How the Green Giant found Christma- wait.
Once upon a time, in a far away land- NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE INTRODUCTION!
One of the knights feels confused!
" So why are we around this round table again?" said the knight.
" I don't know" said Arthur in confusion. Then suddenly, a knight covered in orange came through the door.
Green knight: " It's green you moron!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS!?
Green knight: " Read the script!"
WHAT SCRIPT!?
Green knight: " Hey there, I have a giant ax that's the size of a cow, anyone wanna swing it at my neck?" the knight said with a calm face
Artuhur: " Well that seems reasonable"
knight #13: " But sire, what if it's a trap?"
Arthur: " I didn't say anything, that's my brother Artuhur"
hold on, I'll fix this.
Artuhur: " And now I have the urge to go apply for the pumpkin factory!"
so then Artuhur ran off while holding a watermelon over his head. Being an author is fun.
Green knight: " Sooooo anyone wanna give this ax a swing? Preferably at my neck?"
Arthur: " Hm, let me think"
Then a silence that could have been imitated with boulder over everyone's shoulders (hah, that rhymed) took over the room. The tension was so high that anybody would not have been blamed if they-
Arthur: " Gawain will do it"
I DIDN'T FINISH YOU A-HOLE!
Gawain: " Why!?"
Arthur: " BECAUSE A GREEN KNIGHT BUSTED INTO OUR TEA PARTY WITH A GIANT AX AND SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!"
Knight #024: " This was a tea party!?"
Gawain: " Fine, give me that ax"
Green knight: "Catch!" the green knight said with a playful tone. The ax flied through the air and landed straight on Gawain, luckily nothing sharp hit him.
Gawain: " Why did you throw it!?"
Green Knight: " Be warned, when you hit me you must find me in a year and a day-"
Knight #96: " Why specifically a year and a day?"
Green Knight: " Because medieval times are weird"
then suddenly, a giant ax went through the knights neck and the blood happens.
Gawain: " There, now we can get back to our tea party-"
Green Knight: " Still alive, should have went for the head instead of the neck. Now you have to let me do the same thing to you later"
Gawain: "HOW!? Are you some kind of mythical beast!?"
Green knight: " You mad brother?"
Gawain: " Yes!"
then the knight flew away magically because a wizard did it.
Arthur: "... Welp, you're screwed!
Gawain: " Not helping!"
Red Knight: " I have come here to challenge one of you to-!"
NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE RED KNIGHT.
Knight # -111: " Can we get back to the tea party now?"
Gawain: " I'M HAVING A LIFE CRISIS RIGHT NOW!"
Arthur: " NO ONE CARES, TEA PARTY!"
Then the greatest tea party of the universe happened!
A year passes by.
Gawain: " I'M NOT READY YET, I HAVE AN EXTRA DAY!"
I GOT IT!
When The Green Takes Over the Worl- GODDA-
An extra day passes by
Green woman: "I'm the possible love attraction of the story!"
No you're not
Green woman: " You're right, I'm not"
she then gives Gawain a kiss.
Gawain: " Sorry, I don't swing that way"
Green woman: " Well too bad, you'll have to give the king the kisses I give you every day"
Gawain: " I don't swing that way either"
Green woman: " WHAT WAY DO YOU SWING THEN!?
Gawain: " I DON'T KNOW"
Green woman: " Here have a green girdle that'll protect you against damage!"
Gawain: "OKAY!"
Green woman: " Why are you still screaming?"
Gawain: "I GET NERVOUS AROUND WOMEN!"
Then the kisses happen.
You have one more chance, don't mess up.
I won't boss!
What Does the Green Say!?
Stop making this a fad story!
I couldn't help it!
Gawain: " This place is the equivalent to hell"
Green knight: " Welcome to the green chapel- what?"
Gawain: " You heard what I said"
Green knight: " I see you have kept your word, I must admire you for doing such an honorable thing"
Gawain: " I more or less came over here to ask you how you survived that attack. I'm willing to give up my life for it"
Green Knight: " Guess what?"
Gawain" :what?:
Green Knight: " Ax to the face!"
the ax nearly touches Gawain.
Gawain: " Why did you stop?"
Green knight: " You flinched"
Gawain: "what!?"
Green Knight: " Well I didn't flinch when you attacked me, so it seems a bit unfair is all"
Gawain: " That's because I'm not able to survive having my head chopped off! HOW DID YOU SURVIVE THAT ATTACK!?"
Green Knight: " Ax to the face!"
the ax stops again
Gawain: " I didn't flinch!"
Green Knight: " Hold on, I got a text"
Gawain: " What in gods name is a text!?"
Green Knight: " Hey narrator, you got a text message from someone"
what is it?
Green Knight: " He told me to scream this out at the top of my lungs"
Green Knight: "Fifty Shades of Green!"
excuse me while I got hunt down the scourge of the world
Gawain: " What was all of that about?"
Green knight: " Guess what?"
Gawain: " Ax to the face?"
Green Knight: " Ax to the neck!"
then the green knight decapitated Gawain.
Gawain: " No he didn't, he just gave me a scratch"
I'M TRYING TO BE SUSPENSEFUL HERE!
Gawain: " Why did you scratch me?
Green: " Because this story is a symbolism of death and greed, where I represent a sin and I must make you face your sins. But you did so its cool"
Gawain: " What about the girdle?"
Green Knight: " That's tablecloth"
Gawain: " SHE LIED TO ME!"
Green Knight: " Anyways, wanna chill at my place?"
Gawain: " Sure, why not, you only nearly killed me"
then they walked off to the sunset.
Green Knight: " By the way you suck at kissing"
Gawain: " I knew you were the king!"
Rise of the Planet of the Green!
We're done here!