Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (unfortunately)
It was a scorching hot summer day. Charlie and Billy were watching basketball as usual.
Charlie: Hey author. Basketball's in the winter!
Billy: Yeah! And what with the as usual? You make us sound like couch potatoes. (Notice he says this while sporting an old baggy T-shirt that says "I live for watching basketball")
Author: Umm, yeah you kinda are…
Charlie: Yeah righ- hey a potato chip! How'd that get stuck in the couch cushions? (Happily pops into mouth)
Author: You were saying?
Billy: Talk about A.D.D!
Charlie: I do not hav- OMG a monkey! (points out back window)
Author: Um that's a squirrel.
Charlie: Pwetty Sqwuirrel.
Billy: Come on Charlie, a squ- Oh my! That's the most beautiful squirrel ever.
Charlie: Don't you just love how its fur seems to sparkle in the sunlight? (heh heh maybe it's a vampire squirrel)
Author: Um, hello???
Charlie: What?
Author: Can we get back to the stor- Are those blueberry muffins?
Billy: and she thinks WE have ADD!
Charlie: Want one?
*I reach hand into computer screen and take one. Then I eat it in one bite*
Billy: How you likin' those muffins?
Charlie: Yummeriffic!
Billy: not you! The author! *hits Charlie on head*
Author: They need cinnamon!
Billy: Cinnamon and blueberries?
Author: Hey, Don't judge it till you try it!
Charlie: Yeah, I think I've had something like tha- hey Bella's home!
Bella: Hey Billy! How's Ja- Bubbles!
Charlie: Huh?
*Bella skips merrily out back door. We then see her popping random bubbles that came out of nowhere. Then the aflac duck randomly appears and pecks Bella to death*
Charlie: Oh No! Bella's dea- Whoa! Pink glitter heart stamps!
*Billy and Charlie then proceed to cover their skin with glittery hearts*
*Edward walks in*
Edward: Hey Charlie where's Bella?
Billy: Dead somewhere in the backyard.
Edward: AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANY- hey are those Hannah Montana stickers on the table?
Charlie: Yepperoo! And there's lots more in my sticker cabinet!
*Edward opens*
Edward: Wow! There's everything from the Laurie Berkner Band to Disney Princesses! Can I have some???
Charlie: Well only a couple.
*Edward takes some into a different room. When he returns, every visible part of his skin is covered in stickers*
Charlie: Well someone has a different definition of A COUPLE!!!
Edward: Sorry Charles! I wanna make it up t- APPLE JUICE!
Charlie: Just take it!
*Edward takes apple juice outside. We then see Edward, Emmett, and Jasper drinking it in wine glasses*
*hours later Edward returns all giggly and hyper*
Charlie: Maybe we shouldn't have given him the apple juice.
Billy: You know what apple juice can do to a person.
Edward: Yummy juicey!
Billy: Nice going Char- hey! I just had an idea! Let's have a fake American Idol contest! We can call Ed's family and they can come too!
Edward: Singing fun!
Charlie: I'll call them.
*20 min. later*
Billy: Okay, me Carlisle and Rose will be judges. Emmett you're up first.
*Emmett snaps fingers & Elmo's Rap Alphabet plays. Emmett sings in exact same voice as Elmo*
Judges have shocked expressions on their faces.
Carlisle: Maybe Esme should go…
*Esme snaps fingers and All That Jazz begins. Esme sings*
Carlisle: You win!
Billy: We haven't heard everyone!
Rosalie: Yeah and I wanna hear Jasper!
*Jasper snaps fingers and White&Nerdy plays*
*Jasper sings/raps*
Judges are happily blowing bubbles and didn't hear Jasper sing.
Billy: Next is Charlie.
*Charlie snaps fingers and Blame It plays*
Charlie: Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-apple juice!
Judges are now building card towers.
Charlie: Why don't you go Alice?
*Alice snaps fingers & Don't cha plays. Alice sings*
Carlisle stops her in the middle of the song.
Carlisle: NEXT!
*Edward snaps fingers and La Traviata plays* (from the twilight soundtrack)
*He sings in exact same voice as the people in the song*
When he finishes, Billy's eyes are wide, Carlisle passed out, and Rosalie is in another room but you can still hear her pounding on the floor laughing.
Billy: I think it's a tie between Charlie and Edward. Now to decide who wins, they will have a krump off!
Edward & Charlie: WHAT???
Billy: It's only fair.
Edward and Charlie show off their mad krumping skills! While they are doing this, the aflac duck comes in through the open window and pecks everyone to death, except Edward & Charlie.
As soon as they notice that everyone is dead, the Volturi through the new Floo Powder system Charlie installed in the fireplace.
Edward: AHHHHH! What do you want?
Aro: we have come for a very important thing and we will not leave without it! It is so important t hat we even brought the wives with us!
Caius: Can we borrow a cup of sugar?
Aro: I'm making vampire smiley face cookies!
Charlie: Sorry I'm all out.
Aro: YOU WILL DIE!
Aro then kills both of them. Since he cannot find a cup of sugar, he goes to the grocery store and when the cashier refuses to give him the sugar because he has no money he kills her too. This goes on for a while.
I know the end is weird but it was just a weird idea I came up with.