Author's note and disclaimer: No. I don't own Harry Potter, or anything associated with the books. Would I be writing a fanfiction if I did? Sorry, I suppose I'm a little sarcastic… like our favorite potions master. However, this plot and a few characters herein are my own mind's crazy ideas!
This is a plot bunny that has been in my head for a very, very long time, so I couldn't bring myself to suddenly change everything to make it compliant… so this is actually only compliant up to HBP, and I'm going to try to keep everyone "in character" as much as possible. I hope any "off" representations of character are relatively sensible though.
I love reviews that are comprised of positive remarks, constructive criticism, and/or where you might like the story to go. Flames are ignored or perhaps used to keep my feet warm while I type!
No lemons, thus the lower rating. There are suggestive moments, themes, and statements, and there may be bad language, thus the rating!
Also, I'm having some formatting issues with my computer, thus the lines to break up trains of thought; I hate using them, but it makes it a slightly easier read! Also, unless necessary, this will be my only author's note, no point in bombarding you at the beginning and ending of every chapter.
Thank you for reading, and if you have a moment, leave a review!
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Prologue
"If you have ever loved me, Severus, you will let go of my arm this instant," she stated with an even tone that belied the anguish behind her eyes.
For a moment, he continued to clench at her wrist, but then disgust filled his features and he all but threw himself from her, turning quickly away and throwing his hands in the air. "If I loved you? How can you even suggest – after everything! And how can you judge when you yourself are innately drawn to the Dark Arts?"
It was taking all his self control not to bellow at her, and the result was little more than a whisper. Suddenly Kelyea wasn't sure which she would prefer, but she continued to rail against him.
"Of course I'm drawn to them, I'm a werewolf, but that doesn't mean I use them and I have never, ever used the Dark Arts to harm! I do not blindly follow a mad man because I believe my blood is superior to anyone else's, and I do not lie to my loved ones about where I am sneaking off to at night! And how can you believe his blood theories when you call Lily your friend!" Kelyea could feel the anger rising within her, and with it, her blood boiling, the hairs on her arms rising.
"Don't pretend you know why I do any of this!" he finally roared, and Kelyea decided she much preferred the whisper. Not knowing how much longer she could deal with any of this without losing her own control, she let her shoulders sag in defeat. One glance at Severus showed he had not finished. "I don't expect you to understand, I don't expect you to approve, and I don't expect you to stay. I hope you will at least keep this between yourself and your grandfather."
His voice and temper had slowly calmed, his tone even and within regular decibels, and his fists unclenching at his sides. "I love you Kelyea; I have never stopped and I never will. But believe me when I say that I must do this, I do it with the best of intentions now, if I did not in the beginning."
A timer went off in the laboratory, and Severus stepped away to stir some concoction or another. Kelyea let herself collapse in a chair, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. The man who seemed to have never been a boy, who had always been an outcast, ridiculed by so many, sheltered by few, and never afraid to fight back, stepped back out from the lab and stood before her with a new aura of confidence and resolution.
"How long then?" she whispered.
"Until the end."
"That's not what I mean, and you know it. How long have you been hiding this from me and why did it take you so long to turn it all around?"
His lips pursed together slightly, and she could see him thinking. "I have been amongst the Death Eaters formally for five years, since the night after my seventeenth birthday. In your beginning years, you're not allowed much. I brewed potions mostly, as that seems to be all I'm good for. I have never taken a life, if that helps at all. I cannot tell you anymore. I have put you too much at risk as it is. I have told Albus everything, and am now going to work to redeem myself… it is the best I can do. I don't ask you for forgiveness, Kelyea, and I don't expect it, but I hope I will someday prove to you that I only want the best for this world we are in… the best for us."
Tears welled behind Kelyea's eyes as she realized what she had to do. Taking a deep breath and pushing herself back in the chair she thought everything through slowly, her eyes never wavering from her lover's face.
Kelyea Lupin's past was complicated enough as it was. The much sheltered younger sister of Remus Lupin, granddaughter of Albus Dumbledore, was witness to, and the second victim of, the werewolf attack that had occurred so many years before. Despite the lycanthropy they were both inflicted with, their grandfather had made arrangements for the pair to attend Hogwarts, something completely unprecedented. And along the way, she had met Severus. While her brother had been sheltered in the Shrieking Shack, they could not be together for fear of causing great injury to each other, so Kelyea was kept in the Room of Requirement.
Since the rise of Voldemort, she and Remus had often been warned that their affliction would soon be desired as a weapon by the Dark Lord. She could not risk being here much longer, and neither could Remus. She knew he had plans to flee to Russia, but had been putting it off since the birth of Harry Potter. Meanwhile, she had been hoping to head to Ireland or the United States, pursuing the new advancements towards a lycanthropy cure. Perhaps this was the time. She too had been delaying, remaining to help Lily with the new baby, and to stay with Severus. She wanted desperately to stay, to start the life they had been talking about for so long, but staying would ultimately be a danger to herself, to Severus if she was ever connected to him by the Dark Lord, and to this silly world she loved almost as much as the man sitting across from her now.
A sigh left her without her realization and Severus let his eyes drop, seemingly knowing what she was thinking. He couldn't bring himself to look at her when he spoke next. "I don't expect you to stay. Nor do I want you to. I mean, I do, but I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you. I need you to be safe."
All the anger that had resonated throughout the evening seemed to disappear in a flash. Suddenly the pair found themselves in each other's arms, just holding onto each other as though there was nothing else left in the world. Somehow they eventually made it into the bedroom, collapsing amongst the sheets with tender, but desperate touches.
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A soft crackling alerted Kelyea that the house elves had started a fire for them in the chilly room, and as her mind wrapped around this, she realized that she was resting with her back against a rather warm, firm chest, with a strong arm placed over her waist, a hand on her stomach. Relishing in what would be her last morning in this comfort, Kelyea leaned her head back a little bit, fighting off the tears. A kiss on her neck startled her, not having realized Severus was already awake. His grip around her waist tightened, and she could feel his breath move her hair. They didn't dare move or speak for fear of breaking this spell, of ending this final moment. Finally, after what could have been seconds or hours, Kelyea felt Severus lean away from her a little, his grip around her loosening.
"You should probably go. If you don't, I don't know that I will ever be able to let you."
At this, her tears could no longer be held back, but she nodded to herself and rose from the bed, his arm dropping to the sheets behind her. Picking her clothes up off of the floor and stepping into the bathroom, she turned on the shower, relishing in the hot water, almost too hot, the steam filling the bathroom, the glass fogging quickly. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she finally rinsed her hair and stepped out, wrapping a towel tightly around herself. Using a comb from next to the sink, she pulled it through her hair, wincing a little when she hit a bad tangle, taking comfort in the morning ritual. When she was done and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail, Kelyea let the towel drop to the floor, and slipped into her clothes from yesterday, putting her robe on over them.
Severus had also gotten dressed, and was standing near the fireplace when she stepped from the bathroom. She stepped over to him, and looked up into his face before placing a soft kiss on his lips. Nothing needed to be said, not that either of them had the words, so Kelyea turned away silently, and stepped out the door. Saying "I love you" would only twist the knife already buried deeply in their hearts. As she went up the stairs and out of the dungeon, she considered what she would do, where she would go, who she would tell. Once in her room, a flick of her wand had all of her nondescript items packed; anything personal would have to remain. She slowly removed from her right hand the ring Severus had given her at her graduation and placed it on her dresser in its small jewelry box. Slowly, she shut the door, not only on her bedroom, but on her life here in Scotland, at Hogwarts, with Severus, and decided no words would explain to anyone, would be enough for anyone to understand and let her go, so she headed out the front doors of the school, down the path, out the gate, and apparated away.
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A few months after Kelyea's sudden departure, tragedy struck on that fateful Halloween night; but with the sudden banishment of Voldemort, the sudden weight lifted from the Wizarding World, Severus began to look for Kelyea, expecting her return full heartedly. Even Remus and Albus Dumbledore expected her to step back onto Scottish lands, but no word ever came. The years that followed sent Severus spiraling into an existence of solitude, short tempers, and an inability to care anymore about many others or even himself, as the Wizarding World carried on all around him.
Harry Potter came to school and the second rise of Voldemort came, Severus finding new purpose protecting Harry, and then spying for the Order. But with his final fall, the Potions Master once again desperately watched for his love, only to plunge again into despair as the Wizarding World carried on all around him.