Following the events of "Goodnight. But not Goodbye."
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Do you know that strange, downward feeling that comes after the pleasure?
It was there. As soon as Aerith entered her room and closed the door behind her a dull feeling of anxiety swelled in her chest. Sill, his words were playing in her ears over and over again. Her heart was still fluttering at the memory of their first, quick kiss. And the look on his face, his surprise, was priceless.
Both of them were caught off guard by her actions. Without thinking, after she heard his confession, she had instinctively crossed the line and touched his lips with hers. And by doing that, she realized that, she had dared to take a step forward toward moving on.
She did not think of what could happen next. How everyone else would react. No. She was caught up at that emotional moment to pause and consider. But, although she took action did it mean that she has also decided?
To move on.
Cloud.
Then, she smiled. Touching her lips softly with her fingers. Her cheeks burned as she slowly sat down on the floor. Wrapping her arms around her knees and hugging them tightly. Her thoughts swam in an incoherent river. Although that dull feeling was still there, it was barely a whisper now in the rush of emotion.
Yes, he did say he loved her.
And, yes, she knew what she wanted now.
It didn't mean that she lost hope, or that she had given up on Cloud. She just felt that she had enough.
It was only recently, when they uncovered the secret of Hollow Bastion, did she realize what it meant to be selfless. It was when they restored Hollow Bastion into Radiant Garden did Aerith fully understand. Looking up at the sky while stardust fell over them, she revealed the town's true name to Sora, the Keyblade Master.
Radiant Garden was full of light. And if she wanted to make sure that there was enough for everybody – to stop the darkness – then she had to stay. Enough being selfish. Enough serving only one, when countless others in Radiant Garden needed her light.
And that was, really, the reason why she declined when Cloud asked her to go with him to find Sephiroth.
And then, there is Leon.
When they had reclaimed Hollow Bastion, he devoted himself to restoring it. All day and all night, he would clear the area of the remaining heartless. He spent time exploring the vast labyrinth of the castle, the sewers, the town and everywhere else. Assessing the damage, planning on making the world livable again.
It was this tireless passion that inspired others to follow him. Little by little, their population increased. Wanderers from other worlds, survivors found their way here. And even they, who had lost hope, found light in Leon's leadership. It was that side of Leon that she had not seen when they were in Traverse Town. Yes, it was Squall.
Although he still refused to use his true name. Perhaps, Aerith thought, it was because they had already gotten used to calling him Leon. It didn't matter.
Leon was Leon.
He inspired her.
There was a saying, she recalled: That people buy into the leader, before buying into the vision. And, unconsciously, she was drawn to him just as the others have. And she pledged to support him achieve the full restoration of Radiant Garden.
But her situation was different from others. One would say, or rather, the ladies would say that she is the most fortunate of all. Their proximity. Their closeness. She and Leon, along with Yuffie and Cid had survived the initial destruction of Radiant Garden. They had found themselves living and struggling together in Traverse Town. All that has happened in the past ten years has always kept them together. Beyond the physical, it seems.
Though, it may have been masked as a familial bond in the beginning. The change from Hollow Bastion to Radiant Garden, triggered a change in Aerith's perspective of this bond. This new realization within her was too sudden. And the past few weeks had been a flurry of emotion.
She tried to focus on the task at hand. But sometimes, she wondered if she was doing this for Radiant Garden…or for Leon? She tried to push it away. Cloud had re-appeared. The Heartless had attacked again. They almost lost their home again. Their dream.
Leon's dream.
Then came the time to decide whether to leave with Cloud or to stay.
They were in the Library. Cloud asked them if they would like to go with him and eliminate Sephiroth once and for all. Leon quickly declined, as expected. Yuffie and Cid as well. But when Cloud asked her, she hesitated. Her heart leapt. But not as high as she expected.
Yes, she has been waiting – wanting to be with Cloud for the longest time. But behind him, she saw in Tifa's eyes despair. She knew that her company was unwelcome to their team. Not because she would be a hindrance in battle – she had healing magic. But, just as it was in the old days, as long as she could remember – there was always a struggle between her and Tifa for his affection.
She was not wanted. But her mind argued that it was what she has been waiting for. She should not let that opportunity go. But still…
When she turned to her friends to seek approval, she was surprised to see the same despair in Leon's eyes.
And her all the feelings, the turmoil, she had suppressed inside her exploded.
Leon left the Library before she could say: "I have to think about it."
And she did for the entire week that followed. She sought Leon out. But he was too busy and insisted that she stay with Cid in the castle. During dinner, he would leave early and go back to patrol duties. The more she wanted to talk to him. To see him and to see that small glimmer of light that shone through a crack his defenses. What it was, and what it meant for her.
But her duties did not allow it. Hurt and confused, she began to sink inward. She stubbornly fought it, and sought Leon out once again. If there was hope, she wanted to nurture it.
"Hope for what?" She thought. That somehow, she was wanted. It remained unanswered until she found Leon at the courtyard.
But Leon had rejected her fiercely and made it seem she was not needed in Radiant Garden. She turned to leave, even more confused and devastated. She paused to wipe away the tears and hold on to the wall for support.
Was she not wanted here as well?
Then, she heard him speak. He thought that he was alone. He had opened up his defenses to the stars and to the shadows where she remained hidden. Listening. Allowing her tears to flow in silence.
Finally, she heard him speak the truth he was keeping in his heart. Love.
And with that, she ran.
To Leon.
Burying her face in his back and wrapping her arms around his chest where he pressed his hand over hers. He turned to face her, and she could not help but smile and cry at the same time. And she did the only think she thought was right at that time.
She kissed him. Silencing the wide-eyed lion.
But, if, indeed, that was the truth…why was there a dull feeling pestering her when she should be happy?
Note: Dedicated to all the LxA fans out there.