Summary: unfortunately, 'weird' isn't a category. Oh those ever useful tomatoes.
Rating: PG, I guess, for, like, one incident of language
Jack O'Neill and the rest of his team entered the gate room, ready for their next mission, only to find, besides a strange looking young man, said gate room empty.
So empty in fact, that it was even lacking a stargate.
"Hey, where's the stargate!?" Jack demanded of the guy
"Ah! The stargate has been replaced by a much more efficient substitute!"
"What?!"
"A TOMATOE!!" The dude nodded feverishly, leading jack and Sg-1 over to a small, red tomato, sitting smugly where the gate should have been.
"Ookaay, how does it work?" The colonel asked
"Watch!" His stepped on it. Nothing happened.
"Um, it would appear our 'stargate' is smeared all over the floor."
"I don't understand?! How could it malfunction!?" He jumped up and down on the tomato currently staining the embarkation room floor. "Work damnit! Work! Tomatoooh, AWAY!!" his eyes gleamed in anticipation. "NOOOOO!!!!" He sighed in resignation.
"What could be wrong?!"
"Maybe what's wrong is that the stargate Is. A. tomato." O'Neill suggested
"Hmmm…you're right!"
"Really."
"Yes! Clearly we were in error using a tomato!"
"Ya think?!"
"What we need is a plum tomato! Obviously the surface-area:fruit ratio would be waay off…."
"Where's the stargate?" Jack asked expressionlessly
"I told you this is more efficient!…oh, ok….we sold it to Chulak."
"Chulak!? You're kidding! You can't send a stargate through a stargate! And even if you could, there's only ONE on earth, and you certainly cant send it through itself!"
"Ah, but you can use a tomato."
"Gah!" With that O'Neill picked up a tomato and chucked it at the guy, knocking him out.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hey, where'd you get that tomato?" Sam asked, puzzled
"Oh, found it in the briefing room."
"Hmmm" Daniel looked at the tomato still sitting innocently on the ground, next to the mysterious and annoying unconscious guy. He looked at Jack. He looked at Sam. He looked at the tomato. He looked back and forth sheepishly, and stomped on the fruit in question, and suddenly found himself surround by a group of startled Jaffa.
"Oh my"
AN: this was based on a crazed conversation between me and my friend, which was unfortunately probably funnier than this story.