God Damn it Gamzee
By Jade Giofuckinvanni
It was cold and shit, as the wind moved around the weird planet Betty was on.
How'd she get here? Well, you see, Betty's old as fuck so she was like "Shit I'm going to die," Because she is like, 1,000 goddamn years old.
She walked, the planet's soil making crunching sounds beneath her giant ass feet. The radiation of the planet was making her grow, like, like really goddamn fast. In the distance, she saw a house, or at least, it looked like one. "Betty," A familiar voice called in the distance. Betty froze, just like when she pissed her pants on bingo night. "…Don't you remember me, Betty dear?" Betty knew this voice, a gravely tone.
It was her long-time enemy, Gamzee Makara.
And he was sober as shit.
The ground shifted as the clown moved in front of her, xrs' face scratched in three lines. (I said xrs because it's not cis scum, unlike Betty.)
"Remember me, Betty dear?" Betty stepped back, almost falling down. Her fat giggled, she gained 200 pounds when she got pony AIDS. "Why, why are you here!" Betty cowered. "I'm not, here to hurt you, I want to invite you to dinner." "Really?" "No, I want to fuck the shit out of you and kill your sorry ass but this is the close I can get." "Okay." Betty flew with Gamzee, leading into a beautiful cliché heart-shaped bed. He placed her down, causing her to moan. But, it wasn't Gamzee who topped, it was…
John Green.
His lips traced Bettys face, his hands, like silk, undoing her dress. Gamzee grabbed the lube, pouring it on Betty's face. John positioned her upwards, and then making her lay down, breast forewords. "The hell!?" She was proceeded to be wrapped in a blanket, heating up, like a cigar, and proceeded to be stuffed in John's mouth. "It's a metaphor." But, then, Betty was lit on fire, the flame spreading to John. Gamzee smiled, jerked himself off, and made himself a glass of orange juice.