First I would like to state that this story is completely mine, all of the characters, all of the scenarios, everything. It is mine so don't steel it or anything.
Second, I don't care if you love it or if hate it. I am going to post no matter what you think, though your comments are appreciated. They help me in the writing process, and allow me to fix any typos that I might of missed during the editing.
Thirdly, sorry if I sound a bit like a bitch at times, I'm really not, I am just a very sarcastic person, that tends to get a bit lost in writing.
So, enjoy I guess.
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Chapter 1: Inside of My Head
I hate my life, lots of people must feel this way but I'm the only one that I know. I do the same things every day and I have accomplished nothing. I'm average, plain, boring, run of the mill, or however you want to put it. Who am I? Well if that mattered I would have told you already. You know me. Well maybe not me but someone like me, someone that is going nowhere, someone that blends in.
I hate mornings. They are early and bright, to quiet and ear-splittingly loud all at the same time. They should make it illegal to be up this early, but no, it isn't illegal and I have to be at school in an hour.
I'm not really the biggest fan of school. It all kind of seems pointless to me. At a certain age, that is younger than it currently is, children should have to decide what they want to do with their lives. And then from that point on they would only study what they needed to know to excel in that. Then maybe I wouldn't have to suffer through filler classes such as English and History.
Or maybe not even that, if anyone knew what they wanted to do with their lives, career wise, and even if they were very young, then they should be allowed to study just what they needed to know for that, and nothing more, unless that person so chose to study more.
Hello bus. Hmm that is such a weird thing to think as the bus comes isn't it? Of all the things I could say, think, or feel all I can do is great what is coming towards me and accept it, but that is all I ever do, just accept my life as it is and move on, never bothering to change the things in my life that I don't like. I guess that says something about a person. As opinionated as I am I never try to change anything. I just take what I get and move on, deal with it, never even really trying to change it if I'm not happy.
Everyone on the bus is practically sleeping as we drive to school. No one seems to care that at any point in time there lives could end, that is if anyone but me even realizes it. I feel like I should just do something, anything to make well everything more interesting.
The bus.
I think someday I will paint it blue just to see what happens. That would make life more interesting that is if anyone even noticed. I am always thinking things like this. Planning what I could do to change my world to make it more interesting, but I never follow through. So even if I was to paint all of the busses blue tonight while everyone else was sleeping no one would notice. No one ever notices anything that happens, ever. Everyone but me.
Sometimes I think that I am crazy, others times I just think that I am unique, but I know that it is nether and my life is just sad. I am not really a social person, although I'm not sure if that is by choice or if that's just the way it is. I am the good girl, always have been. I don't go to parties, drink, get in trouble or anything really. I am a constant, never changing never going off track, off script. If I was to do that, to go off script I still would have nothing to do, or to say. Again though I will say that it isn't exactly like I chose for my life to be this way, it is just how it ended up being and I never fought it.
Have you ever wished that your bus would crash, flip, be in some freak accident, serious enough to get you out of school but not so bad that anyone was actually hurt. Cause I do, every day. Not so much because I don't want to go to school but more because it has never happened and it would be different, something that I have never done before, experienced before.
As we come up to the school I realize for probably the hundredth time that the school looks so big just sitting there being a school. Although what else would it be? A plane? That might make it look even bigger though, to see it flying through the air.
Really right now just stop and look around. Think about all the history, what where ever you are has seen. Can you see it in your head? Can you imagine it; see it happening right in front of your eyes? Cause I can.
More than two thousand people go to this school, to some people that might seem like a lot but I have never known anything else so it is just the norm. All of these people walking past me, all of them are going places. Maybe not right now but in the long run they are all going places, they have futures, they will do things with their life's, but not me.
I don't know how I know but I know I am going to die young. Not very young like 17, but like late 20's early 30's. I can see myself finishing high school, going to and finishing college, getting a job, possibly getting married but after that nothing. I can not picture myself with kids, getting old, or anything like that. Not that I care. That is just my life who am I to fight it?
Math class. I am the smartest person in this room with the exception of the teacher. I learn the things that she teaches in a few minutes while it takes most of the other students all class. I should be in the brain class but I never do my homework so I am stuck here, being taught things I could have figured out on my own.
I can tell that the teacher doesn't like me. Every time she calls on me for an answer I can see it in her eyes that she wants me to fail, but I never do. I always get the answer right, finish the problem before the rest of the class has even started.
It takes all of my self control to not just blurt out the answers, to go up to the board and teach the class myself, I could teach it better than the teacher. Not that I'm a good teacher, cause I'm not it is just that Ms. Williams is a really bad teacher. She does not understand simple questions asked by the students, and instead of making herself look like an ass she just re-explains everything she has just taught the class, making the student look like an idiot.
I tend to be a very anti-social person but I do have one good friend. Paul is the only person that I really talk to in school, and we have known each other for what feels like our entire lives. He is average just like me with his medium short brown hair, somewhat round face, and clumsiness. It does help that he is just about as crazy as me. We have the same theories, think the same way almost, and nether of us has any other friends so that is it, we stick together because if we did not have each other we would have no one.
"Today is different, something is different, something is going to happen today that will change the rest of the year. I can feel it, I just don't know what it is yet, or if it will be good or bad." I keep saying this, almost these exact same words over and over to him as we eat lunch, or as he eats lunch. I don't eat at school.
"You say that at the beginning of every school year Sam, what should make this year any different?" He mumbles in between bits of his hamburger. I can't stand the smell of fast food, he knows this and that is why he eats it every day at lunch.
"I said it all those other years because I wanted it to be true, not because I believed it to be true. This year is different because I believe it to be true; I can feel it in my bones." I say to him in my best I know everything voice.
"You also say that every year." I roll my eyes at him, as he smirks at me. He is always mocking me. He does it because it is the only thing that really gets under my skin. That is pretty much our relationship; we try to piss each other off for our own personal amusement.
"Ok, so maybe that is also true but this year really is going to be different something really big is going to happen, I am sure of it." He opens his mouth to say something else but I already know what it is, so I glare at him it that way that means shut up or suffer my wrath, and he continues chewing, he isn't that stupid, he knows I fight back.
I think most people in the school think we are dating, if they even notice us at all, but we aren't dating, we are just good friends. We have never kissed or anything, I have thought about it though, but only because I think about everything, I have pictured myself with just about every guy in school, even though I would not date even half of the guys in my school.
I have very weird standards when it comes to guys. No jocks, no first level popular people, second level popular people, want to be popular people, not even the popular geeks.
He can't be flunking any subject and no more than one D depending on his teachers. He has to be funny, but not too into dirty jokes, one is ok every once in a while. Looks have nothing to do with it that is just a perk. If he cheats he is out, no exceptions, no excuses.
Some of the Levels of Popularity
First level popular: The football team, the football cheerleaders, and closest friends of the football players and football cheerleaders.
Second level popular: Lacrosse team, basketball team, some of the hockey players, swim team, track, the rest of the sports, some of the hockey cheerleaders, and the other cheerleaders in the school not including the steppers.
Want to be popular: The less close friends of the first and second level popular people, the kind-of-fat cheerleaders, the second half of the hockey cheerleaders, the people that are not friends with any of the popular people but hang out with them anyway, and the people that were popular in elementary school and middle school that aren't popular any more.
Popular geeks: some of the soccer players and the hot straight A students. These people have lots of friends, are in honors classes with their friends, and have good taste in music. They are some of the nicest people is school but it is nearly impossible to enter their group because they have all been friends for at least the past three years and are so freaking smart, believe me I tried for two years to get in but couldn't.
I don't fit into any of the levels of popularity that I have in my head. Paul and I don't really have a level because it is just us, and you can't really have a level when it is just two people. We would be a sub-sublevel. To every level there are sublevels and sublevels to the sublevels, and it continues on infinitely and no two people in the same school are on the exact same level when you get into further detail about the individual people you are working with. But with the broader spectrum the levels can be applied to just about any school and fit almost perfectly.
A lot of people are against seeing people as the groups they are in but somehow that is just the way that I think. When I see them, or if I am forced to talk and work with one of them in a class I do not think of people that way, but while talking about my taste in men, or the kinds of people I might be friends with if I didn't act so crazy and actually had other friends it is just easier to explain that way.
Believe me I am very against the whole cliché thing, and as far as schools go it is not really a problem in our school. Almost every person if not every person has friends in almost every group of people, with the exception of me and Paul. We just don't fit into any of them, and I am ok with that. As long as I don't have to be the loser who eats lunch alone, I'm happy.
Design/Arts is kind of like the begging art class. It is easer than 3rd grade art class but I needed to take another class, and this one requires nearly no thought at all. I am in no way a beginning art student. I have taken art class ever year and, just last semester I took drawing one, and this semester along with design/arts I am also taking ceramics one. I don't really plan on making art a career I just take the classes as a good excuse to keep coming back to school day after day. With out these classes I would be absent a lot more.
This is so stupid. The teacher is having us make card board picture frames that we are later going to paint. For almost every sentence that the teacher says as she instructs us on our project I can think of something very sarcastic and mean to say back. It is even harder to control my mouth here then in math.
Art is simple it requires no thought at all. I just let my mind drift all class and see what I have at the end. Most days I don't even really know what I am doing as I work. My hands move, and my eyes watch what I am doing, but my brain seems to not process any of this information. I don't even really see what I am doing most days I am so lost in my daydreams. All I see is what I am thinking about, not at all what is in front of me, which sometimes can become a problem.
Once when I was in 5th grade I was daydreaming about nothing in particular. It was one of those daydreams where I don't even see what I am staring at. All of the sudden I come out of my daydream as the person I am staring at looks in my direction. For who knows how long I had been lost in thought, staring at the guy I liked at the time. He never spoke to me again.
Before I even really notice I am working, class is over and the bell is about to ring. I have my watch set with the school clocks so I know exactly when the bells are going to ring, it really comes in handy when you are talking to someone in the hallway and you know when you have to bolt so you get to class with just enough time to be in your seat before the bell rings. To bad I am the girl that is the room before the teacher.
I really do enjoy riding the bus, it is a very good place for thinking, not that my head wasn't already full of thoughts. But today is different. I usually get the third seat on the left side of the bus all to myself, but today someone else sits down right before the bus leaves. I look at him and all I can seem to notice is that he is smiling at me. I don't know why he would be smiling at me, so all I can do is stare at him blankly.
As I continue staring at him I can also see that he is tall, really tall, like at least six foot two, also his hair is blond and all messy. After I get past his appearance I notice that his lips are moving like he is talking but he couldn't possibly be talking to me, no one but Paul talks to me. He gives me a strange look after his lips stop moving and I manage to blurt out "What?"
"I said, 'Hi I'm Chris'. After someone greats you and gives you their name usually the other person does the same," he says in a very Earth to human kind of voice.
"Oh right, I'm Sam. Why are you talking to me?" I say in a truly curious voice.
"Well you're here, and I'm here, so naturally I thought, hey why not strike up a
conversation with the person I am about to be sitting next during this bus ride." Now he just sounds like a smart-ass.
"All right then, what do you want to talk about?" This is going to be annoying.
"Well I am new to this school."
"And your point is?"
"Well if you are going to be a smart-ass, I'll just sit somewhere else."
"Sorry, I kind of always respond that way, just ignore it and keep talking, you get used to it over time."
"So I'm new to this school and I am trying to figure things out. Do you think you could help me out a little?" Who actually talks like that?
"So you are asking me? Join the club. I don't talk to any of the people in this school, it is just my and my friend Paul, and we aren't exactly the popular people of the school."
"So what can you tell me about the teachers here?"
"They are all idiots." Really what could possibly be his motive to speak to me; I'm average in every way you could possibly imagine with the exception of how crazy I act most of the time.
"You really aren't going to be of much help are you?"
"Nope" I say with a nice big grin.
After that he seems to give up on talking to me, and he pulls out a book but I can't see the title. So I do the same, I pull out a book, cause I always have one with me and begin to read completely forgetting that there is someone sitting next to me.
I always put down my book at about the 12th stop not wanting to miss my own stop. He is still sitting next to me, reading his book even though most of the bus is empty and he could have a seat to himself. As we pull up to my house I poke him in the arm. "This is my stop." he just puts his book away picks up his stuff and instead of just getting up so I can get off he also gets off the bus.
Oh great this guy moved in next door to me, now he will never shut up. Ok so he doesn't live next to me but it is still really close, like 5 or 6 houses down I think. Not that I care, I don't know or like any of my neighbors. I never really thought about getting to know any of them. Being friends or enemies with someone that lives that close to you can start problems, it is just easer to not worry about it, or even think about for that matter.
I hate where I live now, this house is to big looking, it has four columns that used to be white but are now just kind of dirty looking, and the porch is cracked and slanting towards the yard which is so full of acorns that there is barely room for grass. It's not even my house, it's my aunt's, me and my dad can't afford to live anywhere else.
From the outside it looks so big but on the inside it's small and filled with stuff, all kinds of stuff that no one needs, right now there are actually two different mattresses and the box springs for them sitting in the computer room. Although living here is a lot better than some of the other places that I have lived in the past few years. The last place I lived with any amount of permanence was actually my grandma's and that was when I was still living with my mom.
No one really knows my true opinion on everything that I have been through. Paul knows some of my story but not all of it. I might tell him if he was to ask but he never will. I don't really trust anyone enough to let them know what I am thinking all the time about everything. I can tell that my brain works differently than most people. I think about a lot of things that most people would not even consider thinking about. For example the fact that I am sure my dentist is trying to kill me with radiation or that if I could get enough of the students together we could over through the school system.
I know that I am crazy, and for the most part I don't try to fight it. The main reason I always act so crazy and happy all the time is because my biggest fear is that someday I might end up like my father, or worse my mother. My parents are both crazy, and not the good kind of crazy like me and Paul. I have actually lost count of all the different medications my dad is on to keep him from killing himself or hurting someone else. And my mother is not on a lot of medications she probably should be on. Somehow over the years I have convinced myself that if I act happy enough maybe I might actually be happy and not a crazy bitch like my mom or bi-polar like my dad.
I usually try to avoid all of the people that live in this house, so I always go straight up to my room after school to sign on to my computer. My room is also average, who could have guessed it. The walls are just white I gave up painting my room's years ago, I just move to often, but I do have picture up all over them. Not the kind most people have but stuff I printed off the internet, or ripped out of an art book, or found in a magazine.
I think I might have gotten myself addicted to the internet. I am always on it when I am not at school or sleeping and I am constantly checking my e mail, even though no one ever sends me anything. I do anything and everything to keep myself busy. I play games on the net mostly.
Today when I sign on though Paul is on so I decided to IM him just to bug him. He hates talking online because he can't hear the other person's tone or see there facial expressions.
Sammy480: hey what you doing?
Paulsomthing32: trying to think of something to do. you?
Sammy480: talking to you.
Paulsomething32: so did that important life changing thing ever happen?
Sammy480: maybe. what's it to you?
Paulsomething32: you know me, it's that natural curiosity kicking in.
Sammy480: well i don't think it ever happened, but some guy did move in down the street from me and he talked to me on the bus today.
Paulsomething32: i don't like him.
Sammy480: do you know him?
Paulsomething32: no.
Sammy480: then how can you not like him?
Paulsomething32: i reserve the right to like or dislike any person of my choosing.
Sammy480: that is not a reason, that is an excuse.
Paulsomething32: so i don't need a reason.
(Paulsomething32 signed out at 5:37 pm)
I hate it when he signs out without notice. He knows I hate it, and that's why he does it. It's not that I like Chris but I just don't see why Paul would take a disliking to him so quickly.
Paul never really liked the idea of trying to expand our group to more people though. For a few years I have been trying to talk him into trying to get some more friends. He usually just tries to change the subject by arguing with me, and it usually works. I will have to make a note to bug him about it tomorrow and not give up.
Ugh, now I have to do homework. Somehow, I don't know how but I got all through middle school and freshman year without really doing any homework. I am not sure how I got past all of those assignments but I always ended up with ok grades. This year though I have at least been trying to do better, but that is what I do at the beginning of every school year and it usually only lasts through the first 2 weeks, so I am already falling behind.
Maybe I could put off my homework for just a few hours. I still have plenty of time to get it all done.
So instead I turn on my TV and start watching a nothing show and not really paying any attention to it. Mostly all I can think about is the fact that Paul doesn't like Chris. This is really bugging me. My life is always so boring that it is kind of nice to have something to think about rather than the nothing that I am usually thinking about. It's almost sad that something as mediocre as this can capture my attention for so long.
Finally it is late enough for me to sleep. I love to sleep; my dreams are always so interesting. Not the kind of dreams that most people have, mine are always different. Once I dreamt that is was at the Lake of the Ozarks and a whale shark was trying to eat me. Even though I knew then that that species of shark was harmless and I was on shore the whole time. The weirdest part was that I had a birds eye view of what was happening.
I figure if I get up at 6 then I will still have time to take a shower and get my homework done. Yes, that sounds about right.
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So that was chapter 1, congratulations if you actually finished that piece of insanity.
I will probably post the second chapter in a day or two, but then again I tend to procrastinate, so who knows when the next chapter will actually make it up.
If you want, review it, I you don't want to, then don't. My continuing to post this story is not dependent on if I get reviews or not. That is just a little perk of posting this thing publicly where people can read it.