please have mercy!"
He plunged his saber downward, and then lifted it promptly.
"Anakin?"
A closer look confirmed his suspicion.
"Ooooh." Obi-Wan winced, and turned off his blade. "That's gonna leave a mark."
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Well, what do you think? Huh? How is Angry Sith With a Plunger??!!!
Review and tell me. I'm anxious to hear from you.
And yes, of course I'll continue the tradition of the review threats this time around. It would be too hard to abandon that habit, methinks.
REVIEW or…
Giant mutant turtles in their adolescent years wearing colored socks over their eyes will steal all of your cookies, a mermaid will take up residence in your bathtub, and a colony of ants will munch on your bedspread.
We wouldn't want that, now would we?
Didn't think so.