Roy stared down at his glass, filled with a vile liquid that he could've swore -always- took his pain away. Or so he thought, anyways. He lifted it to trembling lips that he was trying so hard to calm, letting the liquid slide its' way down his throat, burning as it continued it's journey to settle, untill it came back up the next morning.
I could've...
He set the glass down, before filling it again, taking another long drink. It was never going to be enough, it was never going to numb the pain that always lingered in his heart. He was getting that feeling again. That feeling in the pit in his stomache that was a mix of nausea from the large amount he had drank, and pain. Pain that he wished he could get rid of.
Saved him...
He smiled brokenly down at the desk in front of him. He took a deep breath, imagining. He could see him in the heaven that he didn't believe in, flashing the photos of his wonderful daughter that he wasn't going to see anymore to the angels, the daughter that he would never get to see grow up into a beautiful woman. He was never going to be able to kiss his wife and tell her he loved her, because he was gone. And it was his fault, because he couldn't save him.
He chucked the glass across the room as it shattered against the wall, the remaining shards falling to the ground as he buried his face into the sleeves of his military jacket, and he cried. There was no God, there would never be a God. Because God would never take a dedicated man like Maes...
And then his eyes spotted somthing. It was so familiar...The gun that almost took his life away the night he took the life of two people that didn't diserve to die.
His fingers inched towards it, trying so hard to fight the tears that were streaming down his face. It was so close, this was the release he needed. If he did this, he wouldn't feel this anymore, he wouldn't feel the pain, it would be over in a matter of seconds. His heart was beating rapidly, and his hands were shaking.
He picked the gun up, leaning back in his chair as his eyes closed slowly, the gun dangerously close to his head. But then he stopped, and he could've swore the world did to, because he felt a stinging sensation on his cheek, much like the one he felt when Maes first hit him for even thinking about attempting the taboo many years ago.
He immediatly dropped the gun as it fell to the floor with a loud -thunk-, the expression on his face confused, yet relieved
Gaurdian Angels do exist after all.
A/N: Well, there ya go, some good ole' Roy angst. Review, please!