Sasuke's Yard Sale

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Rating: PG-13.

Pairings: ItaSasu, though there are other slight, light, barely-there hints of others.

Warnings: CRACK. very slight ooc-ness for obvious reasons, though they are pretty much ic. dumb humor.

Summary: Sasuke holds a yard sale to raise money for reconstruction. Most people are delighted, one person isn't.

Day 1, Day2, Day 3

Sasuke hadn't realized how much the entire Uchiha clan had owned. Since the district in which his clan had once lived was currently deserted, he decided to donate most of the lot to build more apartments for shinobi. It was a prime location, and with it being unused and existing like some ghost town Sasuke decided the Hokage would have more use for the property than he did. Tsunade and the Council of Elders had taken the donation graciously though were unable to do much with the area due to monetary shortages, which was why Sasuke offered to pay for the reconstruction of everything.

"You're rich, Uchiha," Tsunade said, "but not that rich."

Sasuke shrugged. "All possessions of an Uchiha family go straight to the clan elder if the head of that family dies. That way all Uchiha heirlooms stay within the clan rather than the spouse of the deceased." That rarely happened, since most Uchiha families were inbred, but that wasn't really relevant. "Anyway, all the possessions of my clan belong to me, so I am pretty sure I have enough money."

Naruto, who was sitting on Sasuke's right, became pensive. "Nya, don't they belong to Itachi?" he asked. Sakura, who was sitting on the left of Sasuke, had to grip the arm rests of the chair to stop her fists from flying in the blonde's direction. Someone's head collided with the surface of a desk and someone else stopped turning a page of a dirty novel to look up with one, sheepish eye. Sasuke turned to Naruto with a glare.

"Do you see him anywhere right now, dobe?!"

"It was just a question! Don't get mad at me!"

"If you weren't such a complete moron, it wouldn't be so easy!"

"What wouldn't be so easy?!"

"Be quiet!" Tsunade interjected, agitated. Though hearing the two boys argue was as certain as the sun rising, she found it difficult to tolerate every time. Not only that, but if left unchecked, they would exchange insults well into the night. "Brat, just keep your mouth shut!" And she had to admit, her self-proclaimed grandson was the instigator (99 percent of the time, anyway).

Naruto growled at Sasuke and faced forward with his arms crossed and bottom lip sticking out. The youngest Uchiha heir sighed and turned back to the Hokage.

"I know my brother's still alive," he muttered darkly, "but I seriously doubt he'd care. We haven't heard from him in over four years. He could be dead." But even as Sasuke said that, he felt something breaking in his chest. 'It could be disappointment', he reasoned to himself. 'I wasn't the one who had finished him off.' Of course, there was another part of Sasuke that refused to believe Itachi was dead, but he ignored it (with much more effort than he deemed necessary, much to his horror).

"That could be true," Tsunade said, looking at Sasuke thoughtfully. The Uchiha had to look away. "Well then, what's your plan of action, Uchiha-san?" she asked with a smirk. Sasuke snorted derisively.

"I was planning on a yard sale," he said, "so that I'm not completely broke by the time this project is over. Besides, I will have no use for seventy-five percent of the clan's possessions."

Sakura's ears perked at this, and she was already making a list of what she would want for herself and how to get it. Naruto stopped sulking to look the tiniest bit interested before glaring again at Sasuke out of pure stubbornness; he'd be damned if he looked too excited for anything concerning Sasuke. Kakashi, though staring at the pages of his book, was wondering if he could put all of Obito's things (and maybe a bit of Sasuke's) on lay-away until his pay raise. Tsunade appeared to be delighted, having excellent woman's intuition and therefore knowing how Sasuke's possessions on sale would be such a huge success; perhaps she could some of his old clothes and sell them for a higher price to earn more than enough money for gambling…

Sasuke became worried when the room went quiet, if not outright alarmed. Sakura and Tsunade's eyes were rather glassy. Naruto's lips were curving in a mischievous smile, and Kakashi's face was completely hidden by his annoying, perverted novel, though his shoulders were shaking. He cleared his throat.

"I will be completely in charge of this, of course," he said firmly, rudely interrupting everyone's daydreams. "It will be held at the front of the Konohagakure Police Department. building in the course of five days. I should be able to get rid of everything by then," he added as an after thought. He ignored the various pouts of the people in the room.

After two days of taking an inventory of all the belongings he was going to sell, he was able to come up with a schedule for the sale. He had a hundred fliers made and eager extra hands to help him post them up. By the next day all of Konoha was aware of the Old Uchiha District – Buy from Sasuke's Yard Sale to Help Support Reconstruction Efforts to Build New Shinobi Housing advertisements. To say that more than half of the village was excited was an understatement. Sasuke had to hide from the public lest he was asked what kind of items would be sold (i.e., his underwear, toothbrush, hair brush, underwear, kunai, old clothes, (unwashed) bed sheets, (unwashed) underwear, mesh shirts, underwear, etc…). Didn't the damn fliers speak for themselves? Sasuke may not have been a conversationalist, but he was exceptionally good at getting his point across through writing.

He just couldn't wait until the sale would start in three days. Little did he know that word would reach across the continent about his yard sale, and that one person, who was very much alive, would be very much unhappy with it.

Day 1: Trinkets, Accessories, Jewelry

Sasuke woke up at dawn to bird chirping and warm sunlight. He showered, dressed, and ate breakfast. He wasn't excited about the first day of the yard sale. He had been up all night setting things up in the old Uchiha Police Department and setting prices, so he would rather have the whole thing over with by now. He also had to put the tables out that morning before 10 a.m., which was when the sale would start.

"I can't wait until this is done," he murmured, locking the door of his apartment and heading out to the old Uchiha district. The things he would do for the village of Konoha.

He had been expecting anything but a crowd. It wasn't a very big crowd, but it was still a crowd of about fifty people. They were mostly women with what looked like reluctant husbands and sleepy children. Sasuke was making his way to the front, several people following him, when he saw Sakura, a dozing Naruto, and a disgruntled Shizune. Kakashi stood off to the side, a book in hand.

"Ah, good morning, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura greeted cheerfully. Sasuke winced, the motion noticed by everyone but her. "We figured you'd like some help."

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and yawned, smacking his lips in contentment. Sasuke wanted to smack him. "Sasuke bastard here yet?" he inquired sleepily, glancing around.

"If you don't want to be here, Naruto, why did you come?" Sasuke retorted, pulling his keys out in a huff and opening the doors to the old building, nearly kicking Naruto down the stairs. The blonde stood up with a growl, fully awake.

"You don't want my help? Fine!" Naruto stomped away, splitting the crowd down the middle. Sasuke sighed as Sakura eagerly followed him inside.

"He'll probably come back," she said. "He was here earlier than I was."

Sasuke instantly felt guilty, but he pushed the feeling aside as he took a table littered with costume jewelry outside. There were several other tables, all varying in long and short sizes but equally covered in rings, necklaces, earrings, wristbands, body jewelry, etcetera. Shizune came in to help Sakura. Kakashi remained outside, probably to monitor the tables as they were being carried out.

"Why are you here?" Sasuke asked the Hokage's assistant, who looked like she'd rather be doing her day job than helping with such an event. Shizune scowled.

"Can't I meet my civic duty quota for the day?"

Sasuke carefully tip-toed away, making sure not to turn his back on the obviously agitated woman. He bumped into Kakashi, who jerked up as if caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The shadow of his lips on his face mask shifted upwards.

"Thought I'd oversee your progress," Kakashi explained, "since you'll forever be my student." Sasuke, much like many times before, doubted the silver-haired jounin was telling the truth.

"Fine…."

Four hours later, a little before one o'clock, Sasuke had a wad of bills which added up to nearly 2,000 dollars. He hadn't known much of the values of the items he was selling, and had simply put prices on the items as he would have paid for them. All remaining accessories (all of which, Sasuke noticed, were his own accessories; ones that he had gotten from over indulgent aunties) had been moved to a single, standard-sized table. Naruto indeed had come back half an hour after he had left. Much to Sasuke's surprise, he had been a good salesperson, though only on certain items. Sakura had been good with handling customer bargains. Kakashi and Shizune had given the impression that they had to go somewhere, thereby rushing the patrons into buying. Overall, the first day had been a success.

"What are we going to do with these?" Sakura asked, a hopefully tone in her voice. She seemed to be eyeing something, but Sasuke couldn't tell if it was the leather wristband with the Uchiha symbol on it with his name engraved on the inside, or the leather wristband with his young face sewn perfectly onto the surface. Sasuke thought it rather odd that no one had bought it. His aunt Rika had been an impeccable seamstress in her shinobi retirement, though she had a strange sense of humor.

Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll just put them back and collect them later when I set up for tomorrow's sale. I don't suppose any of you want – "

"WE DO!" Naruto, Sakura, Shizune and Kakashi shouted in unison. Sasuke resisted the urge to look sheepish at their enthusiasm.

"Fine. Get what you want and put the tables back. Make sure you lock the doors." He turned and walked away, for he needed to deposit the money, eat, and prepare the sale for the next day.

The sounds of arguing, scuffling, jutsu techniques, and shuriken clashing went completely unheard by the Uchiha heir, who also didn't feel a pair of eyes watching him as he returned to his apartment.

Day 2: Books, Magazines, Videos, Paraphernalia.

Sasuke had forgotten to properly screen the aforementioned sale for pornography the night before (he was half-asleep and therefore unable to read titles correctly), and so he was completely mortified when a rather balding man approached him with a handful of bills to buy four yuri manga, two adult videos, and one poster (of which Sasuke didn't remember the contents being). Later there were periods of girls blushing and staring at Sasuke before approaching him to buy hardcore yaoi porn. Sasuke honestly didn't know how that got on the tables – he was sure he would have noticed something like that, but apparently not.

"Are those yours?" Naruto asked him, waving at the girls as they rushed away, eager to watch the video. Sasuke felt like digging a hole and crawling inside.

"Of course not, idiot," Sasuke replied, though not sounding as scathing as he had meant to. Naruto laughed.

"You should have told me all you had these years was porn and your right hand," Naruto murmured hotly, leaning towards Sasuke and whispering into his ear. Sasuke, blushing madly, pushed the blonde away.

"Naruto!" Sasuke growled, having the decency to feel scandalized. After all, this was a public area, and people had already been suspecting he and Naruto had something going on when Sasuke knew Gaara was hot blooded for the blonde. And really, Naruto had hit too close to home about the porn belonging to him… his uncles were stranger than his aunties when it came to giving gifts, and that was saying a lot.

Naruto only grinned in his trademark fox-like expression and strutted away, winking at a passing group of giggling girls who sighed in his wake. Sasuke shook his head. When had Naruto become so in charge in his sexuality?

An elderly woman and her granddaughter approached him, several children's books in hand. At least it wasn't a balding man buying porn, Sasuke thought wryly, nor did any of the books have the ambiguous title of Three Shinobi and the Magical Kunai.

The end of the afternoon had the reconstruction project about 700 dollars closer to its goal (which wasn't really set, but whatever). Sasuke was proud of the success – he had managed to sell everything.

"What a day!" Sakura said, stretching languidly. Her shoulder bag was bigger. She had bought Tashya-bachan's romance collection.

"I'm beat," murmured Kakashi, hands in his pockets and not looking the least bit tired. His 'weapon's pouch' looked like it was carrying an extra book. Sasuke suddenly remembered one of his cousins being a huge fan of Jiraiya-sama.

"Tomorrow's the furniture sale," said Shizune. "What's your inventory?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Dining sets, couches, bed frames, mattresses, futons, coffee tables, desks, chairs…" he waved a hand collectively. "All the furniture that's left, I suppose. I don't need them."

"I can get help!" chimed Naruto eagerly, pumping a fist into the evening air.

Day 3: Furniture

Sasuke hadn't expected so many people that early morning before the crack of dawn. There were a couple of civilians in line, camping out. At the steps of the old Uchiha Police station were an agitated Neji, a drowsy Tenten, a snoozing Ino, a chattering Lee, a shouting Gai, a hungry Chouji, and a bored Shikamaru. Naruto, whom Sasuke assumed to have brought all these people, was fast asleep on Hinata's lap as the girl tried to calm a jealous Kiba. Sakura was stuck with Lee. Iruka and Kakashi were off to the side. Shizune was absent.

Two hours and ten arguments later, all 100 items were outside for display. Why his 'helpers' had been mildly to outrageously disappointed that none of the futons were Sasuke's confused the Uchiha.

"Haven't you changed your futon recently?" Neji asked in feigned nonchalance. Sasuke quirked a brow, not seeing what the big deal was.

"No." He didn't want to share all the memories had with Itachi on that futon, which had belonged to Itachi. Sasuke's was rarely used as a spare. Naruto had slept on his old one several times before, and once on Itachi's futon; at which Sasuke had freaked out. But really, Sasuke had no time to look for a new futon every so years, despite all the lumps in the used ones. He began using a bed a couple of years ago, and the futons were just used when he wanted to….reminisce on some…things….

Neji looked like he was about to have a nose bleed. Everyone else looked at him with wide eyes.

"Are you serious?" Shikamaru asked his usually bored expression replaced with surprise.

"I…need to go somewhere," murmured Naruto.

"Oh my!" The greedy look in Sakura's eyes made Sasuke want to run for the hills. He wished he hadn't said anything at all, but it was Neji's fault for asking the damn question!

"They're really old, anyway," Sasuke said, trying to change the subject. "Just concentrate on helping the people, okay?" The group reluctantly dispersed except for Naruto, Neji and Sakura. Sasuke crossed his arms and glared. "Don't just stand there!"

"H-hey, teme," Naruto said, looking somewhat dazed, "can I have the one I slept on last week?"

The furniture sales raked in another 5,000 dollars, bringing the total amount earned to about 7,700 dollars. It wasn't nearly enough, but there were still some furniture left he planned to sell the next day along with the sale items scheduled for that time. The others were putting the left over furniture away as it neared eight at night.

"Man, what a slave driver," Shikamaru muttered as he helped Ino carry a dining table into the old department building. "Seriously."

"Oh, be quiet. Shikamaru," Ino admonished. "It's not like you had anything else better to do today."

"Nothing is better than staring up at clouds."

After the doors were secured and locked Sasuke turned to the small group, the members of which were looking at him somewhat expectantly. He rolled his eyes, muttered a 'thanks', and walked away. The indignant bursts of his peers followed after him, though he was unsure why. What more did they want from him?

He entered his apartment and deposited the money in a safe he kept in his closet. After setting everything up to be sold in his yard sale his living space wasn't that much different, but maybe slightly more crowded. He took in all the important heirlooms such as jewelry and artwork (both of which were few in number) that had been scattered among his family members. Weapons and scrolls were hidden deep within the Uchiha Temple. His old home, however, remained mostly untouched.

After all, he would like to live there with his family someday in the future.

I don't know the Naruto Universe currency, so I just gave them the currency I use: U.S. dollars.

Ah, thanks so much for reading. Please review if you liked it. Day 4, Day 5 is coming up next!