Chapter One: The Beginning
Feeling an uncertainty seep through my veins like the cold chill of a winter breeze, I hesitated sternly before dropping down upon my right knee and letting the cold of the wooden floor penetrate the warmth of my jeans, such as the warmth of a familiar hand would on one of those lonely nights nobody cares to talk about. Lifting my shaky, nervous eyes to meet the eyes of the bronze statue, hands and feet nailed so inhumanely to a wooden cross fitted behind his slim, bruised body, I couldn't help but notice the sickening chill that ran down my spine so suddenly, almost catching me off guard in such a peaceful place.
Kneeling before a simple statue, the eyes staring as if they could see into the very depths of my soul and reveal the self beyond my mortal being, I felt as if I was being summoned by an unknown force into a world never before known to a man such as myself. I felt the weight of God himself pressing down upon my fragile form, breaking my spirit and leaving me breathless, laying upon the cold wood before Him, just as if He were searching my entire being for a slight chance that I may remain here on this Earth to carry out a deed unknown to me or anyone else but Him. Such a sad sight to see a strong man crumble beneath the sight of a mere bronze statue, though I could not help but quiver at the thoughts that emerged through my being.
God. Could He be the divine? Was it really possible to be more than what I was already? More than just flesh and blood and a mind that never let me stop to heal and grasp my life as it was now, just a meaningless waste of time and effort, soon to all end in tears and sorrow. My eyes fell from the unmoving being perched upon the wall before me, no longer able to gaze upon something I knew nothing of. Could He really take me to a place unknown to any mortal being? A place where gold clad streets laid in rest and the angels called to welcome me in an eternity of peace and serenity?
My eyes stayed locked to the ground beneath my tired and worn down feet. Reaching my hand out towards the beautifully colored wood, I laid my palm flat against the cold surface, trying to touch anything surreal that would bring me back to a clear state of thinking where I could rationalize the thoughts that continued to break down my stability. Getting no response from any unnatural force, I lifted my hand from the floor, leaving a few small spots of deep red behind. Turning my hand over to set my eyes upon four half-moons that seeped the blood of a weakened man, I closed my fist again, not realizing I had been clenching my fists so tightly in this time of pure confusion and disbelief.
Gunshots echoed in the back of my mind. The sound of pain and aching lay resting within my memories, forever tormenting me. The sight of my own blood brought my vision back to the sights of my past, forcing me to close my eyes as if it would help to block out the visions that made their way into my current sights. I cast my tear-filled eyes back up towards the statued figure that rested, untouched, above me. My heart felt icy, my head heavy with the weight of my life resting inside it, sealed shut forever.
"God, help them," I mumbled, raising from one knee to walk out of the silent building, leaving all of my confusion and doubts behind me to dwell on at a later date. Hearing the door close behind me, I felt the weight of a new burden filling my life's torments. The loaded pistol at my side reminded me of my mortality that I held onto by a single thread, telling me of times to come when I would no longer be able to stand the torment of walking before the divine being that remained nailed to the cross for all to see.
"God, help us all," I mumbled again, putting as much distance between me and the building as I possibly could.
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