Dealing. Prologue.
Peyton Sawyer:
Content. This is a particular feeling that I haven't really ever felt before, I've always dealt with all of the destructive emotions; anger, grief, jealousy, self loathing etc. Content is definitely new for me and to be honest, it scares me.
There is a huge risk that this contentment will leave quick sharp simply because I don't know how to be content, how to just be happy. How can all of that drama, all of that horrific past just drift away, can it really leave me? Can I really be just happy? It's an entirely new concept to me and it was a concept introduced by Lucas Scott.
As cliché and awful as it sounds; he is my rock. The one person in my life that never lets me down, he is the boy that always rescues me and I've got to be honest, because of this and so many other reasons he is the boy I have given my heart to. Being with him, being his, is the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to me. It almost feels as if this is it, this is life, it's as much as I deserve and you know what? I don't even deserve it. It is a complete fluke, a fluke that I am eternally grateful for and wish to never leave me.
It petrifies me to think that he could leave, whether through his own choice or because of events that cannot be helped. It is my greatest fear, I would choose death over losing Lucas Scott. I know I sound pathetic, I sound like any other loved up teenager who doesn't know any better but if you think that, you're wrong. I have been through the ringer. I understand true pain, agony and loss which are all of the things that change people, these are the things that alter a person, whether completely destroying them or adding to their character. I have been through so much at a time when most teenage girls are worrying about their hair, nails, clothes and boys. I am the girl who worries about death, loneliness and psychotic stalkers. I have faced many trials and I'd rather face them all again than lose Lucas Scott.