I can't say I was surprised. It was always a possibility, but I had hoped it wouldn't come to this.
It is also possible that he is not dead. After all, I employed sleight of hand, couldn't he have as well? He even said, "You are me."
But it is not safe to assume he is alive, though he might be, and as such I had to jump, even if it did break John's heart, even if I've lost everyone's respect, even if I'm more alone than ever now.
I'm finding it difficult to keep my emotions in check. I used to have no difficulty whatsoever, but something has changed. I'm not sure what.
He never seemed suicidal to me. He always reasoned things out so carefully. He never let his emotions get in his way, even that time with the Hound, and isn't suicide driven by emotions? It doesn't fit...
But I can't figure out how he could still be alive. Who knows? Maybe it is a miracle, maybe it's not.
Ella thinks I'm in denial. She also thought I was haunted by the war.
My limp is back.
I had been so worried that he actually was average, normal, ordinary, obvious, but he assured me I had worried for no reason. I mean, sure, he let his emotions choose to take the fall, but I sometimes let my emotions choose for me, too. The difference between us and average people is that we only give in to our emotions when it is logical to do so.
But I'm rambling... oh, I might as well! It was strange seeing him fall. It seemed that he was indeed ordinary, even after the whole "I am you, you are me" thing. He died. Like everyone else does, he died. Although, there was something... peculiar... about his death. Something wasn't quite right...
I don't think he's dead. I think he pulled off quite an extraordinary little trick, but he isn't dead. I can tell that much. But how did he do it? How?