My Year of The Tiger
November 2010
Author's Notes:
Like all my X-men fanfic, this one is generally based on the characters as they appear in "X-men: The Animated Series". It uses XTAS and its events as canon. No copyright infringement is intended and I sure as heck aren't making any money off of fanfic.
I wanted to try something in a different direction than most of the X-men fic I've written, so here is my latest offering.
This one is narrated by Jubilee. The character Dark Star appears in here, who you recall had been in the XTAS episode "Red Dawn".
Thank you to Jo the Phoenix for beta testing.
My Year of the Tiger by Jubilation Lee
Last year was a hellish piece of crap. Today's New Year's Day and I'm supposed to be hung over after an awesome party. I'm hung over all right but no one here at the mansion was celebrating. There were plenty of people getting drunk, and if depression leads people to drink then it's a miracle we haven't needed a 12 step-group here already.
I don't get it. I joined the X-men when I was fifteen – which was pretty much five whole years ago now - and it never was easy, but it never thought things would get this bad either.
I spent most of my teenage years fighting Sentinels, creeps like Mr Sinister, slightly less bad creeps like Magneto, scary-ass creeps like Apocalypse, the lowest of the low like the FOH, weird people like Mystique, and a ton more. So yeah, it wasn't easy at all but there were plenty of things that kept it from sucking. I had Wolverine. I had a group of people who acted like a family and who were always there for each other – well, yeah, most of the time. I had a more interesting life than most teenagers and I never had to feel like I didn't belong somewhere.
Then it all went to hell.
I don't know where to start. But I did begin writing a blog last year. I've been keeping the entries private – no one knows about this thing but me. I spent the last few days going through my entries and organizing them. Jean always used to say that the holidays made her "more reflective" and that she liked thinking about the previous year, what she's learned, and what to hope for in the new one. But Jean's gone now, which is where our troubles began.
January
I learned that an entire team can walk around in stunned silence for a month.
When Jean had left, years ago, with the Phoenix, we'd held her memorial service outdoors. This time we had to have the funeral inside; it was too cold.
There was no doubt that she was dead once and for all. We had the body. Lilandra's Shi'ar stuff didn't help at all.
Jean's parents made the arrangements, which worked well since Cyclops was in a fog and none of the rest of us were much better.
Her parents were angry. I remember that. They thought that after what Jean went through with the Phoenix, nothing could hurt their daughter now. They couldn't believe that her death was so – god, how do I put it? – meaningless. That's what it was, totally totally meaningless. A random shot by a Sentinel during a battle. How many times did we go up against the Sentinels? Maybe after the whole Phoenix thing, we thought that if any of us was going to die, it would be for a good cause like saving the galaxy. Not during a routine battle to stop rampaging Sentinels from terrorizing a village on the other end of the planet. So I guess we all were angry but Jean's parents expressed it the most.
I learned that I can sit through a funeral service inside a church with my eyes glazing over, watching it all like I'm in a dream. I learned that I could feel the January cold get inside me and realize it's never going away.
What else do I remember from that day? I didn't write much in the blog. After the funeral I remember standing outside the mansion near the gate, taking my glove off and touching my hand against the metal. It felt kinda good.
I know that after the funeral some of us sat around the fireplace and had a toast in Jean's honor but I can't remember anything from that other than the red sweater that Colossus wore and that Bobby put his arm around me. I remember that Dark Star – who'd joined us last year – cried softly even though she'd known Jean least well of all of us.
I remember that I couldn't look at Cyclops. I hadn't seen him much since Jean's death anyway. I know that Beast and Storm and Rogue and the Professor would go into his room and try to talk to him and try to help. He must've also thought that after the Phoenix business that the X-men were untouchable. Maybe that after everything he and Jean had been through, more bad luck couldn't possibly have been due to them. When I did glance at Cyclops, he looked like hell but I guess I don't even need to say it.
Oh, I know, one more thing that I remember. I remember that I didn't cry this time like I did during Jean's first memorial (you know, the Phoenix one years ago). Did I feel proud about that? I'm not sure.
More to come soon – TO BE CONTINUED
Feedback is always welcomed.