Oh, the joys of boredom. Things just seem to come up when you want to write but have massive writer's clot. "A Lot To Make Up For" is coming along, just very slowly. I need to get the creative juices flowing, and this helps. Basic concept: my lovely messiah Autumn gives me a title and a last line. The rest is up to me. It's a great deal of fun, and so the end result is the work that is left for your amusement. Enjoy!

"Cat Calls"

There were many things Edward Elric was good at.

Alchemy. Solving problems. Getting into trouble. Often all at the same time.

There were also many things the young blonde alchemist was not good at.

Winning arguments against Al. Getting things from high places.

Betting.

Yes, he was lucky in many, many ways, but betting was not one of those things in which his luck did him any good.

Yes, that is where it all began…

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There were many things Roy Mustang just couldn't do for the life of him.

Paperwork. Go a day without being shot at by Hawkeye. Deny a pretty girl.

Then, there were things he could do naturally, as if it was no trouble at all.

Setting things ablaze with the snap of his fingers. Flirting.

Betting.

Yes, he lived a charmed life, and in it, he had never lost a bet. Not even once.

…But that wasn't to say that he couldn't.

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Roy sat at his desk, shooting paper clips across the room, waiting for the inevitable clicking that came before he felt the heat only found when one was at the end of the barrel of a firearm.

Only the thing was, that would never come. Riza Hawkeye was currently too busy shouting at a very inebriated Jean Havoc who had decided that nightcaps weren't his style. Morningcaps sounded so much better. Therefore, that warranted Riza's attention would be turned away from her normal post and was directed elsewhere.

However, that did not ensure that he wouldn't be bothered by another source of annoyance. This was made obvious as Ed walked in, irate as always at having to answer to someone he thought less worthy of his attention than say…half of the thousands of stray kittens Al had brought in over the years.

Now normally, Roy would say and do anything to get the metal-limbed alchemist out of his hair, but he was so bored that he could barely stand sitting around doing nothing anymore.

So, of course, his source of amusement would have to come from getting a rise out of the hot-tempered prodigy.

Edward, however, had other ideas. He could sense oncoming assaults from the man before they actually happened, so now he was able to get in the first shot.

"Good to see that the country is in such capable hands. I mean, flinging paperclips is going to come in handy the next time we go to war. You might even be able to take a few eyes out there," Ed said mildly, his tone somewhere between sarcastic and impertinent.

Usually, the quick-witted flame alchemist would come up with a snappy comment that would tear the audacity from Edward's features faster than Hawkeye could shoot. However, he was so tired that he just let it roll off his back this time. It wasn't as if he really wanted to anger the pipsqueak; that was more annoying than entertaining.

No, he really wanted to get him good. He wanted to embarrass him to the point where he was sputtering and his face was red enough to match his jacket. He wanted to…

It suddenly struck him. He could make a bet with the twerp that would be both entertaining and beneficial. Either way, he won. He didn't mind paying for a little amusement. Of course, what he had in mind, he was almost certain the blond wouldn't comply to.

"Say, Fullmetal, since you're so convinced that you seem to have a better handle on things than I do, what do you say to a small wager on that? You know, put your money where your mouth is," Roy said, amused.

Edward looked at him in a confused manner for a moment before a look of determination crossed his face and he grinned. "Sure thing. I'd bet you anything that…wait, what are we betting on?"

Roy grinned mischievously. "Well, Edward, I bet that you won't do what I say. Now, you can't know what it is yet. All I can tell you that is if I win, you have to stay late and do paperwork and do whatever I say for two weeks. If you win, well, then I'll give you my next paycheck. All of it."

Ed seemed to muse this over for a moment, taking care not to be hasty, which wasn't like him in the least.

Roy couldn't chance him backing out, so he added, "Think of all the books you could buy, Ed. Really, it's not hard. Either way, you really win."

It took no more than that. He had Ed from the word "books." The blond nodded eagerly.

"All right, but if I win, not only do I get your check, but you have to go out there and tell everyone what a lazy bastard you are. Deal?" he asked smugly.

Roy shrugged. There was no way Elric was going to do what he said, so he wasn't worried about anything he might lose.

"Deal," he said, nodding.

Ed grinning, thinking he had already won. After all, he was a prodigy; there was nothing he couldn't do.

"So, what is it? What do you want me to do?" he asked curiously.

At this, the sly colonel smirked. "Well, Fullmetal, it's quite simple. Since I keep getting after you to cut your hair and you refuse, I figure that if you want to wear your hair like a girl's, you might as well dress like one, too."

"WHAT?!" Ed asked in disbelief. "You devious, low-life, bottom-feeding…"

"Ah ah ah…" Roy wiggled his finger back and forth. "A deal is a deal, Ed. You wouldn't go back on your word, would you? That wouldn't make you very honest."

The blonde grit his teeth and forced a smile. Oh, how he was swallowing his pride, but it would be worth it.

"All right. Fine. Where do you suggest I get the clothes to do this?" he asked bitterly.

Roy smiled. "Glad you asked. I just so happen to have a change of clothes left over from one of my…ahem…dates, and it's just your size: petite."

Edward bit back on a snide comment, deciding to instead play along just long enough to get what he wanted. After all, what was a little humiliation when Roy would suffer so much more?

Roy got up from behind his desk and went to a closet, removing a hanger with what looked like a red fitted blouse and a black…miniskirt?!

Ed blushed furiously as he held his arms out to receive the clothing, secretly glad that he had not chosen to go commando on that day of all days.

"Turn around. I'm not changing in front of you," Edward said, sticking his tongue out at the dark-haired military man, who turned around in his chair and proceeded to stare out the window. After what seemed like forever (made worse by Roy's growing impatience), he sighed, frustrated.

"Are you done yet, Fullmetal? I'm beginning to think you really are a girl," he muttered.

A heavy sigh came from behind him. "Fine. I'm done. You can…turn around…I guess."

Roy turned his chair around and nearly went into cardiac arrest. Standing before him was a very girly, very cute Edward, fitting the clothes better than any girl ever could. Roy coughed slightly, trying to hide the fact that he was slightly (and quite awkwardly) turned-on by the display the teen was unintentionally making.

Ed blushed as he realized that Roy was staring. "What? I'm done…I win the bet…now give it to me."

Roy had to clear his ears out to make sure he was hearing correctly. "Excuse me?"

The blonde groaned. "I win your stupid bet, now make good on your end of the bargain!"

The older man smirked knowingly, having snapped out of his daze long enough to remember what his actual goal was. "Oh no, you're not getting off that easily. I think you look so pretty that maybe you should go out and show everyone else. Go on, then."

At this suggestion, Edward's face turned so red, it was hard to tell where the blush ended and the blouse began. Still, much to Roy's surprise, he turned on his heel (quite literally) and stalked out of the office, walking out to a hall full of military personnel.

There was an uproar of cat calls and shouts before a slow and painful silence. This was followed by a large gasp, as if they had all decided to breathe at once. Not surprising, as it was then followed by a quiet inquiry by one very confused-but-now-sober Havoc.

"Chief?" he asked carefully.

Obviously there was some kind of confirmation to the blonde's identity, for there was a loud outpour of laughter, followed by the doors being thrown open and Edward stalking in, looking very much disturbed and embarrassed.

He stormed up to the desk and glared at Roy, his hands on his hips.

"Well?" he asked expectantly.

Still stunned that the blonde actually complied, the colonel had no choice but to concede. Holding his hands up, he walked over to the doors, opened them, and simply stated what was part of their deal.

"I am a lazy bastard," he said plainly, giving a look that said "say anything and die." Of course, his back was to Edward, so the look went unseen. He then closed his doors and walked back over to a very smug-looking Ed.

"Happy?" he asked, not sounding like a bitter loser, just like someone who had held up their end of the bargain, as promised.

The blonde shook his head. "Not quite."

Roy cocked an eyebrow. "What else could you possibly want?"

Edward held out a hand, reminding the older man very much so of a similar situation, though he couldn't figure out where until the blonde spoke…

"Fork over the money, bastard."