Hey guys! This fanfic is a collab between me and Mei (who you should be pretty familiar with by now, if you've read my other one-shots). We've done a few other Owari no Seraph one-shots, that are mostly just drabble (shameless advertising right here). Anyways, enjoy!
WE DO NOT OWN OWARI NO SERAPH!
It was midnight on a typical Saturday.
Well, it used to be typical. Not anymore. Krul Tepes would've been sleeping like every normal person in her neighborhood if it wasn't for that fucking Ferid Bathory. How dare he just casually ring the doorbell then "knock" on the door (of course it was just knocking. Of course him nearly breaking the door from it's hinges was "just an accident") at 12 IN THE FUCKING MORNING like it was just a normal Saturday night activity. Had he never been educated on this glorious thing called manners?
"Hello, Krul! What are you doing on this fine evening?" The bastard cheerfully spoke in that annoying tone of his.
Krul felt her eyebrow twitch slightly and she gritted her teeth. Do I really have to deal with his bullshit at this hour?! And can this even be considered a "fine evening"?!
"Well, what do you think I would be doing in the middle of the night, Ferid Bathory? I must be cooking breakfast, right? Because it's just that time of day! Right?"
If Ferid sensed the sarcasm in her voice, he didn't show it. "Hm? You were cooking breakfast just now? I don't smell anything, though."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Anyways, did you make any bacon? I'm quite hungry at the moment."
Krul couldn't believe his attitude. First, he knocks on my door at midnight and now he wants to free load?! Anyway, he should already know that surely, I'm not cooking right now. He doesn't even smell anything! What a dick…
"Oh, so sorry Ferid. I don't have any bacon and all the stores are closed right now. But if you're so hungry, I can bring you into the kitchen and prepare a baked Ferid Bathory. How does that sound?"
"There's another Ferid Bathory around here? I've never met this Ferid Bathory. Would you mind introducing me to him?"
"Oh, I really would, but I'm afraid he's right in front of me."
"Really? I can't see him."
Krul heard herself make a quiet (although loud enough for him to hear) hissing noise. Normally, if someone faced her with this kind of attitude, she would just shrug it off. But no. This was Ferid Bathory. In his case, she would cheerfully skewer him with a stick and roast him alive. And even then, she still wouldn't be satisfied.
Krul smiled sweetly. "How about you come on this side of the door?"
"Oh, sure."
This was her chance. No more fantasies, no more dreams of killing him. The moment he stepped inside, she shoved him down to the ground and knocked him out with a lamp on the small table by the door. She cackled, then bent down and checked whether he was unconscious or not.
"Krul, how could you do this to me? This is murder, you know?" Ferid muttered with a weak voice.
"DIE FERID BATHORY!" She yelled it like it would save her life (which it would).
Krul grabbed the table with a strength she didn't know that she possessed and mercilessly brought it down towards him. It smacked him dead center in the head and he passed out. She laughed manically, forgetting about her sleeping neighbors. Well, her previously sleeping neighbors.
She dragged him into the kitchen, causing him to bump into the furniture, but she didn't care. Not one bit. It just made her smile wider and wider. It was probably impossible to smile that wide, but Krul made the impossible possible all the time. Especially if Ferid Bathory was in the picture.
Once they entered the kitchen, Krul immediately lunged for her knives drawer and grabbed 5 large butcher knives that she had bought specifically because she knew that she would use them one day on Ferid Bathory.
"YES! THE TIME HAS COME. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR FOREVER. TODAY IS THE DAY FERID BATHORY'S BLOOD IS SHED. I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY, NOR THIS SATISFACTION."
"Krul-" she turned and saw him staring at her "-you actually woke me up from my unconscious state. So you really do make the impossible come true..." said the bastard.
"Ferid Bathory," Krul smiled sadistically. "I'm so glad that you are awake for this glorious, victorious moment."
She leaned in to whisper in his ear, her voice mellow, but deadly. "I'm really looking forward to hearing you scream. I can't wait to see your blood staining my hands. I can't wait to see you dead, Ferid."
"Wait, Krul."
"What shall your last words be then?"
"I have a deal to make."
"A deal with the devil?"
He managed to chuckle in the last moments of his life. "Yes."
"What shall it be? This is the final mercy you'll have from me."
"Smash Bros."
"What? Please repeat that for me. I couldn't hear your pathetic voice."
"We'll play Smash Bros. If I win, I'm free. If you win, you can kill me."
"I won't lose Ferid. I never fail. You will die today."
"I'll take that as a yes then."
"You do have the game Super Smash Bros. on the Wii U, right?"
"I actually do."
"I never knew that such a lovely person like you would actually buy a video game."
"Gift from my brother, Asuramaru. He's obsessed with it so he gave it to me for my birthday, telling me to- quote: 'fucking playing it or you're missing out on the best shit made in the history of mankind'."
"Did you set it up yet?"
"No. I never planned on playing the 'best shit made in the history of mankind'."
"Well then… this will take a while then.." Ferid muttered under his breath.
"You set it up. You made the deal."
"But I'm so tired!"
"Hm… I wonder who knocked on my door at midnight?"
"Not me."
"I wonder who, then?"
"Maybe the other Ferid Bathory?"
"..."
"Was it?"
"..."
"Who was it?"
"NO SHIT IT WAS YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!"
"Well, that must mean it wasn't me. I am no asshole."
"YES YOU FUCKING ARE! WHO ELSE COULD IT BE?!"
"Maybe it was you…?"
"HOW COULD IT HAVE BEEN ME?! I WAS THE ONE WHO OPENED THE DOOR!"
"Ok, Krul. Stop yelling. You'll wake up the neighbors."
"AND WHO WAS THE ONE WHO WOKE THEM UP FIRST?!"
"Well, it wasn't me, so it was either the other Ferid Bathory or you."
"THERE IS NO OTHER FUCKING FERID BATHORY. THERE'S ONLY ONE AND IT'S YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. JUST DIE ALREADY!"
"But Krul, we made a deal didn't we? It all depends on who wins Smash Bros."
"THEN FUCKING SET IT UP!"
"Do I have to do everything?"
"YOU'VE DONE NOTHING, FERID BATHORY. NOTHING. SET IT UP AND DIE, OR JUST DIE NOW."
Ferid slowly walked over to the Wii U and held out his hand to Krul. "The disk, please."
Krul grabbed the disc case off of her shelf and dusted it off. She thrust it into his hand.
He popped it open and gently took the disc out. Smirking, he turned the Wii U on. "All you had to do was push a button, Krul. And you couldn't do that?"
She blushed an angry red. "But it wasn't set up. I know it wasn't set up."
"Well, maybe Asuramaru set it up for you." Ferid said as if he knew everything in the fucking universe.
Krul groaned, thinking, ASURAMARU. FUCK YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. She was so infuriated that steam was practically drifting out of her ears. Krul glared at Ferid, her demonic, red eyes staring into his soul and attempting to devouring it. He simply stared back at her with not a speck of concern, as if he never had and would never give a shit about the rest of the world.
"Whatever. Let's just get this over and not delay your death more than we have already."
"You say whatever, but I've damaged your pride, haven't I?"
Krul barely managed to restrain herself from strangling him as she replied, "Like I already said, let's not delay your death more than we have already, Ferid."
"If you can really beat me."
"Don't doubt me, Ferid. If the prize if your death, I can do anything."
"Well, don't doubt my gaming skills either. I might not be as obsessed as your brother, but I'm not so bad, if I do say so myself."
They each grabbed a Wii remote and the legendary Smash Bros battle began. For the first round, Krul randomly selected to play as Palutena and Ferid took a half hour or so before he finally chose Kirby. They selected a random stage, which ended up being the boxing ring. When the battle started, Ferid gave Krul no time to figure out the controls. He immediately used Kirby's hammer attack. Krul glared at him, but Ferid didn't show any sign of noticing as he used Kirby's hammer to knock Krul out of the stage.
"What?! What just happened?! Ferid, you motherfucker, tell me what just happened!" Krul demanded as Palutena appeared to have collided into the screen, then quickly slide off and into the unknown.
"Oh," Ferid grinned mischievously. "You just died."
"Wait. If I died, why is the match still ongoing?" Krul inquired.
"You see, this is a timed match, and it's lasting for two minutes. Whoever kills the most and dies the least amount of times within these two minutes is the victor."
"Well, you could've said that earlier, you dick!"
"But you never asked," Ferid replied casually, turning his attention back to the T.V. screen.
Krul groaned, wanting so much to just kill the fucking bastard, but decided to bring her attention back to the tv screen. She instantly found Palutena floating in midair on a glimmering platform above the stage. After a couple seconds of stabbing at random buttons, she finally managed to have Palutena fall back into the ring. Somehow, in the process of her random button-stabbing, she had Palutena perform an attack going downwards that miraculously damaged that god damn pink ball of shit. (A/N: Trust us, we absolutely love Kirby. He's adorable. But this was necessary to show Krul's anger.)
She had given him 9% damage, but Krul didn't realize that the more damage received meant that it was more probable for Ferid to die.
Krul gritted her teeth. "This is harder than I thought," she unconsciously muttered. "How the hell do I attack again, anyways?!
After realizing Krul's natural talent, Ferid manipulated Kirby to leap away and dodge all the other incoming attacks. Krul used Palutena's staff to shoot him, but unfortunately, missed. However, by her 3rd try, she perfected her aim and proceeded to spam the attack. When Ferid returned to going on the offensive, Palutena reflected his attacks. In the end, they didn't manage to kill each other any more, so Ferid won.
"Haha! I won, Krul!"
"No way, bitch! You must've rigged that. I demand a rematch!"
"Why not? You'll lose anyway."
Krul fumed and decided to choose another fighter, who turned out to be Samus. They next stage they used was Final Destination. Since the combination of down and 2 had worked out for her in the last match, she used it again. This time, it gave 15% damage. When she managed to corner Kirby onto the edge, she continously shot him off with Samus's rockets. She then hit Kirby with her gun. Kirby sliced Samus, but after that, Samus blew him out of the stage. Before they knew it, the announcer was counting down and the match ended
"Look who won this time, you overconfident piece of shit!"
Ferid insisted on continuing their vicious cycle until three o'clock in the afternoon. The neighbors had awoken early in the morning to investigate the commotion. It didn't take them long to realize that it was their short-tempered neighbor, Krul Tepes. Once it hit them that the duo wasn't stopping anytime soon, they desperately used their trump card.
They called the power company and demanded an electricity shortage- of course, a bribe had to be made (it included blackmail, ransoms, and bloodshed). Instantly, all the lights in the neighborhood shut down, as well as Krul's T.V. Krul nearly obliterated it to pieces, ignorant to her neighbors' actions. Ferid shrugged and walked out of the house, waving good bye to the bloodthirsty pinkette.
The local newspaper called Krul, requesting an interview involving the incident, since some of the neighbors had gossipped with their friends, who gossipped with their co-workers, who gossipped with their friends working with the newspaper. The whole scenario astonished them, but Krul didn't share their attitude. There are rumors that a few journalists had been sent to the hospital with major injuries, although the cause is unknown. From then on, everyone had a silent agreement to avoid associating with Krul Tepes at all costs.
Finally, everything quieted down, and Krul could live in peace at last. That night, she settled into bed, sighing with contentment. She closed her eyes, breathing steadily, her mind cleared of fury.
If only life could be like this forever…
She fell asleep with joyful thoughts and wonderful dreams of stabbing Ferid, her eternal rival.
That's when all Hell was unleashed.
The doorbell chimed loudly, signaling the beginning of the apocalypse, brought by Ferid Bathory himself.
"Hello, Krul, dearest! Mind if I come in? After all, I've been anticipating yet another Smash battle."